Success is a Very Poor Teacher
We learn the most about ourselves when we fail… so don't be afraid of failing.
Failing is part of the process of success. You cannot have success without failure. Unsuccessful people are people who never fail.
Obstacles to Successful Failing
We must fail when it counts
One of the hardest parts of PA school training is that we must fail when it counts and often we must fail on somebody else.
It's hard enough to fail on ourselves, the fear of failing our patients can cause one to lose sleep at night. I know because I have had many sleepless nights.
In school, you're given the lessons first. Once you begin clinical rotations (or life in general) you're given the mistake first and then it's up to you to find the lesson.
Since most people have not been taught how to make mistakes and learn from them, they either avoid mistakes altogether, which is a bigger mistake, or they make a mistake but fail to find the lesson from the mistake.
Whether it is passing an NG tube down the wrong hole, pulling out a Foley catheter without deflating the retention bulb (true story), missing the vein for the 3rd time while trying to start an IV, or unleashing a tape load of pubic hair onto your attending physician (I will have to tell you that one sometime)... I have failed more times than I can count.
I have failed to make the correct diagnosis, I have failed to write the correct name on my patients prescriptions and I failed on my first 3 application attempts to PA school.
I have failed on digital blocks, and pap smears (my claim to fame is the airborn speculum). I even failed high school calculus. I have crashed this website more times than I can count, I have crashed my bike, fractured my face and broken bones on many failed attempts at pushing physical limits.
Many would look at this list and feel... well, a sense of failure.
But not me, this list is what I am most proud of. I wish I could put my failure list on my resume (in fact this may be a very good idea).
Ever wonder why teaching institutions have some of the best success in patient outcome rates?
Is it because they have the lowest failure rate? Or is it because doctors can learn by admitting their mistakes?
We have been conditioned to believe that failing is bad for us
Sadly, those most prophetic teachers are often the most unsuccessful failures. This could be our parents, teachers, friends and family. We are conditioned to avoid failure by medical institution themselves.
My mom was an excellent student in school. She rarely made mistakes, which is why she had such high grades. But, she is an unsuccessful failure and because of this she has missed out on countless experiences in life. She is a kind, generous and wonderful person, who has had quite a bit of success in life, but she is very bad a failing beyond her comfort zone.
My dad, on the other hand, is one of the most successful failures I know. He could have written a book on it, in fact he has written several... books that is.
Some people choose to see successful failing as a failure to succeed. I believe that once you have come to the boundaries of what you know its time to make some mistakes.
My dad, has had a rich and meaningful life, one that has taken him places only true failures will ever get to go. Is it impossible to live without failure Absolutely not, it's called the fate of the tireless masses.
Our ego is fragile from years of over reassurance
We all know the person on American Idol that was told by the judges that they sucked and they look shocked.
This is a perfect example of somebody who's never failed who has chosen to do so on national television.
This does not make them a failure. In fact, I admire anyone who is willing to put themselves out there like that.
It's what happens after they receive the critique that will determine their aptitude to grow and their potential success as a failure.
Ego "Dementors"
My supervising physician of six years used to refer to certain patients as "dementors." This was not meant to be demeaning, it is a Harry Potter reference, one talking about how certain people can literally suck the life out of you.
During my general surgery rotation as a PA student I had my first real exposure to a hard core "ego dementor."
Just looking at this man (appropriately named Dr. Dick) would demoralize even the most steel of heart.
Dr. Dick would create opportunities for students to fail and then skilfully rub salt into the wound.
It made students sweat buckets while frantically skimming pages of surgical recall prior to entering the surgical suite.
I used to hate scrubbing in with Dr. Dick, yet it seemed to be a recurring theme while on my surgical rotation. At the time I looked at him with contempt, as I write this 11 years later I realize the only thing that ever hurt in those 6 hour pimping sessions was my ego.
Dr. Dick was the king of pushing limits and causing one to make calculated "mistakes." The first thing that happens after you make a mistake is that you become upset. Everyone I know gets upset. That is the first indication of a mistake. At this point of upset, you find out who you really are.
I remember those sessions well, because they were full of epic failures and harmless yet demoralizing "mistakes." It will come as no surprise that I did very well on my surgical rotation exit exam.
Thank you Dr. Dick!
Why you should become good at falling failing
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that learning how to fail may be the single most important thing you do on your road to becoming a successful PA or PA student. Failing is the only true "guru" and some of the biggest failures I know are people who never failed.
How to become an epic failure
- Be on the lookout for new and interesting ways to fail:
- Always be looking for new ways to fail. If it is on your clinical rotations look for new procedures, you haven't done, find opportunities that others are too afraid to attempt, ask questions when the timing is not perfect and the attention will be on you, present for grand rounds, start a blog and talk about your failures.
- Stand up and volunteer to fail:
- One of the most successful PA students I have ever rotated with was always the first to volunteer to fail. He failed more than anyone I have ever known, he has gone on to be one of the most successful PAs I have also ever known. While he was volunteering to fail, I was usually relieved to have the attention directed firmly away from me. But, while he was learning something I was seeking confirmation that I was not a failure. And in turn I lost out. So volunteer to fail, be that girl or guy with their hand up always eager to jump in and try something new. You will never fail in this case, because you will be learning, growing and sharpening your skills at the right time.
- Keep a list of upcoming or desired failures:
- I like to call this my bucket list. Why is it the same as a failure list? Because almost everything on my bucket list are things that will challenge me. Things that will make me a better person, things that will help my children or others to be better people. And, as we have seen, to do this right I am going to have to subject myself to failure.
- Let go of your need not to fail:
- This may be one of the hardest parts. Learning not to fail has been so drummed into us that we are "failure averse." So we need to wake up each day and remind ourselves why we want to fail. We need to let our ego take a beating and realize that we are stronger because of it, that our ego will repair itself and just like scar tissue it will grow back even stronger. It may different, but it will be resilient and so you will be too.
- Be Glad to Fail:
- Too many people live in a diminishing world because they continue to say, ‘I'll never do that again’ instead of saying, ‘I’m glad that happened because I learned this or that from the experience.’
It is Okay Not to Know
In fact, it is much better to admit you don't know than to pretend you do.
Accept that you don't know what will happen. Then embrace all that does happen as it unfolds.
Ignorance is an opportunity to learn, to experience, to see what is truly there rather than what you merely think is there.
When you stop denying your ignorance you start allowing your enlightenment.
Authentic genius arises from sincere humility. Let go of the fantasy that you have all the answers and you'll begin to actually find some.
In knowledge and wisdom there are many possibilities. In mystery there are infinitely more. Allow the mystery, with confidence. And discover a whole new beautiful world.
Lets Fail Together
Today, in response to failure, instead of saying, “I'll never do that again,” say, “I’m glad I did fail and learn because I am grateful for the wisdom I gained.” And then say, “Let’s do it again."
Instead of fear and resentment, there is excitement and fun. Instead of being afraid of failing, know that making mistakes is the way we were all designed to learn. If we fail to make mistakes, or make them and do not learn from them, the magic goes out of life.
Life goes backward and gets smaller, instead of expansive and filled with magic.
If you have had an epic failure tell us in the comment section below, the bigger on the fail scale the better! Be proud and own it.
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I wanna share a story from my brutal overnight ED shift last night for the students and new PAs out there. This is a story about a different kind of failure and the profound humility that we as PAs have to learn and own to succeed.
Last night I had an agitated delirium patient brought in by EMS screaming, vomiting, thrashing, etc. Found naked next to her van in the Walmart parking lot (no joke). My Doc was in a code, so this lovely lady was all mine! I ordered everything, including the IM ketamine to calm her down so the RN could get a line, and once I had all the results back, I called the ICU Doc to admit her. Didn’t need a tube or pressors or anything, and all the blood work, head CT, etc. was pretty normal- I suspect she was high on something (on multiple things), and/or overdosed intentionally. Either way, she was not a floor patient, she was going to need more than occasional RN attention and I still didn’t know what she had taken- if she had OD’d on an extended release form of one of her myriad psych meds, she was not out of the woods yet.
Response of the MICU Dr? He was brutally insulting. He spoke to me like I was a child and blocked the admission. “Your doctor should be really be the one calling me anyway”. I hung up. I took a few deep breaths, not my first rodeo with rude consultants. Ok, I took a lot of deep breaths, and then I went in the lounge and privately burst into tears. I’ve been doing this for 5 years and NEVER cried at work. I’m damn good at my job, but it had been an exhausting high acuity night, my 4th in a row over Easter weekend, and I was so spent that I just couldn’t take it.
My doc sat down a few minutes later and read something was wrong on my face immediately. He knows me well, knows I love to learn and am not afraid to fail. He knows I can intubate, do LPs, chest tubes and manage critical patients with minimal oversight these days (because I’ve failed so many times before and learned!), so he trusts me. I told him about my patient and the MICU doc refusing to admit her. He LOST HIS SHIT. He called the MICU doc immediately and before he was even willing to discuss the case, he told the MICU physician that he owed me an apology and expected him to come down to the ED to meet me face to face.
Of course my patient did ultimately go to the MICU, and that physician never did come down to apologize.
My Doc asked me at the end of the night if I wanted to involve admin; he was pissed still and he’s the medical director for our ED. But I wasn’t angry anymore, I was actually deeply humbled by the support of my Doc and the nursing team, who heard all of this and came over to give me hugs and kind words. He did end-up sending an email to admin because clearly the MICU doc needed feedback that his behavior was toxic and unprofessional, but not because I felt I needed vindication or retribution. I had already let it go.
I went home proud of my work and grateful that I had been unafraid to fail so many times in the past that I was capable of taking such good care of a very sick patient. If I hadn’t been humble as a new PA, willing to volunteer for failure over and over so that I could learn, if I hadn’t earned the trust and respect of my ED team over the years, this would have been a brutal experience. Instead, I left feeling proud, supported and galvanized in my commitment to my patients, my team and my profession.
Hi everyone, my name is Nikki and I presently failed my first summer semester ina PA program. I’m devasted and so overwhelmed with stress and everything else and just life. They’ve giving me a second chance to come back next year which is a huge relief but required to take Anatomy and Patho until I start back in 2017. The bad thing is I have to have an average of each class of a A but then they thought the director stated B or better would be fair enough. So basically this is to show them I can do it and I’m scared bc on got 82 on my first test but my second one was just like in summer in the 60’s. The crazy thing is I know the material but when the test come about I freeze up and go blank. It also doesn’t help when the professor puts picture of cross section and never reviews with us so we’re are familiar with, I mean they think by seeing the cafe are we’re supposed know! I’m dealing with a lot of stress now I had to put one of dogs down bc he was old and his time to pass on. I have other things going on but I just don’t know anymore. I feel like a failure at school my marriage and life. I need to find a tutor for these classes but have no clue how to find one who will be beneficial to continue in the program. I think there should be tutors for the program to help students with these sort of issues. We have no one to turned and our adivsors don’t seem to care and just want to k ow how your going to turn things around. But anyway if anyone can give me advice on what or how i should do this it would be appreciated. Thanks
Hi Nikki,
I was told by my undergrad advisor that I wouldn’t add up to much. Incredible as that sounds, it accepted that “opinion” as a challenge. I was determined to find a way past this academic barrier. The best thing that I learned that worked for me was confiding in others around me that I needed help. PA school is a job. I went to Emory University and felt privileged to attend. But what I discovered was that the hardest part of PA school was getting “in”. Congratulations, you’ve past the hard part. Your s chop believes in you. They’re giving you a second chance. Life does not always provide this opportunity. Hold onto this failure and reshape it into something that you have created. I can say this because I have failed and had to find a way to create a solution.
I taught anatomy and physiology for 10 years at the Collegiate level. I know you hate me right now, but I was the same guy who was told that he wouldn’t add up to much. And this was my undergrad advisor. The hell with them. Then one day my President of the University called me into his office and said your job contract will not be renewed due to new state budget. I was crushed and panicked…… now what do I do. I was married , had 2 children, had a mortgage.
I had to creat a solution for my problem. I reached out to others some of whom I knew and others I had to risk and share my fear of failure with. I was given sound advice when I let myself receive help. I knew the hard part was up to me and make the solution to my problem work. I discovered the profession of being a PA. I didn’t know what it was going to take, but I knew that my family was counting on me to provide a future for them.
I made sacrafices. PA school is a job. You have to own it. Just because you’re having difficulty mastering something at school does not make you a failure in other parts of your life. As tough as this sounds, accept the challenge and continue to move forward. If something doesn’t work, try doing something else to tackle the problem. Your bright enough to get into PA school, now prove to everyone around including yourself that your capable of accepting the challenge before you. Own it!! You CAN do this. Now get going and never feel sorry for yourself. Count your blessings. As I say it can always be worse……right?
Beautiful!
Stephen
Hello, I found it very inspirational reading a few articles on your site however, I am still contemplating my decision to become a P.A. I am a direct entry p.a. student really messed up my freshman year. I am trying now to ‘dig myself out of a hole’ by building up my grades for the 2nd and 3rd years, but nothing I do seems to be helping: I have gotten a private tutor, reduced the number of hours I work, and tried to study more; It seems like i just am not able to grasp introductory courses like bio and genetics that easily. I am afraid now that I will be kicked out of my program and that this will lessen my chances of getting into a separate p.a. school (who will accept a student that’s already been kicked out of a diff. program?). It is also very difficult when I see my peers being able to breeze through the material while I put in more hours studying. Do you think I should be more practical with what I want to do?
Thank You
every time I read an xray and see a wonderful fracture line (vascularity) or bone chip (normal growth plate), then to have the radiologist read it as “no osteous abnormality”. WHAT!! don’t you see that!! Then I call and get schooled, sometime I get a radiologist who makes me feel 2″ tall and berates me for not knowing. BUT most often I get one who wants to teach, and I learn, from calling and saying, “show me my mistake”.
Stephen,
Thank you for not only developing this great website and making PANCE/PANRE questions affordable and easy to access but for sharing your stores of failure, which are true successes. I needed to come across this information today , for today i went about my day as a PA (6 yrs licensed) asking more questions and seeing patients in situations that i normally would have avoided, because of fear of failing or seeming “stupid.” My day was one of the most productive and informative days that I have had in a long time. I was afraid to ask questions but i asked anyway. I was afraid to see families knowing i had no answers for them about the “plan” for their loved one, but i spoke with them anyways. It is because of brave souls like you and others who make the world a better place. I know that sounds cliche but only through AND on this path of humility/honesty about our limitations, can we become better and kinder people in our world.
Wishing you and all of us many more forthcoming and sincere moments.
Cheriee
I first listened to Dr. Goldman’s TED Talk after an epic failure early on in my current career. It’s gold and your post is terrific as well. The paragraph about your mother is particularly poignant for me – I’ve just given birth to my son this year and have found myself being, uncharacteristically, much more adverse to leaps that might lead to failure. While I’m still proud that I’ve “leaning out” to get comfortable in my ma-shoes, I’d hate to be leaving that example out there for him as he gets older. Thanks for giving me something else to consider in the “LEAP!” column.
We as humans are particularly loss averse. This has an evolutionary basis, so I guess to that extent it has some utility. Sometimes risk truly is “risky.” The trick is separating fear grounded in reality from that which is the primordial “lizard brain.” I struggle with this all the time, and you bring up a good point: As we have children our focus changes, we become caretakers and our purpose transitions from one of personal growth to nurturing a new little human being with his/her own great potential. Our identity takes on a whole new meaning, and this is a journey in an of itself. I wish you the best as you navigate the waters of your career and parenthood. Life is precious, wondrous and so beautiful… so enjoy, Especially the Failures 🙂 They are the secret ingredient of success soup!
Cheers,
Stephen
Please take a look at my new PA-authored book on Amazon, “True Tales from a Physician Assistant.” You can preview a few chapters on Amazon. It’s a collection of selected cases and anecdotes. I hope you’ll add it to your site. Thanks!
Some comments from PA readers:
“A truly enjoyable read! True Tales provides an up-close and personal insight into the work of physician assistants. Informative yet far from dry, True Tales is written in a clear and compelling style, with a great deal of
affection, the occasional jaundiced eye, and a pleasant low-key sense of humor.”
“True tales are woven with a sense of humor that is undeniable. A wonderful read and highly recommended. I just purchased this book last week, and I had a difficult time putting it down.”
Hi Seth,
I beat you to it! https://www.thepalife.com/books/
P.S If you want to write a guest post on the blog sharing one of your stories that would be great.
Cheers,
– Stephen
I’ve got 200K in debt hanging over my head I spend more time studying than easily 90% of the students in my class I am willing to do anything to learn but when you live your life on the edge it’s never comfortable. I have been a B student my whole life and I’m ok with that. I’d like to have better grades I take ever suggestion to heart and try and apply it to see if that will be the key to maybe getting just a little breathing room….1 semester 2.92 academic probation….ugh….2nd semester 3.10 yea! no more probation….cumulative somewhere around 3.01……3rd semester…3.04 close but just barely cumulative now a whopping 3.02 did I mention that in semester 3 the difference in my 3.04 and the 3.13 I could have gotten was due to 0.06 thats right 6 hundredths of 1 point in one class is the difference in me having some breathing room to having NO breathing room. The anxiety has given me an ulcer seriously no shit upper GI bleed fretting over 0.06 and you say embrace failure. Every day I get out of bed (after usually sleeping 4-5hrs) and go back to this prison where nobody really teaches I mean come on….lets be honest its easy to call yourself a teacher when you only let in smart kids that don’t need teachers in the first place. And when knuckle draggers such as myself slip in and actually need teachers….the line goes like this… “Its graduate school they aren’t going to spoon feed you” if I hear that one more time seriously …… I’d rather they just say….I’m sorry you slipped in…but there are no teachers here so maybe you should head home, at least that would be honest. Everyone has titles that would indicate they are competent but …..its all smoke and mirrors…..if thats one thing that I could disseminate to every person trying to get into school here or at any other school say hey…..if you can’t figure it all out on your own you’re gonna be screwed!! I wish someone would have told me that. I have more compassion than my faculty combined ….I wonder how they sleep at night….
gonna keep playing their game…..like I ever had a choice.
Hi Will,
I completely understand the anxiety you are talking about. I was in a Physician Assistant Program and got let go towards the end of my rotations. It was very hard on me and still is considering it happened last year. I do understands Stephens statements of failure in life, but in PA school if you fail like I did you get kicked out. Keep you head up and I hope you make it through Will.
Hi Lauren,
I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to ask you what you are doing now?
Wondering if we are in the same program?? Because that’s how I feel all the time!! My professors are not educated in education. They cause me more stress than school itself. You have to play by THEIR rules and heaven forbid you try to speak up about the issues, or screwed up test questions…anyway, you’re not alone and I just wanted to let you know that I feel like a fraud every day. I don’t know how or why they let me in.
Hi Jess,
This sounds like it is less a personal character flaw and more of an internal problem associated with the educators in your PA program and the PA program itself. Is there anyone in administration with whom you would feel comfortable voicing your concerns? I doubt you are the only person who feels this way.
Stephen
It is the same at the PA program I am in. Absolutely awful! I was an A student before PA school, but I am having the hardest time learning anything in these conditions. I joke sometimes that everything I have learning in PA school, I’ve learned from google.
Love this article Stephen. While admitting “failure” in the medical profession may be tough on your ego, it’s definitely 100% better than just pretending you know everything. It will come back to bite you, let me tell you.
And it’s not like any of us are going to be right all the time anyway – so if you can just take a step back and show some humility I think you’ll be fine.
Thank you so much for writing about how it is actually a good thing to fail and also for sharing your story about your rejection letters from different PA Programs! That sounds crazy, but you are absolutely right; it is a good thing to have failures because that means you are getting out there and taking chances!!! My favorite quote was, “But, while he was learning something I was seeking confirmation that I was not a failure.” I am posting that everywhere in my house, car, and school notebooks! That is what I do, seek confirmation that I’m not a failure, and now I see I need to get it out of my head that I’m expected to be perfect!
Thank you again!! And please wish me luck with my applications…because I am in the same boat you were regarding my GPA!!!! YIKES
Thank you Kristy! I hope we both can fail beyond our wildest dreams 🙂 I do wish you the very best of luck with your applications, hang in there, believe in yourself and stand by your purpose of caring for another human being. You will do great!
– Stephen
I really enjoyed this post, too! Due to health problems and not knowing how to handle them, and not knowing when to take a break from school, I have failed many classes in college. Nonetheless, I feel like my health problems and the experiences I’ve had being in and out of school will help me to be a better physician, and help me to better understand what my patients are going through. Your post gave me hope that when it comes time for me to apply to PA or med school maybe I can express that in a way that others will see it, too 🙂
Hi there! I just have to say how encouraging this is to read. As simple as it sounds, I am taking an EMT training course with my university for preparation for working in medicine. Not only was I looking forward to become an EMT to obtain training for PA school, but because I believe it to be a fundamental aspect of emergency medicine. Needless to say, on top of the other 16 science credits I am taking, this course has been giving me a run for my money. Like I said, it seems simple, but the ideas and methodologies are new and the testing system definitely trips me up A LOT. I even had someone tell me because I have failed that “it’s not for everyone”. It was extremely discouraging and I am beyond grateful for this blog post. My mistakes and failures in this class have definitely made me question why I want to work in medicine and if I want to pursue a career in medicine. My failures have been a driving factor in quitting and giving up, but this post is a huge encouragement to continue pressing in and learning and that it’s okay to “fail when it counts”. Thank you for your honesty and lovely words! -ashley
Great job Ashley, having this attitude will take you far in life. If we are not tested, then we are not challenging ourselves. Hang in there and follow your heart, if your cause is good and your intentions are right, good things will follow!
Stephen
Hello Stephen,
I literally don’t how to start. I love you. I do. I love you for being so brave and to tell us to toughen up and fail, for goodness’s sake!
I am the definition of fearing to fail. I never failed until I tried applying for PA schools. I am a UC Davis graduate with a stellar 4.0 GPA. I worked as a MA for over 2 and half years in a HIV clinic. I explored the mental health field as a Case Manager for 4 years at a local non-profit and serve on the Board of Directors for the same agency after I resigned to attend UC Davis. The list goes on.
Am I proud? Just a little bit. I worked hard to get to where I am in life. Was I a privileged child? Far from it. I came from Viet Nam, a third world country, and lived with an alcoholic and abusive father after my biological mother abandoned us and fled to the U.S. all by herself. She reunited with me again after 15 years apart only bring me to the U.S. and then abandoned me again. I am a gay man. So no matter what I do, it is not good enough for her. The story went on with me moving from PA to CA to live with my aunt and put myself through school. I graduated high school at 19, the oldest senior in my class, because I was held back for not speaking English. I went to community college for 4 years searching for what I want to do with my life. Arrived at UC Davis, I had the goal of becoming a PA.
So yes, I am proud of what I have overcome. I even feel a little entitled for the interviews that I expected to have with the PA programs I applied to. So for someone who rarely failed academically, being rejected for PA school is a slap to the face. I realized how long I have felt asleep on top my stellar academic performance, surrounded by praise from everyone I know. It is my first EPIC failure. I started to doubt myself. I started to beat myself up. I blame everyone. I blame my childhood issues for making me feel the way I do. I thought I was alone. And there YOU are. Thank you for your post and for making my day just a little brighter as I prepare for my next application cycle. I am sure I will continue to be sad every now and then, but at least now I know how much hope is at the end of the tunnel.
Much love,
Patrick Ma
Hey Patrick how many schools did you apply to? ….you have such a excellent well rounded resume and still got denied by every school or just the schools you wanted to attend didnt accept you?
No worries Stephen, I got into 3 schools and decided to go to UC Davis for their PA program 🙂 thank you for all you do!