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Single Edit One-on-one Service Supplemental Essays
Your success is our passion. (See just some of our 100's of testimonials and comments below). We are ready to help. Our current PA school essay editing service status (4th May 2024): Accepting New Submissions
(Photo: Me circa 1987, just thinking about my future PA School Essay)
- Are you struggling to write your physician assistant personal statement?
- Are you out of ideas, or just need a second opinion?
- Do you want an essay that expresses who you truly are and grabs the reader's attention in the required 5,000-character limit?
We are here to help perfect your PA school essay
I have written countless times on this blog about the importance of your personal statement in the PA school application process. Beyond the well-established metrics (GPA, HCE/PCE hours, requisite coursework, etc.), the personal statement is the most crucial aspect of your application.
This is your time to express yourself, show your creativity, skills, and background, and make a memorable impression in seconds. This will be your only chance, so you must get it right the first time.
For some time, I had been dreaming about starting a physician assistant personal statement collaborative.
A place where PA school applicants like yourself can post their PA school essays and receive honest, constructive feedback followed by an acceptance letter to the PA school of your choice!
I have been reviewing a ton of essays recently, so many in fact that I can no longer do this on my own.
To solve this problem, I have assembled a team of professional writers, editors, and PA school admissions specialists who worked to revise and perfect my PA school application essay.
Beth Eakman has taught college writing and worked as a professional writer and editor since the late 1990s. Her projects have involved a wide range of disciplines and media, from editing technical reports to scriptwriting for the PBS Kids show Super Why! Her writing has appeared in publications including Brain, Child Magazine, New York Family Magazine, and Austin Family Magazine. Beth lives with her family just outside Austin, Texas. She is driven to help each client tell the best version of their story and achieve their dream of becoming a physician assistant.
Deanna Matzen is an author with articles featured in Earth Letter, Health Beats, Northwest Science & Technology, and the Transactions of the American Fisheries Society. With an early career in environmental science, she developed a solid foundation in technical writing. Her communication skills were further honed by producing and editing content for a non-profit website, blog, and quarterly journal. Inspired to extend her craft, she obtained a certificate in literary fiction, which she draws on to build vibrant scenes that bring stories to life. Deanna loves working with pre-PAs who are on the cusp of new beginnings to find their unique story and tell it confidently.
Carly Hallman is a professional writer and editor with a B.A. in English Writing and Rhetoric (summa cum laude) from St. Edward's University in Austin, Texas. She has worked as a curriculum developer, English teacher, and study abroad coordinator in Beijing, China, where she moved in 2011. In college, she was a Gilman Scholar and worked as a staff editor for her university's academic journal. Her first novel, Year of the Goose, was published in 2015, and her first memoir is forthcoming from Little A Books. Her essays and creative writing have appeared in The L.A. Review of Books, The Guardian, LitHub, and Identity Theory, among other publications.
Read more client testimonials or purchase a revision
We Work as a Team
Our team of professional editors is wonderful at cutting out the "fluff" that makes an essay lose focus and sets people over the 5,000-character limit. Their advice is always spot-on.
Sue, Sarah, and Carly are amazingly creative writers who will take your "ordinary" and turn it into entirely extraordinary.
I mean it when I say this service is one-of-a-kind! We have spent countless hours interviewing PA School admissions directors and faculty from across the country to find out exactly what it is they are looking for in your personal statement.
We even wrote a book about it.
To collaborate, we use Google Drive. Google Drive is free, has an intuitive interface with integrated live comments in the sidebar, the ability to have a real-time chat, to collaborate effortlessly, and to compare, revise, or restore revisions on the fly. Google Drive also has an excellent mobile app that will allow you to make edits on the go!
Our team has worked with hundreds of PA school applicants within the Google Drive environment, and we have had enormous success.
The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
I have set up two options that I hope will offer everyone a chance to participate:
- One-of-a-kind, confidential, paid personal statement review service
- A collaborative, free one (in the comments section)
Private, One-On-One Personal Statement Review Service
If you are interested in the paid service, you may choose your plan below.
The Personal Statement Review Service is:
- Behind closed doors within a private, secure network using Google Drive.
- It is completely interactive, meaning we will be able to provide real-time comments and corrections using the Google Drive interface.
- Telephone consultations are included with all edits above the single edit level. It’s often hard to communicate exactly what you want hundreds of miles away; for this reason, we offer the option to edit right along with us over the telephone while sharing in real-time over Google Drive. This is an option available to all our paid clients who purchase above the single edit level.
- We provide both revision and editing of all essays. What’s the difference? See below
- We will provide feedback, advice, and help with brainstorming and topic creation if you would like.
- We will help with a “final touch-up” before the big day, just in case your essay needs a few minor changes.
Why Choose Our Service?
- It’s not our opinion that matters. We have gone the extra step and personally interviewed PA school administrators from across the US to find out exactly what they think makes a personal statement exceptional.
- We are a team of PAs and professional writers, having worked over ten years with PA school applicants like yourself, providing countless hours of one-on-one editing and revision.
- Our clients receive interviews, and many go on to receive acceptance into their PA School of choice.
Because we always give 100%, we will open the essay collaborative for a limited number of applicants each month and then close this depending on the amount of editing that needs to be done and the time that is available.
Our goal is not quantity but quality. We want only serious applicants who are serious about getting into PA school.
Writing is not a tool like a piece of software but more like how a photograph can capture your mood. It’s more like art. The process of developing a unique, memorable personal statement is time-intensive, and it takes hours to compose, edit, finalize, and personalize an essay.
As Antoinette Bosco once said:
And this is why I am charging for this service. We love helping people find stories that define their lives, and we love helping individuals who have the passion to achieve their dreams. It’s hard to describe the feeling I get when an applicant writes back to tell me they were accepted into PA school.
There is no price tag I can place on this; it’s the feeling we get when we help another human being. It’s just like providing health care. But this takes time.
Interested? Choose your plan below.
Read more client testimonials.
Free Personal Statement Review
Post your essay in the comments section for a free critique
We want to make this opportunity available to everyone who would like help with their essay, and that is why we are offering free, limited feedback on the blog.
You post your essay in the comments section, and you will get our critique. It is that easy. We will try to give feedback to every single person who posts their COMPLETE essay here on this blog post in the comments section.
Also, by posting your comment, we reserve the right to use your essay.
We will provide feedback on essays that are complete and fit the CASPA requirements (View CASPA requirements here). We will not provide feedback on partial essays or review opening or closing statements. Your essay will be on a public platform, which has both its benefits and some obvious drawbacks. The feedback is limited, but we will try to help in any way we can.
Note: Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, I will delete your stuff. Otherwise, have fun, and thanks for adding to the conversation! And this should go without saying: if you feel the need to plagiarize someone else’s content, you do not deserve to go to PA school.
* Also, depending on the time of year, it may take me several weeks to reply!
We love working with PA school applicants, but don't just take our word for it!
How to submit your essay for the paid service
If you are serious and would like to have real, focused, and personalized help writing your personal statement, please choose your level of service and submit your payment below.
After you have submitted your payment, you will be redirected to the submissions page, where you can send us your essay as well as any special instructions. We will contact you immediately upon receipt of your payment and essay so we may begin work right away.
Pricing is as follows:
Choose your plan, then click "Buy Now" to submit your essay, and we will get started right away!
Every purchase includes a FREE digital copy of our new 100-page eBook, How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement, Our 101 PA School Admission Essays e-book, the expert panel audiobook, and companion workbook. This is a $65 value included for free with your purchase.
All credit card payments are processed via PayPal over a secure HTTPS server. Once your payment is processed, you will be immediately redirected back to the essay submission page. There, you will submit your essay along with some biographical info and all suggestions or comments you choose to provide. You will receive immediate confirmation that your essay has been securely transmitted as well as your personal copy of "How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement." Contact [email protected] if you have any questions, comments, or problems - I am available 24/7.
The hourly service includes your original edit and one-on-one time over Google Drive. It is simple to add more time if necessary, but you may be surprised at what a difference just a single edit can make. We find our four-hour service to be the most effective in terms of time for follow-up and full collaboration. We are open to reduced-rate add-ons to suit your individual needs.
Writing and Revision
All writing benefits from rewriting when done well.
When you are in the process of writing a draft of an essay, you should be thinking first about revision, not editing.
What’s the difference?
Revision refers to the substantial changing of text. For example, it may include re-organizing ideas and paragraphs, providing additional examples or information, and rewriting a conclusion for clarity.
Editing, on the other hand, refers to correcting mistakes in spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
On all submissions, we perform both revision and editing.
How to submit your PA school essay for the FREE editing service
Follow the rules above and get to work below in the comments section. I look forward to reading all your essay submissions.
- Stephen Pasquini PA-C
View all posts in this series
- How to Write the Perfect Physician Assistant School Application Essay
- The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
- Do You Recognize These 7 Common Mistakes in Your Personal Statement?
- 7 Essays in 7 Days: PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 1, “A PA Changed My Life”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 2, “I Want to Move Towards the Forefront of Patient Care”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 3, “She Smiled, Said “Gracias!” and Gave me a Big Hug”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 4, “I Have Gained so Much Experience by Working With Patients”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 5, “Then Reach, my Son, and Lift Your People up With You”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 6, “That First Day in Surgery was the First Day of the Rest of my Life”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 7, “I Want to Take People From Dying to Living, I Want to Get Them Down From the Cliff.”
- Physician Assistant Personal Statement Workshop: “To say I was an accident-prone child is an understatement”
- 9 Simple Steps to Avoid Silly Spelling and Grammar Goofs in Your PA School Personel Statement
- 5 Tips to Get you Started on Your Personal Essay (and why you should do it now)
- How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement The Book!
- How to Write “Physician Assistant” The Definitive PA Grammar Guide
- 101 PA School Admissions Essays: The Book!
- 5 Things I’ve Learned Going Into My Fourth Physician Assistant Application Cycle
- 7 Tips for Addressing Shortcomings in Your PA School Personal Statement
- The #1 Mistake PRE-PAs Make on Their Personal Statement
- The Ultimate PA School Personal Statement Starter Kit
- The Ultimate Guide to CASPA Character and Space Limits
- 10 Questions Every PA School Personal Statement Must Answer
- 5 PA School Essays That Got These Pre-PAs Accepted Into PA School
- 7 Questions to Ask Yourself While Writing Your PA School Personal Statement
- 101 PA School Applicants Answer: What’s Your Greatest Strength?
- 12 Secrets to Writing an Irresistible PA School Personal Statement
- 7 Rules You Must Follow While Writing Your PA School Essay
- You Have 625 Words and 2.5 Minutes to Get Into PA School: Use Them Wisely
- What’s Your #1 Personal Statement Struggle?
- 31 (NEW) CASPA PA School Personal Statement Examples
- How to Prepare for Your PA School Interview Day Essay
- Should You Write Physician Associate or Physician Assistant on Your PA School Essay?
- Meet the World’s Sexiest PA School Applicants
- PA School Reapplicants: How to Rewrite Your PA School Essay for Guaranteed Success
- How to Write a Personal Statement Intro that Readers Want to Read
- PA School Reapplicant Personal Statement Checklist
- How to Deal with Bad News in Your Personal Statement
- Inside Out: How to use Pixar’s Rules of Storytelling to Improve your PA Personal Statement
- Ratatouille: A Pixar Recipe for PA School Personal Statement Success
- Personal Statement Panel Review (Replay)
- Mind Mapping: A Tool for Personal Statements, Supplemental Essays, and Interviews
- Start at the End: Advice for your PA School Personal Statement
Hussain says
Hi Sue – First of all I would like than you and the entire team in the personal statement collaborative for taking your time out to help folks like us. I have written the statement taking in recommendations and advice from the examples you have had up and from the responses to other applicants statements. My statement is still a first draft and it is a little over the limit but any advice on what you feel overall about my statement would be very appreciated!
I was very lucky to be able to pursue an education in the US as it happened that my parents immigration application approval came just when I was getting ready to apply to colleges. Everything was going according to plan, until after my first semester I found out that my father was diagnosed with kidney cancer. It was an uphill battle to keep up with the rigors of my challenging program, getting acclimated to the new country and also taking care of my family, but with some luck and sheer dedication to keep moving forward both me and my dad made it through. We were able to save enough of my dad’s only functioning kidney to maintain normal function and I was able to pull through college in time.
As my father wrestled with cancer, I was fighting a battle of my own trying to figure out if I really chose the right career path. It was not until my first directed research under my biomedical engineering professor that I got a taste of what the medical field is about. Through consultation and research I made the decision to change my major to clinical lab science in my junior year. Although financial hardships forced me to complete courses that are spaced over a period of two years in a single year and my grades took a hit, it seemed like there was light at the end of the tunnel for me and my family. Carrying out antibody panels on patients with cold agglutinin disease, learning about various types of anemias through their hematologic and clinical findings, performing cell differentiations on chronically ill patients – I was finally in my game. My dad was able to salvage a third of his kidney and I was able to get a degree in the medical field.
After my graduation I first took up a position working as a Clinical Lab Scientist. I rotated through various disciplines in the medical lab from microbiology, hematology, chemistry to even pathology. I was performing phlebotomy and timed coagulation tests on patients who had undergone surgery and were on blood thinners. While my coworkers dreaded the idea of carrying out timed draws from these chronically ill patients, I found it exciting. It was the largest hospital in North Dakota, the number one trauma center, and received thousands of samples from all its affiliate clinics across the state. With my dad’s cancer behind, we were both moving forward. Through my experience, hard work and some good fortune I was able land a position at a prestigious research organization and be at the forefront of cardiac research trials.
Working as a research lab scientist, I was carrying out various clinical trials and it gave me great pleasure knowing I am part of a team that is paving the way for the future medicine. Just how my father had benefited from a drug on clinical trial, the studies and research that I was part of would also go one to help someone. Because of the unique nature of our research lab I was not only testing samples in the lab but I was also screening and consenting healthy and patient population. I was working in collaboration with physicians, clinicians and the hospital lab staff and it was through this particular heart failure study that I came in direct contact with Mike.
Mike was a physician assistant at the Cardiology clinic and he helped me screen patients. Mike was always very well prepared for each of his patients and regardless of how long or short the appointments turned out to be, he was a reassuring figure for them. His composure and calmness in assisting with surgeries was matched equally by his encouraging and effortless personality when dealing with fatigued patients recovering from heart failure. It was often because of their trust and great respect for Mike that his patients were willing to tolerate another poke for my research. I felt with the experience and exposure so far, it was only a matter of time before my hand eye coordination I often used for precision pipetting would be implemented on suturing. It was only a matter of time when I would be the one handing out specimens to the path labs for culture. Through Mike and other physician assistants I was able to know that I couldn’t achieve my full potential just working in research. I wanted to get into the other end of the spectrum where I would not only be diagnosing my patients but form a relationship. I would be the source getting the message across. I would be helping my patients back to a healthy lifestyle after their life changing setbacks. Being multi-lingual like me, Mike too was often able to connect with our diverse patient population in unique ways. We both shared a passion for integrating evidence based medicine into daily practice and the prospect being able to contribute to patient care and research hand in hand was what sealed the deal. By now I had already created a vivid image picturing myself in Mike’s place with so many of our common attributes.
As Paul Coelho mentioned, “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and get up eight times”. Through my experiences and with the proper education I see myself serving immigrant communities where my parents live and be a source of comfort and guidance for those in need. Just how Mike continues to give his dedication providing the best for his patients, I see myself doing the same in my community. I see myself being an example for those who stumbled like my father and help them back up to their feet.
Kelsie Dirksing says
In September of 2014, I found a note sitting at my desk in the Cancer Prevention and Control Program building: “Dear Ms. Dirksing, just a note to say thanks. I was wondering if we were going to continue to get the church bulletins. Just as I was trying to find blue paper and time to run some information about prostate cancer, I was elated to find these in the mail. Thank you. I appreciate all you do.”
African Americans in South Carolina face much higher cancer rates than other racial groups, meaning there’s a need for targeted education and prevention efforts. In an attempt to tackle this issue, my undergraduate research projects focused on developing church bulletin inserts with culturally appropriate health information to distribute to African-American Baptist churches throughout South Carolina. Working with leaders of cancer prevention organizations and actual cancer survivors to share their advice and stories with their communities was inspiring. It wasn’t until I received this personal note from a church member, however, that I realized the connection I made with this demographic. This experience of filling in the gap and reaching out across the divide laid the foundation for what I hoped would be my career’s purpose: to eliminate health disparities and improve care for everyone, no matter their background.
At the time, I planned to accomplish these goals by going to medical school and eventually becoming a primary care physician. As a born perfectionist, reaching “Dr. Dirksing” status was what I had always expected of myself. What I hadn’t planned for, however, was the disappointment of getting into a medical school’s early acceptance program and then being told that my MCAT scores weren’t going to make the cut. This rejection, plus one conversation with a friend, spurred a reassessment of what I wanted for my life. My friend pointed out that my interest in public health, motivation to close the gap in healthcare, and desire to provide direct patient care all aligned perfectly with the mission of a physician assistant. Although I hadn’t given it much thought before, I became convinced that a career as a PA would be the ideal way for me to serve as a public health advocate and forge meaningful patient relationships.
Soon after, I began shadowing PAs in Bone Marrow Transplant and Emergency Medicine. Despite their different patient populations, I noticed that their jobs had one crucial thing in common. These women were the ones whom the patients and families confided in about the real cause of the stomach aches being an addiction to pain medication, or how their one wish was to get out of the hospital and spend their final days at home. Instead of quick interactions during morning rounds or a stop by the room for introductions, Jen and Sarah filled all the spaces in between, making sure that their patients were heard and that they understood the diagnoses and health information being thrown at them. Shadowing PAs left me excited about a future career in healthcare, rather than feeling like it was something I had to do because I was smart and wanted to help people.
Volunteering as a care coordinator at Crossroad Health Center only furthered my interest in becoming a PA, as I worked in an underserved community of Cincinnati to close the gap between clinical and self-management for patients with chronic conditions. In this position, I reached out to all of the clinic’s patients with asthma to assist with scheduling their appointments and connecting them with community resources. One day, I was pulled from my telehealth calls to speak with a patient who had nothing to eat. Another student and I sat with this woman as we contacted several food pantries to ensure that she would have a source of nutrition and transportation to get it. Situations like this were common, and it was obvious that our patients were victims to so many barriers and stressors that their health often was not top priority. At that point, it didn’t matter that I spent a summer working without pay. The insights into the effects of social determinants on health and holistic patient care that I gained were priceless.
In my current job as a clinical research coordinator, I met Nick, a child who had slipped through the cracks of clinical care and suffered undiagnosed Crohn’s Disease for over a year. His mom was also dying of lung cancer. By the time his dad got him to the hospital for proper treatment, he had lost forty pounds and his pain was unbearable. How did the doctor and clinical team forget to follow up with him? At that moment, I wished that I could channel my inner “care coordinator” and connect the dots for Nick and his family. Although I could not prevent what happened to him, I vowed to use this experience and all that I had learned in my other endeavors to become a physician assistant who is conscious of the many barriers to care and practices interdisciplinary teamwork to overcome them.
*Any input would be great! Thank you so much for your help.
Rachel Graziano says
I would like more input on the structure, especially the introduction, and confirmation that I’m headed in the right direction!
“May I help you boost him?” an amiable physician assistant asked me, referring to the disoriented patient who had gradually slid down in his hospital bed. I was sitting as a safety attendant at that time, and her simple gesture was equally inspiring to me as hearing her explain the patient’s intricate treatment plan to his family. She was obviously intelligent and professional, and she went beyond her job requirements to help a colleague and enhance her patient’s comfort. As an aspiring physician assistant, I hope to conduct myself in a similar fashion in my future career. I am truly passionate about becoming a physician assistant, which is evident through my perseverance to achieve long-term goals, my enthusiasm for learning, and my desire to improve people’s quality of life in a pragmatic way.
Throughout this personal statement, I hope to give you insight on why I am a strong candidate for PA school. These reasons include my diverse experiences in patient care, my desire to attain a higher level of proficiency in medical studies, and my exposure to the role of a physician assistant as an integral part of a medical team. The greater emphasis on preventative care and the increased likelihood of practicing in underserved communities are two aspects that draw me to the position of a physician assistant rather than a physician. I am specifically drawn to internal medicine, as this offers a broad scope of practice and can be a platform for progression into other specialties. With this comprehensive approach, I have the opportunity to develop long-term relationships with my patients and be involved in all aspects of their medical care.
Becoming a physician assistant also complements my ambitious personality and passion for learning. My years of pre-medical studies have been filled with challenges and accomplishments that exceeded what I thought I was capable of, and have fueled a lifelong curiosity for the health sciences. Experiencing this complex field of study on a clinical level as a nurse technician has taught me invaluable lessons in effective communication, time management, and patient care. This resource position at Spectrum Health in Grand Rapids has given me exposure to every unit in the hospital and has allowed me to work alongside a variety of health professionals. I am often “behind the scenes” of the medical team, as I have heard many patients and families discuss their experiences with the doctors and physician assistants. This has revealed to me the mistakes I want to avoid, such as miscommunication between co-workers or giving patients equivocal explanations of their treatment plans.
Interacting with a variety of patients has helped shape my personal definition of health as the ability to care for oneself and have no hindrances to living a productive and comfortable life. This does not simply mean the absence of illness or injury, but also encompasses a healthy state of mind. In addition to health care promotion, I am also passionate about traveling and aiding those in developing countries. I recently completed a six-week medical internship in Sri Lanka and I had the incredible opportunity to shadow doctors on a variety of wards in a public hospital, observe surgeries and labor/deliveries, and be educated on tropical diseases such as typhoid and Dengue fever.
Although the culture and health care facilities have disparities to American clinical settings, the medicine practiced and the impressive knowledge of health care providers is fundamentally the same. I also learned a personal lesson in taking initiative, as the doctors were busy and I was responsible for my learning. I received the most positive feedback when I asserted myself, even if it was out of my comfort zone as a foreign student. In the future, I look forward to more mission trips to provide communities with simple medical supplies and immunizations that would dramatically improve quality of life. My experience and proclivity for traveling are also testaments to my adaptability and enthusiasm to learn from others with worldviews and cultures vastly different than my own.
Observing the role of physician assistants while shadowing, caring for patients, and volunteering has made it evident that this position requires a high level of critical thinking and flexibility. The ability to consult with doctors while still being challenged and accountable for patient care has solidified my decision to pursue this career. I am well prepared to embody what PA school entails, due to my extensive experience in patient care, my academic background and desire to continue my education, and my familiarity with physician assistants as integral members in health care. I am eager to begin my career in this dynamic field and use this profession to impact my own community and beyond.
Thank you for you time and feedback!
Hannah Stackpole says
I am really nervous that I am not going the right way with my essay so any advice is completely helpful! Also stared out the PA’s last name because I wasn’t sure if I should include names or not in this statement Thank you!!
I don’t know many people that would say this but I am luckily and so grateful for all of my injuries that made me go to physical therapy when I was in high school. I was a competitive dancer throughout high school and a soccer player as well. The combination of the two and being very uncoordinated put me in situations to be injured extremely frequently. I was in and out of physical therapy about 10 times during middle school and until I graduated high school and most people would say how unfortunate that is. At the time I would of agreed with them because it was awful being injured so much. However, being in that office so much allowed me to get the internship and then the job that showed me that I wanted to become a physician’s assistant.
My senior year, my high school offered a work or internship study. This allowed seniors to leave school early and go to a job or an internship that would help them in terms of knowing what they wanted to do after high school or help get them in to college. At the time, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do in college; I just knew I was interested in the health field. This pushed me to ask my physical therapist, who was the manager of the clinic I was at, if I could do an internship at his clinic shadowing the physical therapists. To this day I am so thankful for him because he said yes and a month later, he appreciated how dedicated and committed I was, that he offered me a part time rehab technician job. I attribute so much to him and where I am now because he has kept me as a rehab technician since my senior year and I have worked there even while I am in college for now four years.
I distinctly remember the day I was at work and the patient that made me want to become a physician’s assistant. Up until this point, I was still on the fence whether physical therapy or even nursing was right for me. I had shadowed orthopedic surgery before and it sparked my interest but I still wasn’t sure what I wanted. One patient had been coming in for a couple weeks and heard that I was debating about what I wanted to do and he told me how he worked at Saint Francis Hospital. He was very good friends with the Physician’s Assistant Jeffrey **** in the Surgical Critical Care Unit. He immediately told me about these amazing stories and he offered to connect us so I could shadow him. Two weeks later, I was walking into Saint Francis extremely nervous but very excited to meet him.
Jeff **** opened my mind to a whole other side of medicine and I knew instantly that I wanted to be a physician’s assistant. I was with a team of six physician’s assistants for two days seeing their hard work and dedication to the field and it inspired me. One patient they were working on that day smiled so much seeing them walk in the door and I just knew I want to have that impact on people. I want to be the one in the front of the line, directly affecting people’s lives, and especially helping in surgery. This group of physician’s assistants worked on the Surgical Critical Care Unit and were there helping through everything. Seeing this side of medicine proved that there was no other profession I wanted to be in beside physician’s assistant and I knew I was committed to becoming just like these amazing people in the unit at Saint Francis.
Seeing a patient smile and making someone’s life different is something I dream of being able to do in the future. Becoming a physician’s assistant is the way I know I will be able to achieve this and make people’s lives better. I hope to start working towards this dream, become a strong Physician’s Assistant and make a difference in the health field.
Rico says
After writing my essay and going over it a few times I’m looking for some outside feedback. Please let me know what you think works and what I should change. Thank you in advance!
My roundabout path to physician’s assistant school started a little over two years ago when the best way to describe me was lost. I came to college with no real focus, the thought of a career in my major at the time made me miserable, and I would constantly push away anyone who cared about me. I knew this wasn’t what I wanted for my life but I didn’t know how to change it.
So, for a while I toiled alone in my misery when finally towards the end of my sophomore year after breaking my ankle and all but giving up on a semester because of depression I’d had enough. I began to look around for ways to change where I was at in life. I started it all by forcing myself to open up to family, friends, and God about what I was going through. When I realized that I didn’t have to carry my burden alone the depression that I had been living under for so long began to lift away. There was a new-found drive and creativity in everything that I was doing and it was this drive that led me to medicine. I began to research different majors, jobs, and ideas because I simply couldn’t get enough. That summer I became an intern at Naglreiter Consulting helping test new medical devices, began to do research on my own about some of the different ideas I had (one leading to my currently pending patent), and changed my major to kinesiology. I had finally found the path for me.
After I selected a general field that I found engaging I needed to decide what specifically I wanted to do within it. For a while I searched around, worked with different areas of focus, and asked people in different fields what they did and didn’t like. Then, after doing everything from general hospital work, to research, to working with patients I had finally come to my answer, physician’s assistant. Everyone always asks how I came to my decision and there are a number of factors that lead me down this path. First, ever since I was a child I have always had a wide focus of interests and as a PA you are qualified in several fields so you are able to do many different things. Next, the reason that causes most people laugh is the fact that I always mention work environment as well. After doing research and going to work with my parents, they’re both engineers, I gained a new appreciation for the importance of a likeable work place. From clinics to the sidelines of a field I enjoy the different settings that occur when treating patients. Finally, after having done both research and patient care I found that I missed working with patients directly as I enjoyed being able to help diagnose them and make a connection with them as they recover.
After considering many different professions, I realized that physician assistant is the one for me. I have several reasons for pursuing a career as a PA. First, the flexibility that being a PA offers sounds perfectly suited to my character; as I stated above ever since I was young I have always had many interests and being a PA would allow me the flexibility to pursue many different focuses, including dermatology and orthopedics, while still being able to help people every day. Next, I would be able to work on my own and with colleagues offering the chance to both grow my skills personally and learn from those around me who have different ways of thinking. The primary reason is that I would be able to have a meaningful, positive impact on the people around me and the community we all share. From the many healthcare professionals I have spoken to and worked with it became overwhelmingly clear that being a PA was the path for me.
I know that to become a physician’s assistant academics is a very important part of the process so I would like to take the time to explain the rough beginning to my transcript. During my freshman and sophomore year my grades were not at the level needed for a future healthcare professional and there is no justification for that. My first two years I struggled personally and emotionally for a number of reasons as I mentioned above and I let this affect my performance in school. I had to fight to find the drive to do anything productive and my grades suffered for it. After opening up and getting help from those around me I rededicated myself to school and all the work it entails. I knew that to become a PA it would require focus, hard work, and dedication. To this point, junior year I made school a top priority and my grades rose rapidly. My grades in the second half of my college career are a reflection of me as an actively involved student. While I’m not asking you to disregard my early struggles I do request that you take my hard work and improvements into account as well. I will continue to put in the effort required to reach my goal of becoming a physician assistant because I look forward to all of the lives I can change for the better.
Danielle Turley says
Growing up as a child I didn’t have the normal aspirations about wanting to be something extraordinary such as an astronaut or a princess. Instead I focused on one thing; not wanting to be in the medical field. Both of my parents were nurses and I felt that I too was expected to work as a medical professional. All I knew was that I wanted to be unique and defy these expectations.
Throughout high school I struggled with depression. My relationship with my mother was filled with tension. On top of that I felt helpless because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I thought the answers could only come if I branched out on my own for the first time. I decided to wave goodbye to Colorado and head up to the big skies of Montana on a soccer scholarship. To please my parent’s I decided to major in biology so I would have many options for a career. However, my battle with depression took a turn for the worst when I was having trouble handling the pressures of school and soccer at the same time. I found myself in the ER realizing that I had two options for myself; I could either just end my misery or take a deep breath and let go of things so I could move forward. I decided on the latter and found a sense of belonging in the ROTC program at my school. This was the first time that I felt inspired to do something bigger than myself. To know that I had the power to make a difference on a more grand scale was one of the most comforting feelings. Unfortunately, this feeling of relief for having a plan for the future was short lived. God had different plans for me, and I was not accepted into the Army due to my history of depression.
At this point I was feeling rather deflated and didn’t know what to do. Answers for my future weren’t coming to me in school, they weren’t coming to be on the soccer field, and they weren’t coming to me through my friends. I decided that I would get a part time job to get a feel for the career scene. More importantly I wanted to find some inspiration; inspiration that would direct me what to do with the biology degree that I loved and was working so hard to get.
I was given a chance at an eye clinic even though I had no applicable experience. This was the opportunity and moment I had been waiting for to change my life. From the job I learned that I truly did have a passion for helping people in this way despite what I had been trying to tell myself for all those years. Seeing patients grin when they could finally see was a feeling that has never failed to brighten my day, no matter what was happening. After a while I was able to start having more direct contact with the patients before the doctor would come in to do the exam. During this process patients would often ask questions to which I did not have the answer. Soon I became frustrated because I was tired of having to say that they could address their concerns with the doctor. This frustration has now turned into my motivation. I want to be the person who can provide comfort by answering the questions that patients so desperately want to understand.
My work at the eye clinic made me seriously reconsider becoming a healthcare professional. It made me reflect on past experiences, which at the time I didn’t know would be so influential. When I was in school I would go over to the doctor’s office that my mom worked at and hang out until she was done. During these many hours spent there I was able to watch the interactions between the nurse (my mom), the doctor, and the physician’s assistant (PA). I was impressed with how much the PA was able to do on his own, but yet at the same time he was still a critical part of a team. From talking with him he told me how although he had focused more on orthopedics, it could have been easy for him to work in any different specialty. This is what attracts me to being a PA; the ability to be flexible and have a wide range of knowledge. I found that many jobs can become very repetitive which honestly scares me. When I become a PA I will get to see something different every day. No two patients are alike and all will bring something new to the table. I will never become bored, because I will never be doing exactly the same thing.
My work at the eye clinic taught me that what my parents do is actually unique. The way they can provide comfort through reassurance and answering is something I can’t wait to be able to do. I want to be a PA so that I can help people in the only way I know how; through my developed passion in the medical field. I want to be a PA so that I can carry on my ability to be a good teammate like I did while playing collegiate soccer. I want to be a PA because despite all the ups and downs, I have prevailed and am as determined as ever to always continue my education in the healthcare field, even after I am done with school.
*any advice is appreciated
Sue says
The last memory I have of Tony was covering up his emaciated body with a blanket in a grey hospital room. Tony’s AIDs illness was progressing fast and his CD4 cells were dwindling away. I promised him everything would be okay, and once he was out of the hospital we would help him suppress his viral load. Three weeks later I heard my co-worker talking on the phone about Tony. I knew by the tone of her voice I broke my promise. When Tony was first diagnosed with HIV he had a will to get better. Tony wanted to get into care and stay into care. However his optimism was diminished when he learned there would be a three month wait to see a PCP that specializes in HIV. In that time his viral load increased rapidly and his diagnosis progressed to AIDs, and his time was cut short. This experience like many others solidified that this is the profession I am meant to pursue.
I have traveled to India and seen true poverty and hunger. I have witnessed orphaned children on the sides of streets in India, never knowing what it was like to call someplace home. My voice has individually taught underserved severely mentally ill patients, while I smiled and educated them on HIV/STD prevention at family health centers through Maricopa Integrated Health System (MIHS). My words have educated impoverished HIV-positive patients on healthy literacy at McDowell Family Health Center. I gave my time and compassion to teach health literacy classes regarding health insurance, prevention services, and the Ryan White programs. My empathy lent a shoulder to cry on to children and adolescents, at St. Luke’s Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Ward as a patient care technician, when they felt scared and alone. I held my mother tightly, at my childhood home in Iowa, when she found out my cousin was killed by a drunk driver. I listened to the stories of the uninsured at Phoenix Allies for Community Health, a volunteer-run free primary care clinic. Sometimes with tears, but ever with resolution, I have overcome many challenges and have gained insights, diversity, and a maturity that I believe people will benefit from.
Each of these events, as well as countless other experiences encountered on a daily basis, has shaped me in a powerful and diverse way. They have created an inner strength, and cultivated a hunger for growth, which I hope do draw upon throughout graduate school. The single most reason I want to be a physician assistant is because I want to spend more time with the patient and build a deeper connection. Ever since I job shadowed a physician assistant at a family health center that serves the underserved it has been my desire to work as a primary care physician with the same population. I want to be able to develop a relationship with my patients, treat diseases, and help prevent diseases.
There are those who might look at my application, see my grade point average (or my GRE scores), and believe that they know me. Those bare facts, while true, nonetheless fall far short of describing who I am. I strongly believe that my academic achievements and experiences have been guiding me towards a career as a physician assistant all along. It is my earnest and strong desire that I be able to continue my educational career to become a physician assistant so one day when I come across a patient just like Tony I can keep my promise and be the primary care provider that saves his life.
doubledown says
I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately, and didn’t want to bother you. Thank you for answering all of my questions so beautifully in this post. It is a wonderful tribute to your brother, and I’m sure your help and presence at his side was a true treasure for him in those final days. I nursed my mother through her last months with cancer–enough said.Sending you big hugs from California. I missed you!
Ashley B says
I had just returned from lunch, and as the office waited on the physicians to return, I triaged and seated our first patient of the afternoon. “Just have a seat and the doctor will be with him as soon as she returns from lunch,” I said to the patient’s sister. “Something’s not right. He’s been complaining about being nauseous, he feels clammy, and he’s not responding when I ask him questions,” she said to me. I immediately checked his vitals, something I was accustomed to, a task I performed many times a day – many times a week. This time, this patient’s vitals were much different. There was no pulse, no blood pressure, and no breathing. “Can you turn the television off for me?” I asked the patient’s sister as calmly as I could. “I don’t want to scare you, but I can’t hear his heart or get a blood pressure reading. I need you to call 911,” I said to her. Following my directions, she promptly called 911. I could feel no pulse at all, and knew that CPR was his last hope. I began CPR – both the patient’s sister and I called 911 what seemed to be ten times before an ambulance showed up. My head was on his heart, hoping to hear a faint heartbeat, as he gasped for his last breath. I was face to face with this man, hearing his last breath, staring death in the face.
That March day, a day I will never forget out of the 5 years I spent working in the St. Francis Primary Care Clinic, I fully began to understand the true definition of medicine. Medicine is not always about saving lives, healing the sick, or easing pain. Sometimes medicine does not always prevail – like when you come in to the clinic for a one-month checkup, but have a massive heart attack in the lobby, leaving you unresponsive on the floor. That day I had faced the most disheartening part of medicine, but living that moment instilled the confidence that I needed; a confidence that I did not know I had. Now, I knew that I can take control and calmly handle a life and death situation. Taking control during this desperate time only confirmed my love for medicine, and concreted my future plans – plans that include pursuing medicine as my career. As a child I knew I wanted to work in the health field. But the day in lobby of the clinic taking control of a desperate time is the first thing I think of when asked “why do you want to be a PA?” All of the hard work and tears pay off when you are using that knowledge you have worked hard for to try and save a man’s life – whether you try and fail or try and succeed. It is nothing short of rewarding.
My love for science, medicine, and learning only grew as I pursued my undergraduate degree in biology at the University of Louisiana at Monroe. The challenge of science and medicine is fascinating and entirely too broad to limit myself to one particular speciality, which makes being a PA my life long aspiration. I spend my free time as a scribe in the emergency room at St. Francis Medical Center. Working as a scribe enables me to further my passion for medicine as I get to see patients with the provider during every shift; learning how to handle each illness and how to greet and talk to patients. I walk into each room, eager to learn and listen as our patient tells his or her story and listen as the provider makes his decision on how to treat him or her. As an emergency room scribe, I am exposed to the positive side of medicine as I watch sick patients walk in and walk out healed. I am also exposed to the negative side of medicine as I watch some patients walk in sick, and never get the chance to walk back out. Seeing both the positive and negative aspects of medicine is both rewarding and humbling. The most humbling experiences during my shifts are when I get to know patients. Watching, listening, and learning as our PAs speak and act with compassion towards patients and then further collaborating with the physician to provide the best possible treatment is something I could never learn in a textbook. Getting to know patients and making sure they feel confident in their provider makes such a huge difference instead of treating each patient as if they are nothing but mere symptoms. Understanding that every patient that walks in our doors is a human. No different than me or you, needing help when they cannot help themselves.
Seeing the many facets of medicine, I have learned that medicine is much more than a black and white list of symptoms and diagnoses in a textbook. I have seen the power of medicine as I watch patients scared and sick come in the ER and walk out healed and joyful. Unfortunately, I have also seen medicine at its weakest as I stared death in the face in the lobby of the clinic. Working with compassionate providers has given me a different perspective on medicine. Getting to know someone and listening to them is a colossal element in patient care. I look forward to listening to more stories and becoming familiar with more patients in my future. As a PA, I am eager to save lives, heal the sick, and ease the pain of my future patients.
Brittney says
**Rough draft, would love some thoughts on how to improve it. Thanks!
When I was young, I never really thought about what I was going to do with my life beyond high school. By the time I had reached my junior year, I was as undecided as ever. I was starting at a new school, surrounded by tons of new faces, taking a variety of different courses, and getting ready to take my SAT’s in case I decided to go to college. Around this same time, I had also started having some health problems. I had been getting excruciating headaches that made me so dizzy that made it difficult to even walk. Oftentimes, I had to be sent to the nurse or just go home. I went to numerous appointments with the neurologist in Pittsburgh and eventually was sent to get an MRI with contrast done on my head. A few days later, the call came. They said there was an abnormality on my scan, a lesion of some kind. I was referred to a neurosurgeon and sent to get another MRI so that they could get a better look. At 16 years old, I was unsure what to make of any of it. I had not received a diagnosis, but just the possibility of it scared me beyond words. I remember frantically asking my mom what they meant by “lesion.” I remember furiously googling what could be wrong. I remember staying up all night before my appointment with the neurosurgeon, just worrying. I remember that next day, walking into Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh. I remember the atmosphere, and I remember the neurosurgeon discussing my results with me. I remember the encouragement that she gave me, the assurance that I had nothing to worry about, the understanding that she had for my concern and anxiousness. Every single time that I have gone back for further appointments, I have been treated with the same empathy.
Now, years later and much more mature, I realize that I overreacted. The experience proved really important for me though, and it is a prominent memory for me still. It reminds me of the importance of a positive doctor-patient relationship. It really demonstrated to me what a difference compassion can make when treating a patient. Not long after all of this happened, I decided that I wanted to go into the health field as a physician assistant; and the more time that I spend shadowing, volunteering, and working in the healthcare field, the more I realize that I have made the right decision. I am constantly witnessing the impact that hard work and kindheartedness can have on the experience and treatment of a patient.
The summer after my sophomore year of college, I began working at an assisted living facility near my house. I was nervous to step out of my comfort zone and start working in the healthcare field. What if I didn’t like it? What if it made me uncomfortable? I had many thoughts such as these in the days prior to my first day. However, I very quickly settled into my role as a caregiver and became comfortable interacting with all of the residents. I made it my goal to go beyond the minimum amount of required work and to make the residents feel as at home as I could. Caring for so many people at a time required a lot of multitasking and was very physically demanding; and it was not always appreciated. However, the relationships that I made with the residents over my time there made it more than worth it. Each one of them touched my life in their own way, and it was a blessing to have known them.
More than ever, I realized that even though working in the healthcare field can be challenging, it was exactly what I wanted to do with my life. It is my goal to provide others with the compassionate care that I have received so many times, and I will work my hardest to do so. Though I was undecided about attending college at all in my younger years, I can absolutely say that I made the right decision in continuing my education. The challenges (academic and otherwise) that I have been presented with since starting my college career have made me even more driven and dedicated than I was in high school. I am ready and excited for my future in the healthcare field, knowing that any time that I can make a patient’s experience easier or more joyful will be a blessing for me.
Bri says
*rough draft, just trying to see if I’m anywhere near the right track. Also I’m over the limit but I figured I could always cut later. Thank you for all the work you guys do to help students!*
Kids are always asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I told anyone who asked that I wanted to make tiny airplanes. Every time we drove by this abandoned warehouse building I would tell them that was where I would work and build them. As I grew up I realized that making tiny airplanes was not practical, but I did have a love for science. In the fifth grade I dressed up as Louis Pasteur, painted on facial hair and all, for the history fair because I thought pasteurization and immunization were way cooler than anything else I learned about in history class.
As I entered high school my interest in science, particularly health care, really took off. At this time, I had begun to take a series of classes through Project Lead The Way with an emphasis in biomedical sciences. In the first course alone we dissected a fetal pig and a sheep’s heart. I was amazed by the pig’s body, every organ so perfectly placed. From there the courses continued to look at the medical field and how health care professionals, specifically doctors, were able to diagnose diseases and what medical interventions were available to them for treatment. Our final exam was to take a person’s symptoms and come up with an endocrine focuses diagnoses and possible treatment options available. Although we were given all the pieces it was still a puzzle that needed to be solved. This was when I realized that I didn’t want to just treat the patients I wanted to assess and diagnose as well. Seeing the whole puzzle finished through the end.
When starting college, I thought my only option was to be a nurse or a physician but not all the aspects of those occupations were appealing to me. So I did what any millennial would do, I took to the internet! There I discovered the work of physician assistants and their ability to assess, diagnose and treat either with a physician or autonomously. At this point I could really see myself taking this career path.
I knew I needed some experience to see if this field was really for me or if I was meant to be in a research position. When I was a sophomore I got a job as an Emergency Room Technician at the University of Minnesota Medical Center. Throughout my time there I have seen things I would never thought I would get to see while in college. One of the most vivid memories from my time there was my first patient death. I remember biking home from my 12 hour shift around 3:45 am and my mind was racing. I couldn’t get the image of her face out of my head. I was lost for words over someone I didn’t even know before today. The patient, Sherry, came in from her home by EMS on the LUCAS, trying to keep her heart beating. Checking for her radial pulse, her body was cold with no life in her eyes. Yet we kept going, trying to give Sherry another chance. Another pulse check, nothing. It felt like everything was moving at 100 miles as hour. I had never seen a team work together so efficiently; a well oiled machine where each person knew their role. After multiple attempts to keep her heart going the doctor called the time of death, zero two hundred hours. As everyone cleared the room it was just me and Sherry. As I cleaned up her body, removing clothing, IVs and the intubation tube I couldn’t help but feel sad. I knew that we had done everything we could have done but I couldn’t stop thinking about her life, who she was and who she left behind. As I returned to the floor Sherry’s family arrived. I watched the doctor go with such remorse and empathy to tell her family that Sherry had passed away and gave her condolence. This was the type of provider I wanted to be. One that did everything they could for their patients by being caring, compassionate and empathetic to every patient they see. I believe I will take Sherry with me for the rest of my life. That experience showed me the hard parts of working in health care, but it also showed me the level of passion these professionals have. I am grateful for the hardworking team of physicians, nurses and other ERTs I have the opportunity to work with, they showed me that good team work, communication and dedication are necessary to provide the best possible care.
The experiences I’ve had in the Emergency Department have been so rewarding, but I knew it was necessary to see other areas of practice. I began shadowing an orthopedic PA a couple times in both surgery and a clinical setting. Each time I went back I felt more and more excited about my choice in pursuing a career as a PA. I got to experience both the PA working directly with a physician and autonomously. While in surgery she was first assist and helped the doctor with the procedure and closed at the end. One thing I particularly enjoyed was the fact that she saw the patient before they went under for a procedure and was there through the end to get them back to post-op, whereas the doctor came in after they were under and left before the PA had finished closing the patient up. I have always been a relational person so this was big for me. In clinic, she was able to do her own procedures from her own diagnoses. While in the clinic, seeing the PA’s desire to hear about her patient’s life and her genuine care for their well-being was encouraging. I enjoy learning small details about a person’s life and listening to people brings me a lot of joy. I loved that I could see her passion come through her work.
I’ve come a long way from wanting to design tiny airplanes and I’m excited for what the future will bring. My shadowing experiences have shown me what being a PA truly means and has strengthened my desire to pursue this path. Anyone can have passions, but it’s what you do with them that makes a difference in the world.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Bri,
Your essay has a lot of engaging components — it’s great that you admit you started with the Internet and then did the smart thing by getting real experience with PAs.
I have a suggestion about where to cut and that’s the first two paragraphs. Truly, Admissions folks do not care that you wanted to make tiny airplanes, dressed up as Louis Pasteur or dissected pigs in high school. They want to hear about your grown up interests and adult experiences. You’ll have plenty of space once those paragraphs are gone!
Start with that third paragraph. You’ll need to modify it some to make it work (and be grammatically correct). For example, you could write something like this: When starting college, I thought my only options for a healthcare career were to be a nurse or a physician. But not all the aspects of those occupations appealed to me.
You’ll need to change your conclusion a bit if you ditch the first two paragraphs, but shouldn’t be a problem for you.
By the way, I recommend that people don’t use contractions in these essays because they’re disfavored in academic writing. Why not show you know and respect the rules? It’s an easy fix! And speaking of exclamation points, don’t use those either. They are also disfavored in academic writing.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
sfuentes says
*Very first rough draft! And second time applying, so I wrote an entirely new essay. Thank you for your help!*
Today may be the worst or best day of a patient’s life, so we must make sure to not let our personal struggles get in the way of treating each patient with the equal care and respect they deserve. The preceding quote is one I once heard from a physician and a quote that I try to remind myself when I believe my job as a scribe can become tedious or uneventful. The same quote has kept me grounded when I remind myself why I am scribe who is to gain medical experience and knowledge for preparation for a Physician Assistant Program. I believe it what was also running through my mind before a shift when I was trying to keep myself awake and alert before work. That same shift was one of the hardest and most eye opening shifts I have had to work as a scribe to this day.
It was a normal Wednesday morning for me, prepping my charts for a full morning of patients at the neurology clinic that day. Our first patient was a young woman in her thirties who the physician I scribed for has been following for several months due to an abnormality in her spinal cord. She presented to the office that day because her vision was worsening as it had enabled her to drive forcing her husband to drive for her. Before her visit, I was preparing her MRI results in her chart when I was reading it and realized what I had seen. The abnormality was now visible in her MRI and was in fact a tumor. I became scared and worried for what was going be discussed in the room with the patient, her husband, and the neurologist. In the room, the physician reviewed the imaging scans and informed the patient of the bad news. The mood in the room suddenly changed as both her and her husband bursted into tears. This was one of the first times as my role as a scribe when I was fighting back tears in the room when she said “I promised my kids mommy was going to be okay.” They reviewed the MRI together and discussed a plan of action where she was then to be referred to a neurosurgeon for further evaluation and treatment. This was the last day I was to see the patient and an impactful moment I will forever remember.
That Wednesday morning, I believed would just be just another shift as a scribe but it reminded me the importance of medicine as well as confirmed by decision to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant. As a scribe, I have learned an abundance amount of medical information.. Not only have I increased my knowledge, but I have learned a vast amount of neurology as the provider I work for is a neurologist. I have become more compassionate as patients come from all walks of life with varying underlying diseases and circumstances. Medicine has become such an important part of my life as I am able to assist the physician in providing better care for their patients.
For me, health and medicine has always been an interest of mine since high school. I originally wanted to be a doctor but after discovering the PA profession I became more intrigued and realized my goals and values were more in line with the qualities of a PA. I discovered the role of a PA through my own personal research as well as guidance from my academic advisor. At the clinic, we do not have a PA but we do have a team of physicians, nurse practitioners, medical assistants, and scribes who work together to provide exceptional neurological care. What I value about the PA profession is the collaborative aspect of the role as they also work on a team of physicians, nurses, and many other health care professions. Not only have I appreciated working as a scribe, but I have appreciated observing how my physician works alongside the nurse practitioner’s just the same if he were to work with a PA.
I have also been fascinated with the role of PA due to their ability to switch fields in medicine. Thinking about it now, I have many interests when it comes to my future career in medicine. As a PA, I would have the flexibility to choose between specialties and this is a characteristic I really am drawn to versus choosing one specialty as a physician. I also enjoy the problem solving that goes along with working in medicine and as a PA. PAs are constantly learning and gaining more knowledge each day they practice which is something I genuinely look forward in my future career.
I believe that whatever your goals are in life, you must embrace them fully. This is what I learned during my first application experience and what went wrong the first year I applied. Now I understand more fully the value of PAs and my strengths and weaknesses for applying to PA school. I improved upon these past mistakes and I believe now I am a more competitive applicant. My past year as a scribe has not only helped me gain better healthcare experience but has also increased my knowledge of medicine and has better prepared me for PA school. Learning as much as I could this past year has not only made me a stronger applicant but a more confident human being.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi,
I’m glad you rewrote your essay. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty across the country about writing these essays for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” everyone said they don’t want to see the same essay again. I would emphasize even more the things that are new since you last applied to fully clarify what you mean when you write you’re a more competitive applicant and improved on your past mistakes. That’s so general, it isn’t helpful. Details tell the story!
Sorry to say, but I’d scrap the first paragraph. It isn’t particularly engaging and in fact, makes it seem as you’re completely bored and uninterested in your scribe work. That’s the wrong image to convey. (Plus the first sentence isn’t in quotes, so we don’t know it is one.) I’d start with your second paragraph. You can add a few words to show you’re a scribe — “It was a normal Wednesday morning for me in my job as a scribe . . .”
Since you don’t work with PAs, I strongly urge you to do some shadowing before you submit your application and weave that experience into your essay. It’s hard to be convincing that you know what the profession entails when it sounds as if the only reason you know is because you researched it. That could be part of the problem with your application as a whole. When you write about the PA profession now, it sounds like you may have taken the job description from the Internet. That’s not what you want Admissions folks to think. It’s hard to believe that you “more fully understand the value of PAs” from your essay as it stands.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Youa says
Hi, this is my first draft and I will appreciate any feedback, suggestions. Thank you in advance!
My heart is pounding out of my chest, the more I walk the louder the pounding becomes. Breathing is getting hard to do, my heart continues to beat faster, then my sight becomes hazy and I collapse. When I awoke I was told my hemoglobin levels were below normal and with every blood drawn the levels continued to drop. At the age of 22 I never thought anything, especially my health, would prevent me to live my life. I felt my life came to a pause. As a patient it was daunting and scary not knowing if I would ever be able to walk again without losing my breath or the least, be able to feel the breeze outside again. All I could think about was when would this nightmare end.
Being a patient I had many physicians: a primary care physician assistant, hematologist, nephrologist, and a rheumatologist. My primary care physician assistant was unlike any other health professional I met before, she was the first person to recognize something was abnormal with lab work and the last person to continuously check-up on me. Lupus was the true culprit, the anemia was secondary to lupus. With the other specialist physicians, they were quick to resolve any associated problems with my condition and soon left, my interactions were so short I could not recall their names. Being a patient, I felt I lost a sense of my identity, I was no longer this young strong, independent, thriving woman. Instead I saw the long sad faces I received from my family and hospital staff, like when you hear someone has cancer. I know my physician assistant went above and beyond to ensure I received the best care or else I would have never known the root of my condition. It was because of my primary care physician assistant I survived and was able to find my identity again.
I knocked on the door before entering and was greeted with a soft “Good morning,” Agnes replied. As a rehabilitation technician I helped Agnes get dressed and ready for therapy. I remember putting on her socks because she had a spinal cord injury and bending was one of her restrictions. Her foot were as cold as ice and I saw the wrinkles under her eyes as she smiled at me. “Would you like anything else before we leave for therapy,” I asked Agnes. “No, thank you sweetie. The sooner I get better, the sooner I can get home to walking my dogs again.” I am reminded daily of the individuals I help to ensure they will regain their sense of identity once again to live their lives to the fullest, just like myself when I was a patient. I have also spent many hours volunteering and observing in senior living, primary care, and hospitals. From all health professionals physician assistants stood out the most to me because physician assistants spent the most time with their patients and I believe, the most influential in determining a patient’s progress. They are most versatile to new situations and very knowledgeable to different specialties. In addition, physician assistants have the ability to learn about their patients as individuals.
Growing up I witnessed the shortcomings of being an underprivileged Hmong child. My parents sought asylum as immigrants from Laos shortly after the Vietnam War. Because my parents immigrated from a third world country they lacked access to healthcare, resulting in little knowledge in health. Growing up my family visited the doctor, at most, once a year if we were sick. I remember waiting in long lines at the clinic to see available healthcare providers because my parents could not afford health insurance. Every individual deserves the same care no matter their social economic status, every life is precious. My mom is a diabetic but did not seek a primary care often because of her little knowledge of diabetes. In Hmong the translation for diabetes means high blood sugar, but my mom did not believe she had it as she would say, “I don’t eat sweets”. Hmong’s diet are primarily comprised of white rice. Because of the knowledge I learned in undergraduate studies I urged my mom to seek primary care and currently has her diabetes under control with diet change and medication. My mom has a different perspective than previously because the physician assistant is patient with my mom due to cultural views, language barrier, and little education my mom has. From my mom’s experience, I knew my pursuit of becoming a physician assistant solidified as I wanted to work with underprivileged individuals such as myself and my family.
We each seek to continue our identities whether it is a young college student striving to complete college or an elderly simply wanting to walk her dogs. Sometimes our identities are lost or even stolen from because of an illness. But it does not matter who we are or where we live each of us strive for a quality of life, to find a purpose and meaning. To be a part of this process to help an individual regain their everyday life would be most meaningful and rewarding.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Youa,
You had a terrifying experience and talking about it is a good way to open your essay. However, keep focused on the PA, and cut it down. Shorten those first two paragraphs by about half. Admissions folks aren’t as interested in your personal experiences as a patient as they are your professional healthcare experiences as a provider, so less is definitely more here. You could also increase the impact by using strong, active verbs. Those first two sentences could read like this: “My heart pounds out of my chest. The more I walk, the louder it becomes. I cannot catch my breath, then my sight blurs and I collapse.” The short staccato sentences add to the suspense.
The next issue is that you need transitions between your paragraphs. Otherwise you’ll lose your readers.
Your essay needs refinement and careful editing. It’s a first draft so keep working on it. Eliminate repetition of words and phrases like starting two sentences in a row with “Growing up.” Remember, each sentence has to connect to the next — your readers aren’t mind readers. You need to make sure that the story in your head is on the page. For example, we didn’t know your mom had a physician assistant until you wrote, “My mom has a different perspective than previously because the physician assistant is patient . . .”
Watch for grammar errors — they do matter to Admissions folks who expect these essays to be error free. Here you put the end quotation mark inside the punctuation instead of after: “I don’t eat sweets”.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Hannah Gill says
***Thank you in advance for the advise. This is my personal statement from this past application cycle. I did not get accepted so I am wondering how to improve my statement***
Her smooth, bald head quickly became rosy in the Florida sunshine. Her ocean-blue headscarf complimented her sapphire eyes. It reminded me of the leather bandana she used to wear when she and my uncle would ride their motorcycles. It sat snug against the skin where long, brown hair used to be. “It’s just hair. It grows back,” she would always tell us. I remember her face, flushed and swollen, her appetite non-existent, and vomiting a daily routine. Her moods were erratic and she was often angry. I always wondered what changed her personality; the drugs, the brain mets, or simply the fact that cancer had chosen her? It chose her shortly after she and my uncle adopted a son from Guatemala. It chose her at the prime of her photography career. It chose her while she was still full of life and it slowly and painfully took that life away over the course of almost five years.
My aunt was one of three family members, including my uncle and grandpa, whom my family lost to cancer between 2010-2014. I never truly understood suffering until I watched cancer consume their lives. I saw what cancer is capable of. It’s not a condition that hides its effects on the inside of the body. The destruction becomes evident everywhere; I saw it in the withering away of strength, in the carefree personalities that turned to ones of anger and sadness, and in the fights that occurred between family members. I saw cancer destroy my family three times in the matter of a few years. I was helpless watching them suffer. I saw three undeserving people leave this world at the hands of cancer and I wanted to know why. How could an illness take over the body so quickly? I had similar questions when I began having health problems of my own.
In 2010, after my grandpa passed, I was diagnosed with an intrasacral meningocele. The grapefruit-sized cyst was pressing against spinal nerves and causing severe back pain as well as numbness in my legs. My neurosurgeon informed me that I would need to have a high-risk surgery in order to remove it. The surgery was at a children’s hospital and I was there for about a week post-operation. During my stay, I came in contact with many doctors, nurses, and PA’s. They provided the best patient-care I had ever experienced. Every member of the staff was attentive, understanding, and treated me not like a sick patient but like a person. My neurosurgeon checked on me each day and made it a priority to have a conversation with me. I could tell he cared this way for all of his patients. Before surgery, I asked if he could take videos and photos during the operation because I was interested not only in the medical field but specifically what was going on in my body. He was more than happy to complete this extra task and that showed me he was a doctor who went above and beyond.
Being in a children’s hospital was an experience I will never forget. There were many children much sicker than I; children with cancer, paralysis, and heart defects. Many of the kids had been there for weeks and even months, unable to live their childhood how they should. They were incredibly strong. They were ill, yet they managed to smile, laugh and play as if they were completely healthy. I remember one child specifically whom I shared a room with. She had a surgery similar to mine. She was probably only six years old. There was a curtain between us but I could hear everything happening on the other side. Almost every day she would scream in pain. Her cries made my heart sink to my stomach. I wanted to help her, comfort her, and take away her pain. I was feeling the same pain and was struggling not to cry myself each time I would move. I wanted to help every child I saw; to somehow take away this horrific reality they were living.
These experiences not only changed my perspective on illness, medicine, and healthcare but gave me inspiration for what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted to understand cancer. To know why it starts, what it does to the body, how it flourishes, and how to help the people affected by it. I wanted to be the person treating sick children; helping them have a childhood even while hospitalized. Every healthcare professional I met during these years provided me with another career option and there were aspects of each that I loved. I wanted to do it all, but I obviously couldn’t be a nurse, neurosurgeon, oncologist and pediatrician all rolled into one. I later discovered that a physician’s assistant was the answer I had been looking for. The ability to practice different specialties over the course of my career attracted me to the profession. It is a career that will give me the chance to fulfill many of my interests while helping patients that need access to quality healthcare. I believe it is the path that God made for me and I know my aunt, uncle, and grandpa would be proud of me for pursuing it.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Hannah,
I see the problems with your essay that probably kept you from interviews. Apart from getting the name of the profession wrong — it’s not “physician’s assistant,” it’s “physician assistant,” which in and of itself is enough not to be invited for an interview, you don’t have enough information about why you want to be a PA. Saying you want to practice different specialties and help patients access quality healthcare is not enough.
Start over and draw specifically on your experiences with PAs to highlight what appeals to you about that profession and why you’d be a great one.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Naia Rodriguez says
***Thank you for any guidance!!!***
When I was thirteen years old, walking from school on a cool, sunny day, I remember thinking how strange it was to find my mother home so early from work. Setting my bag down and seeing her tear-streaked face, I knew something was wrong. “I have cancer” were the last words I was expecting to hear; yet ironically those very words gave me absolute certainty of wanting to enter the healthcare world.
Every child aspires to be a teacher, a rock star, or an astronaut. My aspiration as a young adolescent ranged from dentistry to veterinary services. I have always been interested in the sciences and have always dreamed of going into a career in the health field. This proved true when my mother was diagnosed with her cancer; it was this event pushed me to join healthcare. Seeing her in pain, physically, mentally, and emotionally, on a daily basis was the hardest experience I had gone through at that moment in time. I would have done anything to erase all that she was going through, from the pain of the tumor to the mentally preparing for the worst. I knew in those instances, when she would go through treatment or emotionally break down into soul-wrenching tears, that I would never wish this upon my worst of enemies (if I had any). At that time, my father was constantly traveling out of the country on work-related business, thus providing me the stressful experience of being my mother’s caregiver. As stressful as it was, it gave me the opportunity to expand on my potential medical outlook by being surrounded with important tasks such as assisting with medications and accompanying her to her doctor appointments.
“Healthcare” is such a broad term when deciding what my dream career was to be. When it came to attending my dream university, the University of South Florida, I decided to major in Cellular & Molecular Biology in the hopes of expanding my interest in the sciences and to hopefully gain insight on which path to choose: nursing, medical, physician assisting; the list was endless! The classes involved in my degree were challenging, and becoming a dual-degree seeking student (I picked up psychology as well) did not help my stress level; however, I knew that no matter which path I chose, those classes would be much more challenging than my undergraduate ones. This thought helped me overcome any obstacle that came my way, including passing the classes required for both degrees, maintaining a part-time job, extracurricular activities, and leadership roles in various organizations throughout my four undergraduate years. The extracurricular activity that made me want to pursue Physician Assisting was the mission trips I attended to Honduras and Nicaragua. During my Honduras trip, a physician assistant, Marianne Azneer, made a tremendous impact towards my decision. I got to shadow her when she took care of patients during clinicals, which I compared to my experience shadowing a physician back in the states. Marianne seemed so at ease with her patients and I could tell how much she loved her job. Her passion gave me passion and her advice to me when it came to finding a career was to pick one that I would truly enjoy doing with no regrets. I confided that my father pushed me for medical school for several years but it did not feel right to me. Marianne simply told me to follow my instincts.
Thanks to Marianne, I was certain that Physician Assisting was what I could see myself doing. I am not a quitter nor do I settle for less. Since Honduras, I challenged myself to gain as much exposure as possible in the healthcare world and to gain as much knowledge as possible to take with me when attending physician assisting school. I was honored to attend a second mission trip, to Nicaragua, maintained a dual purpose at Moffitt Cancer Center as a volunteer and employee; I worked in the MRI department as a volunteer before obtaining employment as a PACS Support Assistant, Picture Archives and Communication Systems, and will be volunteering in Interventional Radiology for the next year. Volunteering in radiology gave me the chance to work with the patients when prepping for their procedures as well as discharging them. A big component of both roles was to make sure the patient was comfortable with their visit. Working in PACS gave me insight to the administrative part of healthcare. I got to learn more about the HIPAA laws and how they applied to patients and their representatives when obtaining records.
I believe that Marianne and Moffitt Cancer Center are the biggest influences in my decision to pursuing Physician Assisting. Marianne gave me the insight while Moffitt gave me the experience. I am still keeping busy with various types of healthcare roles until I attend PA school. Through the knowledge gained in my vigorous coursework, hands on experience working in a hospital, and international involvement in various mission trips, I know I will be a strong addition to the PA program. Being involved at Moffitt Cancer Center has been a rewarding experience that I hope to have the privilege of returning to in the future. Just as my mother was able to overcome her cancer, I know I will overcome any further challenges that will come my way as I further my medical education.
Naia Rodriguez says
When I was thirteen years old, walking from school on a cool, sunny day, I remember thinking how strange it was to find my mother home so early from work. Setting my bag down and seeing her tear-streaked face, I knew something was wrong. “I have cancer” were the last words I was expecting to hear; yet ironically those very words gave me absolute certainty of wanting to enter the healthcare world.
Every child aspires to be a teacher, a rock star, or an astronaut. My aspiration as a young adolescent ranged from dentistry to veterinary services. I have always been interested in the sciences and have always dreamed of going into a career in the health field. This proved true when my mother was diagnosed with her cancer; it was this event pushed me to join healthcare. Seeing her in pain, physically, mentally, and emotionally, on a daily basis was the hardest experience I had gone through at that moment in time. I would have done anything to erase all that she was going through, from the pain of the tumor to the mentally preparing for the worst. I knew in those instances, when she would go through treatment or emotionally break down into soul-wrenching tears, that I would never wish this upon my worst of enemies (if I had any). At that time, my father was constantly traveling out of the country on work-related business, thus providing me the stressful experience of being my mother’s caregiver. As stressful as it was, it gave me the opportunity to expand on my potential medical outlook by being surrounded with important tasks such as assisting with medications and accompanying her to her doctor appointments.
“Healthcare” is such a broad term when deciding what my dream career was to be. When it came to attending my dream university, the University of South Florida, I decided to major in Cellular & Molecular Biology in the hopes of expanding my interest in the sciences and to hopefully gain insight on which path to choose: nursing, medical, physician assisting; the list was endless! The classes involved in my degree were challenging, and becoming a dual-degree seeking student (I picked up psychology as well) did not help my stress level; however, I knew that no matter which path I chose, those classes would be much more challenging than my undergraduate ones. This thought helped me overcome any obstacle that came my way, including passing the classes required for both degrees, maintaining a part-time job, extracurricular activities, and leadership roles in various organizations throughout my four undergraduate years. The extracurricular activity that made me want to pursue Physician Assisting was the mission trips I attended to Honduras and Nicaragua. During my Honduras trip, a physician assistant, Marianne Azneer, made a tremendous impact towards my decision. I got to shadow her when she took care of patients during clinicals, which I compared to my experience shadowing a physician back in the states. Marianne seemed so at ease with her patients and I could tell how much she loved her job. Her passion gave me passion and her advice to me when it came to finding a career was to pick one that I would truly enjoy doing with no regrets. I confided that my father pushed me for medical school for several years but it did not feel right to me. Marianne simply told me to follow my instincts.
Thanks to Marianne, I was certain that Physician Assisting was what I could see myself doing. I am not a quitter nor do I settle for less. Since Honduras, I challenged myself to gain as much exposure as possible in the healthcare world and to gain as much knowledge as possible to take with me when attending physician assisting school. I was honored to attend a second mission trip, to Nicaragua, maintained a dual purpose at Moffitt Cancer Center as a volunteer and employee; I worked in the MRI department as a volunteer before obtaining employment as a PACS Support Assistant, Picture Archives and Communication Systems, and will be volunteering in Interventional Radiology for the next year. Volunteering in radiology gave me the chance to work with the patients when prepping for their procedures as well as discharging them. A big component of both roles was to make sure the patient was comfortable with their visit. Working in PACS gave me insight to the administrative part of healthcare. I got to learn more about the HIPAA laws and how they applied to patients and their representatives when obtaining records.
I believe that Marianne and Moffitt Cancer Center are the biggest influences in my decision to pursuing Physician Assisting. Marianne gave me the insight while Moffitt gave me the experience. I am still keeping busy with various types of healthcare roles until I attend PA school. Through the knowledge gained in my vigorous coursework, hands on experience working in a hospital, and international involvement in various mission trips, I know I will be a strong addition to the PA program. Being involved at Moffitt Cancer Center has been a rewarding experience that I hope to have the privilege of returning to in the future. Just as my mother was able to overcome her cancer, I know I will overcome any further challenges that will come my way as I further my medical education.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Naia,
Your essay has some good information, but you will never get an interview by calling the physician assistant profession (note, not capitalized) “Physician Assisting.” Getting the name of the profession wrong tells Admissions folks you really have no understanding of the profession (even if you do). When I saw that, I was ready to stop reading, so you can imagine the reaction of Admissions faculty.
Get rid of this sentence: “Every child aspires to be a teacher, a rock star, or an astronaut. My aspiration as a young adolescent ranged from dentistry to veterinary services.” It’s a waste of characters/spaces. You can certainly open with your experience with your mom (I hope she recovered well), although you could shorten it some.
You need additional information about why you want to be a PA. You haven’t really said why, specifically, you want to be one. Everything you say is fairly general and could apply to any number of healthcare professions.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
MKhaz says
This will be my second year applying, and I have completely changed my essay based on a significant life experience in this past year. The main theme I want to portray is the impact of a PA role model, the challenges and hardship of a personal injury and the positive impact that the PA career has on my life. The story was initially much longer, with more detail and explanation, but I feel this draft is stronger and more to the point of why I want to be a PA. I appreciate any comment or criticism that can be provided.
I carefully propped myself up to the side of the hospital bed, using every ounce of strength left after two long days of immobility following the surgery. It was finally time to take my first assisted steps after the procedure, yet doubt about a successful recovery crept into my mind and distracted from the task at hand. The diagnosis of two lumbar disc herniations, spinal stenosis and disc degeneration appeared to be a constant road block at twenty two years old. Would this effect not only my future in health care, but my ability to live a normal life? As I snapped back into focus, two nurses wheeled the walking aid to my side. Like all challenges, each step would require patience and dedication in order to be successful, but I would come to find out that these steps do not have to be taken alone.
Prior to my discharge from the hospital, I met with several members of the medical team to go over the restrictions I would face during the first month of recovery. Jenn, a physician assistant who had worked closely with my surgeon during prior office visits, knew of my experience with orthopedic injuries as an athletic trainer. After explaining the initial success of the procedure to my family, she left me with a single piece of advice: “Treat your spine as a case study and assess each day as if you were the clinician”. Unfortunately, it took two weeks of bedrest feeling sorry for myself until I took those words into action. I began to take detailed notes, describing the degree or change of my symptoms each day. When Jenn would call to follow up on my status, she answered every question or concern, and would direct each phase of healing and rehabilitation that I completed. Instead of harping on setbacks, she helped guide my attention on the long term goals that were set. Finally, after dedicating hours, days and months to complete the necessary stages of rehabilitation, I had reached the halfway point in the set surgical timeline. Like prior visits, this meant that x rays would be taken to measure the degree of fusion between the vertebrae. As the images popped on the screen, excitement radiated from both my doctor and Jenn. They explained that healing was “on schedule”, and there were no complications with the hardware.
It was not until I left the building that I realized the magnitude of what those tests represented for my future quality of life. As the patient, I trusted these individuals to make the necessary decisions to ultimately live unimpeded and pain free. While the procedure may have been the catalyst, it became clear that if not for the personal connection that Jenn had made, I may not have been as dedicated to follow the rigid protocol and focus on the long term outcome. Despite having numerous patients, she appeared to be entirely dedicated to my success. If not for that relationship, the direction of my life, both physically and professionally may have been drastically different. Jenn showed me how to be compassionate for others, patient with my physical limitations and committed to reach my ultimate goal of normalcy. As a physician assistant, a single day of work could make a lasting impact on a patient’s life, and now that I am physically capable, I strive to create that same experience for others.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi,
Before I forget, there’s a couple of grammar errors. End quotes always go outside the punctuation and you put yours inside. Use numerals when writing ages: 22-year old.
The essay starts off well, but you never really specify why you want to be a PA. Sure, you can make a lasting impact on others, but you can do that in every profession in healthcare. The entire focus on yourself and your recovery process isn’t enough. It’s a great way to open, but limit it to one compact paragraph. Then you need to focus on your experience with PAs as a health care professional/volunteer/shadower/athletic trainer. When I interviewed Admissions faculty from across the country for our book, they all said not to focus much on your own experience as a patient and that’s essentially all you do here. They want to know about your professional experiences, how those will make you a great PA and why specifically you want to be one.
It’s back to the drawing board, but it will be well worth it.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Kyra Braun says
The sound of my bare feet hitting the trampoline, the downward force, and finally the feeling of weightlessness: that was my childhood. As a competitive gymnast, I had every amount of drive, dedication, and willpower that eventually transferred into all aspects of my life. Practicing my flips and twists on that trampoline every day, even after my four-hour practices, was what I lived for. Until one day, I came home to a bare backyard. Running inside with tears streaming down my face, I exclaimed, “How could you?” to my father.
Earlier that same day my father, a pain management physician, had to give a lumbar epidural to a para-paraplegic, who had become paralyzed after a disastrous incident on a friend’s trampoline. At the time, my father’s choice to take away my trampoline was impossible for me to understand. However, looking back now, as a person so incredibly passionate about health, I can see it was a simple choice. We protect those that we care we about.
I have been immersed in the healthcare field from an early age, and when given the chance of an internship with an orthopedic physician assistant as a high school senior, I jumped at the opportunity. The care that the PA showed toward her patients, day in and day out, exemplified the kind of protection my father had shown to me. The role of a physician assistant had allowed her to begin her career in the ER, and after gaining immense experience, provided her with the optimal knowledge to practice at an orthopedic institute. From injections to dislocations, her confidence was undeniable, installing a sense of peace in the patients. However, it wasn’t the peace that I felt flying high above my trampoline. Instead, it was the kind that comes when provided with consistent support, compassion, and dedication.
One year later at 6:43 AM, I was a CNA helping an elderly man get dressed in his bed at a rehabilitation hospital. He was never too talkative, as he had suffered a major stroke 3 weeks earlier. However, he always greeted me with a small smile and twinkle in his eye. That morning, I didn’t see it. Talking him through the motions, asking him what time his son would be in today, his eyes began to roll back in his head. He began projectile vomiting and seizing, and as I attempted to comfort him and hit the Code Blue button on the side of his bed, I felt something I never had before: scared. As nurses, PAs, and physicians flooded into the room, I stepped back. While watching the professionals around me working with such confidence and care, my choice for a profession in the health field was reinforced. I decided in that moment that I wanted to be able to step forward in this situation, in the middle of chaos, to help care for and protect my patients. It was this day that I faced death for the first time, but also knew that I would do whatever it took to become someone who could demonstrate the strength and conviction that I had seen the professionals around me do that day.
Fast forward 3 years, and I am taking the vitals of a mother of four, with no health insurance, a temperature of 104.1 degrees, and a blood pressure of 88/50. Her children are taking up most of the small, cramped intake room of Clinica Esperanza. When I explain that we are not equipped to handle her illness at the clinic, a look of terror crosses her face. Using the Spanish I have acquired while working at the Hispanic based health clinic, I explain to her that we will make sure she will not have to pay for her care at the hospital. Just like our clinic, we can ensure that our partnering hospital will not charge her for any of her medical care. On her way out, I hand her 4 boxes of children meals that we keep on hand for such times. She turns to me with tears in her eyes, a small smile, and leaves to catch the bus to the hospital.
To me, achieving peace and serenity has never come from relaxation or living an easy life, like many of those that I know. The days that I come closest to the feeling like I’m flying high over my trampoline are those that are filled with hard work. A typical day is filled to the brim with classes, work at the clinic, and ends with volunteering at the nursing home across the street from my school. I want to make a difference, and every day spent working toward that goal gives me more peace than most could ever imagine.
Kyra Braun says
I would love some help on my essay! Any comments would be awesome, this is my first draft!
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Kyra,
Your essay has many things to commend it — you tell a cohesive story with great transitions, your writing is clear and easy to read and only one grammar error — this sentence: “Until one day, I came home to a bare backyard.” It’s a fragment. Those are some of the biggest problems I see in essays and yours is nearly free of them.
The big problem is that you miss the opportunity to say specifically why you want to be a PA. You almost get there, but not quite. Use the examples you’ve given and add how and why those experiences made you decide to be a PA. You have room to do this, but if you need to cut, do it in your first paragraph. I’d delete this sentence regardless: “Practicing my flips and twists on that trampoline every day, even after my four-hour practices, was what I lived for.” We get the picture without needing the those details.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Carol Ley says
CASPA PERSONAL STATEMENT (5000 characters)
Seven years ago I witnessed a car accident. Two friends were driving in an abandoned field. I was standing near the edge of the field, and watched as the car sped over a dirt hill and rammed its nose into another hill just below. As I anxiously ran to the scene, the passenger stood, uninjured, while the driver bled profusely from his nose. He was not wearing a seatbelt and had hit his nose and eye on the steering wheel during the collision. I went to help him but quickly realized that, other than giving him a towel to staunch the bleeding, I was helpless. I didn’t know what else I could do, and that feeling terrified me. It was in that moment that I knew I needed to enter the medical field, so that I could become skilled in helping the sick and injured. I later signed up for a Nursing Assistant course to lay the groundwork for my future.
My first experience in the medical field was in a long-term care nursing home facility, which made me fall in love with patient care and value the cultivation of sincere compassion. I gained skills that help me assure my patients to the point that they can trust that I am there for their wellbeing. I saw the value of and portrayed these skills during an event where a resident with dementia suddenly became hostile and was threatening anyone who came near her. I heard this commotion as I walked past her room, and a quick glance told me that the staff member who was working with her desperately needed a break, so I stepped over to the room and she slipped away. I knocked on the door and asked the resident to enter. The resident screamed that she would strangle me with her bare hands if I took one step into her room. I decided to stay in the doorway. I calmly asked her what the problem was and she described a host of issues. One important thing I’ve learned in such instances is to not interrupt, and I let her finish and tried to listen attentively and sympathetically to what she was saying. When she finished I told her how sorry I was that she was feeling this way, and validated that she had every right to be angry and frustrated. She instantly softened. What she needed was someone to take the time to listen and understand her situation. I asked again if I could enter. She obliged and even allowed me to help her get dressed, and take her down to breakfast. Moments like these have reinforced my desire to work in patient care – I see a great need for medical personnel with my skills, and have routinely noticed that I am a soothing and comforting presence with patients during difficult situations
While working at the nursing home, I began my undergraduate degree and discovered that I have a passion for science and learning. I was still uncertain of the direction I wanted to go with my career when I came across a description of a physician assistant, and it was here that everything fell into place. I completed a degree in Nutrition Science, while simultaneously working in a career focused on patient care. I was drawn to the skill level of a PA in terms of diagnosing and treating the patient. What also interested me was the flexibility offered to PAs in choosing a specialty. I intend to focus on primary care but saw
After graduating with my bachelor’s degree, I decided to further my medical-based skills and completed a course to become a Medical Assistant. In this position I have broadened my interactions with patients and am able to do even more in regards to patients care, but I am still only able to contribute to a small portion of the experience and must allow the provider to step in and complete treatment. This has only increased my desire to be a PA so that I can follow through until the end of the appointment.
The overarching desire of most patients I’ve communicated with across my experiences is to be heard and understood, in addition to receiving competent medical care. Sometimes, particularly with patients with dementia and other neurological diseases, it can be difficult to ascertain what a patient’s needs are. I am confident that I have developed the right tools to listen to and address patient needs, at times creatively, through my diverse experience, whether it be from working with the elderly in a nursing home or to the underserved in an urgent care, and I look forward to enlarging my experience in and making contributions to the medical field and patient care.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Carol,
Your essay starts out with a compelling incident, but the telling of it is choppy and passive. That makes it a bit dry to read. See how a few changes make that first paragraph more lively:
“Seven years ago I stood at the edge of a hilly, abandoned field, watching as my friend’s car sped over a hill. I held my breath as it caught air, and waited for a safe landing. Instead, the car rammed nose first into the dirt below. I ran to the scene to find the passenger looking dazed, but uninjured. My friend was not so lucky. He had hit his nose and eye on the steering wheel and now bled profusely. I quickly realized that other than giving him a towel to staunch the bleeding, I did not know what else to do, and that feeling terrified me. It was in that moment that I knew I would become skilled in helping the sick and injured.”
Of course, the changes are my words, but you see how eliminating some unimportant details, adding descriptive words and action verbs makes the story come to life. By the way, I eliminated the contraction because they’re disfavored in academic essays. Leave out your last sentence because it undermines the intensity of the experience. Instead do this with the next paragraph:
“My first experience in the medical field was in a long-term care nursing home facility as a nursing assistant.”
Your whole essay can use tightening up as I’ve done here. More importantly, you really need to write more about why you want to be a PA, specifically. You could shorten your nursing home example a lot to accomplish this. Use any interactions you’ve had with PAs as examples to show what appeals to you about the profession, instead of just writing generally about it.
You have one sentence you didn’t finish and a couple of grammar errors. Pay attention to those — Admissions folks expect these essays to be error free.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Kelsey Payne says
[my first draft]
Cleaning the copious amounts of dried up blood from the back of the ambulance for the eighth time that day fighting back tears. It was only 3:00 in the afternoon and I had already witnessed two people take their final breaths that day. As I pushed the images of the disheveled car seat and suspended limbs to the very depths of my mind, I wiped the tears from my face and got back in the driver seat. The time for mourning was over, we were off to our next call.
The fast-paced life that engulfed the EMS career was something that always drew me in, and kept me wanting more. When I began working on an ambulance as an undergraduate at Texas A&M University, my views of this life, had changed. Not in the sense that my passion had been depleted, or I had a sudden change of heart, but the glorious image I had once depicted in my head of this field, was not as immaculate as I had once believed.
The groggy morning in September was one I could never quite let myself forget, no matter how hard I tried. It was the morning that I spent the entirety of my drive into work, livid at the spilled coffee on my seat. It was the morning that I just about had lost it on my roommate because it was the fifth day in a row she hadn’t taken out the trash. It was the morning that I remained bitter at the senile driver for cutting me off turning into the parking lot. More so, it was the morning that altered the girl I once had been.
This groggy morning was also the morning that a young mother of three was dropping the kids off at daycare with the smell of formula encompassing her hair as she rehearsed her responses for her new job interview. It was the morning her and her husband finally agreed they could no longer afford for her to stay at home with the kids. It was the morning that over-corrections in the driver seat lead to the tragic accident on the interstate.
The day our two worlds collided, was the day of September 18th, 2015. My partner and I were dispatched to the scene of two overturned vehicles; one minivan and one 18-wheeler who had clearly won the fight. As my eyes glanced across the scene, looking for any signs of life from the wreckage before me; I was shocked. After multiple units were called to the scene and triaging began, my unit was the first to depart the scene with the most critical patient. Patient was an 18-month old female, ejected from her car seat with penetrating glass in her chest. I focused on the slight rise and fall of her chest; it seemed to be the only stable frame within this scene from hell.
Upon arriving at the hospital, there was no concealing the tremors in my voice and the clear evidence of absolute helplessness. The ride to the hospital felt like ages and the limitations of the ambulance were made abundantly clear as I continuously jolted towards the clock throughout the transport. She needed help, she needed so much more than I could give; in that instant, I had never felt so weak. As the doors to the ambulance flew open, the bright blue eyes of a figure in a white coat immediately met mine. As I hurried through my report, I noticed the complete change in demeanor of the blue-eyed physician. She was no longer the woman who began her day with spilled coffee, or an overflowing trashcan, she was the woman who held the power to change someone’s life.
The physician immediately began establishing command in her ER and the room began to fill with ready-hands and more equipment. There was such a calmness to the absolute chaos that embodied the ER, and this physician was in command. As I continued dodging the brisk movements of the abled bodies around me, I noticed something about this physician for the first time; she was in fact, not a physician.
I tried to fix my eyes on her credentials, that hung from her navy scrubs through the organized chaos that was surrounding her. “Kelly McDonald. PA-C.” In the moment where I was overcome with a profusion of emotions, admiration overcame me. Kelly was able to not only command every abled body in the room, but she did so with efficiency, poise, and grace. The medical professionals surrounding her were a mirror-image of her delicacy and power. In the face of this terrible tragedy, I too, looked for comfort in Kelly.
It was through this experience I began building my passion for the healthcare field on. I began shadowing other wonderful PA’s in order to try and gain more insight for how they remained so firm and stealth, while also being the one whom their patients begged to speak with every half hour. This profession was a mystery to me that I immediately wanted to unfold.
Through working in various internships in both first and third world countries, shadowing different medical professionals in the hospital and clinical setting, and even continuing my hands-on experiences in the back of an ambulance, I have gained more appreciation and insight to world of PA’s. The PA profession has completely embodied the role of elegance and toughness in the medical field—and I couldn’t be more honored to be in the presence of such individuals.
This experience served many purposed for me in all aspects of my life. The days that start out seemingly frustrating can be made to seem so incredibly insignificant in the face of someone’s worst day. The medical field allows us the opportunity to look at life with a larger scope, one who knows ones’ worst day is not the one that includes coffee spills on the seats, but one that includes delivering the worst news imaginable to a loved one. The helplessness felt in the back of an ambulance is a feeling I am all too familiar with. Despite this paralyzing feeling, I have manipulated it to make me stronger; driven. One day I will have the power to change the outcome of tragic car accident, the power to lead in the ER without hesitation, and the power to simply hold the cold, senile hands in their final moments. The power that encompasses the PA is one that is exemplified throughout the medical field and one I hope to one day embrace myself.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Kelsey,
Much of your essay is very compelling. Start it off with the September incident — the first part should come after that, not before. You’ll have to lay some foundation by telling us you’re a EMT, but you can do that in a few words. That story is how you’ll capture your reader’s attention, not the first sentence, which is not even a complete sentence. (Sometimes you can get away with those, but not in the way you did it).
The description of the physician basically as you — the woman who spilled her coffee, etc. is confusing. It makes us think it’s you that you’re the physician and it stops us right away. Make it more general or frame it as a hypothetical — “If the physician started her morning with aggravations like mine . . .” Then you can go on to show how any evidence of her personal life vanished.
Unlike many essays I read, which underuse commas, you overuse them. In that second paragraph for example, the only place you need one is here: “change of heart,” The others should be deleted.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Kelsey Payne says
Thank you so much for your feedback! I appreciate it greatly. I have made some corrections so hopefully they help 🙂
Nicole Eichline says
I would love some guidance on the quality of my statement. After looking at examples, I am unsure if my piece is specific enough or compelling enough. Please let me know what I should expand or remove or stay the same. Thank you in advance!
My throat was so inflamed that I could hardly swallow my own saliva. I hadn’t eaten in two days and all I could do was cry. Previous visits to the hospital resulted in negative Step tests and medical advice to rest in bed. By the end of week two, I could not even talk. Finally, an ENT doctor responded to my plea that something was wrong. I was admitted to the hospital and ended up spending two nights for dehydration and antibiotics to treat my tonsillitis. I do not understand why it took four appointments and an admission to the hospital to get the right diagnosis. The result, however, shaped my future endeavors and has made a large impact on my focus to promote patient advocacy.
I believe my background in healthcare will allow me to become the Physician Assistant that my patients deserve. I will provide the attention they are entitled by serving as a dependable and trustworthy resource. I have worked in a nursing home, a hospital, and I have provided homecare. From each experience I have concluded the same fact, that many times professionals lose sight of patient advocacy.
As a healthcare professional, I know it can be difficult to respect the desires of the patient and place them above the medical opinion you think is right. I have seen the struggle of an elderly dementia patient that refused to partake in rehab after a fall, and the suicidal patient that overdosed on insulin but refused inpatient care, and the clinical research patient that wanted to go off the hospital grounds for a cigarette but then dropped out of the study by leaving. It was difficult to show compassion and empathy for a decision I did not agree with, but I am prepared to face those same challenges as a Physician Assistant.
The best support I have learned to provide is to educate my patients on their health and help them to understand the entirety of a decision’s impact on their well being. As a CNA dealing mostly with mental health and substance abuse patients, I have witnessed my fair share of uncooperative individuals. As a Physician Assistant I would work to balance the desires of the patient with the risk of complications or injury.
I once read a statement that most healthcare complaints are not about the professional’s ability to provide adequate care, but rather the professional’s lack of empathy and social awareness. My preparation as a Social Welfare major has opened my mind to the wide variety of individuals whom I will examine, especially those in underserved communities. As part of my program, I volunteered my time at a youth services and homeless shelter called Briarpatch. Through this counseling opportunity I gained understanding and empathy for youth struggling with depression and family crises. As a Physician assistant I will apply this practice by providing reassurance and supportive advice. Likewise, the cultural competency I gained from my volunteer trips to Central America will assist me when expressing concerns during sensitive situations.
The most important lesson I have learned throughout all of my employment and volunteering is that people want to feel in control of their own life. They want guidance and expertise, but more importantly they want their opinions to be respected and heard. During job shadowing, I observed the body language and tone that each health professional exhibited towards their patients. The overlying theme was that patients want to receive validation for their health concerns. I will treat each patient with dignity and importance by providing my full attention and not rush off to the next patient. I am ready to promote my patient’s desires, while also expressing my medical opinion and concerns. I am hopeful to become a Physician Assistant and be apart of a profession that focuses on flexibility and teamwork.
I am going to recognize that title gives me an unspoken authority, but not let that overshadow my patient’s knowledge about his or her own body. I am going to be receptive to the concerns of my patient, and remember the illness that brought me into hospital years ago.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Nicole,
I understand where you’re coming from in this essay. While patient advocacy, empathy and compassion are all crucial aspects of the physician assistant profession (note physician assistant is not capitalized), they are common to most healthcare professions. After reading your essay, I still don’t know why specifically, you’ve chosen the PA profession for your career. Use your shadowing experiences to distinguish the PA profession from others and highlight the aspects that appeal to you and why you’ll fit into the profession.
The essay is also a somewhat negative portrayal of healthcare professionals. I don’t think this serves you well as it may put Admissions folks on the defensive. You can make the same points from a more positive position.
I realize this is a draft, but remember, the essay must flow. That means you need transitions from paragraph to paragraph so we aren’t jarred by a change in topics.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Nicole Eichline says
Thank you I will try to and more positivity! I just did not want to add some cheesy story about a single experience shaping my entire future. I stuck on the balance between adding character without falling too far from the main purpose.
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