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(Photo: Me circa 1987, just thinking about my future PA School Essay)
- Are you struggling to write your physician assistant personal statement?
- Are you out of ideas, or just need a second opinion?
- Do you want an essay that expresses who you truly are and grabs the reader's attention in the required 5,000-character limit?
We are here to help perfect your PA school essay
I have written countless times on this blog about the importance of your personal statement in the PA school application process. Beyond the well-established metrics (GPA, HCE/PCE hours, requisite coursework, etc.), the personal statement is the most crucial aspect of your application.
This is your time to express yourself, show your creativity, skills, and background, and make a memorable impression in seconds. This will be your only chance, so you must get it right the first time.
For some time, I had been dreaming about starting a physician assistant personal statement collaborative.
A place where PA school applicants like yourself can post their PA school essays and receive honest, constructive feedback followed by an acceptance letter to the PA school of your choice!
I have been reviewing a ton of essays recently, so many in fact that I can no longer do this on my own.
To solve this problem, I have assembled a team of professional writers, editors, and PA school admissions specialists who worked to revise and perfect my PA school application essay.
Beth Eakman has taught college writing and worked as a professional writer and editor since the late 1990s. Her projects have involved a wide range of disciplines and media, from editing technical reports to scriptwriting for the PBS Kids show Super Why! Her writing has appeared in publications including Brain, Child Magazine, New York Family Magazine, and Austin Family Magazine. Beth lives with her family just outside Austin, Texas. She is driven to help each client tell the best version of their story and achieve their dream of becoming a physician assistant.
Deanna Matzen is an author with articles featured in Earth Letter, Health Beats, Northwest Science & Technology, and the Transactions of the American Fisheries Society. With an early career in environmental science, she developed a solid foundation in technical writing. Her communication skills were further honed by producing and editing content for a non-profit website, blog, and quarterly journal. Inspired to extend her craft, she obtained a certificate in literary fiction, which she draws on to build vibrant scenes that bring stories to life. Deanna loves working with pre-PAs who are on the cusp of new beginnings to find their unique story and tell it confidently.
Carly Hallman is a professional writer and editor with a B.A. in English Writing and Rhetoric (summa cum laude) from St. Edward's University in Austin, Texas. She has worked as a curriculum developer, English teacher, and study abroad coordinator in Beijing, China, where she moved in 2011. In college, she was a Gilman Scholar and worked as a staff editor for her university's academic journal. Her first novel, Year of the Goose, was published in 2015, and her first memoir is forthcoming from Little A Books. Her essays and creative writing have appeared in The L.A. Review of Books, The Guardian, LitHub, and Identity Theory, among other publications.
Read more client testimonials or purchase a revision
We Work as a Team
Our team of professional editors is wonderful at cutting out the "fluff" that makes an essay lose focus and sets people over the 5,000-character limit. Their advice is always spot-on.
Sue, Sarah, and Carly are amazingly creative writers who will take your "ordinary" and turn it into entirely extraordinary.
I mean it when I say this service is one-of-a-kind! We have spent countless hours interviewing PA School admissions directors and faculty from across the country to find out exactly what it is they are looking for in your personal statement.
We even wrote a book about it.
To collaborate, we use Google Drive. Google Drive is free, has an intuitive interface with integrated live comments in the sidebar, the ability to have a real-time chat, to collaborate effortlessly, and to compare, revise, or restore revisions on the fly. Google Drive also has an excellent mobile app that will allow you to make edits on the go!
Our team has worked with hundreds of PA school applicants within the Google Drive environment, and we have had enormous success.
The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
I have set up two options that I hope will offer everyone a chance to participate:
- One-of-a-kind, confidential, paid personal statement review service
- A collaborative, free one (in the comments section)
Private, One-On-One Personal Statement Review Service
If you are interested in the paid service, you may choose your plan below.
The Personal Statement Review Service is:
- Behind closed doors within a private, secure network using Google Drive.
- It is completely interactive, meaning we will be able to provide real-time comments and corrections using the Google Drive interface.
- Telephone consultations are included with all edits above the single edit level. It’s often hard to communicate exactly what you want hundreds of miles away; for this reason, we offer the option to edit right along with us over the telephone while sharing in real-time over Google Drive. This is an option available to all our paid clients who purchase above the single edit level.
- We provide both revision and editing of all essays. What’s the difference? See below
- We will provide feedback, advice, and help with brainstorming and topic creation if you would like.
- We will help with a “final touch-up” before the big day, just in case your essay needs a few minor changes.
Why Choose Our Service?
- It’s not our opinion that matters. We have gone the extra step and personally interviewed PA school administrators from across the US to find out exactly what they think makes a personal statement exceptional.
- We are a team of PAs and professional writers, having worked over ten years with PA school applicants like yourself, providing countless hours of one-on-one editing and revision.
- Our clients receive interviews, and many go on to receive acceptance into their PA School of choice.
Because we always give 100%, we will open the essay collaborative for a limited number of applicants each month and then close this depending on the amount of editing that needs to be done and the time that is available.
Our goal is not quantity but quality. We want only serious applicants who are serious about getting into PA school.
Writing is not a tool like a piece of software but more like how a photograph can capture your mood. It’s more like art. The process of developing a unique, memorable personal statement is time-intensive, and it takes hours to compose, edit, finalize, and personalize an essay.
As Antoinette Bosco once said:
And this is why I am charging for this service. We love helping people find stories that define their lives, and we love helping individuals who have the passion to achieve their dreams. It’s hard to describe the feeling I get when an applicant writes back to tell me they were accepted into PA school.
There is no price tag I can place on this; it’s the feeling we get when we help another human being. It’s just like providing health care. But this takes time.
Interested? Choose your plan below.
Read more client testimonials.
Free Personal Statement Review
Post your essay in the comments section for a free critique
We want to make this opportunity available to everyone who would like help with their essay, and that is why we are offering free, limited feedback on the blog.
You post your essay in the comments section, and you will get our critique. It is that easy. We will try to give feedback to every single person who posts their COMPLETE essay here on this blog post in the comments section.
Also, by posting your comment, we reserve the right to use your essay.
We will provide feedback on essays that are complete and fit the CASPA requirements (View CASPA requirements here). We will not provide feedback on partial essays or review opening or closing statements. Your essay will be on a public platform, which has both its benefits and some obvious drawbacks. The feedback is limited, but we will try to help in any way we can.
Note: Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, I will delete your stuff. Otherwise, have fun, and thanks for adding to the conversation! And this should go without saying: if you feel the need to plagiarize someone else’s content, you do not deserve to go to PA school.
* Also, depending on the time of year, it may take me several weeks to reply!
We love working with PA school applicants, but don't just take our word for it!
How to submit your essay for the paid service
If you are serious and would like to have real, focused, and personalized help writing your personal statement, please choose your level of service and submit your payment below.
After you have submitted your payment, you will be redirected to the submissions page, where you can send us your essay as well as any special instructions. We will contact you immediately upon receipt of your payment and essay so we may begin work right away.
Pricing is as follows:
Choose your plan, then click "Buy Now" to submit your essay, and we will get started right away!
Every purchase includes a FREE digital copy of our new 100-page eBook, How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement, Our 101 PA School Admission Essays e-book, the expert panel audiobook, and companion workbook. This is a $65 value included for free with your purchase.
All credit card payments are processed via PayPal over a secure HTTPS server. Once your payment is processed, you will be immediately redirected back to the essay submission page. There, you will submit your essay along with some biographical info and all suggestions or comments you choose to provide. You will receive immediate confirmation that your essay has been securely transmitted as well as your personal copy of "How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement." Contact [email protected] if you have any questions, comments, or problems - I am available 24/7.
The hourly service includes your original edit and one-on-one time over Google Drive. It is simple to add more time if necessary, but you may be surprised at what a difference just a single edit can make. We find our four-hour service to be the most effective in terms of time for follow-up and full collaboration. We are open to reduced-rate add-ons to suit your individual needs.
Writing and Revision
All writing benefits from rewriting when done well.
When you are in the process of writing a draft of an essay, you should be thinking first about revision, not editing.
What’s the difference?
Revision refers to the substantial changing of text. For example, it may include re-organizing ideas and paragraphs, providing additional examples or information, and rewriting a conclusion for clarity.
Editing, on the other hand, refers to correcting mistakes in spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
On all submissions, we perform both revision and editing.
How to submit your PA school essay for the FREE editing service
Follow the rules above and get to work below in the comments section. I look forward to reading all your essay submissions.
- Stephen Pasquini PA-C
View all posts in this series
- How to Write the Perfect Physician Assistant School Application Essay
- The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
- Do You Recognize These 7 Common Mistakes in Your Personal Statement?
- 7 Essays in 7 Days: PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 1, “A PA Changed My Life”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 2, “I Want to Move Towards the Forefront of Patient Care”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 3, “She Smiled, Said “Gracias!” and Gave me a Big Hug”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 4, “I Have Gained so Much Experience by Working With Patients”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 5, “Then Reach, my Son, and Lift Your People up With You”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 6, “That First Day in Surgery was the First Day of the Rest of my Life”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 7, “I Want to Take People From Dying to Living, I Want to Get Them Down From the Cliff.”
- Physician Assistant Personal Statement Workshop: “To say I was an accident-prone child is an understatement”
- 9 Simple Steps to Avoid Silly Spelling and Grammar Goofs in Your PA School Personel Statement
- 5 Tips to Get you Started on Your Personal Essay (and why you should do it now)
- How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement The Book!
- How to Write “Physician Assistant” The Definitive PA Grammar Guide
- 101 PA School Admissions Essays: The Book!
- 5 Things I’ve Learned Going Into My Fourth Physician Assistant Application Cycle
- 7 Tips for Addressing Shortcomings in Your PA School Personal Statement
- The #1 Mistake PRE-PAs Make on Their Personal Statement
- The Ultimate PA School Personal Statement Starter Kit
- The Ultimate Guide to CASPA Character and Space Limits
- 10 Questions Every PA School Personal Statement Must Answer
- 5 PA School Essays That Got These Pre-PAs Accepted Into PA School
- 7 Questions to Ask Yourself While Writing Your PA School Personal Statement
- 101 PA School Applicants Answer: What’s Your Greatest Strength?
- 12 Secrets to Writing an Irresistible PA School Personal Statement
- 7 Rules You Must Follow While Writing Your PA School Essay
- You Have 625 Words and 2.5 Minutes to Get Into PA School: Use Them Wisely
- What’s Your #1 Personal Statement Struggle?
- 31 (NEW) CASPA PA School Personal Statement Examples
- How to Prepare for Your PA School Interview Day Essay
- Should You Write Physician Associate or Physician Assistant on Your PA School Essay?
- Meet the World’s Sexiest PA School Applicants
- PA School Reapplicants: How to Rewrite Your PA School Essay for Guaranteed Success
- How to Write a Personal Statement Intro that Readers Want to Read
- PA School Reapplicant Personal Statement Checklist
- How to Deal with Bad News in Your Personal Statement
- Inside Out: How to use Pixar’s Rules of Storytelling to Improve your PA Personal Statement
- Ratatouille: A Pixar Recipe for PA School Personal Statement Success
- Personal Statement Panel Review (Replay)
- Mind Mapping: A Tool for Personal Statements, Supplemental Essays, and Interviews
- Start at the End: Advice for your PA School Personal Statement
Jennifer Cervantes says
As young children, we play pretend to be grown ups with grown up jobs. I remember pretending to be a healthcare worker; from a paramedic or nursing assistant to doctor. Ever since I was a child I admired healthcare workers, especially nurses and doctors. They were my inspiration in life. What fascinated me about them was the teamwork, knowledge and dedication they used to make complete strangers feel both mentally and physically alieved. They had to take observed pieces of information and construct a big picture, like a jigsaw puzzle, to find a diagnosis and appropriate treatment.
My admiration for healthcare workers is rivaled by my amazement with the human body. I did not have family members in the medical field so I found other means to learn more about it. I eagerly bought different types of health magazines whenever possible to learn a multitude of information about the medical field. This included learning about different diseases that affect our physiology, and learning what our body does to compensate and intervene in different scenarios. Whenever I had the common cold, I would systematically list symptoms my body was exhibiting, mainly my immune system, and follow tips from health articles on how to feel better (ie. Keep hydrated and rest). To this day, I still find it incredible how our body is synchronized, from our cells to our organs, to keep us alive.
Early in my life there an incident involving a family member that steered me toward my decision to become a Physician Assistant. My family and I went to visit an aunt who had health issues but hated going to the doctors. I asked why she didn’t like them and she replied, “they only want your money, they don’t care about you, and they are very intimidating”. That was the first time I had heard a negative opinion about workers in the field I admired so much. After a while my aunt was telling us she had really bad calf pain and showed us the source of the pain; her calf was extremely swollen. The next day we convinced her to go to a clinic, and she brought me along to translate since she didn’t speak english. A Physician Assistant sat down with her and began asking her questions. To our surprise, he spoke in spanish and immediately won the trust of my aunt who surprisingly told him everything that was going on. Later, we found out she had a DVT that could have dislodged and caused a deadly pulmonary embolism. When she was out of the hospital, she was grateful for the Physician Assistant that actually listened to her, made her feel comfortable, and answered all her questions. Knowing that my aunt changed her perspective of health care workers and of getting the care she needed because of the Physician Assistant ignited my interest in becoming a Physician Assistant. This event helped me realize the pivotal role of physician assistants in health care.
My desire to become a Physician Assistant has strengthened while working as an EMT. We respond to acute illnesses as well as transport chronically ill patients to their home or to a rehabilitation center. Working as an EMT, I’ve come to realize the importance of treating people with respect and compassion as well as doing the best we can with the resources available. On one particular day, my EMT partner and I responded to a woman who thought she was having a heart attack. The woman denied chest pain, chest discomfort, shortness of breath, and palpitations. I found her to be presenting signs and symptoms that more closely resembled a panic attack. On the way to the emergency room, she was placed on a non rebreather because she was hyperventilating. I asked her questions about her life to keep her mind off her symptoms. She repeatedly asked me about her heart rate and if I could make the feeling go away. Unfortunately, I was only able to provide oxygen and monitor vital signs, so I was not able to answer all her questions or make the symptoms disappear. An EMT works within a very limited scope, only being able to administer oxygen, glucose, etc. It is frustrating being in situations where I recognize interventions that would be beneficial to the patient, but are out of my scope. By becoming a Physician Assistant, I could combine my experiences with further education to be of more assistance to people who require medical attention.
I want to become a PA to bolster the pillars of preventing and treating diseases, and advocating for patients. I want to establish trust with patients and their families, have a team to support each other, and be able to give back to my community, especially to the underprivileged community. Many immigrants, like my family, are scared to go see a doctor or health care providers because of their legal status and language barrier. I want to be there for them, tearing down that barrier, letting them know there are providers who care and can help.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Carolyn,
I want to address the grammar issues first because they are so often overlooked by applicants. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty from across the country, every one of them said grammar matters, and these essays should be free of grammar errors. Why? Details matter in health care — missing one can cause serious injury or death. This sentence has two: “they only want your money, they don’t care about you, and they are very intimidating”. The first word of the quoted dialog should be capitalized (as it should in most, but not all cases), and the punctuation always goes inside the end quotation mark. A couple of other grammar-related things — in your closing paragraph, the word “scared” should be “afraid. I’m not sure what you meant when you wrote “alieved,” which is misspelled to begin with — did you meant relieved? It’s awkward either way. Also physician assistant should not be capitalized as you wrote throughout and contractions are disfavored in academic essays, so I advise people not to use them.
Now onto the heart of the essay. Your conclusion is great (other than the misused word). I’d like to see an opening that is similarly strong. Yours is weak. First, you don’t tell us how you even encountered healthcare workers as a child and more importantly, it’s not believable that as a child, you’d notice their teamwork, etc, and be fascinated by it. Maybe as a teenager you’d notice, but not as a child. Then it drags on too long. If you truly were inspired by healthcare workers as a child, use an encounter with a provider who inspired you. Then we will understand where all that comes from.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Sue Edmondson says
Oops, I meant Jennifer. Sorry! And I meant to add be sure to get rid of the first sentence of the essay!
Jennifer Cervantes says
Thank you for your time Sue!
Hafsa says
Hello! I would really appreciate some feedback on my essay! Thank you!
“At the age of 10 I decided I wanted to be a pioneer. I wanted my dad to build a covered wagon and move his family towards the west just like the Ingalls family in the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I wanted to explore new horizons and live a life filled with adventure and the thrill of encountering the unknown. Pioneers had to constantly be ready to face any type of oncoming disaster whether it be a sporadic hurricane or a swarm of green mantis that would eat away the crop. They had to analyze a situation, devise a scheme and then carry out the plan to face the unknown. Encountering the “unknown” was an integral part of their lives and they had to face it with a calm head and a smart strategy and it was this aspect of their lives that excited me the most.
When I shadowed PA’s working in dermatology I realized that PA’s too had to face an “unknown” every day like the pioneers did. Like the pioneers, a PA could be met with a sudden storm that could be overcome by stopping to analyze the situation and setting a plan in action. As I shadowed PA Antoin he told me that the patient we were about to see had returned because a large blister on his leg had failed to go away. Antoin admitted to me that he had made a mistake in his earlier diagnosis and had not given the patient the proper medications to resolve the blister. Antoin was calm and collected as he entered the patients room and he openly admitted his mistake. The patient smiled and thought nothing of Antoin’s error, he only wanted the blister to go away. The blister was large, circular, dark and bleeding. Antoin began to study the blister, he carefully thought to himself for a minute before getting up and reaching for his tools. Antoin began to cut around the blister to drain it before cutting a piece of it off to be biopsied. He then cleaned and dressed the blister. Antoin informed the patient about the possible causes of the blister and how it could be resolved. He also discussed the case with Dr. Werth who agreed with Antoin’s plan of action. I was amazed at Antoin’s knowledge and his handling of the situation. He admitted his mistake, assessed the situation, devised a plan to treat the patients blister and he consulted with the doctor to get a second opinion on the matter.
Working as an ophthalmic tech I too experienced a situation where it was very unclear as to what was causing a patient to suddenly lose her peripheral vision. Megan had come in for her annual exam and she explained to me that her vision, with her glasses, had been very blurry lately. That is normal for her age I thought to myself. Megan’s wife Clara was more vocal about Megan’s eye sight. Clara told me that Megan’s vision had been getting worse over the past few months. Clara looked a lot more nervous and I assured her that we would figure out why this was happening. I began to assess Megan’s medical history and measured her visual acuity: 20/25 in each eye for distance and J2 for reading, that’s normal I thought. I checked Megan’s pin hole vision: 20/25 as well, that rules out cataracts. I would need to check her peripheral vision. I made Megan take her glasses off and told her to stare at me in the eyes and tell me how many fingers I was holding up in different quadrants of her visual field. She failed to see any of my fingers in any of her four quadrants in both eyes. It could be Glaucoma I thought to myself, but that does not progress this rapidly, or worse, it could be a tumor. I told the doctor about Megan’s visual concerns and her complete visual restriction in all four quadrants. The results were as the doctor predicted: Megan’s testing showed a visual field defect in the left part of the brain, which controls the right eye and a mild visual field defect in the right part of the brain, which controls the left eye. After looking at the results the doctor concluded that Megan had had a minor stroke which had caused clots in the parts of the brain that controlled her vision. Just to be safe, the doctor ordered Megan to get an MRI as soon as possible to rule out the possibility of a tumor and to see her PCP as soon as possible. A week later we found out that Megan did have a minor stroke and thus her vision was being affected.
Cases like Megan’s have allowed me to understand how one must combat the unknown. Every day I look forward to meeting with new patients to learn a little bit about them as people and to listen to their complaints and look for a solution. As a physician’s assistant, I can take my own patients and provide them with the care I think is best however, I can always consult with presiding doctor if I have concerns over my diagnoses or my plan of action, or for just a second opinion. In addition, as a physician’s assistant I can live my dream of being a pioneer who ventures into new territories, makes new discoveries, and when met with the “unknown” can analyze the situation, devise a blueprint and then implement a plan to overcome the obstacle.”
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Hafsa,
You have some really good writing in this essay, but it has some problems, too. The biggest is getting the name of the profession wrong. It is never “physician’s assistant.” It is always “physician assistant.” That’s probably enough to keep you from getting interviews at many PA programs. If you’re using it in the possessive form, it’s “physician assistant’s” and in plural, “physician assistants.”
I would recommend finding a different way to introduce the concept of the pioneer approach than your opening to the essay about reading the Little House books. It’s been done a million times (at least it feels that way). Pick something more contemporary and relevant that inspired you. Certainly, there are dozens of pioneers in the medical profession who could serve as inspiration and be used to continue with your theme.
The other issue I have is that you really don’t spend much time on why you want to be a PA. You could cut down a lot on the length of the patient examples (actually, treating a blister doesn’t sound that impressive so maybe find another one) and expand on why you find the PA profession preferable to any other.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife
Carolyn Hernandez says
Hi,
Thanks for reviewing this! It is actually a response for s Supplemental Application for Touro University:
Ever since high school I have had a passion to help one particular group of people: minority, lower income, underserved families. This is due to growing up in such a family myself, the daughter of two immigrants from Central America, who came to this country with nothing but the will to work hard. I grew up in West Long Beach- the poorer side of Long Beach. I was fortunate enough to receive the fruit of the heart and vision of others for undocumented, lower income people in high school through a summer day camp hosted at a church- DAYS summer day camp. These programs were offered for lower-income families in the area, mostly consisting of Latinos, Southeast Asians, and African Americans. I attended this camp for three years myself, and then in high school began volunteering every summer at the same summer day camp and at the sister after-school program, CANTO, where I tutored the kids, assisted them with their homework, and helped execute the curriculums in the arts developed by various members from the Long Beach Opera and Symphony. Although I came from a similar background as the kids, it was not until I was on the other side as a volunteer in the program that my eyes were opened to how much these communities are lacking.
There is a saying that can be comical, but I think it has truth- “You can take the girl outta the hood, but you can’t take the hood out of her.” This is exactly what happened when, after high school, I went to college in La Jolla. La Jolla is the polar opposite of the neighborhood that I grew up in, where a Trader Joes and Whole Foods replaced the “Northgate Gonzalez” (Mexican market) that I was so used to, and where I had a hard time sleeping at first due to not having my usual symphony of police sirens, neighbors yelling, and loud Mexican “Ranchera” music playing in the background, but instead having a peaceful silence. I was brought back to my childhood when I got the opportunity to help in a Health Fair in the City Heights suburb of San Diego. I was placed in a station to measure the height and weights of the patients and to calculate their body mass index. Volunteering at the Health Fair was one of the most exciting things I have done, as I got to educate the patients on lifestyle changes they could make, and I also helped translate Spanish as many of the families that came only spoke Spanish. I felt a sense of belonging there, and it strengthened my desire to serve in these types of communities as a health care provider. I have a passion for educating the Hispanic patients on the importance of exercise and a healthy diet. Many times they just do not understand how sick they are, that having type two diabetes mellitus is not normal, and that the foods that they would usually consider healthy are actually not. One of the things I did in the health clinic, and that I even do now as a clinical research coordinator with the patients in the studies I coordinate, is to educate them on the importance of healthy diet, exercising, and what different lab tests mean. I am pursuing this Physician Assistant program to be able to eventually serve communities of immigrants and lower income peoples as their health-care provider.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Carolyn,
I’m at a disadvantage here because I don’t know the question you’re supposed to answer or the word limit. Assuming you’ve answered the question, this is all great. It flows, has good transitions and tells a story in an engaging way.
The only thing I would change is take out the parentheses for Mexican market. It took me right out of the story at a time when I was just happy to follow along.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Rose says
“This boy will never survive”, doctors whispered to my parents outside the cracked hospital door. Even at age five I could grasp the enormity of what heart failure meant. At that point hypo-plastic left heart syndrome had only had a few survivors. Fifteen years later with three open heart surgeries and a scar ranging from chin to navel, it turns out that this rare cardiac birth defect was not the biggest threat to my brother after all. A lethal combination of depression and a belt was what truly came the closest to taking my brother’s life. It was then that I learned that mental illness can be just as deadly as a physical illness. The day I got that dreadful call from my parents in the psychiatric ward, I knew I wanted to prevent as many families from receiving that phone call as I could. My interest in healthcare was solidified permanently.
In order to channel my angst into productivity, after my brother’s suicide attempt I began working as a nurse aide in the Psychiatry and Developmental Pediatrics department. I sought to better understand mental illness, this silent killer. A year later and I could have never predicted what a rewarding experience working at Nationwide Children’s would become. I have worked with a diverse patient population with children from all ethnicities, socioeconomic statuses, family dynamics, etc. No matter their background however, I acquired the skillset to reach my patients through their traumatic times. My position as a nurse aide allotted me the honor to be the first face of healthcare these children came in contact with.
Upon initial inspection it would appear I spent most of my days as a nurse aide obtaining vitals and performing mandated tests. Nevertheless, I quickly discovered more depth with my role. For example, another professional may see a systolic blood pressure over 120 and think nothing more of it past documentation. However, I see an unusual, elevated blood pressure and investigate the pathological cause. Through intense dedication I learned how to engage patients in a comforting, nurturing, and understanding manner. By developing strong patient interaction skills, I am able to establish a trusting relationship to obtain relevant case history. In a particular instance, these skills enabled me to find that an elevated blood pressure was caused by anxiety over a hidden drug ingestion. I vowed to then and always take the holistic approach to healthcare, taking the complete mental and physical history of the patient in perspective.
While the holistic approach served me well in my nurse aide position, it continuously discouraged me that I could help no further past the vitals room. My interaction with the children would then cease as they would be passed along to the physician assistants or doctors. After forming an amicable bond, this felt like a grand disservice. I passionately felt I could do more for my patients than my current credentials allowed me. Henceforth came my innate drive to further my education. After thorough research whilst beginning my undergraduate career, I committed to the physician assistant track and have never looked back. I admired the physician assistant profession as the frontiers of patient interaction. For as long as I can remember I have had an outgoing personality, incapable of inactivity and everlastingly seeking new collaborations. I valued that physician assistants often get to have a greater focus on patient care. This relationship between patient and PA built on dependable communication was the primary reason I thought my personality would be a perfect match with this branch of medicine.
Upon building experience of my own, I continued to find more evidence exemplifying my choice to peruse becoming a PA. I cherished my job in psychiatry and developmental pediatrics. It had become more relevant to my life than I could have anticipated, given my familial situation. Nevertheless, the essence of my undergraduate education was founded upon my degree in neuroscience. There is undoubtedly overlap between psychiatry and neuroscience; my understanding of the brain’s biochemistry with neurotransmitters was essential to understanding the psychiatric disorders I witnessed first-hand at work. I realized that one day I would face the dilemma of having to choose just one to be my specialty. Investigation further indicated the physician assistant path was perfect for me, yet again. The flexibility between specializations is an advantage unique to physician assistants. Unlike doctors or even nurse practitioners, I could transition between neurology and psychiatry without needing additional schooling or credentials. The rotations built into the PA graduate program curriculum also aide in that decision-making process. Every day I find more justifications that the physician assistant path is ideal for both my personal and professional goals.
The day my mother called me from the psychiatric ward, tearful and fearful, is a day I will never forget as long as I live. When I visited and my brother had written on the wall in his own blood, I blamed myself for not helping him before his mental condition escalated to this unreachable place. Through this trying time I took solace in the fact that down the road, with my M.S. in physician assistant studies and the qualifications to do life changing work, I could prevent another child from reaching that dark place. Perhaps one day I will be the voice for children with post-traumatic stress disorder in a psychiatric ward. Maybe I will be the thorough PA that develops a reliable screener to detect early onset Alzheimer’s in her neurology clinic. Or perhaps, there is a fitting specialty out there for me that is still waiting to be discovered. No matter where, when, or what specialty I am absolutely certain I will make the most passionate, empathetic, knowledgeable, and dedicated physician assistant I can possibly be. I am doing to do my brother justice.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Rose,
You have a compelling story and your writing is good overall with a few exceptions. One is that in your very first sentence, you have a grammar error. Punctuation always goes inside the end quotation marks. You also use peruse instead of pursue. Although grammar errors may not seem like a big deal, they are to Admissions folks.
Apart from that, your main task is to shorten it by almost 2,000 characters and spaces to bring it under the CASPA limit. Many of your sentences have more information than is necessary, and just by cutting a few words here and there, you’ll accomplish it. Take this for example:
The day I got that dreadful call from my parents in the psychiatric ward, I knew I wanted to prevent as many families from receiving that phone call as I could. My interest in healthcare was solidified permanently.
“In order to channel my angst into productivity, I began working as a nurse aide in the Psychiatry and Developmental Pediatrics department. I sought to better understand mental illness, this silent killer.”
The next sentence is awkward, and as a reader I’m confused because of the mention of the Children’s Network. There’s no transition.
There are other examples like these. Have your computer or someone else read your essay aloud, and see where you have extra information or where you stumble.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck,
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Michael Ly says
Hi! This is my very first draft.
Personal Statement
Why do I want to be be a PA-C?
Comfortable. The yearning for balance and tranquility for all beings. Being comfortable is what keeps us happy simply because nothing is wrong. This was the state of mind that I frequently visited, not because life was easy, but because I found myself lingering there. In this state, I felt untouchable. My only cares were the stories that I can come up with in my head to narrate the passage of life. With each passing fantasy, this feeling of ecstasy consumed me.
However, with comfort comes complacency. Staying in this state of mind was dangerous, as it leads to a stasis of the mind. Time was moving, with or without us. We became stationary. In other words, there is no longer any growth. We become useless. This word the scares me the most
“Remain still, breathe normally, and I’ll come and get you in 15 minutes”. These were the lines I said everyday as a Nuclear Tech working in a cardiology clinic. The extent of my work was diagnostics, mainly getting good images and making sure the patients were comfortable. It felt like a factory. Get patients in, get them out, rinse and repeat. It became routine. It became comfortable. However, what brings me back to reality for a brief moment, is when I see the moving images of human heart. Seeing its filling and ejection of blood, seeing the movement of the radiotracer travel and fill the heart, and simply hearing the heart beat reminds me brings me out of that comfort in my head. It reminds me of the trust, connection, and relationship a healthcare worker and a patient have. Ultimately, it reminded me that I’m working with a human life. But something still felt missing. Nevertheless, I still felt comfortable.
A woman looked at me with nervous eyes. She eyed the giant donut shaped camera that was soon to be her bed for an hour. “Didn’t I have a similar test last week? Why do I have to do it again for an hour?” she asked frantically. “The doctor ordered a different kind of test for you today. He wants to get a more detailed report of your heart using this test called a Pet Scan” I replied. Mrs. Chowdhury, being claustrophobic and has history of seizures, was barely able to do the 15 minute myoview scan the previous week. I tried my best to convince her, listing that we’d try our best to make sure she was comfortable. It took me and the PA our combined efforts to have her reluctantly agree. I see her eyes widen and then shut, trembling, as I slowly inched her into the donut shaped hole of the camera.
Not 10 minutes in, she panicked, squirming as she saw the curve of the walls surrounding her, only inches from her nose. Her heart rate climbed dramatically, shooting up, and she screamed. “Are you ok Mrs Chowdhury?” we asked beyond the glass that separated us. She stopped responding. Something was wrong. I stopped the test and rushed in with the PA. I rolled the bed out of the camera, lowered the table, but I didn’t know what to do next. Nothing trained me for a moment like this. Mrs Chowdhury needed help, and yet, I was useless. The PA along side me, responded like clockwork. She looked at me and cried “Call 911”. I frantically pull out my phone and tell the operator the necessary details, but throughout the call, I couldn’t help but notice everything the PA was doing amongst the madness.
The commotion settled and Mrs Chowdhury was taken by EMS. She had not taken her anti seizure medications – as she was instructed by the front desk to not take any medicines for the day, not knowing that it would not have interfered with test. Never had 20 minutes gone by so fast. Never in my life had I felt useless. For the first time in a long time, I felt uncomfortable.
It was moments of this that took me out of my balance. I suddenly became exposed, no longer comfortable. I have regained a sense of direction and am no longer staying still. I have been directly involved in healthcare for 3 years with my training as an undergraduate, and while working. It had brought me great joy, but I wanted more. What was missing was the yearning to take the next step. This sense of being uncomfortable is exciting – it drives me to continue learning, to continue growing to the best person that I can be, for as long as I continue to stay uncomfortable. No longer do I want to be useless to a person who needs help.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Michael,
I like your opening. It’s unique and engaging. Ditch the last line, though. It’s melodramatic and undermines the strength of the rest of the paragraph. The following paragraph suffers from the same problem. I’d edit it like this and make it the last sentence of the opening paragraph:
“However, with comfort comes complacency — there is no longer any growth. We become useless. This word the scares me the most.”
The rest of the essay overall is very good, but suffers a bit from the same issue. You can make the same points without overwriting.
A minor point — don’t use contractions. They’re disfavored in academic essays and why not show that you know and respect the rules?
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Feroz says
Hi, I want to get started on writing a rough draft for my personal statement. Any guidance, tips, general rules on how to make the essay flow and what exactly I should pinpoint in my essay?
Thanks
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Feroz,
There are tons of tips on this website, including 31 edited personal statements and pages of personal statements that others have posted.
Our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement” tells you what Admissions folks want to know and gives provides writing guidelines. Click on the link for a preview at the top of this page.
When you have your draft, post it for free comments. They won’t be as detailed as a paid edit, but I do try to point people in the right direction with specific tips.
Best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Alex says
Hi!! I have just started the process of writing my personal statement and would love to get some feedback to see if I’m on the right track. thanks so much!!!
“It’s a beautiful day to save lives.” My naïve, pre-law freshman self had no idea that Derek Shepard’s words would impact my future in a way that would lead me to pursue a medical career. The operating room created by Shonda Rhimes was a whole new world filled with creativity, determination, and wonder. The surgeons displayed a confidence that I yearned to feel. Despite the false reality depicted by television, I was introduced to the magic of medicine, and since then developed a craving for more.
The first cut into the patient’s hip was unlike anything I would have imagined. It was my first time shadowing a physician assistant and I was eager to be in the operating room just feet away from the scalpel. The operating team conducted themselves like an orchestra, with the physician as the conductor, the physician assistant as the first chair violin, and music notes made up of the sawing of bone, tearing of flesh, and sewing of skin. From the moment the team was briefed on the total hip Makoplasty procedure to the last suture and the transferring of the patient to post-op, I had a front row seat to a two-hour symphony that took my breath away.
The role of the physician assistant stood out to me and solidified my interest. She was involved in the patient’s pre-op, surgery, and post-op, always on the go, advocating for her patients, and collaborating with her supervising physician. The versatility of the job intrigues me, as I too possess a wide array of interests, talents, and studies, and I have too much curiosity to limit myself to one specialty. The thing I love most about medicine is the impact it is able to have on an individual. The amount of compassion and empathy that is needed to devote a life to helping others is innumerous, and I have personally experienced the difference a helping hand is able to make on those in need.
The first day in Honduras, my medical brigade team was greeted by a welcoming ceremony as we entered the Buena Vista community. The members of the village possessed very few material items, but the appreciation and love they had for us as medical volunteers spoke volumes. Some of them travelled for miles by foot to see us, anxiously waiting for their chance to see a doctor and receive a prescription for something as simple as acetaminophen. While the language barrier was great, all it took was the shaking of hands, making of eye contact, or just the exchanging of smiles to see the desperation, gratitude, and mix of emotions these community members were feeling. I knew right then and there that I wanted to help these people in any way possible.
Not only did my first trip to Honduras give me experience working alongside physicians and dentists, but it also inspired me to see what more I could do to make a difference. I began joining clubs at Michigan State that contributed to the local community and shared my values. I started working as a care provider for children with special needs and fell in love with Gracie, a 13 year old with cerebral palsy who loves Keith Urban and McDonalds more than anyone I know. I then signed up for another trip to Honduras with Michigan State’s medical brigade group, this time in a leadership position that helped me motivate and inspire others with the same passions.
My experiences and background have all prepared me for a future as a physician assistant. I am eager for new challenges every day, forcing me to become a stronger, more qualified version of myself. I have held various positions that have helped me learn how a team successfully works together. Trust and communication within a care team is absolutely necessary in order to give necessary patient care. I also have a strong desire to share my compassion and understanding with my patients, allowing me to do my best to make a difference in their lives.
Looking back at my time at Michigan State, I have developed a drive for something I never would have imagined. Through my exploration, I learned about myself in more ways than one. I learned that I was put on this earth to share my skills and talents with those in need. I learned that there are few things better than knowing you’re making a difference in someone else’s life. Most importantly I learned about the person I want to become, and I believe that the PA profession embodies this perfectly. I have matured and grown up from the innocent freshman girl watching Grey’s Anatomy, and into a confident, driven woman who is ready to take on the next chapter of her life. I can hardly wait for the beautiful day that I’m able to save someone’s life.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Alex,
Hmmm, I’m not sure a TV show is a compelling opening to this essay. It’s not original for one — I’ve seen it several times before. And it sounds superficial. I’d shoot for something more grounded in your life — your interests, experiences, etc. If you’re determined to use it, shorten the TV part to one sentence and tell us how you took the step from TV to shadowing a PA. It’s a big leap because there’s no transition.
In fact, you don’t have a single transition between paragraphs except between the third and fourth. An essay needs to easily flow from one point to another. Without a transition sentence, the switch is jarring.
You’ve had some great experiences, which is great. Now you need to tie it all together so it’s cohesive. Oh, and check your grammar — you use both the singular of a subject (operating team) and the plural (themselves). This should be free of grammar errors.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Patricia says
This is my literal first rough draft, I just want to see if I have my skeleton right (and I have to delete around 80 characters somewhere):
I’m on the last 400 meters of running 3.5 miles in the grueling Florida afternoon heat. On the other side of the track, I see people dashing to the finish line, showing instant signs of relief upon crossing it. However, I had no energy at all, and I had no idea how my legs were still picking up. However, around 100 meters in front of me, I saw another girl. Just like me, pushing her body to the very end. Somehow, it was as if someone just inundated me with energy like I had at the beginning of the race. Throughout the whole race, my way of motivation was by telling myself “If I just pass this person, then I’ll be one person closer to the finish line.” I would repeat it over and over to myself until it became second nature and I was passing people left and right. That voice came into my head one last time and said “You can pass this last girl. You’ve been doing it the whole race and never gave up. So do it one last time.” I lifted my legs and sprinted to the point where you see blurs to the side of you and didn’t stop until I was past that finish line. I remember the girl sprinting to my side, but I pushed even harder, working my legs so hard they could have fallen off. After I crossed the line, I looked behind me and it was the girl I passed 100 meters earlier. Those moments are what make sports great. They push you to extremes, with intermittent lows, and then you remember why you did the sport in the first place and are flooded with determination. After that season, my love for sports and how the body exceeds under these signs of stress accrued at a fast rate.
Now during high school, my liking towards science was adequate. I enjoyed the subject and did not struggle with it. I decided to carry that on into college, where I declared Biology as my first major. However, as mostly everyone else in college does, that would not be my final declared major or career. I would like to address an important part of my application: my GPA. During my first 2 years at my university, I was intrigued by my classes until I wanted to try a different path and switched to Biomedical Sciences. Looking back, I put too much on my plate. I loaded my semesters with hard classes and had to balance working outside school to be able to pay for it. I admit I spent a little too much time away from my books and was straying from my path. Then, a year after, I wanted to expand my learning more into sports medicine, so I switched again. From there on, my interest into my studies grew and I know that I will work hard and not lose focus once I am in graduate school. Initially, I wanted to become a Radiologist, then a doctor, then a registered dietician, until I took Anatomy at my alma mater, The University of Central Florida. That class ultimately tied my love for sports and exercise into how it incorporates all aspects of the body. The endless possibilities of diseases, mutations, and trauma to the body interested me so much that it tied with my interest with sports. I volunteered for 3 summers at my local hospital, Orange Park Medical Center, where I was introduced to multiple units inside a hospital. I observed how the radiology department filed x-rays, how the pharmacy separates multiple prescriptions, and got to observe CT scans as well.
After that, I was fortuitous in finding a position as an ED Scribe at Florida Hospital, working alongside ER doctors and physician assistant’s. This opened my eyes to the healthcare industry and I was able to observe what many undergraduates in science never do. I saw procedures ranging from laceration repairs to intubations. I learned how to document patient complaints and gained knowledge of connections between the ED and outside specialists such as GI, Cardiovascular, and Nephrology. When I was introduced to Orthopedics and saw the procedures the physician assistant’s do, I knew I to do wanted it. I witnessed simple splint applications to reductions under conscious sedations. I was eager to learn what they know, and could only picture how they do procedures in the operating room. I even talked with Orthopedic physician assistants who only talked good things about their careers.
After, I started comparing the physician assistant role to a doctor, and the positives far outweighed the benefits as I knew I wanted to be a physician assistant. Physician assistant’s can help in all aspects of medicine, while a doctor would have to take years of residency. Since I love learning new areas of healthcare, I could maybe venture into neurology or ER if I wanted to as ER provides a faster and exciting pace of medicine. I also love diagnosing complaints, therefore that outweighed the idea of being a nurse. I enjoy analyzing symptoms and proceeding to a diagnosis that can potentially help a patient live a pain free life. Also, I love being on a team and helping people. What many people don’t know is that cross country is a team sport, yet also an individual sport. I believe that teamwork is essential in this sport in that they are the people who are standing at the sidelines and cheering you on, while you strive to beat your personal record. After working for over a year and a half now side by side with physician assistant’s and Doctors in the ER, I’m aware of how a physician assistant thinks and how they order specific tests to come to a diagnosis. Furthermore, patients are grateful for the providers who are amiable and take time to explain the process to them as many are scared and I want to be the face of the company that will make their day. I am determined to become 1 in that next generation of physician assistant’s that provide unwavering service to those in need.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Patricia,
I’m glad to read that this is your first draft. It shows promise — you cover a lot of great territory, but you make an error that could have kept you from even receiving consideration if you’d turned in this essay, and that’s getting the name of the profession wrong. It’s never “physician’s assistant.” The correct name of the profession is physician assistant. And by the way, a radiologist is a doctor.
You have some other grammar errors (doctors isn’t capitalized for one). Be sure to double check for those. Contractions are disfavored in academic essays, so show you know the rules and don’t use them in your personal statement.
As to content, you do need to cut from the first paragraph. You spend way too much time and valuable space focused on something fairly inconsequential. (I’ll show you below how I’d edit it). Plus, you switch tenses. You start out in present and switch to past. Keep it consistent. Present is more immediate, so I recommend changing it to that. Also the word “exceeds” is not used correctly. You’ll want to make sure to avoid those types of problems.
I’m not sure I’d go through a list of things you wanted to do for a career and then changed your mind about. One or two things are fine, but more than will make people wonder if you won’t change your mind again. Your essay also needs better transitions, so that’s something to work on.
Here goes for the first paragraph:
I am on the last 400 meters of running 3.5 miles in the grueling Florida afternoon heat. I have no energy at all, and no idea how my legs are still picking up. Throughout the race, I tell myself, “If I just pass this person, then I’ll be one person closer to the finish line.” That voice comes into my head one last time. I lift my legs and sprint past a runner to that finish line. Those moments are what make sports great. They push you to extremes and flood you with determination. After that season, my love for sports and how the body excels under stress skyrocketed.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
physician assistant in the making says
This is my first rough draft. I would really appreciate any sort of feedback. Thank you!
PERSONAL STATEMENT:
I slowly opened my eyes and became accustomed to a feeling that was a mixture of major pain in my head and tenderness on my right cheek. “My head is hurting a lot”, I said to the unfamiliar face in front of me. I hear the piercing ambulance siren and someone say drive faster as I slip into unconsciousness for the second time.
Worrisome eyes, quivering lips and tear-strained face of my mother are what I saw the next time I opened my eyes. Puzzled and lost I frantically looked around at the surroundings to make sense of what was happening. I quickly looked around and realized that I was in the hospital. Within a minute my brain reminded me of the series of events that I desperately want to forget even now. Worksheets of Algebra problems unfinished, biology textbook open, snow falling on the ground outside. Even on a snow day I was adamant to finish homework. Everything seemed to slow down as I slipped and fell off the brown uncomfortable chair. I vividly remember trying to hold on to something or trying to scream for help before everything went dark.
Witnessing the team of a doctor and a physician assistant, as a patient was the actual patient experience that made me realize that the medical field was the career path for me. I chose the physician assistant path because I strongly believe in working as a team and constantly working towards bettering the health care system. What stands out the most to me is the flexibility of a physician assistant to work in different medical specialties. My ultimate goals as a physician assistant would be to continue to study medical specialties, diagnose and treat patients to the best of my abilities.
Academic excellence is absolutely essential in any medical field so I would like to give details about the inconsistency in my transcript. Although my transcript does not show the best grades, I believe that my work experience makes up for it. As a freshman and sophomore in college I lacked knowledge and was not fully aware of what I wanted to do. That is still not an acceptable excuse or justification for my grades. With time I realized that in order to succeed in life I need to obtain a skill that interests me and continues to challenges me on everyday basis.
For the last year I have been volunteering and interning at Yale New Haven Hospital. The Elder Horizon program at Yale hospital taught me that I thoroughly enjoy patient interaction as well as the culture and environment of the hospital. The mini mental exams, which I gave while enrolling the patients in the program, taught me the importance of patients, doctors, nurses and physician assistants working as a team in order to determine the best treatment plan for each patient.
As a physician assistant I will strive to make a positive change in the community through the patients. My ultimate goal is to not only provide the best medical care to patients but also learn from them as a well. My personal life experiences and hardships have motivated me to always work towards reaching my goals. The education and training provided in physician assistant school will provide me with the opportunity to keep learning and striving to improve myself.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi,
It sounds as if you had a serious and terrifying experience. We need to know what happened, the outcome and what so impressed you about the physician assistant. This is the time for specifics, not generalities. You have a lot of room to add information because your essay at this point is well under the CASPA limit. Take advantage of the extra characters/space and give us the details. Expand on every point you make in your second paragraph. Make a third paragraph from it if appropriate.
Another area to expand is your work experience. Although you don’t want to duplicate what will appear elsewhere in your application, you do want to explain why it makes up for your grades. By the way, grades were an important issue to address and you did a good job of it.
One thing to be aware of is grammar. Admissions folks expect these essays to be grammar-error free (a missed detail in healthcare can lead to death), and you have one in your second sentence. End quotation marks go outside the punctuation and yours is inside.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Jaina says
Anything would help please! thank you!
“I need to go to Florida,” my aunt told my parents while I pretended not to pay attention to their conversation. My grandmother was lying in a hospital bed, unconscious. I thought she just passed out and was staying at the hospital to be monitored. “She’s not waking up” my aunt stated in a sad tone, but being sixteen years old I was naïve about everything that was going. This even sparked my genesis to pursue a career in healthcare. I wanted to know what happened to my grandmother and how I could have helped her.
My journey continued with my acceptance at Georgia State University. I joined a sorority my freshman year which enabled me to share similar aspiration as others and helped guide me through my college career. We talked about future goals and how to achieve these aims. Joining my organization allowed me to gain leadership skills and build my social network. I was involved in many aspects of my organization as well as other organizations. Learning the ins and outs, I gained experience working in at team and learned to become a successful and trustworthy leader. For example, I eventually worked my way up to become the Vice President of my organization. I took on many executive positions and chair positions each semester. At that time, I was focused on becoming a nurse; the only healthcare profession I knew of other than a doctor.
“Not enough oxygen was supplied to her brain.” I heard that statement almost five times a day but I never really understood what that meant. During the junior year of high school, my life changed. In the middle of the year, I had to leave school for a week. My grandmother was still not waking up. My parents knew exactly what was going, but I thought it was nothing more than a simple injury that the doctors and nurses could fix. Finally, I saw my grandmother laying helplessly on the hospital bed with all these machines hooked up to her. She was so still. I turned away and began crying because it was hard to see her in that state. After a couple of days, I was sat down with my brother and my aunt told me exactly what was going, but I didn’t believe her until the very end. My grandmother was in a vegetable state; her brain was “mush” as the doctors described it. This was when I knew. I wanted to be more than a nurse. I wanted to be the one to make medical decisions.
We were preparing a funeral for my grandmother, and my cousin was talking about her profession. She told me to look into becoming a physician assistant. I researched what a PA was right then and there, and I knew that is exactly what I wanted to do. Not having a lot of connections in the medical field, I applied as a medical scribe in hopes of working with a doctor or mid-level. After a few weeks of working with one of the PAs in the fast track area of the emergency room, I knew I found my path. He was quick to see each patient but was still able to give exceptional care to each patient. He was one of the most confident PAs I’ve ever met. To be sure emergency medicine is what I truly wanted to do; I shadowed two more PAs in ENT and internal medicine. I saw these PAs work autonomously, making their medical decisions. This experience confirmed my decision by showing the various fields PAs have an impact on and the influence, confidence and compassion that PAs hold unanimously.
As much as I have the utmost respect for nurses and all that they do, my calling is to become a PA. My grandmother helped guide me to the path I was meant to follow. The versatility of the PA profession embodies what I want to do in my future. I could help the local communities through volunteering as well as volunteering around the world. My ideal goal is to work as a PA in a hospital, specifically the emergency room. Throughout college, I was able to balance school, work, and extracurricular activities while maintaining and excelling in my academics and helping others. I am confident my time-management skills, my drive to be successful, and my team-player pose will serve me well in graduate school as well as a PA
Sue Edmondson says
Hi,
Your essay has great heart, but it also has problems. First of all, it starts with a statement from your aunt that she needs to go to Florida. I’m sure that has meaning to you, but it means nothing to the reader. Why is this important? Why does she need to go to Florida? What has that got to do with why you want to be a PA? I suspect the statement really won’t have any particular meaning except to you. It’s a weak way to start the essay. I’d skip the entire first sentence.
The next problem is that the essay lacks transitions. You jump from the second paragraph back to the story about your grandmother. It’s jarring. You have to bring us back to your grandmother’s story with a sentence that links the two paragraphs.
Even within paragraphs, sometimes you lack a connection between one sentence and the next. Here’s an example: “Not enough oxygen was supplied to her brain.” I heard that statement almost five times a day but I never really understood what that meant. During the junior year of high school, my life changed. In the middle of the year, I had to leave school for a week.
We don’t know when you were hearing that statement, who it applied to (although we suspect your grandmother) or why your life changed in your junior year or why you had to leave school for a week.
What you’ve done is very common, even for experienced writers. You know the story in your head, but forget that the people reading it don’t. So you need to take us by the hand, step by step. The trick is to keep what’s relevant and what’s not. Remember, you have 5000 characters/spaces to convince Admissions folks you’d make a good applicant for their program.
Later, when you say this: “My grandmother helped guide me to the path I was meant to follow,” you have the same flow problem — it’s stuck in the middle of a paragraph. And while it’s heartfelt I’m sure, it doesn’t serve the purpose you want. I’d leave it out.
I’m assuming you don’t have any patient work or medically related volunteer experience. If you do, be sure to include it in the essay.
Not all is lost — you do a very good job of describing the work done by the PAs and why it appeals to you.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Hi Bo,
Overall you do a very good job on your essay. However, there’s a big gap. We don’t know why you decided to leave athletic training to explore the medical field, especially when you describe the hard-fought battle you suffered to get through the AT program. You’ll need a paragraph to explain that decision.
That will probably help the other problem, which is a timing issue. From reading your last paragraph, I assume you spent time as an athletic trainer. Did actually doing that work for a while inspire you to seek a graduate program? Or had you always planned to pursue a medical career and AT was just a stopping point? I’m confused, and I don’t think I’ll be alone.
If you need space to keep the additional information under the CASPA limit, you can cut from your first paragraph. The Edison quote can go — it’s not that unique and I’ve seen it used more than once.
Otherwise, you’re good to go!
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Kavita Jaiswal says
I would be grateful, if you can please read my essay and give your insightful comments to make any kind of changes. Thank you very much for considering the request to read my essay and giving your valuable time.
—–Essay Below——
It was our third wedding anniversary and my soul mate remarked somberly- “I know how much you loved your brother; he was akin to your own shadow. I know you will regret all your life for not being able to save him. However, on this auspicious day of our lives, I want an anniversary gift from you. I implore you to treat the ailment I am suffering from, NASH (Nonalcoholic Steatohepatitis). I would like you to do a liver transplant, if required.” His statement made me reminisce. I lost my teenage brother while he was immersing the Hindu idol on the festive occasion of Ganesh Chaturthi, a popular Hindu festival celebrated in India and across the world by Indian community living there. If someone had performed resuscitation, my brother would be with us today. These hard personal challenges has made me stronger and steeled my determination, I resolved to pursue medical science. I thought I may never revoke the losses of the past, but I can definitely prevent this in someone else’s life. The biggest turning point in my life however came with the birth of my son in 2012, after prolonged hours of battling with pain. All through this period, my physician assistant, Ms. Amy, stood by me like a pillar of support and guidance. Her guidance and advice made me research about the profession of physician assistant (PA) and It was then I decided that I wanted to become a PA. I had found my heart’s calling.
My propensity for science and science related subjects can be traced to my high school acivities- I have actively participated in several science competitions and fairs at both the county and state levels that helped enhance my knowledge in science subjects and improved my self- confidence. To further my long-term career objective, I have volunteered in activities involving medical science. I have extended unequivocal support to a team of doctors during the aftermath of the massive 2001 earthquake that rocked Gujarat, India. The sight of thousands of people in a state of physical and emotional trauma, made me realize the value of life and the profound impact of medical professionals in the upkeep of human life.
Subsequently, earning a degree in pharmacy school in India, facilitated me in developing a strong command over several disciplines of life sciences such as Human Anatomy and Physiology, Biochemistry, and Pharmacology. The knowledge I garnered improved my understanding of the theoretical concepts and practical approaches of medical biology quickly and comprehensively. Leading health awareness rallies and participating in extra-curricular activities has improved my punctuality, creativity, ability to work with a team, and leadership qualities. During the pharmacy internship training program, my practical exposure to the clinical facets of disease conditions and the medical approaches to cure diseases, bolstered my interest in the field of medicine.
After comimg to the United States, I have been able to surpass my language and cultural barrier while tutoring at Houston Community College and at Clarion University of Pennsylvania. It has also helped me to convey my ideas effectively. Shadowing different physicians, in two different countries, has given me the opportunity to broadly visualize, sense, and respect the thinking of the patients, physicians, and the system. The gratitude obtained by serving patients in the Obstetrics and Gynecology, Emergency, and Pediatrics departments was ever rewarding and fulfilling. Both these experiences have honed my skills in personal interaction and developed interpersonal communication. Working as a medical scribe in emergency, granted me an opportunity to get better understanding of diseases, symptoms, diagnosis, and relationship between healthcare provider and patient. Being a scribe, I have learned an incredible amount of medical terminology, improved my multitasking skills, memory, and clinical thinking ability.
Having gone through a roller coaster of real life experiences and possessing a strong background and training in the medical field, I am confident to face the challenges associated with medical academics as well as take on the responsibilities at clinical settings. Given the opportunity, as a PA, I will take on the challenges of patient care and look forward to being able to follow through all my patients and provide the best patient care possible. I sincerely hope to make a difference in people’s lives and promote healthy living.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Kavita,
You definitely have been through a roller coaster, and I was very sorry to read about your losses and your husband’s illness. Along the way have acquired great experience and skills that will help you in your future career as a PA.
However, the essay, too, is a bit of a roller coaster. You start with the compelling opening about your husband, but then switch to your the backstory about your brother. I’d start with your brother and build from there. Then you have a journey in a timeline that people can follow, rather than have them jumping around.
When you talk about childbirth as being the biggest turning point in your life, it creates an impression that the pain you suffered was more significant than the loss of your brother or your husband’s disease, which I know is not what you meant. So, play down the pain, and emphasize that the importance was not your suffering, but meeting the PA and what you learned about the profession as a result of her care of you. Here’s how I’d edit that section (note: I’m correcting the grammar and using my own words to illustrate different ways to say things — you’d use words that work for you, and I cut out the drama and overwriting):
“These hard personal challenges have made me stronger and steeled my determination to pursue a career in medical science. I could not change the losses of the past, but I could definitely prevent them in someone else’s life.
The biggest turning point came with the birth of my son in 2012. The support and guidance from my physician assistant throughout my labor so impressed me that I decided to research the PA profession. It was then I decided that I wanted to become a PA. I had found the career that would allow me to reach my goals.”
You have a number of grammar errors and use of words incorrectly, a common problem. So be sure to have some check your essay for those problems before you submit it.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
kavita jaiswal says
Thank you very much Sue for your insightful comments. I will definitely make the changes and I will get it checked from the English tutor.
Best Regards,
Kavita
Brittany Moore says
Hello. I would greatly appreciate it if you could provide honest and helpful feedback to me on my essay. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I cannot wait to eat! I am starving and my last class of the evening is over, now I can relax. Those were the words I said silently to myself after my 7:00 p.m. chemistry class. There were two strange missed calls and a voicemail left on my phone when I decided to check my missed calls. My mother told me to give her a call back when I could because my brother had a stroke and was checked into the hospital. I thought to myself that he is healthy and he is thirty two years old. He is alright. So I called her back and she did not answer. I began to worry about the situation some but not much. Several hours later I was crying in a gas station in deep denial that he had passed away. That was the first experience I had ever had with the death of someone so close. We have all been there after a busy day at the office or at class and all of sudden we receive news that will affect our lives for as long as we live. The perils of life can leave indelible marks on the brain. It is only when the phone stops ringing, the jokes and laughter end, and the traits that make us human are gone that we realize that our place in the earth is not permanent. Every day is an opportunity to grow and enhance another person’s life even if it just with a kind word of encouragement. The value of life has made me want to journey into the world of being a physician assistant. As a healthcare provider it is not only the job of the provider to nurse a person back to better health but also to strengthen and encourage them to become optimistic. I remember when I was volunteering at University of Mississippi Medical Center I would see so many sad and happy children on a daily basis. Their fight with ailments and diseases and their ability to stay strong has endowed me with the courage to persist and persevere through tough times. Physician assistants are the middle men. They are the people who work closest with the doctor and the people who are probably more accessible than doctors. They have more freedom and flexibility than doctors so they are able to spend more time with their patients. This takes immense social skills and bedside manners. I volunteer at a nursing home to date. I constantly assist patients with everything they need help with in my scope of responsibilities. There are some restrictions because I am a volunteer. I push patients who are in wheelchairs. I prepare their meals occasionally and most importantly I listen to them. Being able to listen to Ms. Alice complain about not having enough smoke breaks to listening to Mr. Alloway discuss his years in Chicago are the highlights of my day. Listening and tending to their needs is important. Being that I am fairly new to volunteering I am one of the fortunate ones at this point. I am fortunate because I have not yet experienced seeing someone pass away while in care. I have been exposed to numerous patients and developing rapports is a day to day process; however, I have never been in the position of losing patients I have developed relationships with. Part of my desire for becoming a physician of assistant is fueled by my hometown. There is something about Mississippi mud. There is something even richer about the Delta. The people the food, the culture it’s all rooted in generations of survival from poverty in most cases. Statistically, Mississippi is the poorest state behind Puerto Rico in the United States. Being from a state so poor and hailing from one of the most poverty stricken regions I have heard of so many people shying away from healthcare and doctors simply because they cannot afford health insurance. For instance, Mrs. Devine was a beautiful, sweet lady who had a voice that seemed other worldly became ill. I stopped seeing her at church for one reason or another and she was listed on the prayer list. She had an aggressive form of cancer. My grandfather was really close with her and he talked and visited her often during her sickness. She could not afford to go to the doctor. She could have used programs such as Medicare but it did not matter much when it still would not cover most of her expenses. She had decided to exercise intense faith. That was admirable. She eventually succumbed to her disease and it was disheartening. I can remember my grandfather begged and begged her to see a doctor but she refused. As a physician assistant being able to handle pressure and bad news is important. There have been many days as a volunteer I was stretched extremely thin but I held my cool underneath pressure. Which leads me to hating to feel helpless. There is nothing I hate more than not knowing what to do. Recently, I attended a block party that many students and recent alumni attend every year for Jackson State University’s homecoming. I had just paid for parking and to enter the party. I was excited. It felt awesome to enjoy the festivities while not having to deal with the pressure of studying for a test on Monday. I told myself that night would be perfect. Fate would not allow that to happen. After dancing to a song by Rihanna all I could hear was what sounded like fireworks. I thought to myself it is not the occasion for fireworks but I can live with it. My reaction changed in an instant when I saw a swarm of people running towards my direction. A man opened fire. People were injured and Chelsea from my home town was helpless and passed out in the street. She was immobile from a seizure she had at the block party. My best friend and I carried Chelsea up the street with the help of her friends. Being helpless made me realize just how much saving a life can be important. I felt this need to be everywhere to help everyone who needed it in the best way I could. Jackson State was one of the schools I attended during undergraduate studies. I have had the pleasure of attending three colleges during my tenure as an undergraduate. My curiosity is as vast as the ocean. I have always wanted a reason or an answer to a question I had. My curiosity was tested as a freshman at Belhaven University. I had two friends named Michaela and Valaria. We were inseparable. We walked the campus and the neighborhood with one another constantly. Michaela was obsessed with coffee. She would probably forego eating and just drink coffee if she could survive. One night in October Valaria came knocking on my door. Michaela was in terrible pain and I knew what from. She drank too much coffee and the acidity from the coffee had caused an imbalance. She was constantly vomiting. I ran down the hallway to see Michaela and asked if she had drank any water. After that night she drank a lot of water for the rest of the week. I begged her to take limit her caffeine intake for a week and checked on her periodically in the meantime. In about two days she felt normal again. She thanked me for being available when she needed help. As a physician assistant inquisition is vital. Knowing and understanding how your patients are feeling is apart of any job in healthcare. In order to accommodate a patient befittingly you must place yourself in their shoes and experience life from their side. As a friend I have had many days where I had to be in another person’s shoes. The road was clear and the sun was setting rapidly. I was in route to a town of Mississippi called Natchez. My friend Kiara had invited me for a weekends stay. I stopped at a gas station to refuel. One of my other friends named Caressa called me and uttered the words “Please tell me my baby isn’t dead. I didn’t even tell her I loved her today.” She hung up the phone before I could ask any questions. Then Kiara called me and said “Please tell me it isn’t true”. I knew Caressa had spoken to her. I asked her if she still wanted me to come seeing as depressed as we probably weren’t up for being festive. She said I need company. I made a right turn on to the highway headed for Natchez. We cried, ate a ton a food, cried a lot more, and slept. We needed one another in a time of need. As a physician assistant compassion and empathy are a great traits to have. It keeps you grounded. A physician assistant is an embodiment of a person who dedicates as much time as they possibly can with each and every patient they encounter to ensure their well being and quality of health is restored. The profession requires a person who is sociable, knowledgeable, empathetic, and tenacious. Although my experience with patients is not 20 years of life as a radiology technician or a dental assistant, I believe I have been tested in many situations in life at a young age. I have sat with the sick and the impoverished. I have helped them even if it something as simple as playing a game of apples to apples or bingo. I have sat with a mourning friend when she lost her godchild in a car accident. I have helped someone in this world the best way I know how. As a physician assistant, your knowledge and generosity is all you have and as a young and inexperienced twenty two year college graduate I possess both of those qualities. Lets journey back to the question at hand. Why do I want to become a physician assistant? Simply stated, I want to be able to give selflessly and ensure someone gets to enjoy their dinner date, a funny joke on television, or have a walk in the park. I want to be apart of helping people appreciate the little things in life we often take for granted.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Brittany,
This essay has a ton of information, in fact, almost twice the CASPA limit worth. You’ve got to decide what’s really important for people to know about you and your journey.
I can tell you some things some things that aren’t important. Things that are generalizations such as this: Physician assistants are the middle men. They are the people who work closest with the doctor and the people who are probably more accessible than doctors. They have more freedom and flexibility than doctors so they are able to spend more time with their patients. This takes immense social skills and bedside manners.”
Focus on things that promote you and your experience instead of saying things like this: “As a physician assistant, your knowledge and generosity is all you have and as a young and inexperienced twenty two year college graduate I possess both of those qualities. Lets journey back to the question at hand.”
There are many, many more examples like these.
You’ll need to be serious about scrutinizing every word to get to the heart of the essay.
I hope this helps and best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Brittany Moore says
Thank you for your time.
Nani says
Any feedback/input would be greatly appreciated! Thank you….
Working in an acute care hospital and personal medical experiences has moved me to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant. I have seen that disease does not discriminate; it affects those from all backgrounds. From a 22-year-old young man just diagnosed with metastatic testicular cancer, to an 87-year-old grandmother of eight struggling to swallow and speak after suffering a hemorrhagic stroke, each patient is a person first, not a list of his or her symptoms, diagnoses or medications he or she is currently taking. Health is a gift; to paraphrase a proverb, health is like wealth, you will not know what you have is until it is gone. Anyone who has been through a health crisis knows how important the compassion of a healthcare provider is. Knowing your provider has your best interests at heart and knows you individually are essential to trusting their recommendations. Exercising empathy allows a bond of trust to form between individuals; this trust is key when caring for someone during his or her most vulnerable or trying times.
At the age of 14, excruciating migraines lasting for days crippled me; a result of depression and insomnia triggered by a sexual assault. Desperate to figure out what was going on, my mother took me to the Pediatrician’s office to see if she could help me. I was vulnerable in that moment; I shared hard and painful emotions with the Pediatrician. I could sense that she cared, and trusted that she would support and help me in whatever way she had the power and knowledge to. While with me, she was more than my just my doctor; she became a gateway providing a path for me to begin to heal.
As a stressed and sleep deprived young mother, my colicky baby developed a rash and fever. I franticly called the pediatrician’s office only to be told her doctor was already booked for the day. Being provided the option of an appointment with a PA or wait three days for the doctor, I thankfully, I took the appointment with the PA. The PA was calm, sweet and reassuring. Picking up my crying baby, she explained that what she had was likely a common virus, but also happened to have an ear infection. She answered my harried questions with patience and compassion, and assured me that I was doing a good job as a parent.
Discovering my aptitude for health, and service, I became a Registered Dietitian. Working as a Clinical Dietitian, my most rewarding experiences have come from the interactions I have had with patients that are scared, overwhelmed and dreading our conversation. However, when they have that “aha!” moment and begin to understand their condition or symptoms are manageable with diet, I feel a sense of satisfaction I cannot explain. I have come to realize that as a Registered Dietitian, I am limited in the part I play in a patient’s medical journey. Nutrition is only one piece of the medical picture, and I have a great desire to see and contribute to more of that picture.
Medicine demands collaboration with all health care disciplines to provide patients with the highest quality care. I thrive as member of an interdisciplinary team in a clinical setting. Experiences and perspectives of the various members of the medical team fuel me to do and be more. While I currently participate in the medical community as a dietitian, I desire to serve in a greater capacity as a Physician Assistant. The potential to bring a unique perspective to my future training and practice as a Physician Assistant is exciting. I feel that the background and training that I currently hold in nutrition and dietetics will be a great asset to my patients.
Recalling the encounters with my pediatrician and the Physician Assistant that saw my daughter, I recognize where my great respect for healthcare professionals began. I cannot remember what was specifically said, or what the name of the medication prescribed was, but I do remember the feeling I was left with. As Maya Angelou simply stated, “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” My goal is to share what I have felt with others, leaving each with a sense of the compassion I have for them.
The culmination of my experiences have lead me to pursue becoming a Physician Assistant because I feel that this path allows me a way to merge my passion for medicine with my potential in the health care field. I believe that while success is connected the contributions we make, one of the most rewarding things any human being can do is serve others, and that individually we can make the world a better place one interaction at a time. My sincerest intention is to find my place within the Physician Assistant profession, while serving my community, supporting my patients, and cherishing every opportunity given to me in pursuit of my passion and calling in medicine.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Nani,
Two things before I forget. Don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name such as “Brown School of Physician Assistant Studies.” Also, I’ve seen many essays with the exact same Maya Angelou quote, and since I only see a fraction, you could multiply the people who use it by thousands. So, skip the quote.
Your essay and writing are solid, but could use some fleshing out. It’s a common writing problem — you know the story you want to tell, but we don’t, so you’ve got to add more so we know the whole story. For example, how did you discover your interest in health and service? Why become a dietitian? A couple of sentences will suffice. Then I’d probably skip the paragraph about your pediatrician. It was personally significant to you, but it doesn’t lead to anything, such as your interest in healthcare. It’s a personal experience with a caring provider, but that’s the only work it does in your essay. That’s not enough to keep it in. The same problem occurs in your paragraph about the PA. Only you should leave that in and expand on it. Relate it to your decision to become one. That’s the promise you make in your first paragraph.
Your first paragraph also suggests that you’re exposed to PAs or work with them. I imagine that must be the case. So use those experiences to support your decision to be a PA. Your decision to be a PA is told in such general terms (“The culmination of my experiences have lead me to pursue becoming a Physician Assistant because I feel that this path allows me a way to merge my passion for medicine with my potential in the health care field”) that it’s essentially meaningless. Be specific so Admissions folks actually know what led you to the decision to be a PA.
I hope this helps and best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
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Ashley says
I would really appreciate any advice/feedback. I was informed that it was better to leave about specific names, What is your option on using physicians and PA names?
I felt a tug on my skirt, I bent down to embrace the small girl. She was filthy barefoot and crying. The protrusion of her belly and atrophy of her limbs informed me she was new to the compound. I wiped her tears and smiled at her before spinning to the ground. She let out a giggle. In between playing ring around the rosy and braiding hair, we taught the importance of personal hygiene and a nutritional diet. A concept so mundane and yet so profound.
As an active member in youth ministries, we fed the homeless and responded to natural disaster victims along the east coast. But our trip to Haiti radically transformed my life. There I witnessed the detrimental effects of scarce resources and little education. In the small confines of the compound, I learned how a smile and helping hand had such lasting effects, a lesson that changed my outlook on life and led me to pursue a career where I could continue caring for others.
The first influential mentor was the PA I met during my externship at Northside Urgent Care. His ability to confidently and swiftly move from room to room impressed me, each containing a wide spectrum of problems. He was patient, soft spoken- yet assertive and always took the time to talk and address any concerns with patients and again with me after consultations.
A new appreciation for tangible results and the development of meaningful relationships followed. A twelve-year-old girl named Jessica arrived at the clinic with a deep laceration on her right foot after experiencing a fall from her horse. She required six stitches, crutches and a dose of antibiotics. Jessica returned the following week, her wound had become infected. The PA and I removed her stitches and packed the wound. Despite the minor setback her scar was impeccable. A thank you card addressed to the PA and I hangs on the wall of the clinic, pinned next to it is a picture of Jessica doing what she loved the most.
Parks Dermatology solidified my desire to become a PA. There I was given the privilege to witness the physician-physician assistant team in action. Skin screenings were an opportunity to calibrate my eyes. I watched as the PA biopsied moles. A few weeks later watched again as the remainder of the basal cell carcinoma was removed by the physician. Their teamwork was as seamless as the scars of their patients. Shadowing only confirmed my yearning to be a direct participant in treating and diagnosing patients.
Throughout my medical experience, I have been fascinated by the role of the PA. As an administrative assistant, I gained a thorough understanding of all aspects of a medical office that only helped grow my desire to get into the room and work directly with the patients. Working alongside physician assistants as a medical assistant gave me a better understanding of their various roles.
In orthopedics, the PAs act as the physicians’ right-hand conducting pre- and post-operative care and assisting in surgeries. At Northside Urgent Care, the PA acted as an independent provider allowing the physician to expand his practice to multiple locations. At Fayetteville Pain Center, the PAs managed patients’ pain regimens allowing the physician to focus on operative care. Finally, at Parks Dermatology the physicians and PAs work as a team. Specifically, what stands out is their ability to adapt to meet the needs of each specialty and that their schedules allow patients to be seen quickly for urgent matters.
Eagerly I enrolled to take biology and chemistry over the summer. Six weeks went by in a blur and I found myself struggling to stay afloat. Although I made it out alive I did so at the expense of my grades. Instead of feeling defeated I revised my course of action enabling myself to earn A’s in every subsequent science course. With every new challenge, I was fueled by the passion of becoming a physician assistant.
I genuinely enjoy my position as a MA but strive to expand and evolve outside my limitations. Intrigued to further my knowledge I have begun shadowing at a primary care office, working at a gynecology office and volunteering in the radiology outpatient unit at Halifax Hospital. With each branch of medicine, I fall in love all over again. The lateral mobility of a PA will allow me to continue this exploration as a career.
As a volunteer with the Children’s Home Society and Halifax Urban Ministries, I continue to utilize my smile and helping hand to serve others. As Zig Ziglar said, “You can have everything you want in life if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” Over the years I have begun to understand the gratification that is accompanied with generosity. This growing appreciation in caring for others and my experience in multiple medical practices have ignited my desires to become a PA. I have finally found a career path that will not only benefit every patient I am able to work with but the fulfilling nature of this career will continue to spark my desire to learn and improve myself.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Ashley,
To answer your question, using names of PAs and doctors personalizes them. It’s not an issue of confidentiality, so it’s a personal choice. Some professionals may prefer you don’t, though.
I really like the way your essay starts. It’s engaging and compelling. But you need a transition to the paragraph about your mentor PA. You say you decided to have a career that helped people, but you need to say why the way you decided to care for people was as a healthcare provider. That will give you the transition you need.
The other place you need a transition is the paragraph to your paragraph about taking biology and chemistry. Plus we don’t know which summer you are talking about. It may not fit in that spot, depending on how you decide to write the transition.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Virghinya says
Thank you for taking the time to offer suggestions. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Looking forward to your reply!
Convinced that I had only the stomach flu, I chose not to seek help. After all, who had time to see the doctor when the organic chemistry midterm was just a few days away? After a week of worsening abdominal pain, vomiting, and bruising around my naval, I knew I required medical attention but ignored the pain.it. An ultrasound in the ER confirmed that my left fallopian tube had ruptured, allowing 250 mL of blood to accumulate in my abdominopelvic cavity. The doctor recommended the removal of my fallopian tube to which I gave a teary eyed consent as I watched the staff prep for the surgery. Without the exchange of words, my doctor knew I was blaming myself for my current state. She brought herself down to my eye level as she firmly gripped my hands – a simple gesture that quieted my buzzing mind and brought me assurance. The care I received helped me understand the importance of skill as well as compassion and communication from a provider. The eyes of my surgeon sparked my desire to pursue a career in medicine, which was later solidified when I worked with patientsworking with patients. I learned that I wanted to be a compassionate provider who is able to communicate and reassure my patients that they are in good hands.
After college, I became a medical assistant in an internal medicine office working alongside Dr. Richard Link. An incumbent part of my role was to take a succinct, yet detailed, description of my patient’s condition and chief complaint. Maria was a widowed Italian woman who first came into the office seeking help for her pounding headaches. Dr.Link diagnosed her Maria with hypertension and sent Maria her home with medication. A month later, I received a call from her niece complaining about the medication’s ineffectiveness since Maria was still having terrible headaches. On Maria’s next appointment, with her niece as translator, I learned that Maria had been breaking her pills in half to make them last longer. I informed Dr. Link about Maria’s financial struggles. He was sympathetic about her situation and gave her samples of the medication. Though Maria did not speak English, the way her eyes wrinkled as she smiled when we gave her a few bottles of Ensure along with the medication samples had communicated so much.
In With Maria’s case, we were able to provide proper care by opening another line of communication with to her through her niece. Being a provider who serves a diverse community often poses a challenge to giving proper treatment. Some patients similar to Maria, however, did not seek help early enough, and occasionally needed emergency help. I had wondered what happened to these patients that Dr.Link sent to the hospital.
I became a volunteer at Kings county hospital where I was exposed to some of the diverse roles within the medical field which includes such as nurse practitioners, physician assistants, and doctors. Kings County Hospital serves many patients who speak limited English or no Englishwith limited to no English proficiency and who who are mostly from the Caribbean and Haiti. In the ERemergency room, I saw how providers share pool their individual strengths and knowledge to provide the best quality of treatment for their patients. When the a provider did not speak a certain language like Haitian or Spanish, another staff member would jump in to assist in translatingimmediately translate. Their strong sensedisplay of community and teamwork highlighted to meemphasized the importance of trust and communication between the team and with patients.
Shadowing PA Christina and learning about her role in the hospital captivated me. Her integral role as a partner, who was also – being able to work autonomously and study and practice multiple specialties -, enticed me. She taught me the PA’s many responsibilities and required qualities— personal integrity, an endless pursuit of learning, and the awareness that throughout his or her career every provider is both a student and a teacher.
My background and experience have given me the analytical skills, ability to work efficiently in a team, and knowledge of the importance of trust and communication between the provider and patient. I want to be a PA because I want to be a trusted member of a team, have a flexible scope of practice, and develop compassionate relationships with my patients to provide the best care. I understand the challenges of working with a diverse community whose members don’t all speak English. However, to help remedy this situation, I have committed myself to learning Spanish and Mandarin. Completing PA school will provide me the competency and skill required to offer the highest quality of treatment and care to my patients.
Working in the intimate setting of a medical office next to an experienced doctor has given me the analytical skills to help patients with their individual problems. Following the multitude of professional providers in Kings County Hospital and engaging with them taught me the ability to work efficiently in a team. Both of these experiences emphasized the importance of trust and communication between a provider and their patient. Learning from physician assistants such as Christina has encouraged me to follow the same path. Being a PA allows me a flexible scope of practice, to work as a trusted member of a team, and develop compassionate relationships with patients. With the skills and education provided in PA school, I can be confident in offering the highest quality of treatment and care to my patients.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Virghinya,
I like the opening of your essay. It could be shorter and it’s a good place to cut because you’re more than 500 characters over the CASPA limit. This is what I’d do (note grammar corrections) :
“Convinced that I had only the stomach flu, I chose not to seek help. After all, who had time to see the doctor when the organic chemistry midterm was just a few days away? After a week of worsening abdominal pain, vomiting, and bruising around my naval, I landed in the ER. An ultrasound confirmed that my left fallopian tube had ruptured. The doctor recommended the removal of the tube, to which I gave a teary-eyed consent. She gripped my hands – a simple gesture that quieted my buzzing mind and brought me assurance. The care I received helped me understand the importance of skill as well as compassion and communication from a provider. This sparked my desire to pursue a career in medicine, which was later solidified when I worked with with patients. I learned that I wanted to be a compassionate provider who is able to communicate and reassure my patients that they are in good hands.”
I’d be a little more specific about why PA as opposed to MD. I’d cut most of the part about Dr. Link (except what you need to lead into your volunteering in the ER) and give a patient example using Christina instead. Stay focused on the PA profession.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Annie Arrington says
Here is my personal statement. I appreciate you looking over this and giving me feedback as to what I could do to improve this!
Children often have an inbuilt drive for discovering and observing the world around them. I remember growing up; I always had a great sense of wonder for the world and everything in it. My imagination took me to places of excitement and I had a strong desire to explore things around me. I would often ask the question “why” because I was not satisfied if I did not know the reasoning behind certain occurrences.
Seeing life from a child’s point of view can help you to rediscover the sense of wonder we all once had. Because of my love for furthering my imagination and my excitement for discovering new things, I fell in love with the subject of science. Science is full of excitement, change, and it allows me to expand my knowledge to great lengths. I have always been fascinated with learning the reasoning behind why things happen and learning to form a hypothesis from a collection of information.
Due to my love for science, the medical field has held my interest for as long as I can remember though I have not always known exactly what career path to choose. When I began at the University of Tennessee I chose to peruse a major in kinesiology and when I began taking pre-science courses, I was able to confirm my passion for the medical field. Learning about the human body and the health science field is fascinating to me and I could not think of anything else I would rather be studying.
In my first few years of college, I thought I would pursue doctorate in physical therapy. I began working as a technician in an orthopedic clinic and through job shadowing and talking with physician assistants, I was able to confirm that physical therapy was not something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Although I enjoy the job and getting to interact hands on with the patients, I have more holistic interests within the field of medicine that would be limited in the physical therapy setting. I am however thankful for the opportunity to work in the orthopedic setting and gain interpersonal patient skills and obtain very interactive hands on experience.
A patient looked up to me from her wheelchair one afternoon and said to me “The highlight of my week is coming to see you and I cannot begin to tell you how appreciative I am of you”. I could expect to see her at 3:30 every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoon. She had previously received a double knee replacement and had many additional physical limitations due to her old age. For her first month of treatment she had an always-present look of pain on her face, didn’t seem very interested in conversation, and could not stand on her own. Her rehabilitation seemed very slow and she wasn’t showing much improvement in her first few weeks in the clinic. We could expect for her treatment to last well over an hour and I wasn’t sure if she had much motivation to get well.
After a while, she began to open up to me and began to tell me stories about how she and her husband met, her nine children they raised together, and her career as a nurse. I could tell she was someone who dedicated her life to putting her family as well as others first and expected nothing in return. The more I learned about this woman, the more I began to respect her humility and love for other people. Her entire life was dedicated to maintain the care and wellbeing of others and now that she was limited to her wheelchair, she felt a sense of hopelessness because she now had to depend on others to help her with her daily activities.
In life, I have always been taught to treat others as I would want to be treated. I have a strong compassion for helping others and this is my main drive that has lead to my decision of becoming a physician assistant. This particular patient taught me to be persistent and compassionate with everyone I encounter and I have seen firsthand the improvement this will result in. Watching her improvement over the course of her treatment has been incredible and she is now able to walk without our assistance on a walker and seems to be growing stronger each and every day. Those few simple words of appreciation she spoke to me along with sharing her stories of her experiences in the medical field and her compassion for others will leave an impact with me larger than she will ever know.
With my experiences from job shadowing, working in the clinic, talking with physician assistants, and taking upper level health science classes, I have confirmed my decision in choosing this career. I strive to provide the best quality of care possible for my patients and to commit my time to learning in an ever-changing healthcare market. I could not think of a better career for me that will allow me to share my love and compassion with others and give me the opportunity to improve the quality of someone else’s life than a physician assistant.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Annie,
Your essay starts out very generally, which doesn’t help Admissions folks know why you want to be a PA. I’d ditch the first two paragraphs altogether.
You’ll need to work on your transitions. For example, you need one to get to the paragraph that starts with “A patient looked up to me . . .” The abrupt jump from the previous paragraph doesn’t work.
However, the biggest problem is that you never even mention the PA profession until the last paragraph, and then what you say is general. Cut a lot of the information about the patient and focus on your shadowing experiences with PAs to show you understand the profession, know what it entails and why it’s right for you.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Ashlie says
Trying to get some help with my personal statement! Look forward to the adivise!
As the wind died down and the sun slowly began to rise, there were no sounds except nature awakening. The boat slowly drifted into shore. Once it was moored, from a distant, adults and children came toward our boat, limping, crying, coughing and anxiously awaiting medical help. Thus, began a week of medical missions work on the Amazon River in Manaus, Brazil during the spring break of my junior year of college. During that week my team, of about 20, went from village to village, floating down the river, providing their once-a-month medical care. Hippocrates said, “Wherever the art of medicine is loved, there is also a love of humanity.” That trip underscored for me the connection between medicine and humanity and how both can be delivered with hardly a single word.
One boy, who I had grown close to, had a large cut on his leg from playing soccer. Wrapped in a dirty bandage, it was nearing infection. The first day I met him I pointed at it and he shied away. A couple days later of him warming up to me, I noticed him limping so, again, I pointed at his leg. In my broken Portuguese, I asked him, “Dor?” …“pain?” He nodded and I guided him to follow me onto the boat. I cleaned the dirty and infected wound, changed his bandage, gave him water, shared a few laughs at my inadequate Portuguese and sent him on his way. Just before he left the boat, he ran back, gave me the biggest hug, said “Obrigado,” …”Thank you,” and ran off to play with his friends.
There were many encounters like that on the trip where I had the opportunity to treat people. They sent chills down my spine, and confirmed for me that this is what I am meant to be doing – helping people medically. On the trip, I worked alongside doctors who, with wisdom and humility, showed me how to connect love for medicine with love for humanity. They also showed me you don’t have to be a doctor to contribute. Without their incredible team of physician assistants and nurses they could not have provided quality medical care. While it was incredible being able to treat minor cases, knowing that I was unable to help with the cases that needed higher professional help compelled me further to pursue my dream of a physician assistant, where I would be able to treat and diagnose patients in need.
For 3 years, I have been involved at a nonprofit medical clinic for the uninsured and those under the two hundred percent poverty level… some with no homes, no families, no source of income. Since my last application last year, I have gained much more experience as a certified nursing assistant and HIV counselor/tester, allowing for the privilege of some amazing patient interactions. Interactions such as, consoling and guiding a sixteen year old and her mother about being HIV positive, changing the dressing on a woman’s foot ulcers every week due to diabetes, drawing blood from a homeless man who has not seen a doctor in 10 years with glucose levels at 400, getting a woman the glasses prescription she needs after not being able to see for fifteen years. These experiences have left imprints on my life but have also made me feel helpless. This work has shown me the limits in the scope of a certified nurses assistant, urging me to attain the next level in my career so that I can change that helplessness into helpfulness. As a physician assistant, I can be at the forefront of every one of those issues.
Whether through soccer, school or work, my life has largely been about teamwork. I am at my best working with others. While I can certainly take the lead and make the final decision when necessary, I do not always need to. However, the leadership positions that I have taken on at work, such as coordinating a vision clinic, or positions throughout college, such as tutoring a class of freshman in biology, have certainly helped shape me into a leader. That is one reason why a career as a physician assistant would suit me well; I can lead and I can work as a team.
Over the past few years I have had the opportunity to shadow two different physician assistants; one who works with a hand surgeon and the other with an orthopedic surgeon. Both of them work under great doctors who respect their contributions. Watching the patient-doctor relationships and patient-physician assistant relationships has taught me a great deal. I found that physician assistants are able to spend more time with the patient developing relationships, learning more about them and their problems, so they can relay valuable information to the physician. These experiences confirmed my desire to become a physician assistant. I love talking to people, getting to know more about them and genuinely listening to them.
As a physician assistant I hope to be able to positively impact our healthcare system. My life experiences have given me the drive to continue working with people who are medically underserved and to continue to make a difference in their lives when I am a physician assistant. I want to bring my love and respect for humanity with me into medicine. I want patients, regardless of their age or income level, to feel comfortable sharing information with me because they recognize my skill, compassion, and respect. As a physician assistant I cannot wait to combine my love for the art of medicine with my love for humanity.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Ashlie,
Good job on explaining what’s new since you last applied. That’s important to Admissions folks. However, your sentence that starts: Interactions such as . . .” is not a complete sentence. Also, saying you’ve had “amazing patient interactions” isn’t the most compelling way to highlight your experience. You want to emphasize that you’ve acquired skills and knowledge. So just listing the patient examples, even if it was in a complete sentence, is not particularly helpful.
I’m hoping you rewrote most of your essay so it’s not otherwise a repeat of last year’s submission. That matters to Admissions folks, too.
Also, the essay is 300 characters/spaces over the CASPA limit, so you’ll have to do some cutting. I’d cut the Hippocrates quote — many people use it, so it’s not unique enough to stand out. You’ll still be able to use your conclusion. This is how I’d edit the first paragraph to help you reach your limit (note, you’ve got grammar errors that I’ve corrected, such as “distant” instead of “distance” :
“As the sun slowly rose, our boat drifted to shore. From a distance, adults and children came toward us, limping, crying, coughing — awaiting medical help. Thus, began a week of medical mission work on the Amazon River in Manaus, Brazil, during the spring break of my junior year of college. That week my team floated down the river from village to village to provide medical care. The experience underscored for me the connection between medicine and humanity and how both can be delivered with hardly a single word.”
Then I have to ask, so what? You skip right to a patient example without explaining what this insight means to you. While you do it later, without the insight, which would give you the needed transition to your patient example, we’re left hanging.
You do a good job of describing your interactions with PAs and you show you know the profession. Otherwise watch for grammar errors and don’t use contractions as they’re disfavored in academic essays.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Nina says
Please provide a Statement of Intent / Personal Essay indicating why you want to be a Physician Assistant (PA); what single project or task you would consider the most significant accomplishment in your career so far; and what would you like to accomplish in the next 10 years. The statement must be no more than 1000 words
“I remember this day quiet well, as usual I was dancing around and my mom’s friend handed me an Oh Henry bar to get me to settle down. My eyes widen as I take my first bite, I could feel the chocolate melting in my mouth and hear the sound of the peanuts crackling as I said, “Mommy my tongue is itchy.” Everything was then happening so fast; my lip was swelling, my face felt like it was on fire, and my heart was racing. I tried to speak but no words came out as my throat felt constricted. My mind was drifting in and out of consciousness. The next time I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital bed. I was approached by a man in a white coat that said, “Nina you had an allergic reaction to the Oh Henry bar you ate. From now on you need to avoid peanuts and nuts.” Being only five years of age, I did not understand what he meant that I couldn’t eat peanuts but this is where my curiosity and passion for medicine began.
Ever since that day, my life had changed, whether I liked it or not. “Why are you wearing a fanny pack,” asked my classmate Sohni. “It holds my medicine, my mommy said I need it to keep me safe.” It was at that moment where I realized I didn’t like being different. I wanted to eat chocolate just like everyone else in my class and I was determined to figure out why. I later learned that the man in the mysterious white coat in the hospital was a physician assistant and from that point on I knew medicine was for me as I had burning desire to help other children with allergies.
I’ve always found the human body to be so fascinating, especially the immune system. How the body responds differently to various surface molecules and how easily a foreign pathogen can by pass the immune system by mimicking surface proteins. As science continued to expand my mind, so did my love for dance; turns became pirouettes and jumps became jetés. Every time I failed to complete a dance movement, I got back up and tried again. Sometimes it would take me days or weeks to master a dance step but I remained resilient and did not give up as I continued to dance for fourteen years of my life. This is similar to what a patient expects from their physician, I will channel this inner determination to do everything I can to help them.
My enthusiasm for medicine has lead to volunteering at Action Marguerite where I experienced the importance of patient interaction. My duties as a volunteer include helping out with activities such as music events, playing bingo and organizing ice cream parties for the patients. However, there is one patient at Action Marguerite that had a significant impact on me and has changed my perspective of health care. Her name was Cecil, a woman who suffered from a severe stage of multiple sclerosis. My heart sank when I first met Cecil, she laid in bed as she was no longer able to control her muscles and she had to breathe through intubation. Even though Cecil has suffered so much, her face was full of life still and I couldn’t help but smile. I decided to personally visit Cecil every time I volunteered. Even though she couldn’t speak, and most of the time I would do the talking, I could tell she understand every word I said. I remembered Cecil would get extra excited whenever I took her outside to look at the garden. I wanted to do everything I could to keep that smile on her face. One week I was not able to come volunteer and the program coordinated informed me that Cecil looked very disappointed and she did not smile at all that day. This is when I realized that my simple efforts of just taking her outside has significantly impacted her. I would consider this to be my most accomplished task in my career so far. Some may say it is not very impressive but it has taught me that leading with your heart can have significant rewards and that one person can make a difference, no matter what age or how significant your role is. From my dance training, I have learned to dance from the heart, as this is what differentiates a good dancer from an amazing dancer; as a result, I continue to lead with my heart in everything I do.
Ten years from now, I imagine myself in a children’s hospital working in the immunology department helping other children realize the cautions one needs to take with allergies. Growing up with a peanut allergy is not easy, rather it is a confusing period for a child where you’re constantly being told “you are not allowed to eat this,” with no explanation given. One of my goals is to educate other children with allergies to understand why they’re different and the potential dangers behind it. So they can make the executive decision to play it safe rather than risk their life for a few moments of belonging.
I belong in a career that involves interacting with people of different backgrounds where I can build a sense of trust and transform their sorrows into smiles. Being a physician assistant would not only allow me to continue to make patients like Cecil smile but I get to serve the community and enrich the lives of others through science. Skills I have learned from one experience, I have been able to apply it to other interests and studies in my life. My versatility is analogous to how physician assistants apply concepts and knowledge to multiple specialties throughout their career. “
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Nina,
Although your essay is heartwarming, you haven’t addressed specifically why you want to be a PA. Wanting to make people happy and enrich the lives of people through science isn’t exclusive to PAs. You could do any number of things in healthcare to accomplish that, including being a volunteer. Envisioning yourself helping kids making kids aware of the caution needed when they have an allergy isn’t enough. Just about anyone can do that. After reading your essay, I don’t know why you want to be a PA, and I don’t believe I will be alone.
While your example of learning the importance of compassion is heartwarming, is that really your biggest accomplishment in your career so far? I imagine if you’ve gotten far enough to apply for PA school, you have some medical experience. I would imagine the school you’re applying to is looking for something more concrete than good feelings.
I hope you won’t think my comments heartless — I would be doing you a disservice if I wasn’t honest with my opinion. Even though I’m sure this isn’t what you’d hoped to read, I hope it’s helpful and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Bo Hartmam says
“By the end of this semester, there will be only 78 of you left in this room. Those will be provisionally admitted to the athletic training program for one semester. Then, only 36 will remain to finish the program.” The eager young faces of 130 freshmen, cramming into the conference room and spilling out into the study area, turned solemn as the director of the athletic training program delivered this news. Inside the heads of many, panic replaced excitement as the thoughts of having to pick a second career choice loomed before they had even gotten to experience what they thought would be their future. In my strong-willed brain though, a challenge had been issued and I had never been one to back down from a challenge. No matter what it took, I would be one of those 36.
Each semester seemed like a battleground as those who should be imparting knowledge and encouraging us in our career choice made it more discouraging and difficult. The more we were challenged though, the more I dug in my heels. The words of Thomas Edison kept running through my mind, “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always try just one more time.” By senior year, only 14 of us had survived. Others had given up when the demands seemed impossible or when their stressed out brains could handle no more. For those of us who tenaciously hung on, the hands-on experience and knowledge we gained made us confident in our abilities to diagnose and treat any athletic injury we would encounter on the field. Graduation day would see only 12 athletic training students, with a 100% certification pass rate, walk proudly across the stage. I had fought for what I wanted and I had won!
As I prepared for graduate school, I volunteered with my family’s general practioner to acquire not only knowledge, but also experience in a health care setting. To see him interact with his patients made me realize that he had been with them through many health scares and battles, which created a strong bond. This made me start to question my career choices for graduate school. At the time, he did not have a physician assistant and this extra time spent on patients meant that he could not see as many. As we talked during the summer, I saw his heart for people and his frustration at the shortage of available physician assistants who could assist him. The way his words stirred my heart made me long to be a part of his team so that I could continue the compassion I had witnessed and give more people access to this high quality healthcare.
That same summer, I spent time with an orthopaedic surgeon and also worked with his physician assistant, Kyle. My first day was spent in the operating room as I observed Dr. D and Kyle performing several surgeries. They seemed to read each other’s mind as they worked as a team to complete each surgery. This scenario took me back to my days of playing sports and how much I loved being a part of a team. Whenever Kyle had a question about a patient’s symptoms, Dr. D was available to give his opinion and further Kyle’s knowledge and confidence about orthopaedic issues. I was drawn towards this team approach and this experience further solidified my decision to continue my education and become a physician assistant. Since I am interested in both primary care and orthopaedics, the flexibility to change specialties and the ability to choose the area I would like to work in is also something that attracts me to the field.
Becoming an athletic trainer has helped me to develop problem-solving skills so that when I walk onto the field to help an injured player, I can assess the information given verbally from the player and through the various tests I perform, make an assessment on the injury and evaluate their ability to continue playing. My grueling undergraduate experience has given me confidence not only in myself, but also in my patient assessment skills and my judgment. Being detail-oriented enables me to keep accurate records and also plan the course of treatment I develop for my players. I have developed strong interpersonal skills along the way from dealing with players of various sports, their parents, co-workers and other healthcare providers who work with the teams. By not knowing what will happen on the field, you become adaptable and quick thinking. All of the traits will serve me well as a physician assistant.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Bo,
Overall you do a very good job on your essay. However, there’s a big gap. We don’t know why you decided to leave athletic training to explore the medical field, especially when you describe the hard-fought battle you suffered to get through the AT program. You’ll need a paragraph to explain that decision.
That will probably help the other problem, which is a timing issue. From reading your last paragraph, I assume you spent time as an athletic trainer. Did actually doing that work for a while inspire you to seek a graduate program? Or had you always planned to pursue a medical career and AT was just a stopping point? I’m confused, and I don’t think I’ll be alone.
If you need space to keep the additional information under the CASPA limit, you can cut from your first paragraph. The Edison quote can go — it’s not that unique and I’ve seen it used more than once.
Otherwise, you’re good to go!
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com