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Single Edit One-on-one Service Supplemental Essays
Your success is our passion. (See just some of our 100's of testimonials and comments below). We are ready to help. Our current PA school essay editing service status (29th April 2024): Accepting New Submissions
(Photo: Me circa 1987, just thinking about my future PA School Essay)
- Are you struggling to write your physician assistant personal statement?
- Are you out of ideas, or just need a second opinion?
- Do you want an essay that expresses who you truly are and grabs the reader's attention in the required 5,000-character limit?
We are here to help perfect your PA school essay
I have written countless times on this blog about the importance of your personal statement in the PA school application process. Beyond the well-established metrics (GPA, HCE/PCE hours, requisite coursework, etc.), the personal statement is the most crucial aspect of your application.
This is your time to express yourself, show your creativity, skills, and background, and make a memorable impression in seconds. This will be your only chance, so you must get it right the first time.
For some time, I had been dreaming about starting a physician assistant personal statement collaborative.
A place where PA school applicants like yourself can post their PA school essays and receive honest, constructive feedback followed by an acceptance letter to the PA school of your choice!
I have been reviewing a ton of essays recently, so many in fact that I can no longer do this on my own.
To solve this problem, I have assembled a team of professional writers, editors, and PA school admissions specialists who worked to revise and perfect my PA school application essay.
Beth Eakman has taught college writing and worked as a professional writer and editor since the late 1990s. Her projects have involved a wide range of disciplines and media, from editing technical reports to scriptwriting for the PBS Kids show Super Why! Her writing has appeared in publications including Brain, Child Magazine, New York Family Magazine, and Austin Family Magazine. Beth lives with her family just outside Austin, Texas. She is driven to help each client tell the best version of their story and achieve their dream of becoming a physician assistant.
Deanna Matzen is an author with articles featured in Earth Letter, Health Beats, Northwest Science & Technology, and the Transactions of the American Fisheries Society. With an early career in environmental science, she developed a solid foundation in technical writing. Her communication skills were further honed by producing and editing content for a non-profit website, blog, and quarterly journal. Inspired to extend her craft, she obtained a certificate in literary fiction, which she draws on to build vibrant scenes that bring stories to life. Deanna loves working with pre-PAs who are on the cusp of new beginnings to find their unique story and tell it confidently.
Carly Hallman is a professional writer and editor with a B.A. in English Writing and Rhetoric (summa cum laude) from St. Edward's University in Austin, Texas. She has worked as a curriculum developer, English teacher, and study abroad coordinator in Beijing, China, where she moved in 2011. In college, she was a Gilman Scholar and worked as a staff editor for her university's academic journal. Her first novel, Year of the Goose, was published in 2015, and her first memoir is forthcoming from Little A Books. Her essays and creative writing have appeared in The L.A. Review of Books, The Guardian, LitHub, and Identity Theory, among other publications.
Read more client testimonials or purchase a revision
We Work as a Team
Our team of professional editors is wonderful at cutting out the "fluff" that makes an essay lose focus and sets people over the 5,000-character limit. Their advice is always spot-on.
Sue, Sarah, and Carly are amazingly creative writers who will take your "ordinary" and turn it into entirely extraordinary.
I mean it when I say this service is one-of-a-kind! We have spent countless hours interviewing PA School admissions directors and faculty from across the country to find out exactly what it is they are looking for in your personal statement.
We even wrote a book about it.
To collaborate, we use Google Drive. Google Drive is free, has an intuitive interface with integrated live comments in the sidebar, the ability to have a real-time chat, to collaborate effortlessly, and to compare, revise, or restore revisions on the fly. Google Drive also has an excellent mobile app that will allow you to make edits on the go!
Our team has worked with hundreds of PA school applicants within the Google Drive environment, and we have had enormous success.
The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
I have set up two options that I hope will offer everyone a chance to participate:
- One-of-a-kind, confidential, paid personal statement review service
- A collaborative, free one (in the comments section)
Private, One-On-One Personal Statement Review Service
If you are interested in the paid service, you may choose your plan below.
The Personal Statement Review Service is:
- Behind closed doors within a private, secure network using Google Drive.
- It is completely interactive, meaning we will be able to provide real-time comments and corrections using the Google Drive interface.
- Telephone consultations are included with all edits above the single edit level. It’s often hard to communicate exactly what you want hundreds of miles away; for this reason, we offer the option to edit right along with us over the telephone while sharing in real-time over Google Drive. This is an option available to all our paid clients who purchase above the single edit level.
- We provide both revision and editing of all essays. What’s the difference? See below
- We will provide feedback, advice, and help with brainstorming and topic creation if you would like.
- We will help with a “final touch-up” before the big day, just in case your essay needs a few minor changes.
Why Choose Our Service?
- It’s not our opinion that matters. We have gone the extra step and personally interviewed PA school administrators from across the US to find out exactly what they think makes a personal statement exceptional.
- We are a team of PAs and professional writers, having worked over ten years with PA school applicants like yourself, providing countless hours of one-on-one editing and revision.
- Our clients receive interviews, and many go on to receive acceptance into their PA School of choice.
Because we always give 100%, we will open the essay collaborative for a limited number of applicants each month and then close this depending on the amount of editing that needs to be done and the time that is available.
Our goal is not quantity but quality. We want only serious applicants who are serious about getting into PA school.
Writing is not a tool like a piece of software but more like how a photograph can capture your mood. It’s more like art. The process of developing a unique, memorable personal statement is time-intensive, and it takes hours to compose, edit, finalize, and personalize an essay.
As Antoinette Bosco once said:
And this is why I am charging for this service. We love helping people find stories that define their lives, and we love helping individuals who have the passion to achieve their dreams. It’s hard to describe the feeling I get when an applicant writes back to tell me they were accepted into PA school.
There is no price tag I can place on this; it’s the feeling we get when we help another human being. It’s just like providing health care. But this takes time.
Interested? Choose your plan below.
Read more client testimonials.
Free Personal Statement Review
Post your essay in the comments section for a free critique
We want to make this opportunity available to everyone who would like help with their essay, and that is why we are offering free, limited feedback on the blog.
You post your essay in the comments section, and you will get our critique. It is that easy. We will try to give feedback to every single person who posts their COMPLETE essay here on this blog post in the comments section.
Also, by posting your comment, we reserve the right to use your essay.
We will provide feedback on essays that are complete and fit the CASPA requirements (View CASPA requirements here). We will not provide feedback on partial essays or review opening or closing statements. Your essay will be on a public platform, which has both its benefits and some obvious drawbacks. The feedback is limited, but we will try to help in any way we can.
Note: Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, I will delete your stuff. Otherwise, have fun, and thanks for adding to the conversation! And this should go without saying: if you feel the need to plagiarize someone else’s content, you do not deserve to go to PA school.
* Also, depending on the time of year, it may take me several weeks to reply!
We love working with PA school applicants, but don't just take our word for it!
How to submit your essay for the paid service
If you are serious and would like to have real, focused, and personalized help writing your personal statement, please choose your level of service and submit your payment below.
After you have submitted your payment, you will be redirected to the submissions page, where you can send us your essay as well as any special instructions. We will contact you immediately upon receipt of your payment and essay so we may begin work right away.
Pricing is as follows:
Choose your plan, then click "Buy Now" to submit your essay, and we will get started right away!
Every purchase includes a FREE digital copy of our new 100-page eBook, How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement, Our 101 PA School Admission Essays e-book, the expert panel audiobook, and companion workbook. This is a $65 value included for free with your purchase.
All credit card payments are processed via PayPal over a secure HTTPS server. Once your payment is processed, you will be immediately redirected back to the essay submission page. There, you will submit your essay along with some biographical info and all suggestions or comments you choose to provide. You will receive immediate confirmation that your essay has been securely transmitted as well as your personal copy of "How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement." Contact [email protected] if you have any questions, comments, or problems - I am available 24/7.
The hourly service includes your original edit and one-on-one time over Google Drive. It is simple to add more time if necessary, but you may be surprised at what a difference just a single edit can make. We find our four-hour service to be the most effective in terms of time for follow-up and full collaboration. We are open to reduced-rate add-ons to suit your individual needs.
Writing and Revision
All writing benefits from rewriting when done well.
When you are in the process of writing a draft of an essay, you should be thinking first about revision, not editing.
What’s the difference?
Revision refers to the substantial changing of text. For example, it may include re-organizing ideas and paragraphs, providing additional examples or information, and rewriting a conclusion for clarity.
Editing, on the other hand, refers to correcting mistakes in spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
On all submissions, we perform both revision and editing.
How to submit your PA school essay for the FREE editing service
Follow the rules above and get to work below in the comments section. I look forward to reading all your essay submissions.
- Stephen Pasquini PA-C
View all posts in this series
- How to Write the Perfect Physician Assistant School Application Essay
- The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
- Do You Recognize These 7 Common Mistakes in Your Personal Statement?
- 7 Essays in 7 Days: PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 1, “A PA Changed My Life”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 2, “I Want to Move Towards the Forefront of Patient Care”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 3, “She Smiled, Said “Gracias!” and Gave me a Big Hug”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 4, “I Have Gained so Much Experience by Working With Patients”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 5, “Then Reach, my Son, and Lift Your People up With You”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 6, “That First Day in Surgery was the First Day of the Rest of my Life”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 7, “I Want to Take People From Dying to Living, I Want to Get Them Down From the Cliff.”
- Physician Assistant Personal Statement Workshop: “To say I was an accident-prone child is an understatement”
- 9 Simple Steps to Avoid Silly Spelling and Grammar Goofs in Your PA School Personel Statement
- 5 Tips to Get you Started on Your Personal Essay (and why you should do it now)
- How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement The Book!
- How to Write “Physician Assistant” The Definitive PA Grammar Guide
- 101 PA School Admissions Essays: The Book!
- 5 Things I’ve Learned Going Into My Fourth Physician Assistant Application Cycle
- 7 Tips for Addressing Shortcomings in Your PA School Personal Statement
- The #1 Mistake PRE-PAs Make on Their Personal Statement
- The Ultimate PA School Personal Statement Starter Kit
- The Ultimate Guide to CASPA Character and Space Limits
- 10 Questions Every PA School Personal Statement Must Answer
- 5 PA School Essays That Got These Pre-PAs Accepted Into PA School
- 7 Questions to Ask Yourself While Writing Your PA School Personal Statement
- 101 PA School Applicants Answer: What’s Your Greatest Strength?
- 12 Secrets to Writing an Irresistible PA School Personal Statement
- 7 Rules You Must Follow While Writing Your PA School Essay
- You Have 625 Words and 2.5 Minutes to Get Into PA School: Use Them Wisely
- What’s Your #1 Personal Statement Struggle?
- 31 (NEW) CASPA PA School Personal Statement Examples
- How to Prepare for Your PA School Interview Day Essay
- Should You Write Physician Associate or Physician Assistant on Your PA School Essay?
- Meet the World’s Sexiest PA School Applicants
- PA School Reapplicants: How to Rewrite Your PA School Essay for Guaranteed Success
- How to Write a Personal Statement Intro that Readers Want to Read
- PA School Reapplicant Personal Statement Checklist
- How to Deal with Bad News in Your Personal Statement
- Inside Out: How to use Pixar’s Rules of Storytelling to Improve your PA Personal Statement
- Ratatouille: A Pixar Recipe for PA School Personal Statement Success
- Personal Statement Panel Review (Replay)
- Mind Mapping: A Tool for Personal Statements, Supplemental Essays, and Interviews
- Start at the End: Advice for your PA School Personal Statement
Olga says
Thank you so much.Will work on a new one.
Olga says
Hello, I am a second-time applicant. Please feel free to be honest and critical. Thank you.
Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”
― Paulo Coelho, the Alchemist
I have learned over the years that difficulties we face in our lives shape our personalities and make us grow. I would not be the person I am now if I did not learn to overcome obstacles of my past. When I got sick and the doctors could not determine exactly what the diagnosis was I felt devastated. I thought I did not deserve it and there should be a way to resolve it. When I finally found a doctor that gave me hope, I was truly delighted and hopeful. She had a plan of treatment and it was the beginning of a new life for me. Once I got cured, I had a strong desire to help people to be healthy. I realized that I wanted to be that one person that could give hope and make a difference in the life of others.
Over the years I worked in various medical clinics as an acupuncturist and a nutritionist. I educated patients on prevention of the health problems and on proper diet plans. When one of the clinics needed an extra medical assistant, I was willing to get a proper training to help. That job was an eye-opener since I had to participate in the life of patients who were in a need of a complex care. I realized that I wanted to be able to make a bigger contribution in their life. I started researching different opportunities in a medical field. One of the doctors suggested looking into a PA program. After doing a research on a history and responsibilities of the profession I was inspired to follow this path. I shadowed Medical Doctors, Nurse Practitioners, and Physician Assistants to understand a world of medical providers and their differences.
I feel that everything happens for a reason if we make our experiences become our best teachers. Last year my newborn baby spent three weeks in NICU and it was the most exhausting and fearful time of my life. I had a chance to see PAs and MDs providing an exceptional care, knowledge, and research on my child’s condition. We had a great PA, who took the time to educate us, to listen to our concerns, and to make an extra step to provide us with options and information regarding child’s health. I feel like being a parent and going through the struggle for my child’s life tought me patience, gave me extra strength and maturity, and made me feel closer to people who are in the same situation.
Shadowing Janai, PA in pediatric orthopedic surgery department, inspired me to keep following my dreams. She showed me what a great PA should be. I was impressed by her knowledge, devotion, and willingness to help and work in cooperation with other team members. Being a mother, I felt heart-broken for children that had serious congenital health problems or complex aquired conditions. I thought that treating complicated health problems on a daily basis would make you a thick-skinned and less compassionate. I was really surprised when Janai told me that she never lost that feeling. She told me that kindheartedness actually makes you a better health provider.Her words strengthened my desire to become a PA and confirmed that it will be the best fit for me.I admire her attitude and her great contribution to the life of others.
I know that becoming a PA is a challenging and demanding road. I do believe that I have the qualities to be an honorable student. My determination and tenacity keep me focused on my goals and finish the projects I start.Last year I managed to take my final in genetics three days after I had my child.My teacher was impressed and told me that I showed a great exampleof commitment to other students.
I want to be a PA that encourages and inspires others and I am grateful to PAs that were my mentors without knowing it. I place confidence that my devotion, compassion to others, hunger for knowledge, and, most importantly, sincere care for others will make me an extraordinary Physician Assistant.
Duke says
Olga
My first response is that you use the word I far too much. You are putting all the focus on yourself and what you’ve done. You need to change your focus to others that influenced and changed your life.
Put yourself in the place of the reader as you read just the first paragraph. They will have the same reaction I had. I’m sure you didn’t mean to sound self-centered, but it comes off that way. Look at Stephen’s essay and some examples of what other’s have done in their essays. Stephen only used the example of one patient who touched his life.
Maybe you might want to mention one or two patients who changed your life and made you decide to become a PA, but take the focus off yourself because being a PA is a service profession where you provide service to others. Keep that in mind. Tell the reader what separates you from the pack when it comes to love and care of patients?
All the things you’ve done in your life will be in your resume. They don’t need to be in your essay.
Duke
Olga says
Thank you so much.Will work on a new one:)
Stephen says
I think this is wonderful advice. One of the biggest improvements you can make when writing your personal statement is changing your perspective and writing for your reader instead of for yourself. Ask yourself “who are you writing for?” and then focus on writing for that one person, focus on your “customer” (in this case it is the PA school admissions committee). Try to write as if you were writing for one person and focus on them instead of yourself this is one of the secrets to great sales writing and believe it or not your personal statement is a sales letter. Your product is yourself. Here is an idea: take a piece of paper and an envelope and address it to “Sarah” the PA school committee reviewer. Talk to her, have a conversation in your own words with a focus on her, but tell your story. Remove yourself from your mind and go to that “visceral” place in your chest and in your gut where you feel. Take the reader to that place inside of how you felt when you were going through the experiences you described. As humans we connect with emotion, we are just dying to feel understood and resonate with another person. You can do this by opening yourself you and letting yourself be vulnerable. Write your letter from that state of vulnerability and then mail it off to yourself. See how you feel when you receive it in the mail a week later… Post that letter here, I would love to read it!
Duke says
Writing a letter to yourself and putting in the mail is one of the best ideas I’ve heard in a long time. I may have to use that one myself.
Duke
Stephen says
Me too Duke, Maybe I will do that on Father’s Day 🙂
Olga says
Thank you so much Stephen.
I will follow your advice and Duke’s advice. It is really helpful. Will start all over and get to my destination:)
Lauren M says
It’s 2:30 in the morning and I am finishing up my shift, when a man runs into the lobby yelling for help, “My friend is in the car and he can’t move!” I hurry outside and find a man in his thirties looking at me with a helpless stare. Without hesitation, I grab security and we lift him into a wheelchair. I alert the nurse and have a code stroke paged overhead. Working together, we get the patients blood work, EKG, IV and CAT scan done within fifteen minutes. The CAT scan shows an ischemic stroke that will need a clot-busting medication to treat. After a tense two hours the man miraculously regains sensation and speech. As I recheck his vital signs, he is slowly able to grasp my hand, and through a thick Spanish accent, whispers, “thank you”. It was this moment that I realized I wanted to work in healthcare for the rest of my life. The feeling of achievement was better than any victory I have ever felt. I am striving to become a physician assistant because it would not only give me the conduit to make a substantial difference in peoples lives but it would provide me with an ultimate sense of fulfillment and purpose.
Long before I knew what a physician assistant was, I was rambunctious six year old, kicking around a muddy soccer ball in the backyard. I would beg my younger sister to play goalie while I sent shot after shot spiraling toward her face. Although soccer isn’t the focus of my life anymore, it is the foundation of my character. Through it, I gained strong teamwork and leadership skills, as well as a scholarship to the University of San Francisco. It was here where I cultivated a fervent fascination towards medicine through my exercise and sports science major.
After a successful academic career, I returned home eager get a certificate as an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) so I could gain valuable healthcare experience. In my time as an EMT working in an Emergency Room, I have seen patients go into cardiac arrest, assisted a ventriculostomy and even helped deliver a baby. Besides these remarkable clinical exposures, I have also been able to interact with numerous doctors, nurses, and PAs. These conversations confirmed my decision to apply to physician assistant school.
After researching the differences between midlevel providers, I decided that I wanted to practice under a medical model instead of a nursing philosophy. However, I still needed reassurance that becoming PA would be more fulfilling than being a doctor. I remember the positive response I got when I told one of the female physician assistant’s I work with that I was thinking about applying to PA school. She compared her career satisfaction to a doctor she knows that has had to sacrifice substantial time with her family in order to stay competitive in her career. I find the healthy work life balance of a PA much more appealing. I am also interested in the ability to change specialties throughout my career. I believe having an overall sense of life fulfillment will allow me to care for my patients at a deeper level.
A major source of my gratification is found via interactions I’ve had with those who suffer from disabilities. Growing up alongside a close family friend who has downs syndrome influenced my desire to build relationships with others like her. One of the most memorable activities I did in high school was mentoring a young girl with autism. I have continued to find other opportunities like this throughout college and beyond. Last summer, I volunteered at a summer camp for children with spina bifida and cerebral palsy. I was moved by the positive outlook these children displayed toward life despite being confined to a wheelchair. My aspiration to practice medicine, where people desperately need quality healthcare, developed from the involvement I have had working with these inspiring individuals.
Last application cycle I applied to a few programs however, reflecting on that decision I understand I was not ready to be accepted. I applied late, had courses in progress and I barely surpassed the healthcare requirements. These technicalities aside, I realized I was not confident enough to take on the challenges expected of a PA. Another year of preparation has increased my medical knowledge and improved my poise around patients and providers. Taking more science courses has also readied me for the academic rigors of PA school.
My extensive background in athletics has qualified me for a career that is teamwork oriented and allows me to pursue other meaningful endeavors. I know my strong clinical experience has shaped my knowledge of the physician assistant profession as well as my maturity to handle this responsibility. Moments of gratitude I have received from patients during their life-threatening emergencies, have unleashed my deep desire to dedicate my life to providing quality healthcare.
Duke says
You do a good job of presenting yourself because you provide a lot of good examples. It’s what we call showing and not telling. The essay can be tightened a lot more. You need to get rid of the fat and keep the meat of your essay so to speak. The hardest part for most people who write is to have the courage to cut. Keep in mind that writing is rewriting.
Duke
Mobeen Zohra says
Terrified and afraid, I stood at the door of the hospital room where my mother was. I was so shaken by the consequence of the accident everything seemed illusory. It was hard to see my mother on the hospital bed smiling at me, trying to give me strength. That hot day in August, my mother lost her right arm in a bus accident, I can clearly remember the doctors going in and out of her room, I too afraid to enter, stood at the door. Life as I knew changed forever. For the past 18 years my mother has learned to become independent and do everything on her own, while raising 6 children. She is my motivation, the reason I always pushed myself to overcome my fears and continue towards my dreams. With over 1000 hours of health-care experience working in a collaborative setting, my personality endorsed the ability to interact with others and understand the difficulties that people face, preparing me to follow the Physician Assistant path.
Since high school, I had developed a strong interest in the biological sciences. I participated in the Science Research Program and became the first student from my high school to be accepted into the Rockefeller University Outreach Program. For the next two years, I conducted reached at the Vosshall Lab assisting Fellow Graduates with their research. In order to afford the expense of traveling to the city I obtained a job at a local supermarket.
I truly became in love with the medical field during my summer trips to Pakistan. While visiting family and trying to understand my background I was able to appreciate the countless opportunities that I was presented with in the US. Being a first generation Immigrant I was able to recognize that life presents people with many hardships and it is what we make of it. Seeing people in immediate need, I developed resilient feelings lead to the realization that I wanted to be in a profession where I would be able to feel good about what I do on a daily basis.
I love the feeling of fulfillment when you know you have made a difference for someone. I was able to achieve that emotion while working as a Resident Services Assistant and Resident Medication Assistant at a Senior Assisted living. While providing assistance with daily activities, care and administering medications I was able to connect and develop a friendly relationship with the residents. Most of the residents are dealing with numerous difficulties, some having lost a spouse after 60 years of marriage, or trying to understand Parkinson’s Syndrome. One day I walked into one of the resident, Sarah’s room to check on her and found her on the floor, her face covered in blood, conscious, she looked at me and said, “I don’t know what happened”. I immediately called 911 and stayed to comfort her; this showed I could be both empathetic and emotionally resilient in the face of calamity. Over the months I was faced with situations where I had to send out the residents via 911. As a Med tech, I became familiar with not only medications but also the dosages and the side effects. Through my job I was able to develop analytical, incident response, and risk analysis skills that will surely benefit me tremendously as a PA.
My immense familiarity with the geriatrics population and pediatrics, from volunteering at Sunshine Children’s home and Rehab center, has expanded my knowledge. With the Valley Hospital PA Shadowing Program I was able to acquaint myself with the responsibilities of PA in vast specialties including Breast oncology, Weight loss surgery and Internal Medicine. I am completely fascinated by the trusting relationship between the physician and the PA. By the end of May I will have over 200 hours of shadowing experience. From my professional involvements I can say with confidence that I would be a trustworthy PA with a pliable scope of practice, rather than be tied down to a single specialty.
Being a PA will allow me to exemplify my care for humanity and assist in using my knowledge to help others and also be able to provide a great lifestyle for my family. The PA field requires not only hard work and compassion but also dedication and commitment. Through my personal and professional experiences, I believe I have the personality to succeed as a PA. Knowing that my expertise can make someone’s life better motivates me to make my dream come true.
Duke says
Mobeen, this is the start of a great essay. You create some great images, but there is a lot that can be cut out to give your essay more focus. When I say cut out, I don’t mean your examples, but there are too many words and the reader will get lost in the unnecessary material. Also, remember to keep your language simple and to the point. Use active voice whenever possible instead of passive voice. Here are a couple links to help you out.
http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples/examples-of-active-and-passive-voice.html
http://www.plainlanguage.gov/howto/quickreference/dash/dashactive.cfm
Mobeen Zohra says
Duke,
Thank you so much for your response. I have made many changes and shortened the essay to fit the criteria for CASPA. I am also working on using active voice rather than passive. Thanks again.
Stephen- I would love to get some suggestions from you as well!
Mobeen
Duke says
You are welcome.
Lauren says
I have always known that I wanted to have a job in the medical field. From very early on I was interested in the sciences and medicine. Throughout high school Anatomy and Physiology was the class I couldn’t wait to go to and when it was over I didn’t want to leave. Midway through college I had an experience that really solidified my decision. I was sitting on the couch with my boyfriend and some of his friends one day when he suddenly began to seize violently. I immediately knew what was happening and tried to get him on his side. One of his friends dialed 911 while we moved the furniture away from him so he wouldn’t injure himself. I have a true calling to medicine, and especially becoming a physician assistant.
I first learned about the physician assistant profession when I began researching careers in the medical field during my freshman year of college. There were so many positives about the PA profession that I was instantly interested. Not only could I diagnose and treat patients, but I could also change specialties if I ever decided to. Also, by working as a team with a doctor, tough diagnoses could be discussed to give the patient the best form of treatment. While shadowing at Faith Family Medical, I really saw the positive relationships between nurse practitioners, PA’s, and physicians. They would perform their daily duties independently, but if a question arose, there was no hesitation to ask others for advice. After shadowing a PA and working in a healthcare environment, the PA profession is the right choice for me. The length of time in schooling, the cost of schooling, and the level of autonomy of a PA have only reinforced my decision. This is why becoming a PA is more appealing that any of the other provider roles.
I believe that my education and other life experiences have prepared me for a life as a PA. Working at a pediatric clinic has provided me with invaluable knowledge of the patient-provider relationship. The clinic also provided me with a good foundation in symptom presentation, treatments, and diagnoses. Having physicians and nurse practitioners that were willing to explain diagnoses and treatments has enabled me to learn even more. Working at the clinic has also allowed me to improve my communication skills with patients. Communication is key to providing good care. My job consists of calling the patient back, recording their chief complaint, and then recording their vitals. All of this requires excellent communication between myself and the patient. I have to make sure I’m writing down the information the patient is giving me correctly. This allows the provider to get a preliminary idea of why the patient is being seen. My education, while tough at times, was very rewarding. My second year of college is where I struggled the most. I had just transferred and I hadn’t fully realized the impact that my grades would make later on. I think this was an important learning lesson for me as I had to work even harder to get my GPA back on track. As the courses got increasingly difficult, I learned better study methods and was generally able to gradually increase my GPA. I managed to graduate with honors despite a few rough semesters.
With the new healthcare reform being put in place, more patients that ever will be seeing providers. It is important to me that the provider-patient relationship remain intact. When there is trust between a patient and a provider, care is more accurate and meaningful. As a PA, it would be important to create a healthy and caring environment for patients because this is what keeps the relationship going. While I was shadowing one day, there was a patient who was following up after seeing her cardiologist. She insisted on hearing the results from the PA even though the cardiologist had already explained everything to her. She told me it was because she trusted her provider. To the patient, the PA was the only person who could adequately provide care for her because she was seeing the whole picture, not just one part of her body. After seeing how a PA functions on a daily basis, I know this is something that I want to do.
Duke says
Lauren, your essay has good information but too many words. Stay focused on your goal which is to get an interview. You can use your resume to provide the committee your background. What you want to do in your essay is show your creative side. Show how you have taken initiative to get things done. Make the committee think, “This person is unique. We need to invited them for an interview.”
Duke
Sadaf patel says
How come i m not able to see my essay submission on your blog???
Stephen Pasquini PA-C says
Hi Sadef,
I just reversed the order of the comments, now you should be able to see yours on the first page. Hope that helps.
– Stephen
Colette says
As a child I was told that you should do what interests you, you should do what you love. Since I took my first steps my true love has been sports. To be honest, I can’t recall what first drew me into the competitive arena. Perhaps it was because my parents were both competitive runners, or maybe there’s some ancient DNA sequence within that programmed me to like chasing things. Growing up I played soccer and basketball, running intermittently in the background. I joined my school’s cross-country squad in sixth grade and running quickly became my primary sport. I am especially drawn to running because it showcases all of the things I love most about sports: competitiveness, mental challenge, and, in the case of track relays, collaboration with others. As my mileage increased each summer, so did my passion for running as a sport. After my sophomore year of high school I stopped playing traveling basketball to focus solely on my endurance training. At the end of my junior year, my dedication earned me appointment as captain of both the girl’s cross-country and track teams at my high school.
Then, my senior year, tragedy struck. In the winter of 2010, I played on a recreational basketball for fun. During a playoff game I was knocked down and tore my ACL, swiftly ending my high school running career.
I didn’t run a step for 5 months after the injury. I spent hours in physical therapy working to get back my strength so I could compete again. It was the most difficult period of my life to date. Thankfully I recovered very well from my surgery, though my journey back to running was a long process. I was able to compete my freshman year, though my training was very limited by my injury. I was patient, waiting until the summer before my sophomore year before slowly building up my mileage. Since then I have run personal bests in every event as well as set school records in several individual events and relays. These successes were well worth the wait.
Dealing with injury is a dark time for an athlete. Luckily I discovered a silver lining to my situation. Enduring a serious injury taught me to never take anything for granted, to always give my best and compete like it was my last chance. It also sparked my interest in Sports Medicine. My freshman year of college I arranged to shadow a friend of my mother’s who works as an orthopedic physician. Dr. Voight entered each exam with a smile and gently led each patient through the tests necessary to diagnose their injury, gamely answering any questions and quelling any concerns they had. The day I spent following her on her rounds solidified my choice to pursue a career in sports medicine. Her positivity and dedication are qualities I hope to emulate in my future medical career.
After my day with Dr. Voight I wanted to begin building my experience in the medical field. Unfortunately, as a student athlete it was difficult to find a position that meshed well with my busy schedule. Luckily, I was able to secure a part-time position as a medical scribe in the Emergency Department (ED) and Urgent Care (UC) of a nearby hospital. I primarily work in Urgent Care, whose evening and weekend hours are a better fit for my busy schedule. This allows me to work closely with Physician Assistants. Working as a scribe the past year has not only improved my medical knowledge and vocabulary, but also made me realize that PA school is the right path for me. To complete another step towards my dream path I completed an Athletic Training class this spring. I look forward to gaining more hands on experience next year working as a Sports Medicine Assistant with the Athletic Training staff at Carleton.
As coaching great Bill Bowerman once said “running, one might say, is basically an absurd pastime upon which to be exhausting ourselves. But if you can find meaning in the type of running you need to do…chances are you’ll be able to find meaning in that other absurd pastime – LIFE.” My dedication to running led to one of the most difficult periods of my life, but it also improved my resolve and helped me realize what I wanted to do with my future. For the last ten years of my life academics and varsity athletics have been the center of my life. I look forward to moving on to the next phase and transferring my passion and dedication to a new area: my career as a PA in Sports Medicine.
Corey says
“Felicitaciones está embarazada”, I said with a smile to Maria, as she sat across from a Panamanian doctor and me; Maria’s two young children were below her playing on the dirt floor of the old school house-turned doctors office. With tears in her eyes and a large smile accompanying, she reached across the table and hugged me. The joy she emitted at the news of her pregnancy filled room and at that moment something changed in me for I knew that I was on the right path towards becoming a Physician Assistant.
As an undergrad I had the opportunity to spend part of my summer in rural Panama as a member of a medical brigade. In Panama I witnessed the lack of accessible medical care, which made me appreciate the healthcare accessibility we have as Americans. Every day, to my amazement, several hundred people had gathered from surrounding villages to receive medial attention. The experiences I had throughout this mission developed a passion to medically serve in an underserved community. I want to make a difference in my future community by providing better access to care and to develop long-term genuine relationships with my patients.
My admiration for the PA profession grew during my time shadowing. The PA’s I followed were autonomous, efficient, and attentive when consulting patients. During my time of shadowing I observed PA’s briefly expressing concerns or clarifying ideas with a physician every few hours. This insight into the PA-MD relationship demonstrates that there must be an immense amount of trust and teamwork in order to deliver excellent healthcare to patients. Shadowing truly opened my eyes to the importance a PA is to a medical practice and its patients.
Working as a physical therapy aide has given me valuable experience in conversing and treating a wide range of patients in a one to one setting. At the clinic in which I work there is one physical therapist and two aides. As a PT aide I have seen patients with a diverse range of ages, injuries, personalities, and ethnicities. Patients are treated for over an hour, which allows us to truly know them throughout their weeks or even years in therapy. My time here has taught me that healthcare is more than just a service. It requires a holistic understanding of a patient’s life and history as well as their specific medical issue. Some patients have issues that are deeper than their current injury or condition and it is part of a good medical professional’s duty to understand these nuances as they become familiar with their patients. I have noticed the physical therapist may take on several roles when treating patients. Some roles are motherly, some are motivational, and with some patients she must show a gentle yet firm authority in order to execute effective treatments. Having the privilege to work closely with someone who cares so much about her patients has provided me a great starting point for the rest of my career.
Like the PA-MD relationship, a PT aide must also work closely with the Physical Therapist. The PT must have trust in the aide to achieve the specific treatment plan for each patient. A PA may go about their day visiting their scheduled patients with little supervision from the MD, just as a PT aide must listen to, instruct, and care for patients with little supervision in a physical therapy setting.
With an educational background in physiology and a life of sports and exercise, I decided to try my hand at personal training last summer. One client – now friend- Lisa, said I saved her life. Over a summer of training she lost 20% of her body weight and to this day we stay in contact even though I no longer work as a trainer. She sends me photos of her rock climbing, skiing, and doing things she claims she would have never done if it weren’t for me. The pride this gives me I liken to that of a parent watching their child graduate college. Having the taste of someone’s pure happiness and healthy living as a result of coming to me with their troubles is extremely rewarding. I would be privileged to pursue my passion in medicine and the satisfaction in the betterment of peoples’ lives for the remainder of my life as a PA.
Over the last several years of volunteering in multiple Seattle hospitals I have observed PA’s in several settings. Their quick critical thinking skills and ability to swiftly develop of a plan of action with the physician are attributes I believe I will excel at.
A career in healthcare is not for the weak of heart and I understand the long hours, meticulous charting, emotional strains, as well as the potential changes and adaptations in healthcare. My experiences have confirmed that I am made for this career and cannot wait to travel upon the strenuous yet rewarding path towards becoming a Physician Assistant.
— feel free to be very critical. Thanks!
Corey
Duke says
I just did a quick read through your essay and after reading a lot of PA essays , I think it sounds like a lot of other essays. Think outside the box. See that sentence is trite because you hear it all the time. Let’s see if I can improve on that…..Sit on top of the box and look down on your life. OR Climb a hill and see your life stretch before you. What are the things you notice that make you different. OR Walk down the street of any big city, look around you, and think about what makes you different. OR Go back to your hill and look down on the valley below and picture yourself. What are you doing that’s different from everyone else down in the valley. OR Get in the box, cut a hole in the side and look out. What do you see. In a way, you are the box, and you are looking out on the world from inside yourself. What makes your box different?
Just something to think about and I had fun doing it. You should make writing your essay fun also. Just begin writing and let the the emotion flow out of you. You can always go back and edit later.
Duke
Emmanuel says
I am applying for the second time to become a PA I only applied to 1 school last year and I am on the waiting list at Texas Tech and wishing for a miracle to be accepted but if I do not I a want to be ready and apply again here and to others schools. I do not know if I should resubmit the same essay or change some information any help I can get is helpful.
Fear, hunger, pain, death – these are all characteristics of the place where I was born: Huajuapan, a small town in Oaxaca, Mexico. An underserved community with few health resources to keep a premature baby diagnosed with bronchopulmonary dysplasia like myself alive, a place where socioeconomic realities impact medical access on those whose very life is on the line.
I was very ill throughout my childhood. The doctors recommended my mother reduce my exposure to potential infections. This was hard since there was an increase in cases of tuberculosis in my town. My mother, frightened of what could happen to me, did not want to take any chances. She left everything she had – being a nurse, friends, and family – to bring me to the United States to receive better treatment. I remember the people I trusted to ensure my wellbeing as I was in and out of the hospital. They made an impression on me and from that time on, I knew I wanted to enter a profession in the medical field. I met many doctors and physician assistants during my care. Growing up in a rural part of town the PA seemed to spend more time with me than the doctor did, taking the time to know me on an individual level rather than just another patient. One night, when I was at the hospital, my mother had to work and I was alone. I started to panic; I had to be hooked to oxygen to relieve my anxiety. I remember my PA staying with me until I fell asleep. I have come to realize that I sincerely enjoy getting to know people personally and tailoring myself to meet their needs and that as a PA it would be the best fit for who I am and what I find joy in; helping others.
I met many people who endured a set of challenges that were not far unlike those faced by my family who came to the United States for better opportunities. Even though medical resources are available to everyone, many faced the fear of going to the hospital due to lack of money or language barrier. I encountered people who could have prevented a condition if it were treated at an early stage, but the fact that they did not have the funds to do so was their downfall. I remember seeing my mother use her nursing skills to treat neighbors who were sick. Even though she could not work as a nurse, an immigrant herself, she practiced to help others as she did with me when I was sick. The consciousness my mother passed on to me established my desire to serve individuals in need and humanity at large.
My hunger to succeed has been essential, shaping the person I am today. I have come upon many obstacles throughout my life; nevertheless, I had a goal in sight to alleviate the pain and suffering of places like Huajuapan and other underserved areas. As a first generation college student, it was tough, but knowing that my family looked up to me for being the first one in my family to graduate with a Bachelor’s degree motivated me even more to prove to them anything is possible. Committed to pursuing a career as a PA, I dedicated my time in the medical field.
Working directly with patients has made me more confident about becoming a PA. As an EMT, I love being able to help patients when they need it the most, but it bothers me not knowing what happens to them after they are out the ambulance and I wish to be involved in a more in-depth level. As a caregiver and interpreter for an elderly patient with Alzheimer’s, I learned the importance of providing companionship, conversation and how much a language barrier could affect one when struggling to understand one’s health problems. While volunteering, I came upon a conversation of a family who only spoke Spanish. The doctor told them to bring their daughter back immediately if her symptoms worsened, and otherwise to follow up with a doctor in three days. However, what her parents understood from the conversation was that they should wait three days to see the doctor. I quickly interrupted and interpreted to make it clear that they should return immediately if symptoms worsened. A week later the doctor came up to me and thanked me. It turned out that the daughter had appendicitis and came back the next day instead of coming in three days later when it could have been too late. As a medical interpreter, I am the voice of underserved communities, to gain full access to quality health care by understanding and communicating effectively.
To this day, the town where I was born still has very few resources; my grandmother passed away five years ago due to a lack of blood available for transfusion. The pain of knowing we shared the same blood type but being many miles away in order to arrive on time even to say one last goodbye is still very devastating. I became headstrong and determined. I realized that I want to help people, care for people, to practice in underserved communities, and give them a second chance; I was given one after all. School has taught me medical facts, but life has inspired me to become a great physician’s assistant.
Duke says
Em
I quickly read through the essay and feel that while it is good, it needs some cutting. Also I noticed you used the word I a lot. It’s not that you should never use it, but you need to space them apart.
Here’s an example
“If I had known I wanted to study medicine, I might not have spent a semester abroad in Ecuador. I would never have volunteered in a women’s prison daycare, where infants who spend the night in their mother’s cell are cared for by day.”
While it’s necessary to talk about your experience, I think that you should spend more time milking the example of the patient. The use of painting and color is a great idea.
My general impression is that it needs to be tightened a lot.
If you have questions, get back to me.
Duke
Em E. says
“Will you be taking out the stitches?” The doctor looked at me questioningly, but before I translated into English what our Hispanic patient had said, I took a second to appreciate what she was asking. I was just there to shadow in the minor surgery clinic that day, but ended up filling in as an interpreter. Throughout the lumpectomy, I had been holding the patient’s hand and reassuring her. I did not touch a medical instrument. Yet this patient trusted me to be the one to remove her sutures when she returned the next week, because I was there for her through a touch and a language she could understand. I knew then that patient care was the right place for me.
Though my path to this point was not a direct one, it allowed me to take advantage of diverse opportunities, all of which I can draw on as a future physician assistant.
If I had known I wanted to study medicine, I would not have taken art as an elective throughout high school. Instead I would have focused on science coursework, and missed learning something that cannot be found in a textbook. While painting, I learned to look at the piece as a whole. When one is concentrating on a portion of the work, they still must step back and see how the whole piece is affected. That one suspicious lump on her breast did not define my patient. She is a whole person: within a culture and community, with fears and hopes. As a PA, I will view the disease in light of the person. Aside from their clinical cases, patients’ cultures may differ, impacting not only how they understand their illness but also how they are willing to treat it. My goal will not only be to come to the correct diagnosis but to find a way to effectively communicate that diagnosis with the patient, answering their questions and empowering them in their healthcare.
If I had known I wanted to study medicine, I might not have spent a semester abroad in Ecuador. I would never have volunteered in a women’s prison daycare, where infants who spend the night in their mother’s cell are cared for by day. Some of the caregivers’ methods were the opposite of what my Child Development classes had taught me, such as routinely striking the children. At times it was frustrating and hard to keep volunteering, yet I knew that trying to explain Erikson’s theories or change how their culture raises children was not the answer. While I stayed true to my beliefs, I realized that we all wanted the best for these kids, to prepare them to enter the world and succeed. Our cultures taught us different directions, but we were journeying toward the same place and cooperation was key. Through this experience I learned that being a member of a healthcare team means working together, despite differences of opinion. Though the team is made up of individuals, we have a common goal: to improve the health and wellbeing of our patients and their families.
Now I know I want to be a physician assistant – a profession where teamwork is built in. In my current job as a clinic assistant at California Sports and Orthopaedic Institute, I have not only built relationships with the doctors and PAs that I work with but also with the patients. I am already part of a healthcare team. I converse with patients, remove their sutures, and reassure them as I prepare a scheduled injection. I pull up relevant scans for the providers and obtain insurance authorizations to help them continue to care for their patients. In addition to my post-baccalaureate studies and full time job, I founded a group for other pre-PA students. We share ideas and experiences. I have reached out to PAs that I know and organized events where they came and answered our questions. Patients will not be successfully treated if their healthcare providers are in competition to prove they are right; we should always be helping each other succeed.
I am motivated to learn in any way I can. When I have time, I read the doctors’ dictations and write down any term or condition I do not know to look up or ask our PA, Gaye, about later. While taking anatomy I would ask Will, our x-ray technician, to pull up different scans so I could try to identify bony landmarks on a real person. Occasionally I wake up at 5 am to go on hospital rounds with Gaye even though I do not start work until 8:30. I observe surgery and practice suturing with a string tied to my desk at home. I will endeavor to learn something new from each patient I treat. Each will have a story, making the experience more memorable and powerful. I will never stop learning or pushing myself to be the best physician assistant I can be. I am excited to start that journey now.
Stephen says
Em, this is really very good!
I had mixed feelings about the “If I had known I wanted to study medicine” theme you used at the start but I actually think I kind of like it. It makes me wonder “well what then does Em want to study?” You may actually want to answer this question at the end. It would be a nice way to finish up your essay in the conclusion. Take your interesting running theme and answer the question in the end linking it to “now that I do want to study medicine”. You kind of did that, but I think you could bring that together a bit better to “complete the circle” for a lack of a better term.
Also, when you say If you had known you had wanted to study medicine you wouldn’t have gone to work with children in the Ecuadorian prison. My first thought was why not? This is exactly what you should do if you want to study medicine. So maybe reword that. Like If you had known you wanted to study medicine you might not have chosen a “women’s prison” as your first choice but as you already know this experience ended up being fundamental in shaping who you are.
Just as being an artist gives you the ability to see a person as a beautiful portrait!
As you can see though your essay was effective because I remember your main points.. So hats off to you.
As it stands now I feel you have a real nice palate of colors and a good sketch beneath your painting, some of the paint is on the canvas and it is already drying. If you take the paint you’ve got and you work a little magic with your brush, you can have a beautiful piece of work. Just keep at it and I think you will have your Renoir. You are close and you were able to cover a lot of really solid points that make you a wonderful candidate in an interesting way, while looking pretty impressive on paper.. I must say!
Cheers,
Stephen P.
Em E. says
Dear Stephen,
Thank you so much for your prompt feedback! I appreciate the points you made and will definitely rework the essay a bit to include your recommendations.
Duke, I would love to hear your opinion too if you have the time! In any case I really appreciate this service and will recommend it to other students in my pre-PA group!
Best regards,
Em
Jane says
My interest in becoming a physician assistant sparked when I was young watching my mother fight and eventually overcome her many idiopathic gastrointestinal problems. At the time, I only understood that a nice white-coated man had earned my mother’s trust with his compassion. While her primary physician was quite helpful and knowledgeable, it was the physician assistant (PA) who truly made the difference in my mother’s health care and spent the most time with her. He was the first one to see her and walk through her medical history. Her PA was the one to connect with her, get to know her and my family, and come up with the preliminary treatment plan, which he then continuously tweaked in order to alleviate all her symptoms. As a young child, seeing my mother freed from the all-encompassing discomfort that had plagued her for months was astonishing, and her PA left a great impression on me that stayed for many years. At the time, I did not realize that this man was a PA, but the warmth and support of that experience planted a desire to enter the medical world. Acting on this growing curiosity, I began try on different provider hats by caring for my Barbie. Using various instruments such as plastic knives, scotch tape, and screwdrivers, I would fix Barbie’s ‘broken foot-itis’ and other ailments and triumphantly return her in one piece to Ken. With time, my understanding of the medical field has evolved, and set me on a path to become a PA.
In my senior year of high school, I was privileged to be able to work with a research team from the National Institutes of Health. I shadowed a few of the doctors as they visited their patients and appreciated the complete trust that the patients had for them. I observed that the trust was in part built by the doctors’ willingness to explain every aspect of the disease and treatment using comprehensible language. I was impressed by their patience and communication, and that teaching atmosphere influenced me when I became a Red Cross instructor teaching First Aid/CPR/AED for the first responder while in college. I educated students, professors, and locals so I had to find different ways of instructing a diverse crowd. It was then I realized how I enjoyed working with and educating people. That ‘oh!’ moment as the students understood the concept was incredibly gratifying.
After graduation, I began working at the Johns Hopkins Hospital Adult Emergency Department (ED). There I was able to observe how doctors, nurses, PAs, nursing practitioners, social workers, and many other support staff roles came together to form a cohesive team, and the idea of becoming a PA firmly took root. Witnessing their dedication in treating their patients, I was reminded of my mother’s PA from so many years ago. I gained a deeper and more valuable insight into the PA profession after working alongside exceptional PAs for the past three years.
As a HIV counselor in the ED, I have been fortunate to be able to work with a very diverse population with intensely varied needs, behaviors, and backgrounds. It was incredibly challenging at first to counsel patients regarding their risky health and sexual behaviors but I quickly adapted, adjusted my approach, and became much more comfortable in such difficult situations. I was thrilled to be able to work with patients and educate them on how to keep themselves and their partners protected from sexually transmitted diseases and persuade them to practice healthier sexual behaviors. With this position, I truly understood the trust and intimacy patients have with their health care providers as patients not only divulged personal details regarding their sexual life, but sometimes their entire life history as frustrated patients unloaded about how HIV has impacted their lives. With newly diagnosed positive patients, I worked together with their PA to counsel them and establish their next steps. Working behind the scenes coordinating the HIV testing program has also granted me further opportunities to observe them as they consulted me regarding their out-of-care positive patients and at times, gently persuade the reluctant patient to obtain care.
My respect for PAs only strengthened after shadowing a few. I witnessed as they deftly balanced their independence as a health provider with coordinating with their supervising physicians. As in the case with my mother, the PAs were the one to spend the majority of the time with the patient as well as decide on the treatment. The physicians hold the PAs’ decisions in high esteem and rarely change the orders.
All my experiences have coalesced the challenges and rewards of being a PA and have reinforced my resolve to become one. I have seen how important it is to be one of the first lines of communication and how an individual benefits from compassionate and sensitive health providers. I am eager to further my health training so that I can impact patients’ lives the way that I have watched amazing PAs do so again and again, and especially in the way my mother’s PA has affected ours.
Thanks so much for your feedback!
Stephen says
Jane I am truly sorry it took me so long to respond to your essay. As I am reading more and more essays though I am starting to see how it would be impossible for the PA admissions staff to make decisions on who to admit. Every time I read an essay like yours I think “wow she is going to make a great PA”. But I say this more often than not, and when I read your essay I think “wow, you are going to make a great PA”.
You have done something a lot of people don’t and that is really explain your experience and background in health care work. Part of this is because you have a lot of it, and you were able to detail that very well here I thought.
You took the time to give each paragraph a talking point:
Paragraph 1: Intro right to the point of “why do I want to be a PA”
Paragraph 2: In my senior year of high school, I was privileged to be able to work with a research team from the National Institutes of Health.
Paragraph 3: After graduation, I began working at the Johns Hopkins Hospital Adult Emergency Department (ED).
Paragraph 4: As a HIV counselor in the ED, I have been fortunate to be able to work with a very diverse population with intensely varied needs, behaviors, and backgrounds
Paragraph 5: My respect for PAs only strengthened after shadowing a few.
And Paragraph 6: All my experiences have coalesced the challenges and rewards of being a PA and have reinforced my resolve to become one.
Where your essay really needs the most work is paragraph 1: You need to strengthen the intro, remove the term “idiopathic” and try to find a way to hook the reader. I think you have a really great reason for wanting to be a PA, it just isn’t worded well (yet) although I can really see where you could go with it.
The body paragraphs could be tightened, to eliminate some unnecessary verbiage and designed to flow a bit better.
And I must say I like your conclusion in paragraph 5 and 6.
All in all this is an excellent start, with good talking points that covers your reasons of “why you want to be a PA” quite well… Focus on that intro and cleaning up the body and I think you will be good to go!
Best to you and your future career as a PA!
Stephen P.
Corey says
Stephen,
My current essay flows a lot like Jane’s, but I have noticed that other essays posted have more of a whimsical story like flow.
My fiance was accepted into all of the top pharmacy schools in the US and her essay was very concise, almost scientific, and lacked any flare or creative writing.
Which form would you suggest?
Thanks!
Corey
Stephen says
Do you want a pharmacist who is creative or just know how to dose your medications correctly :-). J/K
I think the correct answer to your question is balance. Think of what you would want to read if you had to sit and read 100’s of essays. After a while if they were all scientific and concise, just a resume, you would be dying to read something meaningful, different and that showed a passion for the field… Along with experience and a sense that you as a candidate understand the reasons behind your desire to be a PA. This is no easy undertaking. It requires brainstorming, a plan and a goal to create more than just a list of your accomplishments. Trust me, I have read LOTS of essays. The ones I remember tell great stories, I feel like I know the person when I am done reading the essay. Does this mean they are a better candidate? Not necessarily, but I am definitively more likely to call them up for an interview. So try to find balance, too dry and stale and your essay will go into the trash can, too “whimsical” and that isn’t going to do you much good either. Right in the middle… Now that is your sweet spot! Emotion + Competence
I hope this help,
– Stephen
Duke says
Sarah
I like this essay. My only suggestion would be to eliminate as many unnecessary words as possible. Examine each sentence for unnecessary words or combine two sentences into one that says the same thing in less words.
It is already well written and kept my attention and makes me think you’re a very interesting person. Good job.
Sarah says
I was barely nineteen and up to my ears in feces. I stood
in a room where nearly a dozen infants ranging from fifteen to
twenty months lived out their days on a large mat at Imani
orphanage in Nairobi, Kenya. Diarrhea dribbled over my hand and ran
down my threadbare apron, trickling onto my thigh where the edge of
the apron bunched up beneath the child resting on my hip. I held
her away and ran for fresh diaper cloths, the ones I’d hand-washed
yesterday in a giant plastic barrel and hung to drip over gravel
beneath the hot Kenyan sun. My best friends were starting their
second semesters of college, but I’d chosen to wait – and serve. In
the months I spent at Imani, I learned more about life and service
than during my next four years of college. Service is messy, not
glamorous. It’s slow. It’s unnoticed. And it’s the most profound
thing a human being can do for another. One day, I saw a petite
woman of Indian heritage enter the baby room. She was a doctor.
Several babies were dying of HIV/AIDS, and at least half of them
had a fever on any given day. I listened to her story, watched her
work in what seemed like a hopeless situation, and knew where I was
called to serve. I’d always been interested in medicine; always
pulling teeth and digging at splinters and reading books on first
aid – but once I saw the impact a good doctor can have on a
person’s mind, body, and soul, I was hooked. A commitment to
medical service gives others a passport to life. I entered college
a year late. Every summer, when my fellow pre-med students clamored
for paper-pushing internships at doctor’s offices, I hit the
streets and worked between eighty and hundred hours a week selling
SAT prep and homework reference books to families, cold calling
door-to-door. It was the only way I could pay for my schooling.
Being one of six children in a family from rural Kentucky, I
occasionally sent money home, not vice-versa. If serving taught me
about life, selling taught me about people, communication, and hard
work. The rejection made me stronger, the challenge developed
resolve, and the difficulties became blessings in disguise. I’d
always had medical school on the back burner, but the seven summers
I spent recruiting, training, and managing sales teams revealed to
me that I enjoyed building people more than running a business.
While taking blood pressure and patient complaints during a medical
trip to Honduras, I learned about the position of a physician’s
assistant from the team’s doctor, and the model resonated strongly
with how I’m wired. I’m passionate about relationship building,
quality time with people, and the flexibility to be a life-long
learner by investing time in multiple specialties. I love the idea
of empowering doctors to focus on their strengths by shouldering
some of their burden. To me, a physician’s assistant serves not
only her patients, but her doctor, her community, and her world. My
application isn’t stellar. My path through PA school began just
this August when I enrolled in an EMT class. I’ve taken my time
investigating precisely what direction I should choose. But I’m not
afraid of rejection: I know how I want to serve. I don’t have to
travel to a village in Honduras or an orphanage in Kenya to find
needy people and underserved areas. It’s right here in my own
backyard – and I’m asking you if you will be willing to instruct me
in what it takes to change a community one service at a
time.
Stephen says
This is a wonderful essay with a lot of great content. The body, intro and conclusion are all there. They need organization and editing to make this essay flow. I love how you detail your strengths, you make a good point of describing what a PA does and how this fits into your life plan… Not many people do this and it is really an important part of the personal statement.
The story needs revision to remove some of the unnecessary adjectives while keeping the “meat” of what you are trying to say. The opening needs to be “tightened” to maintain focus so you can get right to your point and still detail your story. This is part of using an effective framework and then making sure you tie it all together at the end.
I wish you the best in the application process, you have a great life story and the kind of intentions that will make you a great PA. If you need further help, please don’t hesitate to send us a message.
Stephen
Duke says
Sarah, this is an excellent essay. My big suggestion would be to break it up into smaller paragraphs instead of one long one.
Duke says
Kay
I was confused when I read your first line until I got further in.
My biggest suggestion is not to make the essay about you about about those with whom you work or those who inspired you. You can refer to other comments we’ve made for more information on the process of writing a great essay.
Kay McKnight says
“Are you still there, Kay?” The elderly patient at the physical therapy clinic where I work quickly became panicked if the physical therapist or I moved out of her peripheral vision. “Yes I’m still here. Take your time and keep going, you’re doing great,” I replied, resting my hand on her back for support as she slowly tried to take another step forward on the treadmill. The patient, who had previously suffered a stroke, tilted her head to look at me and said, “You have excellent bedside manner, Kay. You will make a wonderful PA one day.” I would be lying if I didn’t say that comments like these make me feel blessed to be coming in contact with different kinds of people every day, gaining healthcare experience that I can use to make a positive impact on their lives. There is nothing more rewarding than learning how to serve others and educate them on how to improve their quality of life. I want to become a physician assistant because I have a passion for problem solving, learning and encouraging every one I come in contact with. Being a physician assistant is not only a career, but also a lifestyle, as I would not only treat patients, but also educate, uplift, soothe and invest in patients as well as the families of patients.
Every physician assistant I have come in contact with simply reaffirms my desire to become one, as they consistently take their time with each patient, ease any concerns the patient may have and educate each patient on the condition before leaving the room. My current healthcare experience has adequately prepared me for your PA program. I have learned to work on a team with people holding different positions in a clinical setting, as well as being able to exercise autonomy when preparing treatments for different patients. Physical therapists and physicians have trusted me to administer modalities to patients without being supervised and have often called on me to help them work directly with a patient. I thoroughly enjoy being on a team with physicians and physical therapists, working toward the same goal of restoring our patients to full health. However, I long for the opportunity to be able to diagnose, treat, and educate my own patients. Volunteering in the emergency room at my local hospital has exposed me to many different cultures and conditions I previously had no knowledge of. I feel privileged to have witnessed the different domestic situations I have, for they have given me a better understanding of an underserved community that I simply cannot ignore. I am currently involved in an outreach program at my church, making meals for the homeless and distributing them to needy individuals in Detroit. I am also in the process of applying to volunteer at FernCare, a free clinic in Ferndale, MI whose aim is to provide non-emergency care to the uninsured population in Oakland County. I am looking to become more familiar with the underserved population, as I desire to practice as a physician assistant in an area with a great need for medical care.
While my experience in healthcare has shown me that I have a passion for medicine and for others, my dedication and horsepower in the last two years of school has solidified in my mind that I have the drive and discipline to successfully complete your physician assistant program. Familiar with the routine of taking many credits while working part time, I know how to stay on track and handle the stress that life brings in healthy ways. I have also become somewhat of a leader in my statistics class that I am currently taking. Students in the class feel comfortable asking me to help explain lessons and study with them, because I am willing to collaborate with a group of people and enjoy helping others learn something new.
For me, becoming an excellent physician assistant is my long term goal. I look forward to serving in multiple hospitals and clinics that are in need of physician extenders. I find happiness in being around people, encouraging others and doing everything in my power to help in any way possible. With the increase in aging population, including retiring physicians, the need for physician assistants has never been greater. I dream of becoming a physician assistant to serve in areas that have a great need, which is where the physician assistant occupation was established. To me, there could be nothing more rewarding than committing my life to the cause of bettering someone else’s.
Duke says
I’d open your essay a few lines you wrote later in your first paragraph.
The patient, who had previously suffered a stroke, tilted her head to look at me and said, “You have excellent bedside manner, Kay. You will make a wonderful PA one day.” I would be lying if I didn’t say that comments like these make me feel blessed to be coming in contact with different kinds of people every day, gaining healthcare experience that I can use to make a positive impact on their lives.
But it could use some rewriting. I wrote an example below. Giver the lady a name. I named her Mary.
Mary, a stroke patient, tilted her head to look at me and said, “You have an excellent bedside manner, Kay. You will make a wonderful PA one day.” Her comment made me feel blessed, because I knew that as a PA I’d touch the lives of so many patients just like Mary.
This is rough, but you get the idea.
Duke Pasquini says
Good opening. Always keep in mind to show and not to tell. Like they say, “A picture is worth a 1000 words. You need to use your words to create images in the reader’s mind. Refer to my comments for CS Smith.
Anytime you find yourself listing anything and talking about it like a history book, then you’re on the wrong track. Use stories and anecdotes to create the images in the readers’ minds.
Jean Garlock says
I was twenty years old when I first learned what the word death truly meant. Up until that point, I knew that death existed, but I didn’t know what it felt like to see a dead body in front of me. The more I think about that day, the more that it angers me. There lay my sweet Sally whom I had grown to love over the past four months, and all my director of nursing could say was how happy she was to finally have a bed free. How could someone I looked up to as a mentor, be so careless when it came to the life of another human being? Why did this person who took a job as a healthcare provider, treat another human life as if it were nothing? In that moment I knew that my purpose in the medical field was far kinder and greater than that of the person I had looked up to and respected for so long.
Throughout my life, I have used my challenges and shortcomings to motivate me. As a person who aspires to be a physician assistant one day, I know in my heart of hearts that this is what I am meant to do. Am I a hardworking person? Absolutely. Am I a team player who works well with other people? Without a doubt. But, what makes me distinctly qualified to pursue a professional degree as a Physician Assistant at D’Youville College, is my compassion and kindness towards other people. I want this career, not because of money or job security, but because I truly want to make a difference in the lives of people that I touch. I want to be remembered not by my title, but what I did with my title to help people in a positive manner.
Recently, a physician assistant that I work with suggested that I consider a career as a physician assistant. Inspired by her story, I began to dig deeper. Based on interpersonal and internet resources I have concluded that although a registered nurse can treat an acute or long standing illness, they have very little authority in the long-term medical plan of a patient. Although a nurse practitioner can do most things that a physician assistant can do, they are usually limited by licensure to one area of medicine. A physician assistant on the other hand, has the skills needed to treat and prevent a wide range of illnesses, in many aspects of the medical field. More often than not, as a physician assistant, you are developing long-term care plans and personal relationships that go above and beyond that of a twelve hour shift.
When I think about that day six years ago when I experienced death for the first time, I am reminded of one thing. Death taught me about life. And although I lost all respect for my mentor that day, I learned just how important the idea of humanity is.
Stephen says
HI Jean,
I have read many an essay, but your opening two sentences stuck:
“I was twenty years old when I first learned what the word death truly meant. Up until that point, I knew that death existed, but I didn’t know what it felt like to see a dead body in front of me.”
As did the wonderful tie-in at the end:
“Death taught me about life. And although I lost all respect for my mentor that day, I learned just how important the idea of humanity is”
Sometimes even our mentors can become cynics and I hope you never lose your humanity along the way.
This is a solid personal statement with a very strong beginning, some good meat in the middle and an ending that ties it all together. I will make some suggestions here over the next couple days when I have some more time. But I just wanted to commend you on a thoughtful and honest personal statement, solid work on which to make a few minor adjustments.
Stephen
Duke Pasquini says
My first reaction is that you need to focus more. The first thing you need to do is list three reasons why you want to be a PA on a separate piece of paper. That will give you focus.
Try to find one anecdote from your healthcare experience that will illustrate the three reasons you’ve chosen to be a PA. This will be your introduction. Remember, you always want to show and not tell. You show by creating images. You tell by giving a list of facts and a lot of information. (It’s not very creative)
In the main body of your essay, you want to develop those three reasons through a series of anecdotes that illustrate each reason you want to be a PA. You want to create images in the reader’s mind. You want to pull at their heartstrings. Site examples from your healthcare experience that will do that for each of the three reasons you want to be a PA.
Lastly, summarize it all by showing the reader how these personal experiences made you want to be a PA.
A lot of what you’ve written is good, but there is far too much of it. People who read these, read a lot of them, and I can tell you from experience (I’m a state assessor for new teachers) that I begin to skim. I probably shouldn’t, but I’m searching for the meat of what is being said. It’s easy to find when the essays are well organized and well written. Just give us the most important information in a clever creative way. Remember, you want to create images in the mind of the reader that will move them enough to want you in their program.
C. Smith says
Why are you here?: The question of surprise I constantly receive from hospital co-workers after mentioning I just graduated from college. As a nurse technician in the intensive care unit, I witness a variety of health complications. But the compassion and care I see constantly from the physician assistants, doctors, and nurses are inspiring. Appreciating their interest, I always respond with a bright smile, stating it’s all just a part of my story.
Let’s start here: Health and medicine always had a beautiful allure and I couldn’t shake my interest in the complicated machine that we call the human body. From reading illustrated human anatomy books in elementary school, to volunteering at the hospital in my hometown throughout high school, the curiosity in medicine never diminished. I found illness and disease a fascinating creation in the biological world. Why are we so susceptible? And how do we fix it? These were and are questions I consistently ask myself. In addition to my interest in the biological world, my general desire to care for those around me fueled my ambition to pursue a career in health care. Volunteering at St. Francis is where I first discovered that I really loved the hospital environment and interacting with the patients and the hospital staff.
Fast forward to college: I want nothing more than to be a health provider – take matters into my own hands to the best of my ability and to make a positive difference in someone’s tory. Because of this, I want to spread the knowledge that I have accrued about the positive influence a healthy lifestyle has on illness prevention. As an avid runner, my interest in health and wellness serves as motivation to help treat patients all while educating them about the importance of physical health. So I declared my major as a Pre-Medical student, intending to go to medical school.
This changed quickly. Growing up in a military family, I became used to my ability to adapt to unfamiliar environments easily; however, my unexpected freshman year pitfalls became a more powerful learning experience than intended. I During that time, I focused heavily on my social life instead of academics, assuming that my high school study habits would suffice for my college level courses. But I soon discovered I was terribly wrong. My concern for my priorities went out the window. I recognized that my personal health, mental well-being, and scholarship were greatly suffering because of my lack of care. Unfortunately, by the time I came to that realization, it was too late to turn back. I was disappointed in myself and discouraged about my future, reaching a point where I convinced myself that I wasn’t cut out to be in health care.
Seeing my confidence drop and panic set in about my future, my father was actually the one who suggested the physician assistant path to me after several of his military doctor friends told him about profession. My curiosity was sparked and through my research I was thrilled to find that this profession involves everything that I desire in a career – the wonderful opportunity to practice medicine that is challenging and rewarding, the chance to interact with patients thoroughly in a positive way, and the ability to balance work and family. I grew more confident as I realized that pursing a Physician Assistant career was more than perfect for me.
Fueled with newfound perspective and maturity, I challenged myself in the next semester and I came out of my freshman year maintaining the state scholarship that I had worked so hard for in high-school, More importantly, I entered into my sophomore year with restored motivation.
The next three years, I was eager about being involved on campus and focusing on school My sophomore year I served on a medical mission team to Nicaragua where I and other students provided health-care to the underserved. Here I had the opportunity to witness our team physician in action, as he was able to simultaneously soothe nervous patients and all while expertly assessing vital signs. Inspired by my trip to Nicaragua, I soon obtained my nursing aide certification in my hometown in hopes of being able to gain clinical experience during my senior year of college.
Unfortunately, I had difficulty in finding employment as a CNA due to scheduling conflicts but found a great alternative in volunteering at a free clinic in ****** called Mercy Health Center during my senior year. Mercy’s sole purpose is to provide exceptional medical care to the low-income people of ******, *******. At Mercy I first witnessed the compassionate care that the handful of physician assistants, doctors, and nurses who volunteered their time late in the evenings after their work-days to provide health-care to those who are unable to obtain it. Not only did this experience allow me to interact with patients, I had the chance to observe physicians and physician assistants to gain an understanding of working as a medical provider. In addition, my final semester of college I was taking a course that was mentally challenging and was almost convinced that it would cost me my future; however, Mercy provided consolation through that semester, only confirming that being a PA is my future. The smiles from patient’s, genuine tears of happiness, and multiple thank-you’s were enough to keep me strong for the remainder of school.
So now we’re here: As a nurse tech in the ICU at ******, I have gained an unexpected amount of patience and understanding. From the nurses, PA’s, and doctors, I have learned how to grow more empathetic, caring, and calm. Overall, I try to remind myself of compassion for others that God has graced me with. . .and in the end, my story to writing this statement follows that of what I want for every person and patient that I have the privilege of interacting with. I had a dream. I found myself low, lost and needing help. But through people believing in me and their guidance and teamwork, our hard work, I became well again. That’s my story.
— The stars are to block the names of locations for private purposes —
Thank you for doing this!