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Your success is our passion. (See just some of our 100's of testimonials and comments below). We are ready to help. Our current PA school essay editing service status (2nd May 2024): Accepting New Submissions
(Photo: Me circa 1987, just thinking about my future PA School Essay)
- Are you struggling to write your physician assistant personal statement?
- Are you out of ideas, or just need a second opinion?
- Do you want an essay that expresses who you truly are and grabs the reader's attention in the required 5,000-character limit?
We are here to help perfect your PA school essay
I have written countless times on this blog about the importance of your personal statement in the PA school application process. Beyond the well-established metrics (GPA, HCE/PCE hours, requisite coursework, etc.), the personal statement is the most crucial aspect of your application.
This is your time to express yourself, show your creativity, skills, and background, and make a memorable impression in seconds. This will be your only chance, so you must get it right the first time.
For some time, I had been dreaming about starting a physician assistant personal statement collaborative.
A place where PA school applicants like yourself can post their PA school essays and receive honest, constructive feedback followed by an acceptance letter to the PA school of your choice!
I have been reviewing a ton of essays recently, so many in fact that I can no longer do this on my own.
To solve this problem, I have assembled a team of professional writers, editors, and PA school admissions specialists who worked to revise and perfect my PA school application essay.
Beth Eakman has taught college writing and worked as a professional writer and editor since the late 1990s. Her projects have involved a wide range of disciplines and media, from editing technical reports to scriptwriting for the PBS Kids show Super Why! Her writing has appeared in publications including Brain, Child Magazine, New York Family Magazine, and Austin Family Magazine. Beth lives with her family just outside Austin, Texas. She is driven to help each client tell the best version of their story and achieve their dream of becoming a physician assistant.
Deanna Matzen is an author with articles featured in Earth Letter, Health Beats, Northwest Science & Technology, and the Transactions of the American Fisheries Society. With an early career in environmental science, she developed a solid foundation in technical writing. Her communication skills were further honed by producing and editing content for a non-profit website, blog, and quarterly journal. Inspired to extend her craft, she obtained a certificate in literary fiction, which she draws on to build vibrant scenes that bring stories to life. Deanna loves working with pre-PAs who are on the cusp of new beginnings to find their unique story and tell it confidently.
Carly Hallman is a professional writer and editor with a B.A. in English Writing and Rhetoric (summa cum laude) from St. Edward's University in Austin, Texas. She has worked as a curriculum developer, English teacher, and study abroad coordinator in Beijing, China, where she moved in 2011. In college, she was a Gilman Scholar and worked as a staff editor for her university's academic journal. Her first novel, Year of the Goose, was published in 2015, and her first memoir is forthcoming from Little A Books. Her essays and creative writing have appeared in The L.A. Review of Books, The Guardian, LitHub, and Identity Theory, among other publications.
Read more client testimonials or purchase a revision
We Work as a Team
Our team of professional editors is wonderful at cutting out the "fluff" that makes an essay lose focus and sets people over the 5,000-character limit. Their advice is always spot-on.
Sue, Sarah, and Carly are amazingly creative writers who will take your "ordinary" and turn it into entirely extraordinary.
I mean it when I say this service is one-of-a-kind! We have spent countless hours interviewing PA School admissions directors and faculty from across the country to find out exactly what it is they are looking for in your personal statement.
We even wrote a book about it.
To collaborate, we use Google Drive. Google Drive is free, has an intuitive interface with integrated live comments in the sidebar, the ability to have a real-time chat, to collaborate effortlessly, and to compare, revise, or restore revisions on the fly. Google Drive also has an excellent mobile app that will allow you to make edits on the go!
Our team has worked with hundreds of PA school applicants within the Google Drive environment, and we have had enormous success.
The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
I have set up two options that I hope will offer everyone a chance to participate:
- One-of-a-kind, confidential, paid personal statement review service
- A collaborative, free one (in the comments section)
Private, One-On-One Personal Statement Review Service
If you are interested in the paid service, you may choose your plan below.
The Personal Statement Review Service is:
- Behind closed doors within a private, secure network using Google Drive.
- It is completely interactive, meaning we will be able to provide real-time comments and corrections using the Google Drive interface.
- Telephone consultations are included with all edits above the single edit level. It’s often hard to communicate exactly what you want hundreds of miles away; for this reason, we offer the option to edit right along with us over the telephone while sharing in real-time over Google Drive. This is an option available to all our paid clients who purchase above the single edit level.
- We provide both revision and editing of all essays. What’s the difference? See below
- We will provide feedback, advice, and help with brainstorming and topic creation if you would like.
- We will help with a “final touch-up” before the big day, just in case your essay needs a few minor changes.
Why Choose Our Service?
- It’s not our opinion that matters. We have gone the extra step and personally interviewed PA school administrators from across the US to find out exactly what they think makes a personal statement exceptional.
- We are a team of PAs and professional writers, having worked over ten years with PA school applicants like yourself, providing countless hours of one-on-one editing and revision.
- Our clients receive interviews, and many go on to receive acceptance into their PA School of choice.
Because we always give 100%, we will open the essay collaborative for a limited number of applicants each month and then close this depending on the amount of editing that needs to be done and the time that is available.
Our goal is not quantity but quality. We want only serious applicants who are serious about getting into PA school.
Writing is not a tool like a piece of software but more like how a photograph can capture your mood. It’s more like art. The process of developing a unique, memorable personal statement is time-intensive, and it takes hours to compose, edit, finalize, and personalize an essay.
As Antoinette Bosco once said:
And this is why I am charging for this service. We love helping people find stories that define their lives, and we love helping individuals who have the passion to achieve their dreams. It’s hard to describe the feeling I get when an applicant writes back to tell me they were accepted into PA school.
There is no price tag I can place on this; it’s the feeling we get when we help another human being. It’s just like providing health care. But this takes time.
Interested? Choose your plan below.
Read more client testimonials.
Free Personal Statement Review
Post your essay in the comments section for a free critique
We want to make this opportunity available to everyone who would like help with their essay, and that is why we are offering free, limited feedback on the blog.
You post your essay in the comments section, and you will get our critique. It is that easy. We will try to give feedback to every single person who posts their COMPLETE essay here on this blog post in the comments section.
Also, by posting your comment, we reserve the right to use your essay.
We will provide feedback on essays that are complete and fit the CASPA requirements (View CASPA requirements here). We will not provide feedback on partial essays or review opening or closing statements. Your essay will be on a public platform, which has both its benefits and some obvious drawbacks. The feedback is limited, but we will try to help in any way we can.
Note: Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, I will delete your stuff. Otherwise, have fun, and thanks for adding to the conversation! And this should go without saying: if you feel the need to plagiarize someone else’s content, you do not deserve to go to PA school.
* Also, depending on the time of year, it may take me several weeks to reply!
We love working with PA school applicants, but don't just take our word for it!
How to submit your essay for the paid service
If you are serious and would like to have real, focused, and personalized help writing your personal statement, please choose your level of service and submit your payment below.
After you have submitted your payment, you will be redirected to the submissions page, where you can send us your essay as well as any special instructions. We will contact you immediately upon receipt of your payment and essay so we may begin work right away.
Pricing is as follows:
Choose your plan, then click "Buy Now" to submit your essay, and we will get started right away!
Every purchase includes a FREE digital copy of our new 100-page eBook, How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement, Our 101 PA School Admission Essays e-book, the expert panel audiobook, and companion workbook. This is a $65 value included for free with your purchase.
All credit card payments are processed via PayPal over a secure HTTPS server. Once your payment is processed, you will be immediately redirected back to the essay submission page. There, you will submit your essay along with some biographical info and all suggestions or comments you choose to provide. You will receive immediate confirmation that your essay has been securely transmitted as well as your personal copy of "How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement." Contact [email protected] if you have any questions, comments, or problems - I am available 24/7.
The hourly service includes your original edit and one-on-one time over Google Drive. It is simple to add more time if necessary, but you may be surprised at what a difference just a single edit can make. We find our four-hour service to be the most effective in terms of time for follow-up and full collaboration. We are open to reduced-rate add-ons to suit your individual needs.
Writing and Revision
All writing benefits from rewriting when done well.
When you are in the process of writing a draft of an essay, you should be thinking first about revision, not editing.
What’s the difference?
Revision refers to the substantial changing of text. For example, it may include re-organizing ideas and paragraphs, providing additional examples or information, and rewriting a conclusion for clarity.
Editing, on the other hand, refers to correcting mistakes in spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
On all submissions, we perform both revision and editing.
How to submit your PA school essay for the FREE editing service
Follow the rules above and get to work below in the comments section. I look forward to reading all your essay submissions.
- Stephen Pasquini PA-C
View all posts in this series
- How to Write the Perfect Physician Assistant School Application Essay
- The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
- Do You Recognize These 7 Common Mistakes in Your Personal Statement?
- 7 Essays in 7 Days: PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 1, “A PA Changed My Life”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 2, “I Want to Move Towards the Forefront of Patient Care”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 3, “She Smiled, Said “Gracias!” and Gave me a Big Hug”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 4, “I Have Gained so Much Experience by Working With Patients”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 5, “Then Reach, my Son, and Lift Your People up With You”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 6, “That First Day in Surgery was the First Day of the Rest of my Life”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 7, “I Want to Take People From Dying to Living, I Want to Get Them Down From the Cliff.”
- Physician Assistant Personal Statement Workshop: “To say I was an accident-prone child is an understatement”
- 9 Simple Steps to Avoid Silly Spelling and Grammar Goofs in Your PA School Personel Statement
- 5 Tips to Get you Started on Your Personal Essay (and why you should do it now)
- How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement The Book!
- How to Write “Physician Assistant” The Definitive PA Grammar Guide
- 101 PA School Admissions Essays: The Book!
- 5 Things I’ve Learned Going Into My Fourth Physician Assistant Application Cycle
- 7 Tips for Addressing Shortcomings in Your PA School Personal Statement
- The #1 Mistake PRE-PAs Make on Their Personal Statement
- The Ultimate PA School Personal Statement Starter Kit
- The Ultimate Guide to CASPA Character and Space Limits
- 10 Questions Every PA School Personal Statement Must Answer
- 5 PA School Essays That Got These Pre-PAs Accepted Into PA School
- 7 Questions to Ask Yourself While Writing Your PA School Personal Statement
- 101 PA School Applicants Answer: What’s Your Greatest Strength?
- 12 Secrets to Writing an Irresistible PA School Personal Statement
- 7 Rules You Must Follow While Writing Your PA School Essay
- You Have 625 Words and 2.5 Minutes to Get Into PA School: Use Them Wisely
- What’s Your #1 Personal Statement Struggle?
- 31 (NEW) CASPA PA School Personal Statement Examples
- How to Prepare for Your PA School Interview Day Essay
- Should You Write Physician Associate or Physician Assistant on Your PA School Essay?
- Meet the World’s Sexiest PA School Applicants
- PA School Reapplicants: How to Rewrite Your PA School Essay for Guaranteed Success
- How to Write a Personal Statement Intro that Readers Want to Read
- PA School Reapplicant Personal Statement Checklist
- How to Deal with Bad News in Your Personal Statement
- Inside Out: How to use Pixar’s Rules of Storytelling to Improve your PA Personal Statement
- Ratatouille: A Pixar Recipe for PA School Personal Statement Success
- Personal Statement Panel Review (Replay)
- Mind Mapping: A Tool for Personal Statements, Supplemental Essays, and Interviews
- Start at the End: Advice for your PA School Personal Statement
Corrinia Bonk says
Hi! Below is a draft of my personal statement. I have applied to several programs for the 2015-2016 cycle and have only received 1 interview followed by a spot on the waitlist. Looking forward to the feedback! -Corrinia
My desire to provide service and support to people in all aspects of economic and sociological backgrounds has always been my educational and career goal. I have always had a passion and desire to venture into the medical field as it has always been my dream, even as I small child. I have always been amazed by the human body and how it either functioned or failed to continually baffled yet intrigued me all at the same time. Yet, with the start of my freshman year of college, I didn’t have a definitive answer as to which path of medicine I wanted to travel down. I contemplated if I should go in the direction of medical school and become a physician or perhaps take the same path as my grandmother and mother whom are practicing nurses, and I even considered taking the road towards a non-clinical medical career. With an endless list of options and opportunities, the only concrete desire and decision I had made thus far was that I wanted to live my life serving and helping others.
The next question that needed to be answered was how? During my educational career at King’s College, I received the opportunity to take a part-time job at one of the local hospitals. The position was offered to numerous college students who were just as interested in a career in the medical field as I was. After research, applications, interviews, and rigorous training, I was offered a position and finally began to work clinically as an Emergency Medicine scribe. I have proudly held the scribe position for nearly three years and in addition to working as a scribe in the emergency department, I successfully fulfilled the academic requirements to complete and receive a bachelor’s degree in Biology, graduating in May 2015. After graduation, I continued to work as a clinical scribe, and in August 2015 I was offered a promotion to Chief Scribe (i.e. local supervising manager) of the program in my local emergency department which I graciously accepted.
After being submerged in the medical field as an Emergency Medicine scribe, I made the decision to continue my education and apply to Physician Assistant programs with goal of becoming a Certified Physician Assistant. As I embark on the daily adventure of working side by side with exceptional mentors and role models in the emergency room, my drive, determination, and desire to succeed in my personal and profession growth continue. I am exposed daily, in collaboration with health care professionals, to a vast variety of patients. I have witnessed firsthand, and continue to see, a physician assistant in action, in demand, and as an amazing component of the healthcare arena. I have been privileged and exposed to physician assistants and physicians conducting their initial evaluations and get to take part in assisting and observing the medical providers in evaluations and composing electronic health records. I have learned and continue to learn the amazing process of the medical decision making, critical thinking skills, diagnosing, evaluating and overall concept of patient care. Now, after almost three years of being the helpful assistant to several physician assistants as a medical scribe, I have firmly decided that it is this, a physician assistant, what I desire to do with the remainder of my life.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Corrinia,
Congrats on making a waitlist. I know it’s disappointing that you didn’t get in, but many people don’t get that far the first time around or ever.
You have some good experience, but your essay doesn’t do it justice. When you only have 5000 characters and spaces to truly distinguish yourself from other candidates, you need to make each word count.
Part of the problem is that your essay is written using passive language, which makes it read more like a research paper than a personal statement. Starting sentences with “I have always . . .” is an example.
It’s fairly generic, too, and doesn’t reveal much about you. Your first sentence is perfect example. What inspired your desire to serve those who suffer from economic and social disadvantages? That information will be far more interesting than a general statement saying you’ve always wanted to. You weren’t born that way — something shaped you, so write about it instead of that first sentence, which by the way, doesn’t actually make sense. (I believe I know what you meant, but the grammar is incorrect. To make sense, it would read like this,”My desire to provide service and support to people of all economic and sociological backgrounds has always been my educational and career goal.”) But even when correct, it’s not engaging — apart from being general, “has been” is passive. Your mother and grandmother are both nurses — exemplary models of service! Perhaps listening to their stories or tagging along at work inspired you. I’m sure you have great material. You just need to draw from it.
You also miss great opportunities to talk about your work with PAs and show how the profession is right for you. Again, you talk generally. Use a patient case to show what the PA did that impressed you and why the PA profession is the exact right profession for you.
Take heart — writing doesn’t come naturally to most science-minded people and vice-versa. If I had to take a chemistry class, I’d get a big, fat F unless I studied, studied, studied. You have to do the same to write an engaging essay. Read other personal statements posted here and look at the comments. Those will give you some ideas about different ways to tell your story.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Selena says
Hello, this is a rough draft of my personal statement. I am over by 1,000 characters-ish so I would really appreciate any feedback on how to make it shorter and any general feedback! Thank you so much!
“Rapid response team, Room 331” I heard over the speakers as I started my shift at work, “Rapid response team, Room 331”. The nurses and physicians rushed past me, eyes focused only on their destination. I quickly grabbed the nearest blood sugar kit and dashed into the room. I almost did not recognize the man lying in front of me. Just yesterday, Darryl and I had spent much of the day conversing about college, sports and family, as I recognized how happy he was to have company. When his family came to visit, he held my hand and gushed about how much he appreciated me and how much comfort I brought him. But now as he held my hand once again, I saw only a faint shadow of the man I knew yesterday. In the blink of an eye, he had deteriorated. He was on a high-flow oxygen mask and still struggling to breath, coughing and wheezing as his lungs struggled to fill. He had developed pneumonia and antibiotic resistant bacteria in his system. “It does not look good,” they said; as they wheeled him away to ICU, my heart ached that I could not do more.
As a Nursing Assistant on the Surgical Telemetry Unit, I have often seen the fragility of human life firsthand. Disease affects everyone; it does not discriminate between gender, age, race or socioeconomic background. The diversity of our patient population has taught me to be receptive, open-minded and quickly able to analyze situations. I have developed more patience, understanding and empathy as I have been humbled by how much I often take for granted. Being able to cultivate positive relationships with others has been one of the most rewarding aspects of my job. While I have acquired vital skills and greatly value the comfort I have been able to bring to patients as a Nursing Assistant, I seek a greater role and responsibility in the healing of my patients. I want to have a direct impact on their plan of care and treatment options. My experience directly motivates me to be PA so I can have the expertise to partner with my patients, address their needs, manage their symptoms, and ultimately improve their health. I believe that this experience of working with members of the healthcare team to deliver optimal care will be invaluable in my journey to becoming a PA.
My interest in the PA profession started in junior year of college, when I attended a public health seminar and learned that most physicians were actually dissatisfied with their profession. I was apprehensive that I would be trapped in this statistic after committing significant time and finances to become a physician. I still wanted to practice medicine and when I spoke with a friend who was in surgical residency, he suggested I explore a medical career as a PA. He said he had many friends who were PAs and were extremely satisfied with their careers.
After doing research, I joined the Pre-PA club and shadowed PAs to learn more about the profession. I observed that PAs work both autonomously and in collaboration with physicians, and were as knowledgeable and confident as physicians. I was inspired by the strong personal interactions they seemed to have with patients. I remember one experience where a PA listened attentively and made supportive statements and gestures that calmed a patient who was scared and anxious about her recent diagnosis of cancer. It is this bond of personal connection and comfort that I strive to develop and that strengthens my motivation to enter the profession. At the end of one shadowing experience, the physician who collaborated with the PA I shadowed conveyed his admiration and respect for the PA profession. This elevated my certainty in choosing the PA profession, as I had found a career that would allow me the freedom to practice medicine and develop the patient relationships I wanted.
The more I learned, the more excited and passionate I was to become a PA. PAs work as part of the healthcare team so I would be part of an environment that constantly encouraged a dynamic exchange of knowledge and information. Being a part of a team is encouraging because I will always have assistance to tackle the more challenging and complex cases. As the healthcare environment changes because of healthcare reforms, there is an increased and urgent need for healthcare providers. This is a gap PAs can fill since they enter the field sooner, ensuring job security. I would be able to practice medicine in less time, with less of a financial investment and flexibility in my career. Flexibility is an extremely appealing characteristic to me because I am not restricted to one specialty and can instead enjoy the versatility of the PA profession. One of my favorite aspects of volunteering was being able to work in more than one specialty, as I relished learning different skills through my experiences in each area. As a PA, I will have a degree of flexibility and therefore, be able to contribute to multiple areas and learn from many different environments.
I am fully committed to putting in the time and hard work needed to become a PA, as I believe it will be an extraordinary and fulfilling career. My parents instilled in me a strong foundation of hard work and determination at a young age; as immigrants, they worked hard to build everything we have from nothing. They were driven solely by the desire to support my dreams of practicing medicine, never once complaining about the hardships. I endeavor to make them proud and look forward to working in a dynamic team environment to deliver optimal and comprehensive care, while cultivating positive relationships with physicians, colleagues and patients. My interest in becoming a Physician’s Assistant is deeply rooted in my desire to provide quality healthcare to those in underserved and disadvantaged communities, a group I am familiar with as I used to be part of this group. As an immigrant from a developing country, I recognize and am grateful for the boundless opportunities that I have been given and strive to give back to others who were not as fortunate. I am excited to enter a profession where I will be a lifelong learner, as the flexibility of the profession will allow me to be constantly stimulated. I believe my academic and mental preparation, life experience, patient care experience and passion for learning has made me a qualified, well-rounded applicant for your Physician’s Assistant Program.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Selena,
This is a very well written essay with one big problem. You spelled the name of the profession wrong, twice. It is never “Physician’s Assistant.” It is “physician assistant.” Although you do a good job of showing you know what the profession entails, getting the name wrong will matter to Admissions folks. They expect these essays to be free of errors, especially when it comes to the name of the profession.
There are places to cut to get you under the CASPA limit without damaging the flow and integrity of the essay, starting with the first paragraph. Here’s how you could edit it (note I changed a word and corrected some minor grammar issues — semi-colons instead of commas):
“Rapid response team Room 331,” I heard over the speakers as I started my shift. The nurses and physicians rushed past me, eyes focused on their destination. I grabbed the nearest blood sugar kit and dashed into the room. I almost did not recognize the man lying in front of me. Just yesterday, Darryl and I had spent much of the day conversing about college, sports and family. When his family came to visit, he gushed about how much he appreciated me and how much comfort I brought him. But now I saw only a faint shadow of the man from yesterday. He was on a high-flow oxygen mask and still struggling to breath, coughing and wheezing as his lungs struggled to fill. He had developed pneumonia and antibiotic resistant bacteria in his system. “It does not look good,” the doctor said, as they wheeled him to ICU, my heart ached that I could not do more.
You could do the same throughout the essay just with careful editing.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Selena says
Thank you Sue for all your help! I greatly appreciate it!
Julia says
Hello! This is a draft of the essay I have been working on. One problem specifically I am having is cutting it down to the 5000 character limit and I feel like there is still so much I want to say! Thank you so much for taking the time to review my work.
“Living in the Alaskan bush is for the adventurous at heart. Practicing medicine there takes immense diligence and courage. Meet my dad, a family physician newly graduated from residency when he was stationed at Kanakanak Hospital, a 16-bed facility in Dillingham, 330 miles across the Alaska Range from Anchorage. I grew up listening in awe to his remarkable stories about the Yup’ik Eskimos, the fascinating cases he oversaw and the occasional difficult decisions he had to make. My father was not the only person who ignited my passion for a job in the medical field. My grandmothers on both sides were registered nurses and my great-uncle was a family doctor in rural Tennessee. With so many medical professionals in my family, medical cases ended up being normal dinner conversation to my mother’s dismay. However, while my mother cut the stories short by shrieking: “No talking about blood at the table!” I listened intently and always took mental notes of the little snippets I did hear.
A strong memory I have from my childhood is of me digging through an anesthesiologist’s bag of lip balms and picking a flavor to be smeared in my gas mask in the pediatric orthopaedic unit at Johns Hopkins Hospital. It did not take long for me to find the perfect flavor: bubblegum. I remember being asked to count down from 100 after being exposed to the anesthetic. 8-year old me was quite concerned because 100 is a very big number and it would take a long time to count all the way down to zero. As you can probably tell, surgeries were a big part of my childhood. I was born with bilateral clubbed feet and was in and out of the hospital for multiple corrective surgeries on my feet and femurs throughout infancy and as a young girl over a period of ten years. I admired my pediatric orthopaedist and his team very much; not only for their skills but also for the way they always made me feel comfortable and secure. Every person who took care of me was so compassionate and exceptional at explaining to me what was happening so that I would not be afraid. I was incredibly fascinated by the work they did, asked a lot of questions, and even got a souvenir: the titanium plates and screws that were removed from my femurs. I know that without their immense dedication, both emotionally and medically, I would not be able to walk and run like everyone else. There is no way I can thank them enough for the wonderful life I have now. These experiences helped me understand what hospitalized patients go through, especially those preparing to go into major surgery. It is my dream to pass on the kindness and love that was showered upon me in the hospital as a child to other people in need.
My undergraduate degree is in biological sciences, but when it came time to think about a career I found myself drawn to clinical medicine. I volunteered at a free medical clinic and I am presently volunteering on a hotline for victims of domestic violence and sexual abuse. I shadowed several physicians and physician assistants in family practice, anesthesiology, and orthopaedics in order to discover more about being on the other side of the exam table. While shadowing, I became aware of my affinity to the physician assistant profession. All the PAs I had worked with were able to become close with their patients and they were enthusiastic about coming to work every day. In addition, their relationship with the physicians was durable and dependable and together they make a great team. Being able to change specialties without having to go back to school is also a wonderful advantage PAs have over nurse practitioners and physicians. There are many areas of medicine that appeal to me (family practice, trauma, orthopaedics, and sports medicine, to name a few) so having the flexibility to change specialties and try new things is of particular interest to me.
Currently, I am an ophthalmic technician in the float pool at the Wilmer Eye Institute at Johns Hopkins. Being a valuable part of the nation’s largest ophthalmic clinical and research enterprise has given me numerous opportunities to learn from world-renowned doctors about rare and difficult cases and care for patients from all over the globe. Working in the float pool requires great flexibility and knowledge; it’s imperative to know how each clinic operates and to remember what preferences specific doctors have concerning patient work-ups. This job has exposed me to nearly every ophthalmic subspecialty and I have gained crucial skills in taking accurate patient histories and administering an array of different diagnostic tests. I have received glowing reviews from patients and doctors in regards to how respectful and positive I am and how well I explain diagnostic procedures. It is so important to make sure patients know they are being heard and that they understand why we perform certain tests and what the process will be like. I will continue to do this as a future PA.
After completing PA school, I plan to work in a medically underserved area. Practicing in a rural area would immerse me in the fabric of the community and I would be able to know my patients and their families better. Having grown up in a small Virginia town, I love the small-town vibe where everyone looks out for each other when they are in need. I understand that being a PA in a rural area comes with a higher level of autonomy, but this draws me closer to the opportunity. I enjoy challenges, and have a lot of initiative and self-reliance. I was the first exchange student from Virginia Tech to go to Finland: I spent that academic year navigating a very different culture and academic system. During the summer of 2015, I also worked at a biological research station in a remote area of Arizona.
I am certain that rural work would give me unique experiences in the medical field, and my role as a PA would be more significant in a remote area than in a larger city. Enraptured by my dad’s cases in the Alaskan bush, my experiences living in Finland and traveling to remote areas of northern Europe, and my living at a field station two hours from the nearest grocery store, I firmly believe that being a PA in a rural setting is the career for me. “
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Julia,
Yes, there is a lot to say! The trick is to make what you say relevant for Admissions folks. Much of your writing about your childhood, including your surgeries, isn’t particularly helpful — adult experiences are far more important than those childhood stories. Cutting a lot of that will get you closer to your 5000 character/space CASPA limit. For example, this is what I’d do to your first two paragraphs (note, I added the word “also” to the first sentence of the second paragraph for the transition):
Living in the Alaskan bush is for the adventurous at heart. Meet my dad, a family physician newly graduated from residency when he was stationed at Kanakanak Hospital, a 16-bed facility in Dillingham, 330 miles across the Alaska Range from Anchorage. I grew up listening in awe to his remarkable stories about the Yup’ik Eskimos, the fascinating cases he oversaw and the occasional difficult decisions he had to make.
Surgeries were also a big part of my childhood. I was born with bilateral clubbed feet and was in and out of the hospital for multiple corrective surgeries on my feet and femurs throughout infancy and as a young girl over a period of ten years. I admired my pediatric orthopaedist and his team very much; not only for their skills but also for the way they always made me feel comfortable and secure. Every person who took care of me was so compassionate and exceptional at explaining to me what was happening so that I would not be afraid. I was incredibly fascinated by the work they did, asked a lot of questions, and even got a souvenir: the titanium plates and screws that were removed from my femurs. I know that without their immense dedication, both emotionally and medically, I would not be able to walk and run like everyone else. These experiences helped me understand what hospitalized patients go through, especially those preparing to go into major surgery. It is my dream to pass on the kindness and love that was showered upon me in the hospital as a child to other people in need.
Just with those edits, you’re only 34 characters/spaces over the limit. You can easily find other places to cut as well.
Overall, you have an excellent essay. However, I was confused to learn that you grew up in a small Virginia town. You’ll need to get us from Alaska to Virginia with a transitional sentence. Take out some of the fluff, and you’ll have plenty of space to put in the transition you need.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Julia says
Thank you so much! This is a huge help and I really appreciate you doing this.
Cindy says
Hello!
This is my current draft of my personal statement. Any type of feedback would be greatly appreciated. I’m about 1000 characters over the limit so let me know if any parts are not needed.
Thank you!
“I need blood! I need volume!” As we were turning the patient, he suddenly filled his chest tubes with enough blood to overfill his Pleur-evac and started spilling blood from his chest tube openings. Over the next two hours, the only thing I could do as a patient care technician (PCT) was to grab equipment and run back and forth from the blood bank while a constant stream of doctors, physician assistants (PA), and nurses rushed to find out what had happened. Eventually my shift ended but all I wanted to do was to help and watch as the cardiac surgery team worked together like an orchestra, opening the patient’s chest to attempt to stop the bleed. We all wanted to help save the patient but soon they discovered that his aorta re-ruptured. Finally, I had to step back from the scene, not understanding what could be done. One of the nurses tried to assure me, “It was not your fault. We are doing all we can,” but I wanted to do more.
Coming from a large immigrant community, I have always wanted to contribute my skills and knowledge to help my growing community. Just like my parents, many of the new immigrants originated from China or Vietnam. Thus, I have understood their struggles in finding adequate healthcare that is both assessable and reliable in a country where they did not understand its language. Fortunately, we have South Cove, our community health center that focuses on serving our diverse population. I have been a patient there since I was born and its doctors have always shown to be compassionate and welcoming. They always took the time and effort to explain every test and procedure step-by-step in my parents’ native language. If South Cove did not have the necessary resources or tools, they would also kindly refer us to a hospital with the appropriate care along with an interpreter, ensuring my parents that they would always understand what was happening and felt comfortable. Due to this strong patient-doctor relationship, my parents trusted their medical advice and did not ever worry about lacking proper healthcare. Witnessing these experiences first-hand, this type of patient-focused care has taught me how a few extra steps, such as keeping the patient informed and looking out for the patient’s best interests, can have a considerable influence on the patients. After these experiences with South Cove, I knew I wanted to wanted replicate this strong, yet compassionate type of relationship with underrepresented and underprivileged patients. As I begin my journey into healthcare as a PCT, I saw how I could do more— as a PA.
Working as a PCT in the cardiac surgery unit and the cardiovascular intense care unit has been a rewarding experience. Due to my ability to care for the patients before and after their open-heart surgery, I have become a familiar face that the post-operative patients depend on after waking up from anesthesia. It is a good feeling when the post-operative patients actually recognize me despite their disorientation to their medication; one patient once chucked with a grin, “Hey, I remember you.” The first time this occurred I realized how much of an impact I had on the patients and their care. I felt a familiar, conscious connection that the patients that I help care for are always being looked after, like how South Cove looked after my family. In my units, not only did the PCTs have this opportunity to build a trusting relationship with the patient but so did the PAs. The PAs were the ones responsible for caring for the patients on a day-to-day basis. They are always encouraging their patients and frequently visiting them for any concerns or questions. Just like my doctors were at South Cove, the PAs are active in the care of the patient: whether it was at the first step of surgery, such as explaining the differences between having an artificial or mechanical valve replacement, or in the middle of their stay such as deciding whether the patient is ready to be extubated, or even at the final step, such as discharging the patient and educating the patient on the dos-and-don’t of cardiac surgery. I have witnessed how the patients depended on the PAs and how the PAs were always there ready to help.
After shadowing and working closely with several PAs from several different fields, one of the PAs that stood out the most was Becky, a PA from the cardiac surgery team. She carried a strong sense of confidence when she conversed with the patients but also had a sense of understanding and concern whenever the patients voiced any questions or problems. Becky would take the additional time to explain what happens during open-heart surgery, showing diagrams on an iPad such as where the bypass veins go or what artificial valves look like. She made sure that her patients were well-informed, educated, and that they were confident in their treatment. During rounds, Becky would always walk into the patient’s room with a smile and a positive attitude communicating to the patient the plan for the day. Although she can have as many as twenty patients a day, Becky showed me the importance of patient education. She helped me realize that part of being a healthcare provider is also informing the patients about proper health care and management so they are able to care for themselves when home. Since then, I have learned a lot about the responsibilities of being a well-rounded PA that can not only provide diagnostic care but also preventative care through building strong relationships with the patients.
“Thank you for being with me each step of the way,” are comments from my patients that remind me every time that I can make a difference in the lives of others. I truly believe that I can further my future endeavors in healthcare by becoming a physician assistant and applying my experience from working as a PCT and the care I received from South Cove. These experiences have shaped me and demonstrated to that providing safe, therapeutic, and effective care to patients will results in a positive impact in patient well-being and healthcare.
Cindy says
Hi, I was actually able to shave off some more of my essay so here is a better draft but it still over the word count.
Thanks,
Cindy
“I need blood! I need volume!” As we were turning the patient, he suddenly filled his chest tubes with enough blood to overfill his Pleur-evac and started to spill blood out of his chest tubes. Over the next two hours, the only thing I could do as a patient care technician (PCT) was grab equipment and run back and forth from the blood bank while a constant stream of doctors, physician assistants (PA), and nurses rushed in to find out what happened. Eventually my shift ended but all I wanted to do was to stay to help and watch as the cardiac surgery team worked together like an orchestra, opening the patient’s chest to attempt to stop the bleed. We all wanted to help save the patient but soon they discovered that his aorta re-ruptured. Finally, I had to step back from the scene, not understanding what could be done. One of the nurses tried to assure me, “It was not your fault. We are doing all we can,” but I wanted to do more.
Coming from an immigrant community, I have always wanted to contribute my skills and knowledge to help my growing community. Just like my parents, many of the new immigrants originated from China or Vietnam. Thus, I have understood their struggles to find adequate healthcare that is both assessable and reliable in a country where they did not understand its language. Fortunately, we have South Cove, our community health center that focuses on serving our diverse population. I have been a patient there since I was born and its doctors were always compassionate and welcoming. They took the time and effort to explain every test and procedure step-by-step in my parents’ native language. If South Cove did not have the necessary resources, they would also kindly refer us to a hospital with the appropriate care along with an interpreter, ensuring my parents would understand what was happening and were comfortable. Due to this strong patient-doctor relationship, my parents trusted their medical advice and never worried about lacking proper healthcare. Witnessing these experiences first-hand, this type of patient-focused care taught me how a few extra steps, such as keeping the patient informed and understanding for the patient’s interests, can have a considerable influence on the patients. After my experiences with South Cove, I knew I wanted to wanted replicate this strong, yet compassionate type of relationship with underrepresented and underprivileged patients. As I began my journey into healthcare as a PCT, I saw how I could do more for my community— as a PA.
Working as a PCT in the cardiac surgery unit and the cardiovascular intense care unit has been a rewarding experience. Due to the opportunity to care for my patients before and after open-heart surgery, I have become a familiar face that the post-operative patients can depend on. It was a good feeling when they actually recognized me despite the disorientation from their medication; one patient once chucked with a grin, “Hey, I remember you.” The first time this occurred I realized the impact I had on my patients and their care. The feeling of always being looked at every step mimicked how South Cove looked after my family. In my units, not only did the PCTs have this opportunity to build a trusting relationship with the patient but so did the PAs. The PAs were the ones responsible for caring for the patients on a day-to-day basis. They are always encouraging their recovery and frequently visiting them to provide updates on their care. Just like my doctors were at South Cove, the PAs are active in the care of the patient: whether it was at the first step of surgery, such as explaining the differences between having an artificial or mechanical valve replacement, or in the middle of their stay such as deciding whether the patient is ready to be extubated, or even at the final step, such as discharging the patient and educating the patient on the dos-and-don’t of cardiac surgery. I have witnessed how the patients depended on the PAs and how the PAs were always ready to help.
After shadowing and working closely with several PAs from different fields, one of the PAs that stood out the most was Becky, a PA from the cardiac surgery team. She had a positive attitude and confidence when she talked with her patients but also had a sense of understanding and concern whenever the patients voiced any questions or problems. Becky would take the additional time to explain the process of their surgery, using figures from her iPad such as where the bypass veins go or what an artificial valve looks like. She ensured her patients were well-informed and were confident in their treatment. Becky helped me realize that importance of patient education, that part of being a healthcare provider is also informing the patients about proper care and management so that they are able to care for themselves at home. Since then, I have learned a lot about the responsibilities of being a well-rounded PA that can not only provide diagnostic care but also preventative care by building strong relationships with the patients.
“Thank you for being with me each step of the way,” is one of the comments that remind me each time that I can make a difference in the lives of others. I truly believe that I can further my future endeavors in healthcare by becoming a physician assistant and applying my experience from working as a PCT and the care I received from South Cove. These experiences have shaped my outlook on healthcare and demonstrated to that providing safe, therapeutic, and effective care to patients can have a positive impact on patient well-being.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Cindy,
You have an exciting opening, so leave out the acronyms in parentheses — they take us right out the story. Anyone reading this personal statement will know what they stand for, anyway. You’ll only need to put acronyms in parentheses for something outside the realm of medicine.
Watch for spelling/grammar errors — “assessable” instead of “accessible” for example. They may not seem like a big deal, but they matter to Admissions folks as they told me when I interviewed them for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement.” Why? A missed detail can result in death in health care. Many things wouldn’t be caught by spell-check, such as assessable, because it’s a real word. So be sure to have someone with great grammar/spelling skills proof your essay before you send it in.
The opening paragraphs are very strong. (In fact, your writing is excellent throughout). Then you have a problem. At the end of the second paragraph you write,”As I began my journey into healthcare as a PCT, I saw how I could do more for my community— as a PA.” It’s a great transition sentence, but you lose its impetus when you write the first sentence in the next paragraph: “Working as a PCT in the cardiac surgery unit and the cardiovascular intense care unit has been a rewarding experience,” and then continue to talk about your experience as a PCT. I expected to read how you could make a difference as a PA. You have close to 600 characters and spaces to cut. You could eliminate those first sentences in that paragraph, and start with the one that says, “In my unit, PCTs . . .” You’d have to modify it some, but that would take care of your overage. You’ll want to weave some of those first sentences back into your essay, so look for words here and there to cut. There are plenty of places to do it. For example, see how I’ve cut this sentence: Becky helped me realize that importance of patient education — informing the patients about proper care and management so that they are able to care for themselves.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Cindy,
See below where I commented on your current version.
Best regards,
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Hannah Dryden says
This is my first draft. It is 1,147 characters too long. Before I begin cutting my essay I would like to know if I am on the right track and if my essay has the correct tone.
It was the perfect blend of sweet and spicy. Like many times before, no recipe was followed. The best Brunswick stew is not made from a specific recipe, but instead from the variety of ingredients present in the kitchen; that’s the joy of its creation, inimitability. The Brunswick stew had been simmering for almost an hour and the flavors from its multitude of ingredients had finally blended. The final product was perfect; a one-of-a-kind flavor.
Much like the creation of this Brunswick stew, the best healthcare providers are those who have been created from a unique multitude of experiences. While grades, test scores, and patient experience are of the upmost importance; the strongest providers bring a variety of flavors to the table. They bring experiences of overcome hardship. They bring a humble spirit. They bring compassion. They bring empathy. Ultimately, these characteristics fused with a passion for diagnostic healthcare command my pursuit as a physician assistant.
It was the summer of 2014 and I had just recently begun my pursuit towards becoming a physician assistant. After many hours had been spent researching different fields of diagnostic healthcare, I had rapidly begun to develop a love for the field of medicine as a physician assistant. During my research, I was drawn to the diagnostic responsibilities of a physician assistant, the team structure of the healthcare field and the opportunity for continued education and challenges within the job title of a physician assistant. I had just begun an internship with MercyMed, a non-profit healthcare facility for the indigent and uninsured. As I shadowed Meghan, my passion for becoming a physician assistant was immediately confirmed. The trust Meghan and Dr. Scarborough shared was vital to the success of each patent and offered an excellent insight into the team model of the healthcare field. I admired the compassion and respect Meghan showed each patient as she carefully listed to his or her story. Meghan’s approach was more than just diagnostic. Whether the patient was being seen for diabetes, hypertension, or a wellness check-up, Meghan was invested in the mental, physical, and spiritual health of each patient. As I witnessed each patient experience, I knew I possessed many of the same qualities and attributes that made Meghan an excellent PA and drew her patients to trust her.
Since my internship at MercyMed, I have often been reminded why I pursue a future as a physician assistant. While working at the Medical Center, I often arrive to work to find I have been pulled to a different floor. It was a wet, frigid December morning and I had just arrived at my base nursing station. I was quickly informed of my transfer for the day and scurried off to the new unit to begin my duties. As a new employee, I had not yet been pulled to this particular floor and knew there would be lots to learn quickly before my shift began. Throughout the day, I strived to serve my patients well but often felt they were seeing a poor side of me. It took me longer than usual to find supplies and I was still struggling to remember each nurse’s name and the routines of this particular unit. Towards the end of the shift, I made my final rounds and entered my last patient’s room. I had assisted this patient many times throughout the day and each time the patient seemed very uninterested in conversing. This last visit was different. As I entered the room I heard a quite voice coming from the bed. “I don’t mean to come across rude, but do you mind if I ask you a question?” the patient asked. My curiosity immediately peaked. The patient proceeded to ask if I was in school. Immediately my heart sank. Could she tell I was new to the floor? I had tried my very best to be attentive to each patient and make him or her feel as comfortable as possible. Had I stood out as a new employee? Did my patient feel she had been served poorly? As I answered with a slightly timorous voice, I told her I was between schools and was hopeful to one day become a physician assistant. Her response was quite surprising. “Oh good! I ask because if you weren’t I was going to tell you to go. You have been so kind today and I can tell this isn’t just a job for you. Hospitals need more people like you.” In that moment I was reminded just why this career is so appealing to me. As a physician assistant each day would be an opportunity to positively impact, not only a patient’s health, but also his or her outlook on healthcare and humanity.
Though I struggled with grades during the beginning of my academic career, I learned how to overcome the challenges that were facing me. I learned the difference between memorization and learning. I learned how to balance school, work, and new responsibilities that came with college. I was promoted to an assistant manger at work, and simultaneously increased the difficulty of my classes while greatly improving my grades. I found a love for knowledge and quickly began asking myself how I could apply my education as an exercise science major to one day provide comprehensive healthcare to my patients. My love for knowledge has drawn me to becoming a physician assistant due to its continuous education. Unlike a nurse practitioner, the pathologic focused education of a physician assistant would allow a change in discipline offering more challenges as my career progressed.
Much like the Brunswick stew, the many flavors that would make me an excellent physician assistant have been blended. My natural characteristics and my learned habits have been combined. Academic challenges have taught me perseverance. Patient experiences have reinforced compassion while opening opportunities for education. Shadowing experiences have fueled my passion. Working alongside physicians and physician assistants has opened my eyes to the attentive nature of the healthcare industry. In resemblance to the stew, I am simmering, waiting for the opportunity to be tasted. I am fully prepared for the academic challenge ahead and eager to begin the journey of becoming a one-of-a-kind healthcare provider.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Hannah,
You are absolutely on the right track, with some exceptions. You can save a lot of characters and spaces in the first two paragraphs. For one, your readers don’t need the details about the Brunswick stew. In the conclusion, I definitely would delete this sentence: “In resemblance to the stew, I am simmering, waiting for the opportunity to be tasted.” That just sounds odd — like you’re ready to be cannibalized! At any rate, here’s how I’d edit those first two paragraphs (note that I’ve changed the last part — it didn’t make sense to me) :
The best Brunswick stew is not made from a specific recipe, but instead from the ingredients present in the kitchen; that’s the joy of its creation. Similarly, the best healthcare providers are those who have been created from unique experiences. While grades, test scores, and patient experience are of the upmost importance; the strongest providers bring variety to the table — experiences of overcome hardship, a humble spirit, compassion, empathy. These characteristics, fused with a passion for diagnostic healthcare, command my pursuit of a career as a physician assistant.”
With careful editing, you can delete enough to stay under the CASPA limit.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Megan Schiers says
This is my first draft and I am feeling a bit lost on what revisions to make. Thank you for the feedback!
Working as a dental hygienist in a town of less than 3,000 people and a dental office of only four employees, gossip travelled faster than wildfire. With applications opening soon, I knew it was time to be honest with my employer about my intentions. As Dr. Whetten was leaving the office that dark January day, I ran across the street to stop him before he got in his car. Breathless from apprehension, I told him of my plan to apply to PA school. After expressing his support of my educational and career aspirations, he asked, “How long have you wanted to be a PA?” Retrospectively, I replied, “Ten years.”
At age 15 I had my first experience with a PA. A high school cheerleading practice on near-septic wrestling mats had left me with small patches of erythematous oozing ulcers from my face to my legs. A visit to my family physician was in order. That day Dr. Hodges was accompanied by a PA student, James. Dr. Hodges let James diagnose my ailment as staph infection and determine the correct antibiotic treatment. This experience prompted my curiosity in the PA profession.
The following summer, I attended a pioneer youth camp where participants were grouped into “families” of a few youth and a set of parents, a “Ma” and “Pa”. My Pa for the week, Ben, happened to be a recent PA graduate. Ben explained that he had spent less than half the time and half the money as many physicians do, yet shared many of the same responsibilities and enjoyed the same fulfillment that came from being a medical provider. That summer, despite not knowing how to get from Point A to Point B, I decided that I was going to be a PA.
My freshman year at Brigham Young University was a year of distraction and confusion that resulted in intense personal and academic growth. A preoccupation with dating coupled with a lack of direction in my studies resulted in some exceptionally poor grades for which there is no excuse. The summer before my sophomore year was spent in much introspection, committing myself to be the successful student I knew that I could be and developing a concrete plan to get from Point A to Point B. That fall I returned to BYU to prove to myself that I could accomplish that goals I had set for myself. These goals included being accepted to Idaho State University’s Dental Hygiene program.
After transferring to ISU in January 2013, I met a young man and we quickly fell in love. In August of that year we were married, two weeks before I began the dental hygiene program. Carrying 18-21 credits a semester, working weekends at a psychiatric hospital, and building a marriage was challenging, but incredibly rewarding. Working with acutely mentally ill patients intensified my desire to work in a profession where I could help treat problems that significantly impacted a person’s quality of life. However, being newly married, having children and supporting a young family were at the forefront of my mind. The path from Point A to Point B had become blurred.
Three weeks into spring semester of my senior year, I learned that my husband had been unfaithful to me for several months. Ashamed and embarrassed, I found myself sitting in the student health center being tested for STIs. The PA that saw me was extremely kind and handled my situation professionally. The kindness extended to me by that PA not only rekindled my determination, but taught me an invaluable lesson about treating patients as people, not as problems to be solved. Going forward, I resolved to strive to show compassion to all of my patients just as this PA had shown me. My husband and I filed for divorce three days after I graduated. Instead of dwelling on the negative, I threw myself into shadowing PAs, taking chemistry courses that had not fit in my undergraduate schedule, and starting my career as a dental hygienist.
Looking for a fresh start, I accepted a dental hygiene position in a new state at a dental office smaller than a two-car garage. Working on a team of four people allows no room for selfishness, and teamwork is a strength that we excel at. Being the only hygienist, I have the privilege of seeing patients of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds. Going to the dentist can be scary for many people. I love that I get to take the time to get know my patients, alleviate their fears, educate them, and provide prophylactic treatment. I know that these skills will translate well in fulfilling the responsibilities that come with being a PA and look forward to providing treatment beyond preventive care to my patients.
Though realizing my dream to be a PA has waxed and waned, the desire to be more, to do more, and to help more has always been there. I know that a career as a physician assistant will allow me to fulfill that desire, and I know that my experiences over the last ten years have prepared me to be a compassionate, patient-centered provider.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Megan,
I really like this essay. You did a great job of revealing personal information without over-disclosing, which is very difficult to do. It made you human and showed your strength all at the same time.
I would like to see a little more time spent on why you’ve chosen the PA profession specifically. You could combine and shorten the second and third paragraphs to save gain space. Also, you could edit the first paragraph as follows:
Working as a dental hygienist in a town of less than 3,000 people, gossip travelled faster than wildfire. With PA school applications opening soon, I knew it was time to be honest with my employer about my intentions. As Dr. Whetten was leaving the office, I told him of my plan to apply. After expressing his support, he asked, “How long have you wanted to be a PA?” I replied, “Ten years.”
Careful editing of the rest of the essay will give you room to add a few important sentences about why you’ve chosen the PA profession.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Keiton Johnson says
Here’s my Personal Statement Essay. Any feedback is appreciated!
When I was in second grade, I awoke one morning in terrible pain. My ear was throbbing! My mother was a little suspicious of me trying to get out of school for the day. However, giving me the benefit of the doubt, she took me to the local community care. My experience with ear aches was narrow, and I was afraid my ear would hurt like this forever. The healthcare professional I met that day was kind and comforting. While looking in my ear, he said, “If I had an earache like this, I’d be in bed crying my eyes out!” He continued to joke and made me feel that things were going to be okay. I received bubble gum flavored amoxicillin, and in no time got back to important things like tag and baseball. His kindness influenced me to become a more caring and compassionate person. This experience has also drawn me towards the healthcare field. Whenever I witness an injury, I try to help and give comfort to those in need. As I’ve gone through life, there have been some injuries I was unprepared for.
As a camp counselor at a summer camp with 65 kids a week, I was provided with plenty of practice time. There were scrapes, bruises, and all around need for first aid. One afternoon, a young camper cut her leg on a piece of rusty, jagged metal. The laceration was very deep, the underlying adipose tissue was exposed, and there was a lot of blood. The injury was severe and caused the young girl to panic. I grabbed the first aid kit. While disinfecting and cleaning the wound, I spoke calmly to her and worked to stop the bleeding. The nearest hospital was 45 minutes away. We drove her there to receive further care. I wished there was more I could have done, but my experience and knowledge was limited. It became my goal to expand my education so the next time I would be able to do and give more.
While working as a phlebotomist, I have learned that that every patient has different needs. Most important to remember is that when something goes wrong with a procedure, or when a patient is hurting, he or she wants to know someone is there to help. Once, a patient was experiencing foot cramps due to a reaction from the citrate in the anticoagulant solution. The pain was excruciating, and we rushed to her aid. Having been trained for situations like this, a coworker rubbed her feet, while I helped keep her calm and prevented her from thrashing and hurting herself. A nurse provided Tums to the donor to help the cramps subside, and eventually we were able to pull the needle and get her home. I see her often, and she continues to express gratitude for my help that day. Having the knowledge to fully take care of the situation was empowering.
Working towards becoming a physician assistant has not deterred me from pursuing my hobbies. Technology has always been a strong point for me, and technology is quickly becoming a necessity in the medical field. New technologies allow for greater medical imaging, more precise surgical maneuvers, more precise and efficient documentation, among other great benefits. However, technology is only useful if it continues to work properly. I have been building computers, troubleshooting network issues, installing drivers and operating systems successfully for 10 years. Applying this knowledge would be both fun for me and useful for my future employers.
As a Physician’s Assistant, I will be helping more than earaches and leg gashes. I will have the opportunity to concentrate on people and the care and attention I will be able to offer them, as opposed to paper and payrolls. I have seen how difficult it is for a family to go through a medical trauma, and know good, caring healthcare professionals can make all the difference. A few years ago, my mother was in critical condition. She had lupus, and after a particular treatment she fell into acute kidney failure. My family was really scared for her. However, with good care, skilled medical personnel, and a lot of time, she is back to her active, healthy self. I have a real desire to be part of a growing profession that will not only provide well for my own wife and son, but will also permit me to help other families and contribute to my community.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Keiton,
Before I comment about anything else, I need to point out a major blunder in your essay. You call the profession “Physician’s Assistant” in your conclusion. I know you know better because you write it correctly earlier — “physician assistant.” A mistake like this can cost you an interview according to the Admissions folks I interviewed for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement.”
Now back to content. I do like your conversational approach to writing. It sounds natural and gives the reader an impression that you’ll be easy to relate to and talk with. That will make Admissions folks want to meet you and get to know you better, so it’s a big plus. Skip the opening paragraph, though. You spent 1,000 characters and spaces on something that happened when you were maybe 9-years old. And I’m not sure I buy that the one experience caused you to be a caring and compassionate person or led you to a healthcare career, either. It didn’t ring true.
What’s really missing from your essay is an significant discussion about your interest in the PA profession. You could reach every one of your stated goals in any number of professions. Your job is to explain why specifically, you’ve chosen the PA profession. Certainly you’ve done shadowing or had contacts with PAs. Write about those — what impressed you, what was different about the PA’s role from any other medical professional and why that appeals to you. Even your description about your mom’s illness (and I’m glad to here she’s recovered) doesn’t really help much. If it had involved PAs, then it would have been very powerful.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Kathy says
Hello! Thank you for offering this free service, I hope you enjoy what I have written
Her cries were the sounds of triumph.
Each tear that hit her shirt represented the victory of successfully learning when to take her blood sugars, or how to recognize the common signs of an upcoming sugar high or low. Those droplets that hung heavily on her lashes before joining the others that were stained to her shirt embodied her struggle to overcome her aversion to needles while simultaneously committing to heart the do’s and don’ts’s of navigating the dietary world of a diabetic.
While I sat next to my older cousin, Karine, rubbing her back and trying to console her, I was raking through my 14 year old mind trying to come up with a solution that might explain my cousin’s impassioned response to the PA’s words. While her reaction might have been an enigma to me at the time, the reason behind them was unmistakable. Karine had finally reached a place she previously thought was a far off daydream.
“Your A1c has come down from 10.1%, which is where you were when you originally started with the practice 4 years ago, to a 6.3%.”
As the PA sat with a proud smile on his face in the chair facing Karine, her mother, my mother, and myself delivering the results of her recent blood test, the sense of accomplishment was felt from all parties of the room with each word of praise and exaltation spoken by the PA thereafter.
Having only attended this follow up office visit with my cousin, I was able to see and feel first hand the relief and sense of accomplishment the PA felt in having aided my cousin in reaching this point of diabetic stability. I was able to hear and come to understand some of the struggles and set backs that Karine was able to overcome with the help, advice and guidance of the PA. It was as if in those 15 minutes of discussion, I was able to envision a vivid picture in my mind that illustrated the magnitude of just how far my cousin had come in just four short years.
It was only after the visit, once the tears were dry, the congratulations were shared, and a plan was formulated to continue on this path of success that I came to realize that I wanted to become a PA. I wanted to emulate the sense of encouragement and camaraderie I saw between Karine and the PA to all of my future patients. I wanted to motivate and help create the foundation for healthy living in every patient that I might come into contact with; and most of all, I wanted to provide, just as the PA did, the one thing that kept my cousin strong for those past 4 years; the hope that achieving a healthy lifestyle is a conceivable goal.
Working as a medical scribe for the last 8 months has only cemented this notion. Each day, I get the chance to better comprehend and identify the different approaches that are applied to each individual patient. I have been exposed to the process involved in the fruits that are produced in a healthy relationship between a patient and medical provider. I have come to observe that when a PA, in conjunction with other members of the health care team, are able to not only instill hope and a sense of support in a patient, that patient is able to attain that same sense of gratification that my cousin was able to achieve so many years ago.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Kathy,
You have a good start to the essay with an introduction to the PA profession (apart from a bit of melodrama, which I’ll address in a minute). However, that should take up just a couple of sentences, not most of the essay. While the experience you had as a 14-year old introduced you the profession, it is not enough to carry the entire essay.
One major problem is that wanting a career that creates hope or shows compassion is not exclusive to the PA profession. You could be an NP or MD and do the same. So what differentiates the PA profession for you from any other? Write about that.
I imagine you’ve encountered PAs in your work as a scribe or perhaps done some shadowing. Talk about those experiences. What impressed you about the PA’s work? Why is it right for you? You’ve got to convince Admissions folks that you completely understand the profession and have something to offer them.
Now back to the melodrama. Descriptions that are overwritten distract the reader. Example: “Those droplets that hung heavily on her lashes before joining the others that were stained to her shirt embodied her struggle.” The first thing that happens is I’m trying to envision droplets hanging heavily on lashes. I shouldn’t be thinking about that. Save those types of descriptions for a romance novel! Simply writing that she was teary tells everything we need to know. Even the opening line, “Her cries were sounds of triumph,” is a overdone. You know what you mean when you write “cries,” but we might be wondering what kind of cries you’re talking about — I thought it was a victory yell when I first read it.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Sarah Baune says
This is my personal statement and I would greatly appreciate any feedback. Thank you!
Geriatric care is not typically glamorous, it is strenuous heartbreaking work. Nevertheless, there are moments that you can help to restore some dignity and joy to the final days of a person’s life. Working as a certified nursing assistant, I was fortunate to experience this first-hand. This experience, along volunteering in developing nations, and living in a rural community has fueled my desire to pursue a career as a physician assistant.
Phyllis was a spunky elderly woman that had diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in her hip. She was placed on hospice and soon became bedridden. Phyllis would reminisce about how she would play the piano at horse shows using different tempos for the horses to lope, trot, or gallop. With the help of the other staff, we were able to assist Phyllis into a wheelchair and wheel her to the piano. She would start to play and laugh whenever she hit a wrong note, saying that she needed to “unstuck” her fingers. It wasn’t long before she was exhausted and asked to go back to her room. After assisting her back into her bed, Phyllis reached up to squeeze my hand and thanked me for letting her play again.
That night I went home exhausted after a hard day’s work yet happy and fulfilled. Phyllis slipped further into dementia and eventually didn’t recognize me, nor remember ever playing the piano. The memory of her giggling, trying to “unstuck” her fingers will always be a treasured memory of mine. Working as a CNA I get to interact directly with residents, however, I am limited in what I can do for them. As a physician assistant, you have the knowledge and ability to be more involved with the care plan of an elderly patient and to do more than simply wheel them to a piano.
One summer I was able to volunteer at a Platforma de Chagas in Tarija, Bolivia. Dr. Palacios asked a patient who had tested positive for Chagas to come back to the clinic in two weeks so that we could determine if the medication was effective. The patient looked terrified. In order to make it to the clinic that day, he had left behind his work on the farm and ridden a mule for two days to make it to the clininc. My heart went out to this man as I saw the fear and defeat in his eyes. Simply making it to the clinic had been a huge obstacle for him. The resources were available to this patient and to other Bolivians, but accessing care was a major problem. This experience opened my eyes to the challenge of providing access to care for all individuals, especially those in developing nations.
While healthcare in the United States is more advanced in many regards when compared to Bolivia, access to services is still a challenge in several rural areas. The hospital in my hometown, Syringa General Hospital, is a registered critical access hospital with only sixteen beds. Patients needing a higher level of care than can be provided at Syringa must be transported 200 miles. Many rural counties are classified as medically underserved areas due to severe health care provider shortages. Physician assistants have increasingly been used to fill this gap and have become a valuable component of rural health care. Growing up on a wheat farm and living in a rural community I have an understanding and deep appreciation for the rural lifestyle. I recognize the need for more physician assistants in rural areas and firmly believe that I can be a part of the solution.
In order to be a part of this solution, it requires great dedication to my education. Graduating as valedictorian from high school and with Honors Ad Majorem in my collegiate courses, I have demonstrated the ability to succeed with a rigorous course load.
Working as a CNA, volunteering in developing nations, and being raised in a rural community I have seen and know the need for qualified health care professionals. A physician assistant is an occupation that equips me with the skills and opportunities to provide quality compassionate care to the geriatric community and other underserved populations. My personal experiences have helped me to develop characteristics necessary to be both an excellent student and physician assistant. These experiences demonstrate my work ethic, capacity to learn, and compassion for others that drive my motivation to be a physician assistant. Attending your school would allow me the opportunity to apply the skills and lessons I have learned to be both an exceptional student and physician assistant.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Sarah,
You have a lot of great experience — growing up in a rural community with a small hospital, work in a foreign clinic and as a CNA — and an excellent academic career. All of that makes you an excellent candidate for the PA profession.
The challenge is to write an essay that truly captures those experiences and equally important, to explain your connection to the PA profession and why your PA related experiences (shadowing, work, conversations, etc.) have convinced you it’s the right career for you. Right now, when you talk about the role of the PA, it’s general, not personal. Don’t talk about it from a second person point of view — “As a physician assistant, you have the knowledge and ability . . .” You could have taken a PA’s job description from the Internet.
In your opening paragraph, you summarize your experience. I’d open with whatever you feel is most compelling (my vote it growing up in a rural community with a small hospital because it gave you the first awareness of the importance of rural medical providers) and then transition to the other topics as you move through your essay.
You spend a lot of time on Phyllis, too much time. We don’t need all those details. The goal of the essay is to show why you want to be a PA and why you’d be a good one. Showing your compassion and your interest in working with geriatric patients is excellent, but keep it short.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Sarah Baune says
This helps a bunch, thank you for you comments and for providing this service!
Mark says
Hello! I just recently completed my Personal Statement, and would love a review, and some possible pointers. Thanks so much for the kind service!
When I was 4 years old, I ran away from preschool. This idea came during recess when I decided I had better toys at home. I marched up the sidewalk of a busy, 4-lane thoroughfare with one goal—to get home. My quest was delayed when an elderly woman stopped to rescue me from possible disaster. I climbed in her car, and with a little help from me for directions, she drove me safely home. My mother was distressed but not surprised when I came skipping up to the front door. She knows I was born to be a problem-solver and never deterred from attaining my goals. I believe that doubt gets in the way of achievement. From a very young age, I chose to act rather than be acted upon. Through the years, my instinctive capacity to overcome obstacles continued to govern my drive to achieve. My interest in medicine began at an early age. My father is a PA. I was always eager to look through his otoscope, examining his ears or throat. He then put his stethoscope in my ears, letting me listen to my heart or lungs. I was intrigued with his job, and as I matured, I found my interest grew. My attraction to the PA profession began when, as a college student, I shadowed my dad, watching him interact with his patients during visits. It was exciting to see him listen carefully as they described their symptoms. Following exams or tests, he reached a diagnosis and prescribed treatment. I watched intently as he performed procedures, placed casts, or sutured wounds. Observing him helped solidify my decision to pursue a medical career. I would later have the chance to practice these same skills first-hand as I attended Pre-Med Society in college. Focused on a medical career, my college education offered openings for great achievement and new challenges. I faced new scientific ideas, some of which were difficult to grasp. While earning a passing grade, I chose to retake a chemistry class in order to better understand the material. I resolved to master these difficult concepts, and then shared my knowledge with others through tutoring. I felt well qualified to help those struggling with these concepts because I had conquered them myself. I not only helped them understand, but also tried to instill in them the confidence needed to succeed. My learning expanded during my internship with a rheumatologist where I applied techniques studied in college. I conducted research using principles learned in Biochemistry. Valuable lab experience was gained as experiments were performed, calculations made, and results analyzed. This research further increased my capacity as a problem solver. During my volunteer work, I spent time in the ER of a local hospital where I observed how everyone plays a different but equally important role in a HC setting. My role was to offer hospitality to patients and their families. Whether I was changing bedding, sterilizing rooms, or offering comfort, I enjoyed aiding in the quality of patient care. As a PA, I hope to instill unity with co-workers, operating as a single unit with a common purpose. There are essential traits a HC provider should possess. I discovered this through personal experience when my wife was diagnosed with MS. It was crucial to me that she was adequately cared for. I attended every seminar, appointment, and MRI with her to better understand this disease. During our visits with physicians, we noted their various personal traits. We quickly recognized and appreciated the extra time given by genuinely interested providers as they addressed our questions and concerns. It is a gift to be able to provide comfort and reassurance to patients and their loved ones, alleviating fears that often come with health problems. My priorities as a PA would include helping patients feel important, cared for, and understood. These are defining characteristics that can lead to lifelong patient-provider relationships. Confidence is another critical trait for any HC provider. No one knows for certain how he or she will respond in a stressful situation until it occurs. One day, while working as a phlebotomist at a plasma center, a new donor called for my help. She was having a reaction to the procedure, and began seizing violently. Acting quickly I was able to anchor the donors arm down to keep it from flexing and forcing an 18-gauge needle fully into her arm. This was a defining experience as I recognized I possessed the confidence needed to perform well in high-stress situations. It was rewarding to help ease the donors’ fears during a stressful and painful event. Through my natural desire to accept challenges, a genuine interest in medicine, and my educational experiences, I feel I have laid the groundwork for a successful career as a PA. Above all, I have a desire to assist patients with physical and emotional needs during times of illness or injury. I know I possess the attributes needed to excel in this field. These qualities will only expand while attending PA school as I am introduced to new thoughts and ideas.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Mark,
I was sorry to read about your wife’s MS diagnosis. I hope she is responding well to treatment. She is lucky to have a medically knowledgeable person for a husband.
And you are lucky that your dad is a PA. You have intimate knowledge of the profession, something that puts you miles ahead of many other candidates. Capitalize on that. So instead of the cute story about you running away, which by the way would need to go regardless — Admissions folks are not interested in childhood stories but rather your adult experiences — start with information about your dad and how that led to your interest in the profession.
The essay has excellent bones, but needs refinement. Is it true that you didn’t become interested in the profession until you shadowed your dad in college? That didn’t sound right to me. I would reword that part. I imagine the reality is that shadowing confirmed your interest in the profession and rounded out your understanding of the profession.
I can’t tell from the format here whether you have separate paragraphs when you transition from subject to subject. If you haven’t, of course, you’ll need to.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Mark says
Sue,
Thank you so much for the feedback! In answer to your question I want to confirm that yes, my interest and decision to pursue the PA profession was confirmed through the shadowing of my dad.
I have a question though, if I indent each of my paragraphs will that waste characters that could be used in the essay? I have separate paragraphs when transitioning but was worried that doing so would use up precious characters needed for my essay.
You have been a great help, thank you!
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Mark,
Glad if my comments help.
CASPA doesn’t allow indented paragraphs, so that makes your decision easy!
Best regards,
Sue
Minhaj says
Hey guys, I just want to mention I constructed this essay with great help from purchasing your How to book! This is my third draft and I am almost ready for submission once I hear your input on it:
What is my passion? I have been on the journey for the answer to that profound question for years.
Society typically identifies passion as an innate calling – you either have it or you do not. If you cannot identify your passion, it can be devastating. I felt that without a passion I did not know what my purpose was. I was desperate for a magical burst of inspiration, although it never came.
I applied to college, and began attending CUNY City. Due to ignorance and a lack of direction, I lost the drive to show up. After three semesters of WU’s and F’s I was ultimately dismissed.
During my time off from school, I resolved that passion is something I would actively discover. I missed being in a classroom, and being exposed to new ideas. I realized that passion is something that may be planted in me over the course of learning.
Education became my priority, and I began a new chapter through the New Start program at Kingsborough College. After three semesters of classes, I felt that I had an aptitude for science courses. After excelling in anatomy and physiology, and recognizing my eagerness to learn more, I began picturing a career in medicine.
I considered applying for a Physician Assistant (“PA”) Program, due to their ability to be qualified to practice medicine for a fraction of the time and money it requires to become physicians. I began to seek out experiences to help me comprehend what a healthcare profession entails. I took a course during the summer of 2015, and received a Certified Nurse Assistant (“CNA”) certificate.
My healthcare experience began as a CNA employed at Sheepshead Nursing and Rehab Center (“SNRC”). At SNRC, I was quickly exposed to the harsh reality of patient care. Diseases can be gruesome and patients are not always obliging and grateful. Despite the challenges, I loved working with patients. Assisting the elderly and vulnerable is a great blessing and everyday I left work with a deep satisfaction.
One day, I met a woman. Her name was Anna and she was tired of sitting in her wheelchair. She tells me she is an active person and can’t sit for too long. I lock her wheelchair and stand next to her as I give her a chance to stretch her legs. Everyday at 10:30 AM I look forward to seeing Anna in the dining room. I grow fond of her country accent and warm presence. The wrinkles on her face tell a story and I can sense that something is troubling her.
Anna tells me about her life working on a farm, how her husband was “the sweetest man in the world” but it is only when I ask about her children that Anna reveals her heart’s pain. Her youngest son, Robert is dying from cancer and Robert’s wife does not allow Anna to contact him. As she contemplates the loss of her child I see a grief that will last forever. Not knowing what else to do, I simply hold her hand and pour the warmth of my heart into it. “It’s people like you that make the world a better place” she tells me “because you have compassion”.
Medicine is a mixture of science and soul and it was this touching experience with Anna that made me realize it was not my aptitude for science that brought me here but my soul’s deepest cry to be a part of something greater than myself.
Working at SNRC I briefly considered becoming a physical therapist (“PT”) or nurse but opted not because my interests are broader than exercise and I want to be the one to create the plan of action for my patients. As a PA I would also have the flexibility to work in various specialties including orthopedics whereas PTs do not.
In November 2016, I began shadowing Lewis, a PA in the emergency room at Queens Hospital. Lewis is positive, energetic and seems to always have a moment and a good word for everybody. From the initial assessment to discharge, Lewis interacts with his patients at every step making them feel comfortable and cared for. With his medical knowledge, he makes decisions for his patients autonomously and works collaboratively with all members of the care team. Although the team is physician-led, it is the PAs who have the greatest patient interaction while their attendings spend most of their time reviewing charts.
My heart’s desire to be a PA was cemented from the first day in that emergency room and I continue to shadow Lewis because I love the environment of the hospital and I love learning about medicine. I want to be able to care for my patients and to cure them as well.
As I look back on my journey, I know my passion to be a PA has not been obvious; it needed to be discovered and developed through action, exploration and work. I have learned that passion isn’t a cause of taking action, but a result, and I am grateful for the clarity that undertaking this path has given me. I look forward to using my passion and life experiences to become a compassionate and dedicated PA.
Ishtyaq Qadri says
Take all the negatives and self questioning out.
Readjust the paragraphs, when you start talking about being a PA place the second to last paragraph which starts with my hearts desire first.
If you are applying for PA school then don’t compare it with a medical school.
Check the number of words for where ever you are applying.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Minhaj,
I’m glad you found the book helpful. That’s our goal!
You’ve incorporated many of our recommendations into your essay — tying your opening to the conclusion and addressing poor grades are two. However, your essay is not ready to send off just yet. It needs editing, more than I’d do here, but I’m hoping the following comments will help.
First, I’d cut so that your first and second paragraphs are combined into one. I recommend continue your theme into the paragraph about your grades, so your first couple of paragraphs could read something like this:
“What is my passion? I had been on the journey for the answer to that profound question for years. I felt that without a passion I did not know what my purpose was. I was desperate for a magical burst of inspiration.
I applied to college, and began attending CUNY City. Uninspired, and lacking direction, I lost the drive to show up. After three semesters of WU’s and F’s I was ultimately dismissed.”
The paragraph that starts with “I considered applying to a Physician Assistant Program . . .” is wishy-washy. It needs to be much stronger (and grammatically correct, too).
Your example about Anna is great. However, it starts in the past and transitions into present. But it is not a smooth transition. Make it all present or all past. I like the idea of making it present. You’d just have to rewrite that first sentence. If you’re going to break up Anna’s quote, add the proper punctuation.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Jason Anderson says
Hey, I would really like some feedback on my essay, this is my first draft. I apologize for the abbreviations. I’m currently over the 5,000 character limit and I can use some help editing.
I wish I could give the old “I’ve been wanting to be a physician assistant since the day I was born” story, but for me that just wasn’t the case. Let’s start at the beginning of my career in healthcare when I was a meager patient transporter with very little knowledge of the medical field. Here I met a friend, who was a physical therapist. Through talking with her and seeing her work with her patients sparked a new interest the art of physical therapy. I began to do my research, diligently. Soon after, with the approval from the hospital I began shadowing her. Each passing day through shadowing and researching I became more and more intrigued. Now I finally had a purpose. The next semester I enrolled in classes at my local community college with intentions of become a physical therapy assistant. Unfortunately, due to some very poor grades at my previous institution, I put myself in a position in which I would have to overcome great odds. This PTA program was the only one in New Orleans an one of only two programs in Louisiana. Needless to say, admission was highly competitive. I applied to the program three consecutive years, finally getting accepted on the third attempt. I can honestly say that this was the most frustrating period of my life. Each time I failed to get accepted was heart wrenching even though it was ultimately what I deserved for my poor academic start. But I wouldn’t be stopped. I asked questions, learned what would make e a better applicant, and retook classes until I got accepted. Mounting onto my academic struggles during this time, about a month before I found out that I was accepted my father passed away in an unforeseen boating accident. My father was everything to me. He tried to tell me the importance of education, planning my future, and how mistakes can follow you forever. I wish I would of listened then. I also wished he could of seen the day I got accepted, because what I wanted most on that day was to make him proud. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.” From this point forward I was changed in a way in which I never expected. I was now more mature, understanding, patient, and wiser. I was becoming a man. I was becoming my father. After PTA school, I was in search for a new beginning. I moved to Florida to begin my career as a PTA with intentions of practicing for a year then enrolling in school to earn my bachelors on the way to becoming a physical therapist. I worked at Winter Haven Hospital on a stroke certified rehab unit where I gained tremendous experience rehabbing all sorts of patients from various ortho, SCI, CVA, TBI, autoimmune disorders, and many other debilitating diagnoses. I was blessed to work with people who took me in as one of their own and taught me everything they knew. I worked at this facility for over a year while attempting to enroll at USF in Tampa. The next year I switched to PRN at Winter Haven and accepted a full-time position at St. Joseph’s Hospital. This was a trauma hospital, so here I was able to rehab many patients who were victims of motorcycle accidents, MVA, GSW, and many other sorts of trauma along with the aforementioned diagnoses. During these years I had some amazing experiences with patients. After some of these tragedies and diagnoses some patients are at their lowest, some will never be the same. Being one of the people involved in making a difference and changing their lives for the better was invaluable and their have been patients who have in turn had a greater influence on me than they ever will know. If I had to choose one patient that stands out it would be a 17 year old boy who was pistol-whipped and suffered multiple fxs. There was so much swelling he had to have a craniotomy. When I first saw him he was wheelchair bound, unable to speak, and barely able to move his arms and legs. Before he left our facility he was able to progress to walking with a walker, writing his name and beginning to speak. After he left us he frequently visited. Each time he was better and better to the point where he was walking without a walker, speaking normally and close to making a full recovery. I wish I could see him now. After multiple failed attempts of trying to get into school, I moved back home to attend UNO where my credits were accepted but now with a new goal on my mind. One of my coworkers introduced the PA profession to me and immediately a new interest was sparked. Although I physical therapy, I have been a PTA for over four years now. I want more of a challenge. More autonomy, more knowledge, more flexibility. I want to help people in a different way. After my research I was already in the bag. After beginning to shadow, seeing what my mentors do on a daily basis in the clinic and the OR I was obsessed. Every day when I’m reviewing my patient’s charts I’m continuing to learn, looking up diagnoses, medicines, and treatments, teaching myself and preparing for my new career. My new obsession. I realize my GPA isn’t the strongest due to early mistakes, immaturity, partying, and not applying myself. But once I decide I’m going to achieve something I’m indestructible. Even if it takes three consecutive years applying, I will reach my goal and continue to make myself and my father proud.
Ishtyaq Qadri says
No self pity, be proud of who you are and what you did. Be positive and use strong words that exude confidence. The word meager should be deleted.
Be honest but don’t divulge information freely unless specifically asked for. They will go through your records anyways so make this personal statement an honest glowing recommendation for yourself.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Jason,
First, please accept my condolences for the loss of your father.
I have several concerns with your essay. First, you spend a lot of time getting to the point where you’re a PTA and little time on what you actually know about the PA profession and why it appeals to you. That should be a major part of your essay and not the other way around.
Next, while it’s important to explain poor grades, you belabor the point unnecessarily, and that includes pointing out it took you three tries to get into PTA school.
Another problem arises when you discuss your father. I’m sure he is the gold standard to you, but I’d omit everything you write about him, and especially an unattributed quote. The exception is if it impacted your grades, which is kind of hard to tell from the way the essay is written. You’ve been an adult for some time now, and the writing about your dad makes you seem less mature than you are.
Despite progressing chronologically, the essay is disjointed. Eliminating the details about trying to get into PTA school and the parts about your dad will help. Also, skip the parts about intending to go to PT school and not getting into USF (I assume). You don’t explain why you decided to enroll in a PRN course, but you’ll need a good reason other than you didn’t get into USF.
A couple of other things — when you decide to do something you’re not “indestructible,” you’re “unstoppable.” And don’t use contractions — they’re disfavored in academic essays. There are places where you left out words, too. When you talk about mentors, if they’re PAs, say so.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Kurt Walsh says
I know that I am probably not your traditional PA applicant. I know that my G.P.A is not as high as it should be and that this is my fault. Like most students from my neighborhood, I originally only went to college because my mom forced me too. Unfortunately, I did not apply myself because I did not truly want to be there and it reflected in my grades. I wish that I had a miraculous story to tell about how I changed my life due to a near death experience or some deep loss but I do not. Truth is, my life all changed when I opened a book, well a few books actually.
Sitting inside of Barnes and Nobles one day, while waiting on friend to accompany me to a movie, I decided to charge my phone. The only charger available was in the wall in the eastern philosophy/religion section. While there I stumbled upon a book called “The Paths to Enlightenment”. This book led me to come back the next day and read another book and Before long I ended up reading 80% of the books in that section. The concepts and mental clarity these books gave me inspired me to better myself and try to help others. I tried to share the knowledge with my friends at the time but they were not interested and I realized that I started myself on a new path that I would have to walk alone. I stopped hanging out on weeknights and began volunteering at a volunteer ambulance company in the area I grew up in as a way to give back to my community.
While working there I came across a young man, slightly older than me, who was shot at a party he was attending. I can still vividly remember arriving on scene and his girlfriend and other friends crying to me, pleading for me to save him while the look in his eyes read, “Please don’t let me die”. I stabilized him then brought him to the hospital in time for them to successfully remove the bullet. I went back to check on him a few days later and his mother along with the rest of his family were there. They all approached me with the warmest of welcomes and thanked me from the bottom of their hearts for saving him. It was then that I knew that the medical field is where I belonged but I wanted to do more than stabilize him until I got him to the hospital, I wanted to be apart of the team that removed the bullet.
It was that moment that I realized I wanted a degree in medicine. I became friends with a lot of the staff (MDs, PAs and nurses) in the hospitals that frequented with patients and they informed me to look into the PA position. I took their advice and after some research into several different roles in healthcare decided that this is what I wanted to do with my life. I thought about nursing, but I enjoy solving problems too much to not be able to diagnose and be limited to following orders. I wanted to be the one to create the plan of action for my patients. I considered becoming a doctor, but found that physician’s assistants have many advantages that the MDs do not. I find that I work best as part of team and being able to share ideas with others will allow me to realize new approaches that I may not have thought of myself increasing patient care efficacy. I have also taken into consideration the length of schooling and cost. I like the fact that the program is so high paced. I often find myself more involved in classes that match my learning speed as opposed to those that are drawn out. And one can easily spot the advantage of having medical school debt to PA school debt. With the end goal of becoming a surgical PA, I buckled down and mapped out a life plan for myself. I selected biology major and my life has not been the same since.
Mark Twain said “The two most important days in your life are the day you’re born and the day you find out why”. I believe that I have now discovered that. With my newfound interest and the knowledge I wish to obtain from your program, I feel that I can touch the lives and help a lot of people. Whether healing someone one in the hospital or giving inspirational talks to the youth in my neighborhood, I want to be able to wake up every morning knowing that I am uplifting someone.
Ishtyaq Qadri says
Hey, Kurt ! The statement is good. Here is the issue. All the schools have a minimum GPA requirement so if you make that you are good and you don’t have to shoot yourself in the foot by the opening statement
“I know that I am probably not your traditional PA applicant. I know that my G.P.A is not as high as it should be and that this is my fault. Like most students from my neighborhood, I originally only went to college because my mom forced me too. Unfortunately, I did not apply myself because I did not truly want to be there and it reflected in my grades. I wish that I had a miraculous story to tell about how I changed my life due to a near death experience or some deep loss but I do not.
This spells negativity and you don’t have to dwell on that. You can open on a positive note. To me, it throws me off.
The question is what is a traditional student?
Don’t repeat stuff which the admissions people or school already know…e.g fast paced and limited to following orders….remember you will have a supervising physician who may ask you to do something differently and you are marking your back …
My 2 cents !
Good Luck
I would open on a positive note about the b & n incident.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Kurt,
Before I get to the heart of the essay, I need to point out a glaring error. You get the name of the profession wrong. It is never “physician’s assistant.” The correct name is “physician assistant.” That alone is enough to keep you from being invited for an interview in many cases. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty from across the country for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” all said if a person doesn’t know the name of the profession it’s a red flag.
You have a couple of other grammar type errors, too — one is that punctuation always goes inside end quotation marks, not outside. Details matter, too, to Admissions folks as a missed one can lead to death when dealing with patients.
Now to the heart. You do a good job of explaining your less than stellar grades while taking us on your journey from lackluster student to PA school applicant. It’s important to explain the grades and any other negatives to your application. Again, Admissions folks I interviewed said they want these explanations. However, when you get to why you want to be a PA as opposed to doctor, you lose your focus. I’d omit this entire part: ” I have also taken into consideration the length of schooling and cost. I like the fact that the program is so high paced. I often find myself more involved in classes that match my learning speed as opposed to those that are drawn out. And one can easily spot the advantage of having medical school debt to PA school debt.”
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Brittany Moore says
Hello. I would greatly appreciate any feedback for my personal statement essay. Thank you.
If you could write a book what would you say? Would you say that your life was memorable and meaningful, or plain and mediocre? Did you get to see the aurora borealis with your loved ones? Did you cherish those family dinners? Did you take time to be thankful for being able to smell the freshness of the air and to walk on two feet and two legs? Some people do not have these opportunities in life. It is our responsibility in some way or another to be grateful for that we do have and to help those who do not have. This responsibility has made me venture into the vast world of healthcare. Here is my version of events. Chapter one begins with me crying hysterically in a gas station. Let us rewind a bit. My mother told me to give her a call back when I could because my brother had a stroke and was checked into the hospital. I thought to myself that he is healthy and he is thirty two years old. He is alright. So I called her back and she did not answer. I began to worry about the situation some but not much. Several hours later I was crying in a gas station in deep denial that he had passed away. He died from sudden cardiac arrest. This situation helped to strengthen me as a person and allowed me to be able to better overcome obstacles in life. Being a physician assistant has many obstacles such as losing a patient that is dear to you. Death is always strange but it is important to realize it is inevitable and this situation has made me more passionate about fighting for life as best I can. I want to prevent sickness from occurring by preventative care. Chapter 2 starts off on a lighter note. My friend Kiara and I are at a party at Jackson State University. I told myself that night would be perfect. Fate would not allow that to happen. After dancing to a song by Rihanna all I could hear was what sounded like fireworks. I thought to myself it is not the occasion for fireworks but I can live with it. My reaction changed in an instant when I saw a swarm of people running towards my direction. A man opened fire. People were injured and Chelsea from my home town was helpless and passed out in the street. She was immobile from a seizure she had at the block party. My best friend and I carried Chelsea up the street with the help of her friends. This made me realize just how much saving a life can be important. I felt this need to be everywhere to help everyone who needed it in the best way I could. I could not but I was blessed I had the opportunity to help lighten someone else’s load. My chapter in progress focuses on my present day life. I am from the Mississippi Delta where the soil is rich and deep and the people are even more complex. I volunteer at a nursing home and at a hospital in Jackson. I have met incredible people there. During my tenure I have had the chance to speak with intriguing people. One person who blows me away with optimism is a patient named Mr. Alloway. He is a paraplegic. Whenever I visit him he discusses his time in Chicago and about how he lost his limbs. He reminds me to stay in school and be positive because I could be bedridden and not being able to enjoy life to the fullest but he reminds there is always something to be thankful about. Another profound volunteer experience I had was in Jackson. At the University of Mississippi Medical Center Ryan sat beside me playing guitar hero. He was full of life and energy and he always had something to talk about. This particular day he seemed happier than usual. He was having a party. I asked my volunteer coordinator why was he having a party and she responded that his cancer went into remission. I was ecstatic. I only spent a few weeks seeing him and he was always sad. It was wonderful to see him happy and his mother even happier because they could finally go home and have his life back to normal again. I would see doctors, nurses and physician assistants come to help him whenever his machine beeped too long or he had trouble in his room. It was an even greater experience to see them just as happy as I was because he received quality care from a group of healthcare providers. This made the physician assistant profession even more appealing because they were able to constantly give Ryan attention when needed. As you can see it is a pretty short novel so far. I’ve lived my narrative and I’m still continuing to do so. My experiences are limited but will only grow with time. I can only hope that someday it will speak volumes about my personal and professional life. Being a physician assistant to me is about more than flexible work hours or a change of pace. It is about serving my fellow man and helping them to continue writing their narratives of life
Ishtyaq Qadri says
This is powerful and emotive but the question is why do you wish to be a PA?
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Brittany,
I only give out one free comment and I’ve done one for you already.
Best of luck,
Sue Edmondson
Heather Haessler says
In healthcare, we experience moments that can bond us to a patient forever. We hold these moments in our hearts as a reminder, when times get tough and days get long, that this is our purpose. Purpose in this case can be defined as that feeling in your heart when you know you’ve made a difference. In the hospital setting trust often develops between a patient and a healthcare provider in a moment of vulnerability.
The first time I met Todd he was a patient in Interventional Radiology scheduled for a PICC line. He was fresh from colon resection surgery and ready to start TPN. We were waiting for the Radiologist, conversing about pain management and what I could do to make him more comfortable when his surgeon entered the room. He had come to round on Todd. I will never forget the following conversation for as long as I live. I think it happens all too often in healthcare today.
Dr. T walked up to Todd and said, “Well I assume your family told you that the surgery went fine yesterday and that we found some cancer in there. But we will worry more about that later, right now we need to get your belly healing and get you some nutrition. Is your pain doing okay today?” To this Todd replied, “I’m sore everywhere.” Dr. T said, “That’s to be expected. We will get you feeling better very soon. I will be back to see you again tomorrow.” And with that he left the room.
Within seconds I could see the tears welling in Todd’s eyes. I grabbed a box of tissues and handed him a few. In that moment, I touched Todd’s hand, had a seat and listened. As soon as he could speak, Todd told me that he did not have any family here for his surgery yesterday and up to that moment no one had mentioned anything to him about cancer. He went on to tell me that two weeks’ prior his wife had left him and took their children. He had come home from work to an empty house. To this day, Todd has no idea that I can relate to this part of his story. My father experienced this same loneliness almost a decade ago. I spent many days and late nights talking my father through the darkness and depression of a sudden separation.
Over the next few weeks I would see Todd several times for various exams. We would talk about how things were going and attempt to find silver linings in all he was going through. After many peaks and valleys Todd was finally discharged the other day, but he didn’t leave without stopping by to say Thank You. He will begin his chemotherapy next week and you can bet I will stop in to say hi.
Many patient moments have touched my heart but none have implored me as much as that five-minute conversation between Todd and Dr. T. I have now been directly involved in health care for 14 years and nearly every day has brought me great joy. To be a part of a patient’s day and to care for someone at the lowest or scariest moment in their life is a blessing. There are certainly many pleasures in life but for me, none is greater than that which I find in providing the healing touch for another.
Heather Haessler says
I would kindly appreciate any advice that you are willing to offer. Thanks
Ishtyaq Qadri says
You have to find a way to compress the experience into a single paragraph and write more about yourself and why you want to be a PA and what qualities you have imbibed via your interactions to be a good PA. That is the focus. You have used a lot of real estate and words to describe someone else…..
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Heather,
This is a good start to your personal statement, but it is not complete by any means. Why take the leap from your current position (whatever it is — tell us) to the PA profession? You’re already providing a healing touch, so your job here is to show why it’s no longer enough for you after all this time.
Write about your contact with PAs, what impresses you about the profession, and why it’s right for you. You still have about 2000 characters and spaces and could even cut from what you’ve written to add more about why you want to be a PA.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Lucas says
Personal Essay
What is a physician assistant? I could not answer that particular question until the end of my junior year of college. In an accident that nearly cut off my toe, I rushed to the emergency department to receive treatment. I expected to be seen by a doctor; however, I was treated by a physician assistant. This person was one of the most friendly, compassionate, and empathetic individuals that I had ever met. He was extremely professional and had exceptional interpersonal skills. His love for the job radiated and I could tell he absolutely enjoyed being a physician assistant. A foreseeable dreadful and painful experience turned into a quick and comfortable one thanks to the physician assistant who provided excellent care. This hospital visit became a memorable and lasting occurrence that opened my eyes to a new possibility.
I immediately began exploring the career and researching the job profile. I began taking the necessary actions to redirect my future goals towards this career. I started taking prerequisite courses and accumulated shadowing experience with local physician assistants. My first shadowing experience was with a cardiothoracic physician assistant who completed intraoperative and postoperative services. I was able to observe the physician assistant’s role in open heart surgery and valve replacement. Days later, I was able to also observe the physician assistant following up with patient’s on the medical floor. My most recent and most interesting shadowing experience was with a neuro critical care physician assistant in the ICU. This physician assistant would see the patients on the floor by himself before morning report to get a description of each patient’s case. After report the physician would accompany the physician assistant as they again saw each patient on the floor. This time however, the two of them would discuss the case collaboratively with the nurses to come up with the best possible treatment for the patient. This particular aspect of the career fits me perfectly because I enjoy working several steps ahead of my team members to create a more efficient work flow which is a skill that I have learned to perfect as my role as a patient care assistant.
Once I knew that I wanted to be a physician assistant I got a job working in home health care to gain more experience working with patients. I enjoyed taking care of patients in their home but as time went on I quickly realized that I desired more of a challenge in an environment that would be more similar to that of which a physician assistant would practice. I obtained a position in the psychiatric department at Reading Hospital as a patient care assistant. I work very closely with nurses and get to see physician assistants in action when they round on our floor. Occasionally I will pick up extra shifts in the ED where I also get to interact with physician assistants. To be an outstanding physician assistant, one needs to be compassionate, empathetic, and have respect for each patient’s beliefs and values in order to provide high quality care. These are all traits that I have been able to acquire through my job as a patient care assistant both at Reading Hospital in the psychiatric department and at Maxim Health Care Services providing home care to patients. The most important thing that I have learned in my health care experience is that when patients and their families seek healthcare, they are typically experiencing one of their worst and stressful moments. As a health care provider, it is our duty to be sensitive and treat them with dignity and respect.
I truly believe that all aspects of the physician assistant career fit my personality perfectly. I like how physician assistants work as part of a team but also have the ability to work autonomously. I can work independently but I also feel as though I do my best work when working collaboratively with a team. Having the option of switching specialties without having to complete another residency as a physician would is especially intriguing to me. I am constantly striving to learn new skills and face new challenges and switching specialties would allow for this if I chose to do so.
I have thought about and pursued several different career choices throughout my college years. However, I have never felt a sense of passion for any of them. My shadowing experiences have solidified my desire to become a physician assistant and my passion for the career has continued to grow. I have never felt so confident about anything in my entire life. My plan is to become a physician assistant in the field of neurology while simultaneously continuing to serve my country as a physician assistant in the Army National Guard. Mark Twain once said, “The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why”. I believe that every person has a specific purpose in life and it feels phenomenal to have finally found mine.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Lucas,
Awesome job. You highlight your journey to this point, showing in great detail why you want to be a PA by highlighting your experiences and aspects of the profession that suit you and vice-versa. I wouldn’t change anything (other than grammar corrections I list below) except to use PA instead of physician assistant after you spell out the profession the first couple of times and then in your last paragraph. It makes the essay easier to read.
Grammar issues — punctuation always go inside the end quotation mark, so the quote should look like this: “The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” By the way, that quote is really used a lot. You could omit it if you want. It’s not original or unique. You need a few commas here and there. Have someone proficient in grammar read the essay to find those.
Otherwise, you’re good to go.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Sue Edmondson says
Case in point about grammar errors — they’re easy to make. I hit “post” before proofing what I wrote. I should have written “punctuation always goes . . .” instead of “punctuation go . . .”
Ishtyaq Qadri says
This is a great example of knowing about the profession and why . It tells me you have thought about what PA’s do. I would suggest grammarly for checking grammar.
Patricia says
I recently submitted my first rough draft a couple weeks ago and got great feedback, heres my new draft 🙂
I am on the last 400 meters of running 3.5 miles in the grueling Florida afternoon heat. I have no energy at all, and no idea how my legs are still picking up. Throughout the race, I would tell myself “If I just pass this person, then I will be one person closer to the finish line.” That voice came into my head one last time. I lifted my legs and sprinted past a final runner to that finish line. After I crossed the line, I looked behind me and it was the girl I passed 100 meters earlier. Those moments are what make sports great. They push you to extremes and flood you with determination. After that season of cross country in my junior year of high school, my love for sports and how the body excels under stress skyrocketed.
During that year, I started volunteering for what would be 3 summers at my local hospital, Orange Park Medical Center, where I was introduced to multiple units. I observed how the radiology department filed x-rays, how the pharmacy separates prescriptions, and got to observe CT scans as well. My liking towards science was adequate. It interested me and I did not struggle with it. I decided to carry that into college, where I declared Biology as my first major. However, as mostly everyone else in college does, that would not be my final major. I would like to address an important part of my application: my GPA. During my first 2 years at my alma mater, I was intrigued by my classes until I wanted to try a different path and switched to Biomedical Sciences as it was more medical and I was intrigued on how the body functioned at a microscopic level. Looking back, I put too much on my plate. I loaded my semesters with hard classes and had to balance working outside school to be able to pay for it. I admit I spent a little too much time away from my books and was straying from my education. Then, a year after, I wanted to switch my learning more into sports medicine, so I switched a third time to Sports and Exercise Science. When I took Anatomy, that class ultimately tied my love for sports and exercise into the studies of how the body functioned at a microscopic level. I enjoyed learning the symptoms of diseases and haw all the nerves and bones in the body connected with each other. From there on, my interest into my studies grew and now, I have the determination to work hard for the career I want and not lose focus once I am in graduate school.
Moreover, I was accepted to work as a Fan Ambassador for Orlando City Soccer Club. I was also fortuitous in finding a position as an ED Scribe at Florida Hospital, working alongside ER doctors and physician assistant’s. This opened my eyes to the healthcare industry and I was able to observe what many undergraduates in science never do. I saw procedures ranging from laceration repairs to intubations. I learned how to document patient complaints and it soon became second nature to speak ED jargon. When I was introduced to Orthopedics and saw the procedures the physician assistant’s do, I knew I to do wanted it. I witnessed simple splint applications to reductions under conscious sedations. I was eager to learn what they know, and wanted to be right next to them in the operating room. I even talked with Orthopedic physician assistants who only talked good things about their careers.
After, I started comparing the physician assistant role to a doctor, and the positives far outweighed the benefits as I knew I wanted to be a physician assistant. Physician assistant’s can help in all aspects of medicine, while a doctor would have to take years of residency. Since I love learning new areas of healthcare, I could maybe venture into neurology or ER if I wanted to as ER provides a faster and exciting pace of medicine. I also love diagnosing complaints, therefore that outweighed the idea of being a nurse. I enjoy analyzing symptoms and proceeding to a diagnosis that can potentially help a patient live a pain free life. Also, I love being on a team, helping people, and working under the wings of someone I can look up to. What many people do not know is that cross country is a team sport, yet also an individual sport. I believe that teamwork is essential in this sport just as it is in medicine.
What I ultimately want to do as a Physician Assistant is help. Everyone has a different definition of help, but my idea of it is providing patients in need with top quality service and compassion in a timely manner. After working for over a year and a half now side by side with physician assistant’s and doctors in the ER, I am aware of how a physician assistant thinks and how they order specific tests to come to a diagnosis. My love for helping and educating others can transgress, and my altruist personality would enable me to do a job I love with the branch of medicine I enjoy learning about. I am determined to become 1 in that next generations of physician assistant’s that provide unwavering service to those in need.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Patricia,
Sorry, only one free bite at the apple!
Best regards,
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Ishtyaq Qadri says
you might also want to check the word count where you are going to apply.
Good Luck
Bianca Latragna says
At a young age i was diagnosed with severe bronchial asthma. I was an active child, participating in numerous sports activities that often put a strain on my breathing. From the numerous visits to the emergency room, allergist, ENT office and primary care physicians i became intrigued by the profession. From a young age i was constantly surrounded by doctors and became almost obsessed with being in the offices. It wasn’t as scary to be in them anymore because i was amazed at the fact that the man standing in front of me with a stethoscope around his neck knew exactly how my body worked and knew what to do to make it better. From then on my love of healthcare started, and continued to grow from there.
Being the oldest of four children came without a lot of responsibilities. Naturally being the oldest i took on the role of the “second mother” and helped my mother with caring for my younger brothers. Due to my age and being more capable at helping my mother take care of a child, my youngest brother became my own little baby. I was the only one of the “adults” who was able to quiet and put him to sleep.
Around the age of three my younger brother, the older of the two, went into anaphylactic shock due to exposure to peanuts. Because of his young age my mother stayed away from any foods that are easy to choke on so he had never been exposed to it before then. We had spent over a week in the hospital with him. A couple of months later he caught a very bad cold and wound up in the hospital for another two months due to the discovery of his severe asthma. Every time he caught even the simplest, most harmless strain of a coronavirus, he was sent back to the hospital for weeks at a time.
Around a year or two old, we decided to my brothers to the park near my house. What started off as an enjoyable day at the park, putting him on the swing, going down the slide with him, turned grim in a matter of seconds. He was just starting to walk so he was still a little unbalanced but after one of his turns down the slide he began running to the steps to climb back up the jungle gym and go back down the slide. I turned around to speak to my mother and in the moments that we were speaking we heard a bang. Quickly turning around we saw the baby on the granite top, as he was running towards the hard metal steps he tripped and hit the front of his head. Running towards him my mother picked him up and he went limp, i tried screaming his name into his ear and nothing. Not a sound escaped his lips, no screaming, no crying, the only thing that emerged was a large bump on his forehead. Immediately my mother and i got into the car, leaving my other siblings with my aunt and cousin, and began to go to the hospital. Once in the car i had gotten him to wake up with loud noises and a subtle shaking of his body. But as we were driving i remember screaming to my mother that he just wouldn’t wake up, it was at that point that we decided calling an ambulance would be better suited. The ambulance came within 5 minutes, taking him and my mother instantaneously and made its way to the hospital. It was one of the scariest days of my life.
Upon his arrival to the hospital the doctors and nurses began their work and within hours he was better. I was absolutely amazed at their response to the emergency at hand, the procedures they performed, the discipline they had that healed my brother. The pediatric ward which was filled with so much care for the young patients in each room, the delicacy that each nurse, PA, and doctor alike treated each patient and family with. While being concerned with my brothers health i became at ease at the fact that these people cared so much about the health of not only my brother but everyone else in this hospital too.
Their one job in life was to help and care for the lives around them, to put the needs of their patients above their own. It was an incredible place, that provided such an amazing duty to the public, healing another human’s mother, father, sister, brother. I had felt such a powerful connection to the doctors that later came in the room to update us on my brother’s condition, i listened very intently to each word he spoke. I wanted so badly to be apart of the work that they were doing, i want to be able to provide the care that they provided my brothers with to my own patients. I want to be able to ease patients families with the calming words that they provided my family with. More importantly i want to be able to heal and help every patient that walks through the doors of any hospital or doctor’s office that i may work in one day. I want to be a physicians assistant to care for those who are not able to care for themselves, to heal any and all wounds they may suffer; to help them live a long and healthy life as the physicians in my past had allowed myself and my family the same fate.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Bianca,
Your essay is heartfelt, but it has some big problems. I hope you won’t find my comments too negative — please take them as they’re intended, which is to help you write a compelling essay.
First, I was surprised to see that you didn’t capitalize the word “I” anywhere in the essay. That’s a serious, serious blunder. This isn’t a text message — it’s a formal academic essay.
As I kept reading, I looked for adult experiences that talk about physician assistants. Then I found the second problem, which is worse than the first — you wrote the name of the profession wrong. It is never “physicians assistant.” It is physician assistant.
Next problem — your entire essay focuses on childhood. That is not going to persuade Admissions folks that you have a true understanding of the PA profession. You need to start again, delete most of the details about your childhood experiences and add information about your experiences with PAs. If you don’t have healthcare/shadowing experience, then talk about your contact with PAs when they helped treat your brother. Explain what they did that impressed you and why those things appeal to you. There’s nothing specific to PAs in your essay. Instead it’s generic. That won’t do what you hope, which is an interview.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Bianca Latragna says
Thank you so much for the help! Yes I realized after I posted it that the “I’s” did not get capitalized I’m so used to word doing it automatically that when I wrote it on google docs I forgot to go over it for any spelling mistakes. Again I thank you for the feedback I’m definitely going to take all of your advice and rewrite it. I will most likely post a revised version. I thank you again.
Tai Moses says
I’ll never forget watching my friend try to hide his tears when he told me his mother had had a miscarriage. We were only nine years old at the time and didn’t understand all the details but we knew he wasn’t going to have a little sibling anymore. I remember asking him about it when we were older and he told me that his father suspected it was caused by the excess coffee and soda the mother consumed while she was pregnant. During the pregnancy, the family didn’t talk to any medical professionals about what kinds precautions she should take to avoid harming the baby. This was partly because of their cultural distrust of modern medicine but also the very broad language gap between our Spanish speaking community and our English-speaking providers.
Growing up in a small agricultural town in Washington about half of the population spoke Spanish as their primary language and only learned whatever English they needed to get by. Most of the parents used their children as interpreters, but when the children were busy with school or work the parents ended up avoiding our clinic entirely. When I was younger I didn’t know that I wanted to have a career in medicine but I knew that I never wanted someone to miss receiving help solely due to a lack of communication.
Since that day I began to feel a motivation to help those that were unable to help themselves. While I never told anyone about my goal it was always in the back of my mind pushing me along. I had always picked up some Spanish playing soccer with my friends but 7th grade was when I took my first real class. I took classes all through high school and college and during my junior year of college I was accepted for an internship at a hospital in Costa Rica for four months. While the hospital system is so much different the Spanish beliefs and language hold true in both countries. It showed me what kinds of things you should avoid talking about, how to talk about things different with the different sexes, how to talk to kids, and so much more. While I did not learn as much medicine as I would have liked I did learn a huge amount about the culture and language.
After I returned from Costa Rica I was able to bring back what I had learned to a small bilingual clinic in my college town and try to apply as much as I could from day to day during my time as a volunteer there. While I improved my Spanish and cultural awareness greatly, I realize that there will always be more to learn which is why a career in healthcare is so appealing to me.
During high school my mom began working as a caregiver for a man with ALS. Living with a single mother, she needed as much help as she could get, so I used to go help her on the weekends. At first I was a little apprehensive about helping take care of a stranger that I had never met before but I soon found myself amazed by how close and how much trust the man had in her. During those weekends, I began to understand the connection and relationship a person can develop with their patient when they see them on such a regular basis. And my hours of volunteer work, shadowing, and scribing with primary care providers have only reinforced those things I saw with my mother. The variety of what can come in the door as well as the potential to build long-lasting, meaningful relationships is what drives me towards wanting a career in primary care.
During my time as a scribe I was able to see what a provider’s day was like and all the intricacies there were in communicating with someone you have known for years about their health. But what especially interested me was how one of the newer physician assistants would constantly be asking our doctor what she thought of each case. Sometimes all the doctor would say was that everything sounded fine and move on, but other times she would offer a different diagnosis or a different way to treat the patient. This is something I look forward to as a PA, being independent enough to offer my own insights, but also always having a physician there to learn from. Medicine truly is a team effort and I believe that I have the humility and open-mindedness to be able to understand and accept that there could be another solution to help a patient as best as possible.
From seeing the lack of access to healthcare in my hometown, to seeing what a true patient relationship has the potential, combined with my desire for lifelong learning, have all made me confident that a career as a PA is right for me. After all these experiences, I can truly say that this is something I am prepared for, and excited, to do.
Tai Moses says
Thanks in advance! 🙂
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Tai,
This is a very well-written essay. You’re missing some commas, but that’s easily fixable. Read the essay aloud and see where you naturally pause. Those are places to add commas. To ensure you add enough, have someone proficient in grammar help you out.
The big problem with the essay is that you barely refer to your experiences with PAs. You need to do that — Admissions folks are looking for assurance that you really understand the scope of the profession. You’ve got about 500 characters/spaces already, and just need to judiciously cut a few sentences to have room to add the information.
Here are a few sentences that can go (there are others if you need the space):
“I remember asking him about it when we were older and he told me that his father suspected it was caused by the excess coffee and soda the mother consumed while she was pregnant.”
“While I did not learn as much medicine as I would have liked I did learn a huge amount about the culture and language.”
Two sentences combined and trimmed as follows: “During high school my mom worked as a caregiver for a man with ALS and I used to help her on weekends.” Single parents are so common, it’s not compelling enough to add that in. Also, I’d like to see that paragraph moved so you’re telling your story chronologically. That way we understand why you volunteered in Costa Rica.
One last thing — contractions are disfavored in academic essays. Why not show you know the rules and respect them. That’s why I advise people not to use them.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com