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Single Edit One-on-one Service Supplemental Essays
Your success is our passion. (See just some of our 100's of testimonials and comments below). We are ready to help. Our current PA school essay editing service status (17th May 2024): Accepting New Submissions
(Photo: Me circa 1987, just thinking about my future PA School Essay)
- Are you struggling to write your physician assistant personal statement?
- Are you out of ideas, or just need a second opinion?
- Do you want an essay that expresses who you truly are and grabs the reader's attention in the required 5,000-character limit?
We are here to help perfect your PA school essay
I have written countless times on this blog about the importance of your personal statement in the PA school application process. Beyond the well-established metrics (GPA, HCE/PCE hours, requisite coursework, etc.), the personal statement is the most crucial aspect of your application.
This is your time to express yourself, show your creativity, skills, and background, and make a memorable impression in seconds. This will be your only chance, so you must get it right the first time.
For some time, I had been dreaming about starting a physician assistant personal statement collaborative.
A place where PA school applicants like yourself can post their PA school essays and receive honest, constructive feedback followed by an acceptance letter to the PA school of your choice!
I have been reviewing a ton of essays recently, so many in fact that I can no longer do this on my own.
To solve this problem, I have assembled a team of professional writers, editors, and PA school admissions specialists who worked to revise and perfect my PA school application essay.
Beth Eakman has taught college writing and worked as a professional writer and editor since the late 1990s. Her projects have involved a wide range of disciplines and media, from editing technical reports to scriptwriting for the PBS Kids show Super Why! Her writing has appeared in publications including Brain, Child Magazine, New York Family Magazine, and Austin Family Magazine. Beth lives with her family just outside Austin, Texas. She is driven to help each client tell the best version of their story and achieve their dream of becoming a physician assistant.
Deanna Matzen is an author with articles featured in Earth Letter, Health Beats, Northwest Science & Technology, and the Transactions of the American Fisheries Society. With an early career in environmental science, she developed a solid foundation in technical writing. Her communication skills were further honed by producing and editing content for a non-profit website, blog, and quarterly journal. Inspired to extend her craft, she obtained a certificate in literary fiction, which she draws on to build vibrant scenes that bring stories to life. Deanna loves working with pre-PAs who are on the cusp of new beginnings to find their unique story and tell it confidently.
Carly Hallman is a professional writer and editor with a B.A. in English Writing and Rhetoric (summa cum laude) from St. Edward's University in Austin, Texas. She has worked as a curriculum developer, English teacher, and study abroad coordinator in Beijing, China, where she moved in 2011. In college, she was a Gilman Scholar and worked as a staff editor for her university's academic journal. Her first novel, Year of the Goose, was published in 2015, and her first memoir is forthcoming from Little A Books. Her essays and creative writing have appeared in The L.A. Review of Books, The Guardian, LitHub, and Identity Theory, among other publications.
Read more client testimonials or purchase a revision
We Work as a Team
Our team of professional editors is wonderful at cutting out the "fluff" that makes an essay lose focus and sets people over the 5,000-character limit. Their advice is always spot-on.
Sue, Sarah, and Carly are amazingly creative writers who will take your "ordinary" and turn it into entirely extraordinary.
I mean it when I say this service is one-of-a-kind! We have spent countless hours interviewing PA School admissions directors and faculty from across the country to find out exactly what it is they are looking for in your personal statement.
We even wrote a book about it.
To collaborate, we use Google Drive. Google Drive is free, has an intuitive interface with integrated live comments in the sidebar, the ability to have a real-time chat, to collaborate effortlessly, and to compare, revise, or restore revisions on the fly. Google Drive also has an excellent mobile app that will allow you to make edits on the go!
Our team has worked with hundreds of PA school applicants within the Google Drive environment, and we have had enormous success.
The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
I have set up two options that I hope will offer everyone a chance to participate:
- One-of-a-kind, confidential, paid personal statement review service
- A collaborative, free one (in the comments section)
Private, One-On-One Personal Statement Review Service
If you are interested in the paid service, you may choose your plan below.
The Personal Statement Review Service is:
- Behind closed doors within a private, secure network using Google Drive.
- It is completely interactive, meaning we will be able to provide real-time comments and corrections using the Google Drive interface.
- Telephone consultations are included with all edits above the single edit level. It’s often hard to communicate exactly what you want hundreds of miles away; for this reason, we offer the option to edit right along with us over the telephone while sharing in real-time over Google Drive. This is an option available to all our paid clients who purchase above the single edit level.
- We provide both revision and editing of all essays. What’s the difference? See below
- We will provide feedback, advice, and help with brainstorming and topic creation if you would like.
- We will help with a “final touch-up” before the big day, just in case your essay needs a few minor changes.
Why Choose Our Service?
- It’s not our opinion that matters. We have gone the extra step and personally interviewed PA school administrators from across the US to find out exactly what they think makes a personal statement exceptional.
- We are a team of PAs and professional writers, having worked over ten years with PA school applicants like yourself, providing countless hours of one-on-one editing and revision.
- Our clients receive interviews, and many go on to receive acceptance into their PA School of choice.
Because we always give 100%, we will open the essay collaborative for a limited number of applicants each month and then close this depending on the amount of editing that needs to be done and the time that is available.
Our goal is not quantity but quality. We want only serious applicants who are serious about getting into PA school.
Writing is not a tool like a piece of software but more like how a photograph can capture your mood. It’s more like art. The process of developing a unique, memorable personal statement is time-intensive, and it takes hours to compose, edit, finalize, and personalize an essay.
As Antoinette Bosco once said:
And this is why I am charging for this service. We love helping people find stories that define their lives, and we love helping individuals who have the passion to achieve their dreams. It’s hard to describe the feeling I get when an applicant writes back to tell me they were accepted into PA school.
There is no price tag I can place on this; it’s the feeling we get when we help another human being. It’s just like providing health care. But this takes time.
Interested? Choose your plan below.
Read more client testimonials.
Free Personal Statement Review
Post your essay in the comments section for a free critique
We want to make this opportunity available to everyone who would like help with their essay, and that is why we are offering free, limited feedback on the blog.
You post your essay in the comments section, and you will get our critique. It is that easy. We will try to give feedback to every single person who posts their COMPLETE essay here on this blog post in the comments section.
Also, by posting your comment, we reserve the right to use your essay.
We will provide feedback on essays that are complete and fit the CASPA requirements (View CASPA requirements here). We will not provide feedback on partial essays or review opening or closing statements. Your essay will be on a public platform, which has both its benefits and some obvious drawbacks. The feedback is limited, but we will try to help in any way we can.
Note: Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, I will delete your stuff. Otherwise, have fun, and thanks for adding to the conversation! And this should go without saying: if you feel the need to plagiarize someone else’s content, you do not deserve to go to PA school.
* Also, depending on the time of year, it may take me several weeks to reply!
We love working with PA school applicants, but don't just take our word for it!
How to submit your essay for the paid service
If you are serious and would like to have real, focused, and personalized help writing your personal statement, please choose your level of service and submit your payment below.
After you have submitted your payment, you will be redirected to the submissions page, where you can send us your essay as well as any special instructions. We will contact you immediately upon receipt of your payment and essay so we may begin work right away.
Pricing is as follows:
Choose your plan, then click "Buy Now" to submit your essay, and we will get started right away!
Every purchase includes a FREE digital copy of our new 100-page eBook, How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement, Our 101 PA School Admission Essays e-book, the expert panel audiobook, and companion workbook. This is a $65 value included for free with your purchase.
All credit card payments are processed via PayPal over a secure HTTPS server. Once your payment is processed, you will be immediately redirected back to the essay submission page. There, you will submit your essay along with some biographical info and all suggestions or comments you choose to provide. You will receive immediate confirmation that your essay has been securely transmitted as well as your personal copy of "How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement." Contact [email protected] if you have any questions, comments, or problems - I am available 24/7.
The hourly service includes your original edit and one-on-one time over Google Drive. It is simple to add more time if necessary, but you may be surprised at what a difference just a single edit can make. We find our four-hour service to be the most effective in terms of time for follow-up and full collaboration. We are open to reduced-rate add-ons to suit your individual needs.
Writing and Revision
All writing benefits from rewriting when done well.
When you are in the process of writing a draft of an essay, you should be thinking first about revision, not editing.
What’s the difference?
Revision refers to the substantial changing of text. For example, it may include re-organizing ideas and paragraphs, providing additional examples or information, and rewriting a conclusion for clarity.
Editing, on the other hand, refers to correcting mistakes in spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
On all submissions, we perform both revision and editing.
How to submit your PA school essay for the FREE editing service
Follow the rules above and get to work below in the comments section. I look forward to reading all your essay submissions.
- Stephen Pasquini PA-C
View all posts in this series
- How to Write the Perfect Physician Assistant School Application Essay
- The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
- Do You Recognize These 7 Common Mistakes in Your Personal Statement?
- 7 Essays in 7 Days: PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 1, “A PA Changed My Life”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 2, “I Want to Move Towards the Forefront of Patient Care”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 3, “She Smiled, Said “Gracias!” and Gave me a Big Hug”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 4, “I Have Gained so Much Experience by Working With Patients”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 5, “Then Reach, my Son, and Lift Your People up With You”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 6, “That First Day in Surgery was the First Day of the Rest of my Life”
- PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 7, “I Want to Take People From Dying to Living, I Want to Get Them Down From the Cliff.”
- Physician Assistant Personal Statement Workshop: “To say I was an accident-prone child is an understatement”
- 9 Simple Steps to Avoid Silly Spelling and Grammar Goofs in Your PA School Personel Statement
- 5 Tips to Get you Started on Your Personal Essay (and why you should do it now)
- How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement The Book!
- How to Write “Physician Assistant” The Definitive PA Grammar Guide
- 101 PA School Admissions Essays: The Book!
- 5 Things I’ve Learned Going Into My Fourth Physician Assistant Application Cycle
- 7 Tips for Addressing Shortcomings in Your PA School Personal Statement
- The #1 Mistake PRE-PAs Make on Their Personal Statement
- The Ultimate PA School Personal Statement Starter Kit
- The Ultimate Guide to CASPA Character and Space Limits
- 10 Questions Every PA School Personal Statement Must Answer
- 5 PA School Essays That Got These Pre-PAs Accepted Into PA School
- 7 Questions to Ask Yourself While Writing Your PA School Personal Statement
- 101 PA School Applicants Answer: What’s Your Greatest Strength?
- 12 Secrets to Writing an Irresistible PA School Personal Statement
- 7 Rules You Must Follow While Writing Your PA School Essay
- You Have 625 Words and 2.5 Minutes to Get Into PA School: Use Them Wisely
- What’s Your #1 Personal Statement Struggle?
- 31 (NEW) CASPA PA School Personal Statement Examples
- How to Prepare for Your PA School Interview Day Essay
- Should You Write Physician Associate or Physician Assistant on Your PA School Essay?
- Meet the World’s Sexiest PA School Applicants
- PA School Reapplicants: How to Rewrite Your PA School Essay for Guaranteed Success
- How to Write a Personal Statement Intro that Readers Want to Read
- PA School Reapplicant Personal Statement Checklist
- How to Deal with Bad News in Your Personal Statement
- Inside Out: How to use Pixar’s Rules of Storytelling to Improve your PA Personal Statement
- Ratatouille: A Pixar Recipe for PA School Personal Statement Success
- Personal Statement Panel Review (Replay)
- Mind Mapping: A Tool for Personal Statements, Supplemental Essays, and Interviews
- Start at the End: Advice for your PA School Personal Statement
- Elevate Your Personal Statement: Using Bloom’s Taxonomy for Impactful Writing
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Chelsea,
You have an excellent start to your essay. The writing is descriptive and the essay flows well. The main issue is that it’s a little too focused on your personal experiences with illness and injury. Admissions Directors and other admissions personnel I interviewed want to hear less about that and more about your current work. That being said, you gained significant insight from your experiences and they should be included, just on an abbreviated scale. Then you’ll have more room to focus on your current work. Pick a case or two that demonstrate the skills you’ve developed.
I’d delete the last sentence about your intern work. It undermines the value of that experience and is awkward the way it’s written.
There are a few other awkward phrases and minor grammar errors. One way to catch those is to read the essay aloud. If your computer can do that for you, it’s really helpful.
Best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Chelsea Brown says
Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read my narrative. This is my first draft so any feedback would be appreciated. I have a lot of extracurricular activities that I did not include as they were not pertinent.
Beige walls and black furniture made the waiting room seem like a spread in a home magazine. Pictures of sweeping landscapes replaced those of cartoons while the noise of a water feature substituted children playing. “Chelsea.” A lady dressed in pink floral scrubs emerged from the dreaded door. My heart raced and my fingers traced the papers in my shaking hands for the sixth time. Taking three deep breaths, I followed her to the patient rooms; this was one of those “growing up” moments I had heard so much about lately. Reservations filled my head: Will she be nice like my pediatrician was, What is a physician assistant (PA), Am I ready for this? Jessica entered the room; her immediate demeanor put my doubts to ease. She began to get to know who I was, what my interests were, and her enthusiasm alleviated my anxiety. Her kind laughter filled the air when I handed her my medical records, the pediatrician already faxed everything over. Every visit since, Jessica would explain each procedure thoroughly, answer any questions I had, and inquire on my schooling. When she went on vacation, I realized I preferred using a PA. The other physicians at the practice gave the impression of being rushed and clinically observant. They did not give the notion of being comfortable and enthusiastic the way Jessica and the other PAs did. Her encouragement and confidence made me realize I wanted to work in health care.
Over the next several years, my interest in becoming a physician assistant has only strengthened with each experience in medicine. During my sophomore year of college, I began an unpaid internship for various departments at Riverside Community Hospital in California; a total of 373 beds accommodate a population over 300,000. From feeding patients, assisting in live births, and taking vital signs, I worked under the shadow of various providers for over 1.5 years. The most satisfying experiences were those where I spent time listening and talking with patients who did not receive many visitors. Their smiles were not only self gratifying, but they gave me a better sense of what healthcare can provide.
Consequently, I was able to witness the approach of the health care “team”. In the Emergency Department (ED), I had my first hands-on experience with PAs. Through invaluable observation, I examined their adaptability, interpersonal skills, and how inquisitive each was. In the same way, they showed approachable leadership and confidence while maintaining self-discipline. Although interning was gratifying and rewarding, it left something inside me to be desired.
During the spring of 2012, I experienced a very unfortunate rock climbing accident and fractured my left tibia in 2 places. A few hours of surgery and 5 titanium screws propelled me into the healing process. An ill-fated consequence was the inability to ambulate for 4 weeks. My ultimate decision was to withdrawal from the quarter. Immediately, the frustration of simple life tasks such as taking a shower, brushing your teeth, and the ability to sit up overcame me as my leg atrophied. This unique experience granted me a patient insight. Greetings from a neighbor would drastically change my outlook for that day; appointments were treated like visits to Disneyland. These events provided me a positive outlook during my situation which I have employed in everyday life. It is not only bottles or pills that provide good medicine, but also the character and compassion of the health provider.
After graduation, I accepted a position in emergency medicine as an EMT working alongside other technicians and later the Los Angeles Fire Department. This area of healthcare has taught me how to work under conditions of high stress, allowing me to think independently in a versatile environment. It also educates me on the importance of life and the benefits preventative care provides. Most of the emergency situations I come across are avoidable and have shown me the significance of promoting beneficial routines while discouraging the harmful. The human body is a graceful machine; being a PA will not only give me the ability to positively influence peoples’ lives, but allow me to work in rural areas where disparities in healthcare can be seen due to socioeconomic factors.
My desire to become a PA has been deeply rooted throughout my life. I plan on utilizing this training to work with the public in under-served urban areas along with rural. I have witnessed first-hand the deficiencies of healthcare in the United States and how communities experience hardship when effective care is not available. By utilizing my communication, critical thinking, and interpersonal skills, I sincerely believe I now have the qualities it takes to become a responsible and caring PA. I look forward to serving these diverse environments with empathy and compassion through the Physician Assistant Program
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Rachel,
Good start! You’ve outlined many of your experiences and connected them to lessons you learned as a result.
That’s not to say your essay doesn’t need editing. (Sorry). Grammar first. Anytime you quote more than one person, you need a new paragraph. So, for your first paragraph, just quote the one person. We don’t know who “he” is, so write, “My co-worker at (the type of facility). You don’t need the other quote because you write that Jane was famously one of your most demanding patients.
You can shorten the paragraph about Jane. Same with the tutoring one. They both go on too long and in too much detail. More importantly, they both end with the same point, that you have the ability to make personal connections. That’s also the same message I got from your Ecuador experience. (By the way, tell if it was volunteer work or paid).
The main message I took from your essay is that you have patience and can connect with your patients. Highlight others skills, such as leadership, team work, etc. You touch on those in your tutoring section, but not enough. You need to expand on those because being compassionate isn’t enough.
You also haven’t said why you want to be a PA as opposed to a CNA, nurse or doctor. Have you worked with PAs? Shadowed? What skills/traits do you have that mirrors theirs? What about the profession appeals to you and why?
Best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
rachael crooke says
“She’s a nightmare to work with,” he muttered as he came out of her room. “That’s why I refuse to work with her,” another one of my co-workers stated. Jane was famously one of our most demanding residents. She liked everything a particular way, lacked patience, and assumed we could read her mind. The first couple of weeks that I worked with her I was emotionally and physically exhausted each time I left her room, my own patience stretched to its thinnest. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried I just could not connect with her. Then one day, as I was working hard to remember her routine for getting into bed—one flat pillow under each leg with the open side down, the seams of the sheets folded outward, her shoes tucked side-by-side under her dresser—I realized she was no longer barking orders at me. Instead, she was quietly examining a book with pictures of cats while I worked. As I was finishing up, she said “I love cats. This book here has such beautiful ones. Will you read the little lines of text at the bottom of each page for me?” When I nodded and took the book from her, I saw her smile for the first time since I began working at that facility. And our connection continued to grow stronger. After listening intently to her preferences, I was able to anticipate that flipping the pillow over to the cooler side would make her feel better or that she needed fresh coffee in her favorite cup. She smiled every time I work with her and even called me her “angel.” She also became more cooperative, refusing showers less frequently and learning to speak her mind in a kinder manner. It amazed me how her attitude transformed after we had connected on a personal level.
In this day and age of amazing technological advances, with hundreds of ways to connect to other people, it is impressive how often face-to-face communication is abandoned. We forget how crucial that connection is to build trust, or any type of positive relationship. This is especially important in the medical field, as patients will surely feel lost and fearful without a trusting relationship with their health care providers. While working as a CNA in a long-term care facility, building positive relationships with the residents, like Jane, was imperative for their participation in their activities of daily living and cooperation with us as CNAs, nurses, CMAs, physical therapists, dietitians, physician assistants and doctors.
Through various experiences, it has become clear to me that forming connections is vital in the process of helping others. In college I coordinated and tutored for a program called Tutors for a Cause. We, as enthusiastic college students, were excited to be able to give back to our community by tutoring and mentoring elementary, middle and high school students who were also children and grandchildren of the college dining hall and maintenance staff. However, becoming a good tutor and mentor did not happen overnight. It took a lot of effort to really connect with the kids. In order to get them excited about learning, we had to think creatively and work as a team. One day we did a fun interactive presentation about gases, involving a hard-boiled egg getting sucked into a seemingly too small glass bottle. The kids loved it. It sparked a general interest in physics and chemistry, even among some of the most apathetic students. After a couple more fun science experiments, the field trip at the end of the semester ended up being to a science museum, by request of the kids.
At an accessible and affordable medical clinic in rural Ecuador, quickly connecting with the patients was crucial for making them comfortable. While the doctor and nurse were busy wrapping up with the preceding patient, my job was to welcome the new patients and take their vitals. Whether it was an elderly woman, a young man, a screaming baby and her anxious mother, each and every patient was nervous about their impending procedure or exam. As I gained experience, I quickly learned how to speak confidently yet kindly and comfortingly in Spanish with each patient. These positive interactions with the patients upon their arrival made their brief time with us less difficult.
These experiences have helped me understand that I am meant to work with and try to help people. I have discovered that even the smallest degree of personal connection can make a difference in someone’s life. Physician assistants perform valuable work and form personal connections with patients. This is the ideal way for me to use my strong work ethic and enthusiasm to work alongside patients and other members of the medical team. Together we can work to form connections, leading to trust and cooperation, and eventually a more positive health care experience.
–Thank you for any feedback!!
Caitlyn says
A nurse peeked through the door of the waiting room – “okay John, come on back.” I looked up at my fiancé as he waddled toward the door in pain, and I followed closely behind. Several months ago a dermatologist had diagnosed him with Hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), an idiopathic auto-immune skin condition that resulted in chronic episodes and remissions of painful cysts all over the body. This time it had attacked his tailbone.
As we waited in the exam room and the nurse collected vitals and history, I already had a scenario predetermined in my head: after reading the nurses notes, the doctor would come in, look at the cyst briefly, state that we’d have to drain it, and leave to prepare all within 60 seconds. However what happened next didn’t fit my script. After the nurse left, a smiling young man came in and introduced himself as Todd, a Physician Assistant (PA). He sat down with us, inquired about history, pain and John’s frustrations with the condition. He displayed a significant familiarity with this obscure disease. Finally when he examined the cyst, he did agree that we needed to drain it, but then sat down again and explained exactly the procedure he’d complete. The explanation was well appreciated by both of us, since John is deathly afraid of even minor surgeries, mostly because of the needles involved for local anesthetic. Even more appreciated was the patience and empathy he showed during the procedure, despite John’s anger and anxiety as soon as the needle came out. When the ordeal was over and the wound neatly packed, Todd was still warm and friendly as he gave us our discharge instructions and wished us on our way. John and I both thanked him, grateful for his compassion.
That was my first encounter with a PA. Since middle school I’d been fascinated with clinical work, probably as a result of spending many days in the back of my dad’s dental clinic as a kid. I had no interest specifically in dentistry, but I loved the clinical environment and the idea of helping people heal and remain healthy. Knowing the level of achievement necessary for getting into medical school, I had always kept school as a priority, even through my somewhat troubled teenage years. In fact I was studying for the MCAT that day in the waiting room, about to be a senior at Fort Lewis College. But the interaction with Todd, who was no doubt an amazing provider, had me curious about the PA profession and sparked a long period of investigation.
Several months of research, shadowing and interviews later, I had realized why becoming a PA was the perfect fit for me. I am fascinated and excited about the development of the Physician-Physician Assistant model. The idea of working as a team to improve patient care is brilliant, and this really appeals to me because I have always favored the idea of being a fundamental member of an effective team over the idea of working alone. No one person can ever know everything, and having multiple providers not only improves efficiency, but betters the quality of care with a system of checks-and-balances to avoid error and ensure that treatment plans are tailored to each patient. The fact that PAs can often achieve an advanced level of autonomy and are tasked with doing routine physical exams, diagnosing, follow-ups, pre and post-operative care and even oversee their own set of patients is also appealing to me. I would likely be able to spend more time with each patient, but still address acute issues when necessary. Then when encountering a more complex case, I can always refer to my supervising physician for help. To me, this is the ideal balance of autonomy and assistance.
Finally, perhaps one of the most attractive factors about the PA profession is the ability to gain experience in a myriad of different fields. I always hated the idea of having to limit myself to only one area of medicine by choosing a residency. I would love to be open to work in almost any field and become competent in several specialties within my career. I may even be able to start out in a high-workload field in my younger years, such as emergency medicine or surgery, but be able to switch to a lower intensity area like an outpatient clinic as I get older. My interests are far too broad to embrace the idea of being in the same field for my entire life. I am and will always be someone who thrives on learning new information. To be able to practice within many areas and gain as much medical knowledge as possible would be, for me, the ultimate satisfaction.
I truly believe that I have what it takes to become a skilled and compassionate PA. Everything about the profession seems perfectly tailored to my desires as a future clinician, and I can’t wait to begin on this career path. I hope that you will consider me for your highly competitive program, and if you do I can promise that I will not disappoint.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Caitlyn,
Before I forget, be sure to use proper grammar. For example, write, “Okay, come on back, John.” instead of – “okay John, come on back.” Also, don’t use contractions in these essays. The bottom line is that grammar errors will count against you.
Your essay has good bones. I like the opening (although I’d probably use a different word than “waddle.” It has a negative connotation and you could leave out the work, “okay”). You explain why you’re interested in becoming a PA, which is also good.
The main problem is that you haven’t told the admissions folks anything about yourself that would make them interested in your as a candidate. Shorten the paragraphs about John and Todd to three or four sentences, and write about your shadowing experiences. What did you learn about yourself? Do you possess some similar skills/traits to those of the PA? I’m not talking about clinical skills, but rather leadership, patience, etc. Were you able to do anything except watch? If so, write about what you did, even it was to smile or hold someone’s hand.
Don’t waste space speculating on your career trajectory, and be careful about just telling what PAs do without tying it to your experiences. You could cut most of the third paragraph including this: “Then when encountering a more complex case, I can always refer to my supervising physician for help.” I’d recommend starting fresh with that paragraph.
Have a done anything that requires team work? Have you volunteered anywhere? If you have write about it. Perhaps you’ve developed leadership skills that will help you as a PA. Are you a self-starter? What experiences could illustrate that?
When I read your conclusion, I wondered why you truly believe you have what it takes to become a skilled and compassionate PA because you haven’t shown me any of those skills or instances where you had compassion. I’m sure you have them or you wouldn’t be interested in being a PA.
Make your paragraphs shorter and separate them with a space — you want to make it easy for your reader to pay attention. Remember, they’re reading over 1,000 essays.
I hope this helps. Remember, writing is rewriting!
Best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Rathan,
I’m not sure if parts of your essay got cut off when you posted it — many of the sentences are incomplete. However, if this is indeed the essay, it needs to be redone in the traditional essay format — an opening, the body of the essay and a conclusion, all written in complete sentences. Right now it’s a resume, not a personal statement.
You have a fascinating work and educational history. The detailed descriptions aren’t important to the essay, but linking them to why you’re applying to PA school is. Since PAs deal closely with patients, what about your work/education/volunteer work/sports experiences makes you a good candidate for this kind of work? Why are you choosing to apply to PA school? What appeals to you about the profession?
This is the place where you show who you are, not only what you’ve done.
You’ll need to start over, and I know that can be discouraging. But if you really want to be a PA, you’ll need to do a statement that will make the admissions personnel say, “This is someone I want to meet.” Tell the story of who you are and how you got to the point of applying to PA school.
Take a look at some of the other essays posted here. Although they need all need editing, they’re more on track as to format and type of content I’m referring to.
Best of luck!
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Rathan says
Increasing rate of epidemiology needs an improvising medicinal cure to long-term acute care and chronic diseases. In order to reduce the risks of communicable and non-communicable disease, modern techniques, and surgical methods have marginal cut in the patient population in near future, whereas my interest is to serve for the people by practicing Physician assistant program with my basic academic qualification, medical camps, and intensive training of first-aid program, healthcare associate analyst in Medical devices market and Project trainee in ******* university.
My graduate program built a strong foundation in Biomedical engineering, learned about the fundamentals and new ideas of healthcare practices, and emphasized an exposure in academic, clinical and practical needs of biomedical engineers in the field.
First research paper in my academic year is about “Role of Insulin and Glucagon in metabolism of human body” in Biomedical engineering department in Sathyabama University, which given me an explicit knowledge in roles of blood sugar level.
Academic project is to work on a reliable method for the detection of one lung intubation incidents based on respiratory sound signals and to prove the concept of the method by testing it on a demo model which was established especially for this purpose. This method helps patients to provide ventilation with tracheal tube and cuff inflation tube with pilot balloon.
Industrial training from National Institute of Ocean Technology (NIOT) provided general information and explanations about Ocean Technology such as coastal and environmental engineering.
Summer training program from ******center* given a place to get involved and associated in research areas of Proteomics-Cell Culture-Transgenic Technology-Advanced Microscopy and Imaging-Automated Karyotyping-X-ray Facility-Cryo-transmission Electron Microscopy and Scanning Electron Microscopy-Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Micro-imaging and Spectroscopy Facility, training sessions were insightful and adaptive to my course work.
As a full time Research Intern in ****** my task is report writing on medical devices by qualitative and quantitative research of market information through primary and secondary research skills on Medical Devices in South Asia Middle East regions. I investigate the market dynamics, competitive structure, technological and geographical trends.
Worked in ********* as Associate analyst in medical devices industry, identifying the various parameters by which hospitals select which vendor and other parameters to aggregate the data from various resources. Authored medical devices market reports in Magnetic Resonance guided focused ultrasound, Arthroscopy devices, Indian orthopedic joint replacement, Ultrasound Devices, Magnetic Resonance Imaging, X-ray, and Dental Industry Report which given me range of healthcare experience.
After gaining the relevant experience, I now wish to delve deeper into my areas of interest in practicing the Physician Assistant program in the field of sports medicine. Along with this my academic interest is to practice experience in introduction to the specialties of field of Pediatrics, Oncology, Radiation, Cardiology, and Obstetrics/Gynecology. In addition, my passion for the medicine is supportive of sports activities such as professional cricketer, International umpiring in cricket, Honored in ****** State level Strength Lifting association, and served as Volunteer in National Service Scheme in University, and High school. As a result, I feel, and believe my goal demonstrates, that I hold the aspiration, determination, and maturity to perform exceptionally dedicative in my professional career.
Morgan says
It was my junior year of high school and I was preparing to apply to the New Visions Medical Career Program. A few months had passed and finally a letter had come; I was accepted into this rigorous, hands-on program. From the first day we were immersed into the bustling hospital setting, interacting with medical professionals and patients with various diagnoses and issues. On my assigned week-long rotation with a primary care physician, he said to me “I may not know every detail about each of my patients, but I know their faces and a little something about them.” I thought to myself, this is exactly how I want to interact with my patients when I become a doctor. These experiences inspired my journey and aspirations.
A year later, I found myself sitting at a presentation held by the U**** pre-medical club, listening to a physician assistant describing her career and its benefits. I was struck by her enthusiasm. It then occurred to me that I did not have to be in school for several years and commit to one specialty to be the practitioner I aspired to be. I realized then that pursuing a career as a PA would afford me more social freedoms while simultaneously allowing me to have the option to practice a variety of medical specialties. I started to take classes that were required pre-requisites for PA school. This is also when I decided to take the EMT class that was offered on campus, although I was already taking 17 credits; this is what I wanted to do, and has been one of the best decisions I have made thus far. Upon obtaining my certification I joined a local ambulance agency. There I volunteered as much as possible. I would go in on my own time for 5, 8, 10 hour shifts. Sometimes there were no calls that day, but I would read previous charts and practice my skills. I soaked up as much as I could.
After receiving mostly simple and basic calls, we were dispatched to a cardiac arrest. Upon arrival on scene I was directed by the paramedic to administer respirations with a bag-valve mask. Focusing on the patient’s face and hearing a loved one in the background, I realized that this job was not going to be easy, but I knew it was my responsibility and his life was in my hands.
It is so interesting to link my clinical experience to my coursework at school. I have had several patients complaining of chest pain, and when the paramedic conducts an EKG and says the patient has an abnormal T wave or a left bundle branch block, I never really knew what that meant. Recently, while reading about the cardiovascular system in anatomy and physiology, I found myself recalling these patients and now understanding their condition. I am realizing more and more that my innate sense of care and compassion, combined with my demanding coursework will make me an excellent, well rounded PA for the benefit of my patients.
Being a physician assistant means providing the patient with the best care possible, regardless of other factors. As a PA I will ensure that my patients are knowledgeable of their illness and all of the treatment options. I will ensure that my patients are able to receive the best treatments and will be sympathetic to their needs. I know that I will be put into difficult situations and I am prepared to use the knowledge I have accumulated to treat my patient at the optimal level.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Morgan,
Your essay is concise and to the point. That gets you off to an excellent start and your first paragraph is well done.
If I were Admissions Directors, I’d probably stop reading when I got the part where you say you want to be a PA because it will give you more social freedoms and require less schooling than medical school. They’re looking for people who aspire to be a PA because they love the profession, and are motivated to work hard to achieve excellence. So focus on things that PAs do that appeal to you. For example, you briefly mention that as a PA you’ll have the ability to work in a variety of fields. PAs are often more connected to their patients than the physicians — you’ve already mentioned the importance of the doctor/patient relationship in the first paragraph. That seems meaningful to you, so tell about it.
You have a great opportunity to actually link your coursework to your experience by using an interaction with a patient as an example. You almost do it, but not quite. Right now in the essay they’re more parallel than connected.
There are some generalizations I’d edit out, like “regardless of other factors.” When you only have a limited number of characters, you’ll want every word to count.
The bones of your essay is good. Now you need to flesh it out to make it come alive.
Best of luck!
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Ryan,
Great job of fitting a lot of information into a very short yet cohesive statement. If this is a first draft, I’m impressed!
Still, I’d change a few things. Some are minor, some bigger.
A minor suggestion — instead of using the words “bright red,” I’d say “bloody.” It’s more descriptive and accurate.
The third paragraph needs work. You definitely don’t want to make it sound that you picked PA school because it wouldn’t be as much work or time as medical school, which is what it sounds like. Your friend’s description likely piqued your interest, but I doubt you decided you wanted to be a PA on the spot. That doesn’t sound real to me.
Without know what the school wants to know specifically in the 500 words, I can’t be more specific.
Hope this helped.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Ryan Y. says
Hi Sue,
Thank a ton for the advice!
I changed “bloody” in the first paragraph. You’re right, much more descriptive and draws a better picture.
As for the third paragraph, I took out the line about not wanting to go 8-10 years and mentioned that the doctor was telling me about several different areas of medicine and that when PA was brought up, it truly intrigued me to start pursuing something new.
I can’t thank you guys enough. Between the website, feedback here and the older podcast, I feel as though “thepalife” has been a mentor. I can’t wait to share you guys with more pre-PAs in the future.
Ryan
Sue Edmondson says
We’re glad we helped. That’s what we’re here for.
Sue
Ryan Y. says
Hi all. This is my first draft. An essay under 500 words is required so this is chopped down a bit from what it used to be. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!
Out trekking we made a short stop in a village near the Laos-China border. A man, Noy, had been in a serious motorcycle accident. The closest clinic was over 100 miles away and he had no desire to make the trip. His leg was in pieces with several open, bright red wounds. There was no cast, no pain medication, only herbal Chinese medicine that smelled of vinegar and rotting flesh. My first aid class was enough to know he had two choices: get to a hospital or stay home and let the infection continue, leading to amputation or death. He chose to stay home.
I still don’t know what happened to Noy. We were sent on our way, told that the village would take care of him. We spent three days trekking in Northern Laos, speaking often of him and asking ourselves if, as outsiders, we should have done something different, potentially life saving. The next few nights, I incessantly asked myself, ‘Why have I spent three years managing a restaurant in Laos when I could have been doing more, meeting a true need?’
Two weeks later, I learned for the first time what a Physician Assistant (PA) was while eating lunch with a doctor, asking about her decision to enter medicine. At 30 years old, married and without children, I was unwilling to spend 8-10 years in school. As she explained that a PA ran the clinic at the US embassy in Laos, I knew then what I wanted to be.
The past year volunteering in an ED and shadowing a MD and his PAs has confirmed what I believed after researching the profession; that is, it fits perfectly with what I want to do. I will provide personalized, compassionate medical care as an integral part of a team for disadvantaged people like Noy. While managing a café in Laos, I learned the importance of empowering others and that a team united achieves most. As an English teacher in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, I discovered how important it is to connect personally with each student and that cookie-cutter explanations are lazy. The last year and a half in school and my job as a science tutor have convinced me that the difference between an A and a B is merely the amount of time and work put in. These qualities are also what I see most often when shadowing great PAs. York College provides a unique, diverse atmosphere that is best suited for my life experiences and who I want to become.
Perhaps Noy is healthy and back on his motorcycle. Maybe he isn’t. What I know is I want to be able to give back to people like him. I also know I don’t have to travel back to Laos to do so. I am excited to start the journey to becoming a PA and ask if you would be willing to instruct me in what it takes to change lives like Noy’s.
Brianna says
November 6th, 2010, *********, New York in my aunt’s red GMC Acadia with her, my mom, grandmother and cousin around 5:00pm; this was the moment that I was told my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. They had all driven to visit me at ********* University for dinner and to tell me the news. I had never been so scared in my life. As a child of divorced parents, with an essentially nonexistent father, seeing the potential to lose my mother shattered my world.
November 26th, 2010, ********, New York, in the living room of my grandmother’s house with my mom, grandmother, and grandfather at approximately 3:00pm; this was the moment that my aunt called to tell us she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Now I could clearly see the possibility that, along with my mom, my aunt could also be taken away. I literally fell to my knees and begged God for their lives.
My love for science began in the fourth grade, but those two moments along with the following months and years of surgeries, doctor’s appointments, and physical and emotional healing secured my ambition to practice medicine. I suddenly found it immensely important to attend every doctor’s appointment, getting rides from whomever was available between school and home, taking notes, and doing as much research as possible to help my family understand and make the best decisions they could. Being able to do that gave me the opportunity to show them how much I care, and I found that caring for them completely fulfilled me.
At the time, I hadn’t realized how impactful the situation was. I found myself overwhelmed between classes, work, volunteering, friends, and helping my family every chance I could and I began to fail all around. Grades began to drop, volunteering was cut short, and stress skyrocketed. Looking back I can honestly say I had never had so many responsibilities and commitments before and therefore severely lacked time management and prioritization skills I so desperately needed. After seeing my lowest grades of all time during my sophomore year and realizing how I had fallen in love with helping and caring for others through my family’s situation and volunteer experience, I gained a sense of motivation unlike any I’d had before. Through determination, recently learned time management skills, and help from classmates and professors, I was able to bring my grades back up and make dean’s list once again.
That same year, my guidance counselor, professor, and one of the most knowledgeable persons I have known to date, Dr. ****, who knew my desire to work in medicine, suggested I look into the Physician Assistant profession. After doing very little research, I decided that was not the career for me- I am someone who wants to be my own boss- or so I thought.
Less than a year later, in October of 2012 I was parked at a 7/11 convenience store in ******** waiting for one of my best friends, when I saw a gold Chevy Tahoe lose control going about 50 MPH and begin rolling down the road, into the oncoming lane, cross the oncoming lane, and come to a stop in a restaurant parking lot after hitting a light pole. With out even thinking I turned my car off, stepped out and ran to the road. That was when I realized aside from CPR I had no knowledge of what to do to help any of the people that may be in that car. I began to run back to my car to grab my cell phone and call the Police, when I saw an ambulance parked at the gas station next door to the 7/11. Shaking from my emotions, almost in tears, and slightly out of breath, I ran to the paramedics and explained what I witnessed. They immediately called in the accident and drove away with sirens screaming and lights flashing.
I went back to my car with the largest sense of relief. The people in that car would be helped in the correct way and the best way that those trained paramedics could offer, which was much greater than what I could offer. That experience helped me realized that having a professional that is willing to help you and offer a greater deal of experience, knowledge, and wisdom would be a blessing not a lack of knowledge or independence. I found that learning more about medicine and treatment by those who have much more knowledge and experience than I is what I look forward to most.
After graduation from college, with a renewed motivation to become a physician assistant, I found two jobs as a caregiver and nurses assistant. The first job at Comfort Keepers requires that I go into other peoples homes and help their loved ones by offering a variety of services ranging from companionship and cooking meals to monitoring blood pressure, heart rate, blood oxygen levels, medication reminders, incontinence care, and bathing. The second job is in the dementia care unit at Belmont Village Senior Living Center where we focused much more on feeding, incontinence care, bathing, medication reminders, and closely monitoring and reporting each residents’ mental and physical status and deterioration due to Alzheimer’s and Dementia. The jobs became the ultimate test of my patience and desire to work in medicine. But ultimately I found them completely rewarding and humbling. At the end of the day, I can say that I have helped someone perform some vital activities that made it possible for him or her to get through the day. I have formed friendships with many of my coworkers and patients. These caregivers and family’s demonstrate an enormous amount of compassion and humanity for those they are caring for and it is the most inspired I have felt. Those coworkers, who have chosen that career path because they love helping these elderly patients, no matter how difficult the job may be, especially humble and inspire me.
I have done much more research and have consulted with all the medical doctors, physician assistants, nurses, and professors I know, and I realize now that this was the exact career I have been dreaming of since the 4th grade. Becoming a physician assistant encompasses everything I love: science, medicine, helping others, continual learning, and a degree of independence in the workplace. This career path is the fulfillment of my dreams. Armed with the knowledge and experience I have gained through my past experiences, struggles and shortcomings, I know there is nothing that will deter me from accomplishing this dream and I am willing and eager to prove it.
****specifics are omitted for privacy… Thank you for your help!!
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Brianna,
This is an excellent start to what will be a great essay. Your writing skills are good — I saw few grammar errors.
The main problem is that you spend too much time on family/personal experiences and not enough on your healthcare related experiences. It’s important to explain why your grades dropped and you did a great job on that. Shorten those first few paragraphs so you can focus on what’s important to admissions personnel.
I would never say in an essay that you did not want to be a PA, even though you later changed your mind. If I were a reader, I might stop right there.
Use some of your experiences with a specific patient or two to demonstrate your skills. You say you have patience, compassion, an interest in continual learning — show it with details. You need to paint the picture to make your essay come alive.
You don’t say why you decided to become a PA instead of another healthcare professional. Admissions folks want to know what specifically appeals to you about the profession and why you’d make a good PA. Have you worked with PAs? Shadowed any? Talk about those experiences.
Best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife
C.James says
Hello, All. So, this is my first draft. I know its… terrible. But any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
I had never seen someone so frightened in my life. “Excuse me, Ms. Lewis,” I said. “Ms. Lewis! We’re ready for you now.” Her husband helped her to her feet as I came over with a wheelchair. I helped her sit down and wheeled her out of the waiting area. She looked over her shoulder -to her husband- and I could see her eyes welling with tears. I asked her if everything was okay or if she felt faint. She nodded and said that she was fine in a shaky voice. She told me that she has never had surgery before and that this would be her first time. I assured her that our staff would do everything we could to make sure that she does well and recovers soon. I told her that the surgeons at our hospital were excellent and would do everything in their power to help her. I told her that our nurses would be there to make sure that she was comfortable and well taken care of. She uttered a thank you as I wheeled her to the Nurse’s Station. I told her that Nurse Black would be her nurse for the day and that she was an excellent nurse. I then wheeled her to her room and helped her out of the wheelchair. I told her again that everything would be fine. Her surgeon, Dr. White, came in and greeted everyone. I directed him to Ms. Lewis’ room and went back to the Nurse’s Station for chart preparation and discharge instructions. An hour or so had passed and Ms. Lewis returned from surgery. Soon it was time to discharge her so that she could go home. I loaded her back into the wheelchair and we continued to talk. She thanked me again, saying that my words made her feel a little better about her procedure. She told me to thank the nurses and the doctors for everything that they did for her. I had been a volunteer for some time now and while I play a minor, almost forgettable, part on the floor of the One Day Surgery, people still give me an emphatic “thank you” for what I do for them.
I initially wanted to volunteer because love for medicine and helping people reawakened after I survived the April 27, 2011 tornado. There was a call to action where everybody who could help came out to help whenever they had availability. Initially, I worked at the hub station the American Red Cross set up in my neighborhood. While I was not a healthcare professional, I could volunteer and offer my services in other ways. The extent of this was signing people up for services so that they could go into the hub station to get vouchers for food, clothes, toys, or anything else they needed.
In May of 2011, I graduated from a small college in Birmingham, Alabama. I knew I wanted to work in the medical field, but was not sure of the exact profession I wanted to pursue. I spoke with the volunteer coordinator at a local hospital and she was happy to have me come volunteer with her program. I created great relationships with the healthcare professionals at the hospital during my time as a volunteer. I spoke with nurses about their jobs, school, how they handle patients, and I even saw first hand how they interacted with the patients. I spoke to doctors about tests, schools, their workload, how they coped with things, and their patient interactions.
I surveyed Patient Care Techs, Med Techs, CRNA’s, and everybody in between just to get a feel of what it is I really wanted to do. Everybody was interested in my decision and offered me advice every time they saw me. I have the utmost respect for all healthcare professionals and I appreciate them for what they do for the community. However, when deciding what profession would be best for me, the physicians and P.A.’s resonated with me the most. I also attended an informational about the Physician Assistant program and feel in love. It is not about the status or the superficial power of being in charge. It is about having the influence to make someone better, knowing what to do in order to cure diseases, and even preventing the diseases all together.
Knowing that I can make a difference in someone’s life or influence him or her is worth more than money or any other kind of repayment. The summer I volunteered was one of my most memorable and most fulfilling moments to date. This solidified my thoughts that the healthcare field is something that I wanted to strive to work in and achieve. When I think back to my time as a volunteer, people like Ms Lewis come to mind. With me (in my head), doing so little, making such an impact on her (and others like her) makes me want to put myself in a position so that I can do even more. If allowed to be a part of the Physician Assistant program I would be extremely thankful but also extremely determined to make everybody happy who has placed their faith in me to do better and become something better. I know that I can be a great Physician Assistant if given the opportunity.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi,
First of all, this is not terrible! You’ve had some unique experiences which will give you a great basis to build on.
To start, shorten the first paragraph. It’s a good place to open, but way too long.
It sounds like you haven’t had much hands on health care related experience from what you’ve written. If that’s the case, then you’ll use your volunteer work to demonstrate how you’ve built your skills over time. Instead of telling how you spoke with professionals about different fields of medicine, show that you know how they did their jobs, what you learned from watching them, and why those experiences led to the decision to apply to PA school. You never mentioned that you worked with PAs. If you came across PAs in your volunteer work, talk about what you learned, what impressed you, and why PAs stand apart from others.
Your goal is to convince schools that you know exactly what a PA does, that your skills match those needed to be a PA (I’m not talking about clinical skills since you don’t have them, I’m talking about things like patience, empathy, an inquisitive mind, attention to detail — all the things that make a good PA).
There are a few grammar errors in your essay. It would be a good idea to have people read your essay to correct those.
Best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
http://www.thepalife.com
Greg C. says
Pain. Suffering. Misery. The only thing worse than these things is not being able to do a single thing about them. My dad explained to me how my mom was very sick as he drove us to the hospital. I sat in silence and looked out the window. It was a calm autumn day and the leaves on the trees were an array of yellows and reds.
I walked through the intensive care unit; the sullen faces of family and friends looked down upon me. My body floated down the hallway towards her room. She lay on her hospital bed with several members of my family standing around her. They stepped back to let me see her as I walked up to her side, unsure of what to say or do. Her skin was yellow with jaundice and even little movements caused her great pain. When I opened my mouth to speak, I only broke down in tears.
Those next few weeks were the longest weeks of my life. Days stretched on as I went from school to the hospital to my home almost every day. Seeing my strong, independent mom struggle in the hospital upset and angered me deeply. I was frustrated by my inability to do anything of significance to cure her, so I did whatever simple tasks were needed of me.
When she was awake, I would sit next to her and comfort her. Whether I was simply holding her hand, telling her to be strong, or giving her water with an oral sponge, I did whatever I could. When the doctor would explain something to us, I did my best to understand what he was talking about. I would go home and look up what he said on the computer, only to be left with more questions. I wanted to know more and I wanted to be able to do more, but I couldn’t and that was the hardest thing to accept. Her health was in the hospital’s hands and I was left to wait and worry.
While working as a physical therapist aide, I always try to put myself in the patients’ shoes and remember how I felt in the hospital with my mom. I really pay attention to what the therapist tells the patients so when they have those same questions, I will know the answer and can help them understand. This helps me learn more about the complex human body and it helps quell any concerns the patients may have. I love being able to give them tips and ideas on how to feel better, even if it’s something as simple as telling them to put a pillow between their legs while they sleep to alleviate back pain and help them get a better night’s rest. If my little piece of advice can result in them being happier and in less pain, then I know those long ten-hour days were worth it.
During our short time on Earth, we strive to find a purpose for our existence. We experiment and search for a passion that motivates us to work harder and be better. Sitting at my mom’s bedside in the hospital, I discovered my passion. Being a physical therapy aide allows me to make use of my passion, but there is still so much I can’t do. When the patients come in, I can’t be the one to stretch them and massage them. As a physician assistant, I can be sure that each patient gets the care they need and deserve because I will be one of the providers giving it. I can do everything in my power to educate them and help them be as healthy as they can be.
My ultimate goal is to be a physician assistant in orthopaedic surgery. The complexities of the human musculoskeletal system have always been of curiosity to me and working in physical therapy has only enhanced that interest. Working alongside a physician in orthopaedics, I will have that ability to help rid patients of their pain, their suffering, and their misery.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Greg,
You’re a very good writer. Your descriptions have complexity and depth. (There’s a bit of drama that you don’t need — your body didn’t float down a hall, for example. Things like that are distracting).
While the sections about your mother are done well, you spend too much time on them. Every admissions person I interviewed said to focus on your adult experiences. A couple of sentences about your early experience can be your opening. Then move into your work. You’ve developed good skills — compassion, paying attention to detail and listening among them. Expand on those using a patient as an example if it helps explain. Instead of saying what you can’t do, talk about what you’ve learned from your job and how that will make you a good PA
You’ll need to beef up the part that leads to why you want to be a PA. If you’ve shadowed or worked with a PA, talk about it.
Best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
Duke Pasquini says
Sue, I just read your last three comments and I found your responses insightful and helpful.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Alex,
You have great heart, which comes through in your essay. But you don’t want admissions directors to think that’s all you have. Even though it sounds like you have quite a bit of experience from shadowing and internships, you haven’t talked much about them.
The part about Lily is too long, and I’m afraid your focus on love sounds a little idealistic. (Even when you get past talking about Lily, you use “love” quite a bit — pick another word)! It’s wonderful if that’s what drives you, but it’s not what will capture the attention of admissions folks.
One of the things all of those I interviewed said is they rather have patient/experience related information than family or personal experiences. Your interaction with Lily can be the start of your essay since she started you on the journey to becoming a PA, but limit it to one or two sentences. It sounds like that all happened while you were in high school. I know you’ve had a lot more experience with patients since that time by reading the rest of your essay. If I were editing your essay, the first two paragraphs would become one very short paragraph.
Rather than spending valuable space on what you don’t want to do, like being a PT or researcher, consolidate those paragraphs into a sentence or two (omitting that you liked NCIS and Criminal Minds), and say more about what you learned while shadowing and interning. You can use a patient as an example to show what you learned about the profession and how that person enhanced your skills (if that applies) or made you realize you have skills that will help you be a good PA.
It’s good that you talk about your strengths — your people skills, time management and compassion. You want people to know what you bring to the table.
You have good material! Your essay just needs consolidation of the less relevant topics and expansion of the more.
Sue Edmondson
Alex Robinson says
I anxiously walked through the doors and into the classroom where I would be helping teach Sunday school for a group of four-year olds. I looked around at all the children playing together and spotted one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. As she was running around the room waving a piece of paper, I went up to her and asked what her name was. There was no response–she just kept running around with her piece of paper. I asked her name again, but she still did not respond. Her mother saw me trying to communicate with her and informed me that her name was Lily and that she was autistic and could not talk. My heart broke after hearing this, and I immediately wanted to do everything I could to help her. I listened intently as her mom showed me how to work with her, and I immediately fell in love. I ended up working with Lily for the next couple of years. It was difficult at times when people stared at us but it was worth seeing her smile and laugh.
While I did not recognize it at the time, Lily was one of the main reasons I decided to go into the medical field. I have had many other experiences, such as my mom’s diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis or my grandfather’s Alzheimer’s, but what makes Lily special, however, is that she gave me a new understanding of how to express love. Because she could not talk, she had to show her emotions through her actions. I knew by the way she would laugh uncontrollably while being spun around or by the way she would run up and give you a hug that she really did care. In the same way, I want to show my patients how important they are to me by listening to their needs and doing everything I can to help them. Lily also taught me that the first step to healing is love. Even as a high school student, I was able to help her just by loving her and showing her how much I cared. Through patience, love, and determination, I was able to watch Lily grow and accomplish many things. I knew whatever career I decided on, I wanted to experience that type of love.
Before working with Lily, I had never thought about being in the medical field. I did not know exactly what I wanted to do, but I knew that it had to involve helping others. Up until the end of my junior year of high school, I thought about going into forensics. I enjoyed watching NCIS and Criminal Minds and trying to solve the cases. I originally thought about being a police officer or working with the FBI, but I kept thinking about how much I loved working with Lily and decided to go into the medical field. I could not stand seeing others in pain and not knowing what to do to help them. Due to my athletic background, I originally thought about going into physical therapy. I intended to use these skills to work in the school system in order to continue working with children like Lily. However, after shadowing a PT, I felt as if there was something missing. I also want to do medical missions, and while a physical therapist would be able to help, I felt as if a PT would be limited in the services he could offer on the type of missions I want to do. It was not until I shadowed a physician assistant at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital that I felt the passion each doctor and physician assistant possessed towards every patient. In addition to treating each child, the physician assistant would take time to ask and check on the family that was staying with the patient. He knew how important the family was in order to help the child get better. I also loved how each patient was like trying to solve a case. The PA had to figure out what was causing the problem and then figure out how to fix it. I also loved the team atmosphere between the physician and the physician assistant. With multiple brains working together, I feel as if there is a higher chance of success.
I also considered going into research. After working for a semester in the Microbiology lab at Mississippi State University, however, I realized that one of the main components I loved about the physician assistant is the interaction he has with his patient. While I enjoyed my experience and discovering how the human body works, I want to be able to form relationships and directly take care of patients. Therefore, I believe that being a physician assistant is the right fit for me.
After deciding to go into the medical field, I tried getting as much medical experience as possible, which proved difficult because I was also a college cheerleader. Therefore, I shadowed and did internships, such as The Church Health Center and MDA camp, during all of my breaks. I finally decided not to cheer my senior year in order to obtain more medical experience. I feel, however, that the people skills and time management learned from cheering will help me when working with many different patients. I also feel that my strong academic background, as well as my passion for serving and helping others, will help make me a great physician assistant.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Jordan,
Once I started reading, I realized I’d read a version of this before. You’re a good writer, a huge plus, and have an excellent, easy to read yet sophisticated style. All those are sure to grab the attention of admissions folks. You’ve improved the essay, but it still needs work.
You open with a literal cliff hanger, and I see that you’re tied to the mountain climbing experience. The problem is that it doesn’t work with the essay — it just doesn’t fit in with the points you’re making about wanting to be a PA. I think it’s most apparent at the beginning and ends of the essay which are general philosophical statements. You’re straining to tie the climbing experience with your work/life experiences because you like it so much. (I understand — what a dramatic, scary, thrilling adventure). But if you are determined to open with the climbing experience, you need to rethink how you’ll make it work thematically. Right now it’s like reading about an apple in one sentence, about broccoli in the next. It’s that disconnected.
Have a couple of friends or relatives read this part: “While in the uncomfortable embrace of disappointment and a climbing harness, I had no idea that this moment would set the foundation on which I would decide to become a Physician Assistant (PA). I thought to myself, If I can change a life, even just one, how many others will benefit as a result? Each decision we make has a ripple effect that changes not only our lives but also the lives of people around us,” and ask if they see how you get from the disappointment of leaving the mountain to wanting to change lives by becoming a PA.
The other issue is that you talk in depth about your wife’s experience but then say it wasn’t a light bulb moment, that you’d already decided to be a PA. That undermines the whole episode (which by the way, is too long, although I was relieved to learn she survived).
Skip generalities. They don’t help admissions folks know you, and that’s what they’re looking for. It’s tempting to philosophize, but this essay is not the place.
You are on track when you start to talk about your work experiences, and when you talk about how the PAs and doctors impacted your wife’s treatment. In those places you touch on why you want to be a PA. If you’re going to use your wife’s experience, focus more on the PA interactions and delete the beginning of the next paragraph. Otherwise, pick a patient that you treated and worked on with a PA.
Keep going. Writing is rewriting!
Sue Edmondson
Jordan A. says
So here is my first draft. I know it lacks some cohesion and can certainly be tidied up but I mostly want to know if I am first, headed in the right direction and second, where I should go from here. Thanks.
When I looked down all I could see were dark clouds sweeping up the valley like a tsunami of cold and rain; bad news for two rock climbers a thousand feet off the ground in the Canadian Rockies. Decision time. Do we risk the weather and try to finish the last 500 feet to the summit or do we pack it in and rappel down 5 hours work climbing up Ha Ling Peak with little chance of attempting the climb again. We argued for too long and soon realized we were now subject to the whims of the fickle spring weather in the Rockies. We headed down in the cold and the wet, wishing we had left sooner. While in the uncomfortable embrace of disappointment and a climbing harness, I had no idea that this moment would set the foundation on which I would decide to become a Physician Assistant (PA). I thought to myself, If I can change a life, even just one, how many others will benefit as a result? Each decision we make has a ripple effect that changes not only our lives but also the lives of people around us.
Several years later I found myself stuck on the side of a very different cliff. My wife, who was 6 months pregnant, had developed bilateral pulmonary emboli (PE). It was uncommon for me to find her with tears in her eyes but one Sunday night she woke me up and while struggling to breath, told me that she couldn’t lie down because her back hurt too much. Frightened and unsure what to do, I did my best to diagnose the problem. I had been trained as an EMT but that provided only a little help under such circumstances. I was suspicious that she had developed a PE but her legs showed no signs of deep vein thrombosis. We made the decision to visit the emergency department and after many hours and many tests, the diagnosis was confirmed and treatment began. It was exactly one week later that my wife called me from work with identical symptoms. At this point I had learned much more about PEs and according to the statistics, I became fairly certain I would soon have to say goodbye to my dear wife. I distinctly remember this terrible, wrenching feeling in my gut, the kind you get when your big brother punches you for being his little brother. Never in my life had I a wished that I could do more for a person than at that moment. I didn’t have to say goodbye. The doctors and PAs changed her life. They took her from dying to living. They got her down from the cliff.
It certainly wasn’t a light bulb moment. In fact, I had decided I wanted to be a PA almost a year prior. At the time I was the director of clinical research for a small industry research company. I worked with patients in nearly all-therapeutic areas and together with our doctors and PAs we did our best to provide comfortable quality care to our patients as we investigated new medications. While my career was going well, I soon recognized that the part of my job I enjoyed most was the time I spent with my patients, conducting interviews, drawing blood, answering questions and providing education. I wanted more of that and while dodging traffic on the way to the ER, I realized that my desire to help my wife was a magnified version of what I had felt with all of my patients. Each interaction we have provides an opportunity for us to react and our reactions can change the lives of countless people even if we just start with one. Getting stuck on a cliff taught me that. I wanted desperately to finish Ha Ling Peak, but even more I wanted to be safe. I wanted a good professional career, but even more I want to treat and care for patients. I want to change lives. I want to take people from dying to living. I want to get them down from the cliff.
I never finished climbing Ha Ling Peak and finishing was probably never the point. Everyday there are limitless factors that are out of our control that will get us stuck on the cliff. Our job is to react and adapt to those changes in our circumstance. We are all shaped by moments, tiny portions of our everyday lives that form the majority of who we will become. I guess if you put these moments together you might call it experience. Whatever it’s called, my moments have fixed in my mind a determined resolution to become PA.
Sue Edmondson says
Hi Aurellie,
You have great passion and heart, which are important traits in any health care provider. Those things come through in your essay.
It’s missing quite a bit, though, particularly about your current experiences (apart from those with your family) in the healthcare field. Schools will definitely want to know if you’ve worked in any aspect of healthcare or volunteered in a clinic, for example. If you haven’t any adult experiences, I suggest you try to obtain some by volunteering.
Even without those experiences there are ways to focus your essay that will help convince admissions folks to consider you. Based upon my interviews with admissions directors from schools across the country, I can tell you they aren’t really too interested in much info about your childhood and high school experiences. Skip the childhood bout with peritonitis and spend only a couple of sentences about your high school experiences. Schools really want to know what you’ve been doing recently.
Starting and continuing to run a summer camp is impressive. It shows you have leadership skills. What else have you done in recent years? What about your college work? Did you focus on the sciences? Did you have internships? Spend time at hospitals?
There are some grammar errors, too. Do a spell and grammar check on your essay, and have others read it to make sure there aren’t errors.
Best of luck.
Sue Edmondson
Aurellie says
I was 10 years old and hospitalized for a peritonitis for about 3 weeks. Terrified and alone, I was begging for someone to explain what is about to happen to me, to clarify what is the doctor saying, and mainly to understand my fear.. and that’s when a PA walked in and changed my life forever… Julie provided me a sense of calm and genuine comfort, she gave me a doll and showed me on the doll what the surgery was all about, I cherished it till today for that doll is what gave me my initial taste for medicine intertwined with a passion for human relationships. I was mesmerized by the wonder of the human body. At that age I had already and literally devoured a kids biology book and learnt it by heart. Science had always been my strongest point in high school and college. “Book smart”, they would say. No, my good grades were fueled by a deep passionate love for understanding my surroundings, nature’s elements, human body and human behavior. In Canada, schools provide the students with this program called HOPS, where students are invited in hospitals and shadow doctors, surgeons, nurses, etc. My high school did not offer this amazing program so I insisted on instilling it in my school for I was determined to attend it. Turned out that there was no more room for my school to join that year but I made everything possible to at least being able to attend the conferences. Being able to learn about each types of doctors and nurses, it only fueled me with this indisputable goal in life, that I want to be part of this big medical family that makes people’s life better while allowing me to learn more about the human body which encompasses everything from math and physics to physiology, anatomy and chemistry . In high school I was enrolled in after schools program such as “friendship circle” and “Chai lifeline” where I dealt with sick and handicapped kids while helping their families, in the hospitals and in their house. This was another life changing experience which has brought me to really admire the role of PA after my countless encounter with them. ” Aurelie, you would make a great PA one day!”, my supervisor told me after helping the family of little 5 years old Ethan another innocent victim of cancer.
My early summer jobs consisted of working in the CDL laboratories. Again, simply to understand and being in touch with the complexity of my surroundings. In the lab, I learnt a lot about medicine first hand as I have never before, although the lack of human contact taught me that it should be a crucial part of life. This ability of excelling in human relationship building has brought me to open my own summer camp at the mere age of 16 years old, every summer until today. It took a lot of determination and organization to make this camp the success that it is in my community and especially to gain the parents trust of giving me, a 16 years old, the responsibility of their precious child. From organizing outings, bus, staff meetings, rent and all day dealing with kids has taught me a whole spectrum of valuable lesson in my life. Determined, passionate, creative, diligent and a very good team worker I know that Iv’e got what it takes to fulfill my dream of becoming a PA. Although, I am not afraid of rejection. Iv’e encountered many obstacles in my personal life which have a carved me into an even stronger person and all my challenges taught me not to be afraid of anything. I know in my heart and soul that that is what I am meant to do and I will do everything in my life to make it happen. I am a person that wants this title for the sole purpose of being able to bettering people’s life while being able to study the subjects that I am simply in love with. I am choosing a PA over a NP after many hours of contemplating and researching both, but I have come to the conclusion that a PA have a greater ability with it’s more expanded license in disease prevention and developing a long term care plan with it’s patient. Not too long ago, I accompanied my father through the night to our local hospital ER. We were submitted at 9 o’clock at night and only have been seen by a doctor at 8 o’clock in the morning without any PA, nurse or anyone to give my dad a painkiller that he so terribly needed. The ER was surpassed and 1 doctor only treated 32 patients that night and 3 of them died. That only exemplifies the need for PAs. Today, I am married and my loved one experienced great medical issues for a period of 3 years, ulcer colitis . As I have listened to his stories and experiences with hospitals and caregivers, how his PA literally have not only saved his life but also saved his morality and dignity, it only continues to fuel my already existing fire to belong to this precious group of angels better known as Physician Assistant….