The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative

Comments

1. Katherine N. says

   January 20, 2016 at 4:57 pm

   Thank you so much for everything you do!

   The computer screen is all green. Patients names fill line after line as the usual Monday morning rush in the outpatient lab begins. I go out and grab my next patient. A frail elderly man is lead by his daughter to my room. In Vietnamese, she tells her father to sit down and explains to me in English that he is blind and partially deaf. I noticed he was frowning with a tense posture and knitted eyebrows. Coming closer, I gently placed my hand on his arm and said “Chao Ong” , a respectful Vietnamese greeting to elders. Both their eyebrows raised in surprise. He immediately relaxed and his eyes crinkled into a smile. I tied the tourniquet around his arm and searched for a vein. He told me in Vietnamese his arms had no good veins and to use his hand instead. He said he had blood tests before and was poked multiple times in each arm which bruised him all over. All those bad experiences made him very hesitant of phlebotomists and nurses. His daughter was pacing back and forth behind me. I got him on my first try and relief washed over his and his daughter’s face. He told me how frustrated he was that he needed his daughter to translate everything and he couldn’t communicate directly to physicians. He clasped my hand and said “Cam on,” meaning thank you. As they were leaving, the daughter said “Thank you so much! From now on we are coming to see you.”
   My drive to become a physician assistant comes from this wish to be able to help patients more than I can. From the first time expecting mother to the eighty year old gentleman getting his first hip replacement, I am exposed to a wide variety of people. Each patient faces their own battles and fears. Their strength and courage fuels my perseverance to further my medical career. Just like many kids, I too played “doctor” while growing up and had the dream of becoming one. As I became older, I found my interests diverged from becoming a doctor to a physician assistant. With a wide array of backgrounds and experiences combined with in-depth schooling, catapults physician assistants to being more than qualified to help patients. One does not simply jump into being a physician assistant, but rather evolving and maturing the mind and soul over time. They are at the forefront of changing and redefining the medical field.While working at the hospital, I’ve interacted with many physician assistants. Their love for what they do shows in their work. I have witnessed their compassion for patients while giving a thorough and efficient examination. They have the flexibility to specialize in all areas of medicine, demonstrating that their knowledge goes deeper than general medicine. Physician assistants are revolutionizing all aspects of medicine, and it would be humbling to be apart of it.
   Getting smiles and thank yous from my patients makes a hard day at work worth it. But becoming a physician assistant would be more than just a rewarding experience, it would give me the opportunity to give back to the community and change lives. Becoming a physician assistant will not be the end of a journey, but rather allowing myself to grow further as a person while helping others along the way.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     January 23, 2016 at 12:07 pm

     Hi Katherine,

     You have great heart and that’s reflected in the essay. Your essay starts out strong in content, but there are grammar issues, which should never happen in these essays. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and personnel for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” all said grammar errors were not acceptable and red flags that the writer was either careless or didn’t possess adequate writing skills. In the second sentence, “Patients names” would be “Patient’s names.” Also, quotation marks always go outside the punctuation. “Chao Ong” , should be “Chao Ong,” . . . I think you already know about the quotation marks because you had them right later on. But regardless, before you submit your application, make sure your essay has no grammar errors, even if they’re just typos.

     The essay drops off a bit, starting with these sentences: With a wide array of backgrounds and experiences combined with in-depth schooling, catapults physician assistants to being more than qualified to help patients. One does not simply jump into being a physician assistant, but rather evolving and maturing the mind and soul over time. They are incomplete. This sentence in your conclusion also needs work — the second phrase doesn’t follow the first to make an appropriate sentence: Becoming a physician assistant will not be the end of a journey, but rather allowing myself to grow further as a person while helping others along the way.

     This is why I am a firm believer in having a third party edit your essay. It’s easy to miss words and leave things out. You know what you want to say. The key is to make sure the words are all on the page.

     I’d like to see you write a bit more about why the PA profession is right for you. Your statements are general, and specificity is always better. You have the perfect place to add the info after you write, “As I became older, I found my interests diverged from becoming a doctor to a physician assistant.” Rather than the generic sentences that follow, write statements that are personal to you.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

2. Megan Beaudoin says

   January 15, 2016 at 1:33 am

   Thank you for your help! It is greatly appreciated!
   ———-
   He was smiling at me, although I could still see the pain written on his face and in his eyes. I did not want to reposition him, but he needed it in order to prevent further damage to his already fragile body. As he tried to reassure me through his facial expression, I felt my own pain for him deep in my chest. After many months of suffering, he had finally passed. This was my first of many encounters with death and the process of dying. Through my work as a certified nursing assistant, I have learned many things about the care of a patient and the relationship the members of a medical team.
   My initial interest in the world of medicine was sparked by a high school anatomy course that focused on working through case studies and developing “plans of action” for hypothetical patients. My eyes were opened to the amazing complexity of the human body and how it is more efficient and generally flawless than any man-made system. I enjoyed the difficult practice of painstakingly memorizing each bone and muscle, the specific functions of different parts of the body, and how all the structures and functions fit together so perfectly. This is what initially introduced me to the idea of medicine as a career. Through coursework, such as case studies, I began to realize I rather enjoyed puzzles, especially diagnostic puzzles, which reinforced my growing devotion to medicine. After this turning point, I started to research medicine as a lifestyle, not just a job, and started shadowing. After shadowing both physicians and physician assistants in different fields of medicine, including dermatology and family practice, I noticed the nature of the patient-provider relationship. I was lucky enough to experience this bond myself, when I worked as a certified nursing assistant. Even though I was not performing any medical tasks, the relationship I developed with my patients was unlike any other relationship I’ve had before. I was protective over their care, and I frequently found myself trying to find different ways to improve the care that I provided. This job gave me a unique opportunity to witness life in a way not many people get to. I have experienced the last days with my patients, I have cared for them after they had passed, and I have witnessed the process of healing. This has given me a new perspective on how fragile and amazing life really is. I have had firsthand experience with comforting the patient and helping with palliative measures leading up to their passing and I have spent many hours with family members, helping them cope with the decline or passing of their family member. In all of these situations I have had a feeling close to helplessness, because I felt like I needed to have done more for the patient, and a need to offer the family more. I crave the opportunity to tell the family that I have done everything I could to help their loved one, to offer that kind of closure to the family. In addition to this relationship with the patient and the relatives, another relationship that I had not previously experienced was the bond between a medical team. Every one that I observed or worked with had such great respect for the people they worked with and every one worked with each other to achieve a common goal: to better the patient’s care plan. Each member of the team worked collaboratively to become better as a whole. This bond becomes stronger over time as the team works together to help an individual who is dependent upon them. This bond is also truly unique and so much stronger than it gets credit for, I believe. There is something distinctive about going through the ups and downs of caring for a patient that makes the team you work with more like a family, a close support system that can be relied on. I think this type of relationship is very important in the medical field. I admire the way medical staff comes together to create one large team to care for a patient, even across specialties and departments. Through my experience, I have also found that educating the patient and family is a very important, yet often overlooked component of the medical profession. The patient seems to always appreciate the time and effort put in by the health care worker to explain why a procedure or a medication is beneficial. This strengthens the bond held between health care worker and the patient and it is a very important step in the overall care of the patient.
   I am specifically drawn to the physician assisting profession because of the flexibility it offers. I love the idea of being able to move from specialty to specialty and I think this is very important for me to be able to do. I am interested in so many fields and have the desire to work in both primary care and academic fields- I like the option to pursue a residency if I choose. In addition to this, I enjoy the medical model of patient care and I like that I will have the time and flexibility to include research into my career.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     January 16, 2016 at 11:34 am

     Hi Megan,

     First, biggest mistake ever — getting the name of the profession wrong. You write “physician assisting profession” instead of “physician assistant profession.” That can be enough to make Admissions folks rule you out as an candidate for their program! Since you’ve shadowed PAs, I’m guessing it’s a typo, but one that should never be made. Also writing that you might want to pursue a residency should be clarified as a physician assistant residency. That combined with getting the profession wrong could lead your readers to the conclusion that you aren’t familiar PAs.

     That being said, your essay is heartfelt and starts out with a bang. But then when you get to this sentence, “After many months of suffering, he had finally passed,” I’m confused. The word “had” makes the essay read as if he was already gone when you were describing him and your feelings in the first two sentences. It’s not that huge of a deal, but it’s exactly the type of thing that will make people stop and wonder what you meant, rather than continuing to read. You never want to have Admissions folks scratching their heads to figure out what you’re trying to say!

     The way the essay appears as a post here, I believe this is your second paragraph:
     My initial interest in the world of medicine was sparked by a high school anatomy course that focused on working through case studies and developing “plans of action” for hypothetical patients. My eyes were opened to the amazing complexity of the human body and how it is more efficient and generally flawless than any man-made system. I enjoyed the difficult practice of painstakingly memorizing each bone and muscle, the specific functions of different parts of the body, and how all the structures and functions fit together so perfectly. This is what initially introduced me to the idea of medicine as a career. Through coursework, such as case studies, I began to realize I rather enjoyed puzzles, especially diagnostic puzzles, which reinforced my growing devotion to medicine. After this turning point, I started to research medicine as a lifestyle, not just a job, and started shadowing. After shadowing both physicians and physician assistants in different fields of medicine, including dermatology and family practice, I noticed the nature of the patient-provider relationship. I was lucky enough to experience this bond myself, when I worked as a certified nursing assistant. Even though I was not performing any medical tasks, the relationship I developed with my patients was unlike any other relationship I’ve had before. I was protective over their care, and I frequently found myself trying to find different ways to improve the care that I provided. This job gave me a unique opportunity to witness life in a way not many people get to. I have experienced the last days with my patients, I have cared for them after they had passed, and I have witnessed the process of healing. This has given me a new perspective on how fragile and amazing life really is. I have had firsthand experience with comforting the patient and helping with palliative measures leading up to their passing and I have spent many hours with family members, helping them cope with the decline or passing of their family member.”

     The paragraph has a number of problems — it jumps around from topic to topic and you’ve spent too much time on your high school experience. So a couple of recommendations. Cut back on the high school info to this:

     “My initial interest in the world of medicine was sparked by a high school anatomy course that focused on working through case studies and developing “plans of action” for hypothetical patients. Through coursework, such as case studies, I realized I enjoyed puzzles, especially diagnostic puzzles. After this point, I started to research medicine as a lifestyle, not just a job, and started shadowing.”

     Then start a new paragraph to talk about your shadowing. Rather than switching back to your CNA experience mid-paragraph, spend time talking about your observations and why specifically you decided to pursue a career as a PA. Then start another paragraph to go back to your CNA work. You’ll need to cut some of what you’ve written about your CNA work to fit in the specifics I’ve mentioned because you’re close to your character/space limit. Luckily, there’s quite a bit you can cut without impacting the essence of your essay.

     Your conclusion needs strengthening. Right now it reads like a regular paragraph, not a conclusion. The conclusion should tie your essay together to bring it full circle. Instead, weave in (briefly) the info in what is now your conclusion into the paragraph about why you want to become a PA. (The last sentence is particularly weak and needs rewriting). Then write a new conclusion.

     Don’t be discouraged by the comments — there’s a lot of good information in the essay. It just needs careful editing, better organization and more specifics.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

3. Dayra P. says

   January 12, 2016 at 6:48 pm

   Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!
   —-
   Growing up I did not dream of becoming a Physician Assistant; the PA profession, or the knowledge of what a PA is, does not exist in the tiny, rural corner of Ecuador I used to call Home. Because of that,  it took me a long time to realize that becoming a PA is in fact my dream. Nevertheless, the experiences I have gained over the last decade, even before I knew what a PA is, have helped strengthen qualities in me which will help me be the best PA I can be.

   I was only twelve years old when I first learned the value of adaptability and determination. I had just moved to the United States, and I had to face some harsh realities: I was in a foreign land, and I did not speak a word of English,  which made middle school extremely difficult for me. My parents were not able to help me much in the way of academics or learning English. However, I persevered, and before I knew it,  I was a student at New York University, studying the pre-health curriculum and learning about the human mind and behavior through a Psychology major.

   When I got to college, my ego took a hard hit. While I had thrived in High School, in college I was just an average student struggling to keep up, but too afraid to ask for help. I lost my focus, and my grades suffered. Time and experience have given me the confidence and the maturity I need to succeed now, and I know I can only go up from here because I will continue to work hard.

   Though I was unfocused at the time, I did know I wanted a profession that would allow me to help people. I started volunteering at Beth Israel Medical Center, and it was there that I finally met a PA, Courtney. Having never heard the term “Physician Assistant,” I spent countless hours searching the web for information. The more I read, the more I wanted to learn about the profession. The physician invited me to shadow him and the PA both in the office and in the Operating Room. I admired the unique bond between the PA and the physician, and the autonomy the PA had. When I asked the PA what her favorite thing about the profession was, she told me that it the knowledge that while she had the expertise to care for her patients, she could always consult with the physician if she needed help. I knew this was the branch of medicine I would fit into.

   I continued to learn about the healthcare environment as a volunteer at the Montefiore Medical Center Emergency Department. One of my responsibilities was to communicate with patients about their basic needs and concerns. I tried to convey to them that they were being cared for as fellow humans in pain, and not just a list of symptoms in a chart. The gratitude in their eyes was humbling for me, and the joy it brought me increased my desire to help people.

   That desire only grew after I graduated and started working as a Medical Assistant at a Podiatry practice. Here I am able to interact with patients by taking their vitals and their medical histories. I find satisfaction in explaining even simple procedures to patients and answering their questions to the best of my ability. However, I am not shy to admit when I lack knowledge in something, and I am no longer afraid to ask for help.

   Another place where I have nurtured valuable qualities is at my part-time job in Oasis Bar. Above all, working there strengthened my interpersonal skills;  I learned to communicate more effectively and in an efficient manner by training the new bartenders. I also learned how to be a better listener by tending to the concerns of the customers. Furthermore, I have learned how to deal with different emotionally charged situations without letting my feelings get in the way, so that I can create a safe workplace environment. My ability to work well with others has improved as well, because I always work with at least five other people. Even though a bar is an unconventional place for learning, the past two years working there I have acquired skills and strengthen qualities that are essential in the healthcare environment.

   While my experiences so far have provided me with many great tools to help me on my journey to becoming a PA, I am aware there is vast room for learning and self-improvement. I hope to increase my knowledge in a Physician Assistant program with the guidance of peers and instructors, so that one day I am able to provide the best possible care to patients.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     January 16, 2016 at 10:35 am

     Hi Dayra,

     You’ve come a long way (literally and figuratively) to get to this point. Congratulations on your successful journey so far.

     First, some grammar things — physician assistant isn’t capitalized unless it’s part of a formal name, such as Brown School of Physician Assistant Studies. The words “home,” “high school” and “operating room” wouldn’t be capitalized, either. This sentence is missing a word: “When I asked the PA what her favorite thing about the profession was, she told me that it the knowledge that while she had the expertise to care for her patients.” This doesn’t work either — “The physician invited me to shadow him . . .” What physician are you referring to? Grammar errors shouldn’t happen in an essay to a professional school. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty across the country about writing these essays for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” all said there shouldn’t be any grammar errors.

     Now, to the heart of the essay. Starting at the end, the last sentence of the conclusion is weak. End your essay on an upbeat, a strong note, something that refers to your determination.

     Rather than spending over 800 characters/spaces on your bartending work, use the space to talk more about why specifically a career as a PA is right for you. Those details are missing from your essay and are key to helping Admissions folks understand who you are. Why is it a branch of medicine you will fit into? What is it about the job that makes it right for you and vice-versa. The more specifics you can give, the better. You can use a specific case with a patient you observed while shadowing to illustrate your points.

     I hope all this helps and wish you the best.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

4. Tatiana says

   January 12, 2016 at 11:31 am

   Thank you for the opportunity to have feedback on my essay! I am so glad I stumbled onto this site. It definitely has some valuable information. Here is my essay, I hope you will have a gander and suggest what can be improved–I would love to insert some info about my background/family but couldn’t find a good spot to tie it in. If you think I can modify it somehow, just let me know! Thanks again:)
   ________________________________________________________________________________

   “Ma’am! Ma’am! Xiluva! She is shaking!”

   It was a blistering day and the African sun was relentless. I look up from my desk as the school custodian struggles to bring in a student into the staff room. She is in fact shaking, foaming at the mouth, eyes rolled back. An entourage of children, yelling and staring, crowd around the room but not too closely—I could sense their fear.

   The teachers look at each other not knowing what to do.
   I push down the stab of panic and step in to offer assistance. I think back on what I know about seizures.

   “Is it different for kids?” I think to myself.
   “She is breathing. Breathing is good.” It reminds me to breath. “OK, stay calm.”

   Thirty seconds feels like hours but I go into action.
   I clear objects from Xiluva’s range. I motion to the teachers to clear the kids out.
   I loosen her shirt collar.
   Her shaking has decreased—I roll her on her right side. She is breathing shallowly.

   Slowly her eyes refocus; her body calms, and suddenly her shakes take on a different nature. Now she is a little girl, sobbing and afraid.
   I help her sit up. She realizes she has wet herself; this makes her cry harder.

   I offer her comfort. Embracing her, I tell her in the best Xistonga I can muster, that it is OK.
   She is OK. There is no need to cry.

   I have always loved science, unsure of what I wanted to major in during college; I followed my interest and chose Biology. I found the material valuable as well as challenging—that suited me perfectly. After four years of part-time jobs and intense studying, I received my degree.
   I was once again in search for a challenge. This time I wanted a dash of adventure to go with it and so I found myself on a plane heading to Africa. Turns out, I could not have made a better decision. This was where I found my passion for people.

   The above encounter was one of my first experiences two weeks into my Peace Corps service. In a country where corporal punishment is illegal, it was discouraging to see it constantly used in the rural schools. Unfortunately, to most students, a teacher was associated with the rod instead of a helping hand.

   In the following two years, I found myself patching up more scrapped elbows than I could count. Students came to me with bloody knees, infected burns, upset stomachs, and everything in between. I found that I was constantly thrown into a role of educating my students and counterparts about living healthier lives—nutrition, self-empowerment, HIV/AIDS education, and basic hygiene.

   I was in no way medically certified but I used the skills I gained in college and the work I did as a volunteer medical assistant to help in the best way that I could. With limited resources—the closest clinic was 10K away and transport was inadequate—an obvious need for health education pushed me to take on a caregiver role.

   Soon, I realized that I loved this role. Most of the teachers grimaced at a student’s pus-crusted cut, but I immediately thought of ways to heal it—to relieve their pain. I ached to be able to do more for them. I found my work meaningful, and even when I was exhausted and homesick I found pleasure in the small victories.

   There was a constant reference to me being the ‘school nurse’ in my village. This had me thinking that a career in healthcare would not be completely ludicrous. As many of my students liked to point out to me, I preferred cleaning wounds and patching up bloody knees over teaching proper nouns and subject-verb agreement anyway.

   I have always had a philanthropic spirit—racking up hundreds of volunteer hours and cross-cultural experiences. After the Peace Corps, I volunteered as a medical assistant at the Good Samaritan Health Center of Gwinnett. There I learned about the healthcare system and how providers work behind the scenes.

   Every day was something new—collecting vitals, communicating with patients, working with providers, running labs, collecting specimens, and gaining knowledge on treatments and tests. I took pleasure in learning the language of the medical staff and making it relatable to patients. The idea of working in a place dedicated to helping people feel better aligned well with my personal values of compassion, professionalism, and trustworthiness. Although I loved the work that I did, the ache of wanting to do more was still there.

   I developed my passion for people while in the Peace Corps but it was my work in the medical field that encouraged my passion to grow. Shadowing Ms. [Name], PA-C showed me what an excellent medical provider consisted of—caring, patient, and vibrant. Impressed by her intellect, humor, and hard work I began seriously researching the role of a physician assistant. I know that I want a career that offers a lifetime of learning, a constant drive to push myself, better my skills, and not only makes a living but make a difference. I believe that as a physician assistant I will be able to do all of this and more.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     January 16, 2016 at 10:07 am

     Hi Tatiana,

     This is quite good, both in content and the writing. You bring a wealth of humanity and life experience to the table and that comes through loud and clear.

     The formatting at the beginning is poem-like. I’m not sure if that’s a function of how essays are posted on the website, or if it is your doing. It’s interesting and eye-catching if intentional. It may use spaces that could otherwise be put to better use, though. You’d have to see when it comes time to submit.

     The one thing that’s missing is specifically why you’ve specifically chosen the PA profession. It’s alluded to generally, but you should definitely expand on it. You’ve got some space, still you could shorten the second to last paragraph to leave more space:

     “Every day was something new—collecting vitals, communicating with patients, working with providers, and gaining knowledge. I took pleasure in learning the language of the medical staff and making it relatable to patients. Although I loved the work that I did, the ache of wanting to do more was still there.”

     I wouldn’t worry about adding things about your family/background. That’s secondary to the points you need to add about specifically why you’ve chosen the profession.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

5. Michael White says

   January 12, 2016 at 11:17 am

   It has been a personal goal of mine to learn as much as I can about as many things as I am able. The desire to know how something works, and why, has driven me to learn new things for as long as I can remember. Running parallel to that desire is a love for science, medicine, and the human body; what could be a more practical field than studying something that will be with you for your whole life? It was while sifting through options from an EMT to a MD that I discovered the Physician Assistant profession. I would be a valuable provider because being a PA would enable me to empower and serve people through the practice of medicine, both of which I have a great passion for. It has been a journey forged through trial and error to discover a career that would meld my passions with my strong work ethic, but definitely a journey worth taking.
   Since committing to pursue the Inter-service Physician Assistant Program, I have worked diligently to complete my prerequisites to apply for IPAP while balancing my regular work schedule and home life. My drive to see this through has come from my desire to learn and reluctance to give up; two qualities, I believe, that will serve me well in IPAP. Throughout this experience, I have spent nearly 200 hours under the direction of some of the finest providers I have ever met; learning, asking questions, and being fascinated by the wealth of knowledge that is ahead of me. Although IPAP is undoubtedly demanding, I eagerly await it; as it is another opportunity to grow and stretch myself as I learn to practice medicine as a Physician Assistant. It would be an honor and a privilege to study through the Inter-service Physician Assistant Program and become a PA in the United States Air Force.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     January 16, 2016 at 9:49 am

     Hi Michael,

     This is a very short essay, so I’m not sure if you use CASPA to apply for the Inter-service Physician Assistant Program or if you go through a different application program with different character/space limits. That makes it difficult for me to offer much.

     Generally, physician assistant isn’t capitalized. The exception is when it’s part of a proper name, which I assume is the case with Inter-service Physician Assistant Program.

     Assuming you have more space, I’d recommend you expand on your experience (it’s unclear whether it’s shadowing or work) and explain why specifically, you’ve chosen the PA profession over others, using your observations to support your statements. There’s nothing in your essay about the specifics that have drawn you to the profession and that’s key. Even if you’re at your word limit, you could eliminate some phrases to give you more space. All this could be eliminated: “learning, asking questions, and being fascinated by the wealth of knowledge that is ahead of me. Although IPAP is undoubtedly demanding, I eagerly await it; as it is another opportunity to grow and stretch myself as I learn to practice medicine as a Physician Assistant.” There are others, too, but without knowing your application platform, it’s hard for me to make suggestions.

     I hope this helps.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife

     Reply

6. Beth V. says

   January 11, 2016 at 11:49 am

   Here is my first draft, and I want to make sure I’m emphasizing all the right points before I work on perfecting my essay. Thanks so much in advance, this website is such a helpful resource!

   By the time I graduated from high school, I’d endured three orthopedic surgeries, a broken wrist and fibula, tore three ligaments in my ankle, and suffered chronic knee and hip problems due to playing competitive basketball. It was safe to say I had my fair share of doctors’ visits, physical therapy sessions, and interactions with several professionals in the healthcare field. The physician assistants (PAs) that evaluated me and spent the most time listening to my concerns, had the greatest impact on my overall satisfaction with my healthcare experience. Looking back, these appointments were a blessing in disguise because I met the most life-changing healthcare providers in the process, who influenced my desired career path as a PA.

   At every clinical visit, I was eager to ask the PA several questions while she would evaluate me or at the end of the appointment if time allowed. I was interested about her role as a PA and how she compared to a doctor, I asked about how she chose her specialty in orthopedics, why she enjoyed being a PA, and what kind of schooling was required. I was always craving to learn more information. My consultation with the PA at each visit was very thorough and I admired his/her extensive medical knowledge, clinical skills, as well as their dedication and passion for their patients and career. I always felt a personal connection with them and aspired to one day connect with patients the way they had connected with me.

   With each diagnosis and injury, I was fascinated by how the human body heals, the functions of a healthy individual, and medical advances emerging constantly. Before each surgery I’ve needed over the years, I’ve analyzed the surgical procedures and watched many recorded surgeries to have a generalized idea of how my bones, ligaments, and tissue structures were going to be manipulated. I fantasize about the day when I’ll have the opportunity to learn about these kinds of medical techniques and understand the complexity of medicine. A career in medicine provides the opportunity for a lifetime of learning, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to be moving forward in my aspirations to becoming a PA.

   My ambition to be successful in healthcare and drive to become a strong PA applicant began in high school. I earned my certification as a nursing assistant (CNA), enrolled in college courses to explore the medical professions in high school, and also began shadowing PAs to solidify I would pursue pre-PA coursework in college. My experiences as a CNA, school nurse, autism therapist paraprofessional, and hospital clerk continue to prepare me for a helping and people-oriented profession instilling me with a powerful sense of compassion and empathy towards others. Being a full-time student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison has prepared me for the rigorous coursework of the PA program as well. In my leadership roles, I’ve acquired the ability to achieve positive team dynamics which will transfer over to the PA profession where it is critical to collaborate with other team members including registered nurses, physicians, and other healthcare professionals to allow for the best healthcare outcome in all patients.

   As an active member in the community, my eyes have been open to people of all races, ethnicities, religions, and age groups that have allowed me to better understand my purpose and drive for my future career. In various situations I’ve faced challenges to earn the trust of individuals and as a PA, I will always be mindful that a patient’s trust is a fundamental component of achieving optimal healthcare. Creating a space of mutual respect, communication, and benevolence as a CNA is also something I find to be effective in caring for others. I had a special relationship with a 98 year old woman as a CNA and had the pleasure of working with her for a few months. She was the most kindhearted and gracious resident I had ever cared for and we shared many laughs, late night conversations, and I would often paint her nails if time allowed in my shift. At the end of her life journey, she looked over to her husband to express her love for him, and looked to me and thanked me for caring for her and being so accommodating. About an hour later, she passed away and I was relieved for her to be free of pain and felt the gratitude of making her comfortable and content with her life transition. It was an incredible moment, and I aim to treat every patient with dignity and consideration.

   My commitment and enthusiasm to becoming a physician assistant is imperative and I will not allow any impediments to deter my progress. I intend to flourish in every opportunity presented to me in order to achieve this goal, and I look forward to bringing my resilient motivation, reliability, energetic and compassionate qualities, and aptitude for hard work to this program.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     January 12, 2016 at 7:43 am

     Hi Beth,

     This is an excellent start to your essay.

     There are a couple of things I would suggest. Be mindful of grammar — using his/her and their together is one error you’ve made. It’s a common mistake, but there’s no reason to make it. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty across the country about writing these essays for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” all said there shouldn’t be any grammar errors in your essay. Also, anyone who is reading these essays know that PA is the acronym for physician assistant so there’s no need to put it in parentheses. Same with CNA.

     Rather than spend the space on how you’ve watched surgery videos, talk about what you’ve observed while shadowing PAs and explain why that role is right for you. You skirt the issue, but never address it directly. Real life health care experience/shadowing counts for a lot more than watching videos.

     Your conclusion made me wonder what impediments you may have. If I thought about it, others will, too. Unless you have an impediment that you need to explain (which you’ll have to do if you use the sentence), I’d leave that part out.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

7. Fina V. says

   January 5, 2016 at 11:39 am

   Thank you for this opportunity! The following essay is my very first draft; be as harsh as needed. Thank you, again!

   I have always been a dreamer. With dreaming, though, comes a fickle mind. When I was younger, I dreamed of becoming the President of the United States, until I took an advanced placement political science course and realized it was definitely not for me. I dreamed of being an astronaut, but could not accept the fact that if I go into space on a mission to Mars, I may not return home. I dreamed of being a film producer, writing scripts that incorporate my humor and inspiring viewers to be accepting and appreciative of all that we have. I dreamed of being a journalist, who could travel the world and be the liaison between different communities that the earth encompasses. I dreamed of being a teacher, to share my knowledge and train my students to be able to tackle the different obstacles of life. But, after years of constant change, it was not until college when my heart found its place.
   I had realized that the reason I was constantly changing my mind was because I could not find a career that was comprised of all that I want to do, but I knew that it was possible. With that, I was accepted into the nursing program at the College of Staten Island in my fall semester of sophomore year. I fell in love with the hands-on, clinical, interactive experience because I was able to truly incorporate my personality into communicating with the different patients who were in my care. But, all the while, I seemed to be surrounded by health care professionals who did not seem as if they wanted to take the time to assist or teach me, specifically registered nurses of whom did not care to do more than they were asked, or answer a call bell immediately if possible, when called upon. They did not seem to love their job, but just tolerated the little autonomy they had compared to a physician assistant and doctor. I was in an environment where I did not feel welcomed nor encouraged to continue my education towards becoming a registered nurse. Afterwards, in the hopes that I could find my connection with nursing, I got my certification as a nursing assistant and volunteered, but I still did not feel as if this was the career that I was meant to do. Even though my grades were satisfactory the entire semester through, my final grade did reflect my discouragement of that potential career choice. I knew now that the health care field was where I needed to be, but I felt again that further thought about my future was necessary.
   I had been seeing two physician assistants for years: a dermatologist and an orthopedic surgeon. I had never put much thought into what a physician assistant is until a specific visit in which I asked my dermatologist to shadow him for a few months. It took a while to realize that exactly what I wanted, was right in front of me; I saw all different procedures and mini operations that my dermatologist performed right in his own office. Patients looked up to him with confidence and belief that he was well-educated in his field, and so he was. He encouraged me to apply to an internship with NYU Langone Rusk Rehabilitation Center. I was accepted and got to experience one of the most magnificent things my eyes have ever seen: a caesarean section for the birth of a baby boy. The health care professional who performed the procedure was not the physician, but the physician assistant; I immediately felt my heart warm, and as I watched the physician assistant place the baby gently in his mother’s chest, my career choice was solidified. For the entirety of that month, I shadowed physician assistants in different fields such as cardiology, urology, gynecology, oncology, and neurology. I had never been more amazed in their abilities and their extent of knowledge that allowed them to perform procedures that I only imagined physicians doing.
   This internship had allowed me to gain the understanding that a physician assistant is a professional who is versed in several different fields and aspects of life that I had once dreamed of as a child. I dreamed of being a leader, like the President of the United States; as a physician assistant I can have the ability to make decisions, the autonomy and support to be trusted by my team to make the right one. I dreamed of exploration, like an astronaut; I can have the ability to explore the different realms of the human body surgically to discover what makes each of us tick individually, and freely observe different specialties with ease. I dreamed of encouraging laughter, through producing films; I can consult with my patients, and provide comfort through humor, ensuring that I will work my hardest to improve their quality of life. I dreamed of traveling and informing, through journalism; I can rotate through hospitals in underprivileged countries and provide care that may not always be available to them while advocating for health care rights around the world. I dreamed of teaching; as a physician assistant, I would like to better inform those of the profession, and prepare students who plan to become the future of this part of the health care field.
   A physician assistant is all of this: a leader, an explorer, a support system, an advocate for rights, and a teacher. It is what I saw in the physician assistants that I shadowed throughout my NYU Langone experience; it is everything I have dreamed my career choice would encompass, and I could not be more excited to embark on such a rewarding journey.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     January 8, 2016 at 8:41 am

     Hi Fina,

     First, your essay is well over the CASPA limit for characters and spaces. So much needs to be cut regardless of content or quality. Start with your opening, which shows a little too much of your dreaminess (and wordiness)!

     You don’t want to be critical of other healthcare professionals such as RNs. You never know if one will be on the Admissions panel! Instead, focus on why that career wasn’t right for you. There are definitely ways to reframe it. Think of the advice professionals give for expressing your feelings — they say talk about how you feel, not how the other person makes you feel or what you think they feel.

     I’d cut most of that paragraph and modify it some (which I’ve demonstrated here and you’ll do when editing with your own words). You don’t need to explain it all in the essay, because you talk about how you realized that the PA profession was right for you in the following paragraphs. Here’s how I’d start:

     “I had realized that the reason I was constantly changing my mind was because I had not found a career comprised of all that I want to do, but I knew that it was possible. When I was accepted into the nursing program at the College of Staten Island, I fell in love with the hands-on, clinical, interactive experience because I was able to truly incorporate my personality into communicating with the different patients who were in my care. But, all the while, I felt something was lacking. Afterwards, in the hopes that I could find my connection with nursing, I got my certification as a nursing assistant and volunteered, but still did not feel as if this was the career that I was meant to do. Even though my grades were satisfactory the entire semester through, my final grade did reflect my discouragement of that potential career choice. I knew that the health care field was where I needed to be, but I felt again that further thought about my future was necessary.”

     I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

8. David says

   January 3, 2016 at 11:31 pm

   Thank you so much for your services! This is my first draft. I wanted to incorporate my leadership but it is over the character limit. Please include suggestions on what areas need improving and if any can be deleted:

   Author Mark Twain once stated, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” For the past four years I have been attempting to discover my purpose in life. In the summer of 2015, I traveled to the Republic of Panama as a member of Global Brigades Medical Chapter to participate in a medical mission trip. My peers and I assisted and shadowed doctors and dentist while providing free healthcare services to the underprivileged, Panamanian citizen. During this experience I learned how to take vitals, perform fluoride treatments and educated the citizens on proper hygiene. I was also educated on common illnesses and infections; including signs and symptoms. Although all that I have learned during this experience will be beneficial it does not compare to the interactions between the Panamanian citizens and myself.

   The majority of the citizens were very appreciative of our services. As a stranger coming into their community I had a sense of ambivalence. The best moments of the trip were the opportunities I was granted to interact with the Panamanian children. The children were the most appreciative. One of the warmest embraces I have ever experienced in my life was from those children. By simply looking into the eyes of so many of those children I was able to witness so many young souls filled with gratitude. I went on this trip wanting to make a difference in someone’s life. Those children made me feel as if I achieved that goal and so much more. In that moment I realized my purpose was to work in healthcare. By working in healthcare I will be able to experience this same feeling and impact the lives of so many people, not only three days out of the year but each day I wake up and go to work.

   There is variety of careers within healthcare, which is why I have taken the appropriate time to research and shadow many careers before making the decision to pursue a career as a physician assistant. By volunteering, shadowing and researching, I was able to solidify my decision to pursue becoming a PA. The PA that I shadow and his supervising physician have outlined a captivating partnership. They have demonstrated the ability for a PA to work collaboratively and autonomously. Both aspects of the career are areas in which I envision myself being able to perform well in. An enticing aspect, which was discussed during shadowing, was the flexibility of a PA. For PAs there is the potential to work in different medical specialties. The flexibility essentially decreases the potential that I will become bored while working as a PA. While discussing my career decision with numerous healthcare professionals, they have explained that many hospitals and facilities are becoming more trusting of mid-level providers, which has led to the growth of the PA profession. My desire to be a part of that growth holds a foundation, which is built on confidence in my ability to play my role in giving back to a career, which will greatly benefit my life.

   As early as high school, I developed a desire to become a healthcare professional. When approached with the opportunity to become a pharmacy technician, I seized the opportunity. With understanding of my family’s financial difficulties and socioeconomic status, this was the best opportunity to fulfill my financial responsibilities. For almost four years I have been working at CVS pharmacy as a Certified Pharmacy Technician. The most difficult part of this transition was learning time management. My academics became a victim to the process of learning how to manage both school and work. After realizing my true passion is to become a physician assistant, I have progressively worked even harder at managing both the academic and career aspects of my life. One of the major benefits of working in a pharmacy is the enhancement of my communication skills and understanding successful patient interactions. Both aspects possess significant roles in my ability to treat patients as a PA. During my time as a pharmacy technician, I have been privileged to gain knowledge, which continues to enhance my intelligence in pharmacology.

   As a result of the many experiences over the past four years, I have gained a sense of independence at a young age. This has allowed me to gain a level of maturity in which most of my peers do not possess. With that maturity, I have also refined my perspective on life and now view my blessings more clearly. The memories I possess from my time in the Republic of Panama reminds me daily that I live an amazing life. If the citizens of Panama can live a life filled with far more struggles, distress, and illnesses and yet embrace life with a great deal joy and gratitude then so can I. I choose to live my life believing that everyone was placed on Earth with a specific purpose in life.

   The final day of working in the clinic, in Panama, is the second most important day of my life because on that day my purpose was defined. My purpose is to live each day with faith, growing spiritually and serving as a vessel of God’s will. I will strive to make a positive difference in every person I interact with as it leads to that person living a healthier more fulfilling life. My purpose in life is why I was born and why I choose to pursue a career as a physician assistant.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     January 8, 2016 at 8:13 am

     Hi David,

     Your essay has some very good qualities — you talk about your experiences, explain why you’ve chosen to pursue the PA profession (although you could even write more about that) and shows your maturity. It’s also good that you explain issues with grades.

     If you want space to talk more about leadership skills or anything else, you’ll need to be ruthless in your editing. Your style is formal, which is fine, but it lends itself to verbosity.

     First, if you’re applying to secular schools, I’d recommend omitting the religious references in the last paragraph.

     You can gain more space by eliminating much of the first two paragraphs. They take up half of your essay and despite their importance in your decision to pursue a career in healthcare, capture a mere three days of your overall history and experience.

     Here’s how I’d cut them (with the caveat that I’ve changed and added a few words to illustrate less bulky ways to say things— you’d write it the way that works for you):

     Author Mark Twain once stated, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” For the past four years I have been attempting to discover my purpose in life. In 2015, I traveled to the Republic of Panama with the Global Brigades Medical Chapter. My peers and I assisted and shadowed the doctors and dentists providing free healthcare services to the underprivileged. During this experience I took vitals, performed fluoride treatments and educated citizens on proper hygiene. I was also educated on common illnesses and infections; including signs and symptoms.

     Although all that I learned during this experience will be beneficial, it does not compare to the benefits (you need to complete the analogy which is why you need something like benefits) I received from interacting with Panamanians. I went on this trip wanting to make a difference in someone’s life. The Panamanians made me feel as if I achieved that goal and so much more. I realized my purpose was to work in healthcare. By working in healthcare I will be able to impact the lives of so many people, not only three days out of the year but each day I go to work.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife

     Reply

9. Dee says

   December 26, 2015 at 8:50 pm

   I enjoy coming to this site because any question or concern I’ve had along this journey as an aspiring PA you guys have helped me tremendously. I look forward to your review of my personal statement. I thank you in advance!
   ————————————————————————————————

   After graduating from college with my bachelor’s in Public Relations, I remember someone asking what was next for me. I told them I would be going back to school to become a Physician Assistant, after explaining what a PA was I was then given the most bizarre look and a response similar to, “but you didn’t go to school for science, so how would you possibly do that?” Well, they didn’t know me very well.

   I have experienced both of my parents face serious medical conditions. My sophomore year in high school my dad was diagnosed at stage 3 with colorectal cancer and he passed my senior year. It was one of the most crushing moments in my life that continues to impact me. I saw my dad undergo numerous treatments and procedures; during this time he continued to work full-time, pursue a bachelor’s degree and take care of his family. The obstacle of cancer did not stop him. Although my father is no longer here, the strength and tenacity he showed lives in me. And even now as my mom copes with her recent diagnosis of HIV, she has become stronger and determined to be healthier than ever, despite her medical setback.

   My parents have shown me how to fight for what I’m passionate about despite the odds or obstacles that may be against me. In turn, I did not let what others saw as impractical hinder my desire to become a PA. With much optimism, I began the journey that would bring me to this moment.
   Growing up, I was always incredibly fascinated with medicine. In high school, I was on track to go into the medical field. I took all the health science classes and participated in a health science program that allowed high school students to engage in various rotations in the hospital. At that time, the obvious choice was to become a doctor. However, the more I interacted with doctors the more I became aware the reality they sometimes faced of it being difficult to maintain a life outside of medicine. I became deterred, I was unsure if it was possible for me to pursue medicine and have a family.

   As a result, I decided to pursue Public Relations. While pursuing PR, the fascination with medicine never left me; and two months before graduation it was clear I had a decision to make. I realized I was supposed to be in the medical field, but how. After indulging in research, my interest was sparked by the role of a PA. I would also realize a college friend was pursuing the same career and once reaching out to her, I gained a mentor to encourage me along the way. After my first conversation with Amy, I was sure I wanted to be a PA. It embodied everything I desired; a career that abled me to give back within the medical realm, flexibility to explore different specialties, and most importantly the chance to have a well balanced work and family life.
   Throughout the course of me completing required prerequisites, I immersed myself in healthcare by volunteering at a local clinic. Volunteering at Christ Clinic was one of the greatest opportunities I was blessed with. It put me in an environment where I was able to see the uninsured and underserved population receive high quality care and see the physicians, nurse practitioners and physician assistants worked together as a team. The commitment the clinic and practitioners had for the community further inspired me to champion in quality care and patient advocacy.

   During this journey to becoming a Physician Assistant, I have found my purpose. This process has matured my faith and intensified my motivation to pursue my goal even when I face challenges. I believe my communications background is an asset that allows me to give customized care to patients and contribute to the efforts of a medical team working to change lives. Public Relations is building and maintaining trusting relationships, communicating effectively, understanding concerns of clients and delivering a message. A public relations professional approaches a crisis with adequate analytical skills and critical thinking all while remaining calm.

   Medicine is no different. As a PA, patients should trust that I can communicate with them well enough to deliver a plan for their treatment and feel secure that they are a priority. Developing trust within the team of providers I’d work with is just as essential, to successfully collaborate and execute a plan of care for patients and promote healthy living.

   I look forward to dedicating myself to a career in healthcare, providing people with the highest level of care and fostering incomparable patient interaction as a PA. I am most grateful for my parents, for they have served as constant reminders to preserve my passion. When faced with cancer and HIV, their passion for life and family never wavered. Just as they have made an impact on me, I want to be a Physician Assistant that helps others pursue their passion in life; whether it is helping a grandmother take control of diabetes to be to spend more years with her loved ones or just being an example to the next aspiring PA.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     December 31, 2015 at 12:00 pm

     Hi Dee,

     I am very sorry about the loss of your father and your mother’s illness. You are a reflection of their strength of character, and that will take you far in life, I am quite sure.

     Before I forget, don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name, such as Brown School of Physician Assistant Studies. Also, contractions are disfavored in academic essays as being too informal. I recommend that people don’t use them in these essays.

     Overall, the writing is quite good, although if I were editing it professionally, I’d make some suggestions. BTW, capitalize “but” in the quote in the first paragraph, and make sure all your punctuation is correct. Pay attention to every detail, especially when it’s grammar. Leave out the “of me” in the sentence that starts, “Throughout the course of me completing required prerequisites . . .”

     There are some gaps in substance. The leap from medicine to PR is never explained, and it’s such a leap that you need a sentence to take your reader there. Also, rather than spend space telling about Amy and mentioning that you like the idea of the career because it will leave time for you to have a family (which you already hint at when you spoke about being a doctor, and which I believe Admissions folks will think is an unpersuasive reason to become a PA — who wants to waste spot on someone who may not be devoted to the profession?), flesh out some of the specifics about the role of the PA that draw you to the profession. What have you observed that sets the PA apart from those other healthcare providers you work with that impresses you? It doesn’t have to be long, and it shouldn’t be a laundry list. Pick one or two things to talk about.

     I love your conclusion. It ties the essay together beautifully.

     I hope all this helps and wish you the best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

10. Emily says

    December 18, 2015 at 10:14 am

    What a great service to offer. Thanks in advance for any comments!

    I was abruptly exposed to the vastness of the healthcare industry at age fifteen when my father died. He was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and was gone six months later. His oncololgy and palliative care teams went above and beyond with his care, and I remember admiring them for their patience and dedication. Only years later, by means of working in a healthcare setting, am I able to fully appreciate the lasting impression they left on me.
    My father’s death was a catalyst for my newfound appreciation of his advice and for the things that were important to him. Despite having never graduated from college, my dad maintained an unwavering drive to learn. He would order Calculus DVDs to watch just for fun and taught himself wood-working to build the cabinetry in our kitchen at home. While I have yet to master the art of cabinet-making, his passing led to my passion for learning. An anatomy class I took the year he passed introduced me to the world of medicine and sparked my interest in a way that I will never forget. I dissected everything from cow eyes to cats and shadowed a cardiovascular surgeon during a coronary artery bypass. My first interaction with a physician assistant was in that OR, watching in awe as she assisted the surgeon in reconstructing the patients’ heart. I threw myself into that class heart and soul, oddly enjoying every minute of studying for the next test. I recognized that I love learning about medicine and quickly developed the ongoing habit of looking up every new medical term I come across.
    Thanks to my newfound love of science, I jumped at the opportunity to attend a medical mission trip to Guatemala my last summer of college. For two weeks I was immersed into patient care and diagnostics. Working side-by-side with the doctors and patients as an integral part of a healthcare team solidified my interest in pursuing a position in the medical field. Being the only undergraduate in a group comprised of medical students from LSU and Tulane, I was pleasantly surprised to have been recruited as part of the diagnostic team. We set up a clinic in a different rural village every morning, some with no electricity, none with running water or indoor plumbing. Despite the language barrier, we were able to hear out over 500 patients’ ailments and diagnose them the best we could. Along with translating, I performed physical exams, prescribed medication, and taught the medical students how to manually take blood pressure. With their didactic medical knowledge, and my eager hands on approach, we worked as a team to inform a patient population suffering from preventable diseases about basic health and wellness. Throughout the trip, the medical students encouraged me to pursue a medical career, stating that it was clear I had a knack for it. I briefly entertained the thought of joining them on the medical school path, but after further research I concluded that pursuing a career as a PA suits both my professional and personal needs. The length of schooling, the flexibility within the profession to grow and branch out, my gravitation towards team patient care and my desire to start a family all guided me in the direction of becoming a physician assistant instead of a medical doctor. Upon returning from Guatemala, I immediately enrolled in PA prerequisite classes.
    I now work as a research coordinator for a large university hospital conducting clinical trials studying pancreato-biliary diseases. As the primary coordinator for twelve studies, my ability to multitask has been fine-tuned. My first day on the job, I was proud of myself for memorizing what ERCP stood for and learning how to navigate electronic medical records. More than a year later I can now comfortably explain to a patient not only what an endoscopic retrograde cholangio-pancreatography entails, but also read through medical charts knowledgeably. Every day I encounter people from all walks of life suffering from conditions I am just beginning to understand, and I absolutely love it. Of all the people I work with, PAs stand out to me the most. What draws me to them is that many are experienced in multiple specialties and all of them have strong patient relationships, which is exactly what I would want in a career. Somewhere between my daily routine of taking patient histories, observing countless procedures, doing lab work and gaining endless amounts of clinical knowledge, my already enthusiastic interest in becoming a PA has become a concrete resolution.
    As happy as I am conducting medical research, I am eager to move on to what I unknowingly started years ago. I relish in the thought of one day being able to knowledgeably collaborate with a team to diagnose a tough case, and implement effective treatment. My personal experiences and challenges, coupled with knowledge gained from coursework, medical mission trips, and working as a research coordinator, have led me to my unquestionable decision to pursue a career as a physician assistant.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      December 21, 2015 at 7:19 am

      Hi Emily,

      Your writing is quite accomplished and your essay is very well done. It’s cohesive, has good transitions and outlines the “why” and “how” you decided to pursue a career as a PA.

      You could and should focus more on any shadowing/clinical experience you have with PAs. Much of the second paragraph could be cut to make room for your more adult experiences if you have any. I know some of the information about your dad has great significance for you, but it won’t to Admissions folks, so you could leave it out. This is how I’d edit that paragraph:

      My father’s death was a catalyst for my newfound appreciation of his advice and for the things that were important to him. Despite having never graduated from college, my dad maintained an unwavering drive to learn —his passing led to my passion for learning. An anatomy class I took the year he passed sparked my interest in medicine in a way that I will never forget. I dissected everything from cow eyes to cats and shadowed a cardiovascular surgeon during a coronary artery bypass. My first interaction with a physician assistant was in that OR, watching in awe as she assisted the surgeon in reconstructing the patient’s heart.

      BTW, you had a grammar error. It’s “patient’s” heart “(singular) rather than “patients’ heart” (plural). When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty across the country about writing these essays for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” all said there shouldn’t be any grammar errors. It’s a sign of carelessness.

      I also recommend that you omit the length of schooling and desire to start a family from the list of reasons you wish to become a PA. Admissions folks are looking for dedication and those reasons (as valid as they are) create the impression you’re looking for a career you can start quickly that won’t require your full attention.

      There are other places you can scrap words if you need more space. As excellent as this is, it’s a bit wordy. Scrutinize your essay carefully and you’ll find those words.

      I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

11. Tima says

    December 15, 2015 at 9:53 am

    This is an awesome website! I wish I saw this earlier. Im hoping I can get a prompt response before I submit my application. Fingers crossed!
    ——————————————————————————————————
    It was a hot, sunny Saturday afternoon on June 8th of 1996. My father was playing cricket for an amateur cricket league. The smell of hot dogs and popcorn were everywhere and you could hear the sound of slurping as people came close to the end of their sodas. He was on his century run while our family cheered for him from the stands. Half way through his run, between the two wickets, clenching his bat in one hand and his heart in the other, he fell to the ground as my mother took a grasp of air. He had suffered a heart attack and died immediately. He was 40 years old.
    Twenty years later, I am found writing about this tragedy in my personal essay for physician assistant school. Losing a young parent to cardiovascular disease and consistently being surrounded by the struggles of poor health in my family has guided me to choose a career in healthcare. Health related issues are not just global epidemics to me, but are battles I have witnessed throughout my life. Having such prevalent hands-on exposure, I have the in-depth passion and dedication to make a difference in the lives of people. Therefore, becoming a physician assistant stipulates the ability for me to practice medicine and provide quality care to patients, in turn improving the health of society.
    I have devoted a vast amount of time in the healthcare field by being a member of non-profit organizations, volunteering in hospitals and clinics, shadowing PA’s, and obtaining employment as a medical scribe. As a whole, these experiences have solidified my desires to become a PA. I have gained significant exposure to the physician assistant role. In my shadowing and scribing experiences, I was fascinated to witness the physician-PA working relationship along with the PA’s ability to work independently. Having hands-on experience with patients and autonomy in a team-based healthcare system entices me. It has been appealing to understand how physician assistants can practice multiple specialties. One of the setbacks for physicians is to narrow down to one specialty. For someone like me, who is interested in many aspects of medicine, it excites me to know I have the choice to practice any specialty that attracts me as I build my career. Lastly, I personally believe in a strong family dynamic along career building, thus becoming a PA allows you to be well rounded and practice medicine at the same time. Therefore, my decision to choose this path has never been clearer.
    My professional experience makes me a suitable candidate for this program. As a medical scribe in the Hackensack University Medical Center at Pascack Valley, I have had the opportunity to scribe for emergency physicians, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, and surgeons. I posses a great advantage by holding professional training in the medical charting system as this will aid me as a student and a physician assistant. Moreover, I have gained super medical knowledge along with medical and surgical terminology that I believe is an asset.
    During my Canadian undergraduate studies, I learned how to deal with grief and death due to the loss of my grandparents. Unfortunately, it came at an additional cost to my grades. Since then, I have learnt to cope with hardships and stress management. This is only a motivator to move past the many obstacles life throws at me. After moving to America, it was when I discovered my passion for the PA career, my academic ability improved. My grades at Middlesex County College are a reflection of my determination and capability when I refocused my goals. I hope the Admission Committee will see past my mediocre bachelors GPA and allow me the chance I truly deserve.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      December 20, 2015 at 9:53 pm

      Hi Tima,
      I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain of losing your father that way and that tragedy is a compelling start to your essay. (The error in that paragraph, though, takes aways from its strength. “my mother took a grasp of air,” should be “my mother took a gasp of air,” if you were going to write it that way. I’d suggest you write, “my mother gasped . . .”

      As I read down, I’m going along fine until this sentence: “Therefore, becoming a physician assistant stipulates the ability for me to practice medicine and provide quality care to patients, in turn improving the health of society.” I don’t know what you’re trying to say, but part the sentence doesn’t make work grammatically or practically.

      Be careful about tying points together that aren’t related: “Lastly, I personally believe in a strong family dynamic along career building, thus becoming a PA allows you to be well rounded and practice medicine at the same time. Therefore, my decision to choose this path has never been clearer.” The use of the word “thus” doesn’t work because it ties together two things that aren’t necessarily related. I’m pretty sure I know what you mean, but you haven’t said it, so I don’t know for sure. The use of the word “Therefore” has a similar problem.

      Explaining your lesser GPA in the conclusion isn’t the strongest way to conclude your essay. I’d weave that in earlier in your essay, so your essay ends on a high note that ties your conclusion your opening about your dedication and passion to make a difference in people’s lives.

      I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck!
      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

      • Sue Edmondson says

        December 21, 2015 at 7:48 am

        One other thing. I don’t recommend you mention a desire to focus on family as a reason to become a PA. (I believe that’s what you were getting at in the sentence about strong family dynamic). Your goal is to convince Admissions folks you’ll be dedicated to the profession. Once you’re a PA, you can work or not as you choose!

        Reply

12. Mariah Leroux says

    December 14, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    Thanks for offering this great service, as well as this entire amazing website! Here’s my essay for your review:

    I took a steadying breath, going over the steps in my head as I gathered my supplies. It was my third week on the job as a medical assistant, and my first time performing venipuncture without assistance. As I walked to the door, I distinctly remember reminding myself of what to do if my patient, a 16 year old boy, fainted during the procedure. At the time I didn’t think he would, but I would be glad of that reminder a few minutes later when he turned pale and slumped over, needle still in his arm. Immediately I turned his legs, laid him down, and raised his knees, and within seconds he sat back up. His mother and I shared a nervous chuckle as we told him he had lost consciousness, and I was able to complete the procedure after ensuring he was ok.
    That day was one of many that made me realize that I was in the right field, but my interest in medicine began many years before, as a child growing up in Southern California. I had always had an interest in science, and I loved helping my mother with her in-home childcare business after school. I’ll never forget the day she said to me, “You like science and you have a gift for working with kids. Why not become a pediatrician?” From that moment the idea stuck, and I knew that I wanted to pursue a career in medicine. Throughout my secondary and undergraduate years I continued to enjoy science classes, but none as much as A&P in my last year at Berry College. I absolutely loved learning about the human body. It was my favorite course of my entire college career. I never missed a class, partly because extra credit was offered for perfect attendance, but mostly because it fascinated me. To me, the intricacies of the human body make it one of the greatest marvels in all of creation, and in that class I realized I wanted to spend my career learning about it.
    I made As in both semesters of Human A&P, but prior to that, I had a rocky start in college. I entered with very few study skills because high school taught me I could get As and Bs with little to no effort. My first semester at Berry was a rude awakening to the error in that kind of thinking, and I worked hard for the rest of my time there to develop the skills and self-discipline it takes to be an above average student. After graduation, I retook classes I had performed less-than-satisfactorily in, as well as additional classes to boost my GPA. In the end, I came away not only with the basic scientific knowledge necessary to succeed in the medical field, but with the determination to fight for a career in medicine.
    Since then, I completed medical assistant training and got a job at Lawrenceville Pediatrics. I have learned so much there–invaluable lessons about working in medicine that could never be learned inside a classroom. Every day I learn something new about medicine, interacting with patients and their families, and improving my clinical skills. Working with the doctors and NPs at my job has reinforced the value of the team effort approach to patient care. I have also had the privilege of working with my former pediatrician, one of the most caring and talented physicians I know. Her example of excellent patient care is something I will always look to in my practice as a physician assistant.
    I have also had opportunities to donate my time to a few organizations for the medically underserved. The Free Clinic of Rome was my first medical volunteering experience. My job was to gather our patients’ vitals and history, but I learned that so many of the people who went there needed more than medical care. They needed someone to listen to them and make them feel that they were important. The most rewarding part of my time there was realizing that I was that person to them, if only for a few minutes. Since completing my MA training, I have been able to build on that with the Norcross Co-op and Bridge Atlanta. In addition to being a smiling face and listening ear for people in difficult situations, I perform screenings that ultimately help people take better care of themselves, and I look forward to continuing my service there for as long as I am able.
    A doctor I shadowed once told me “medicine is about giving of one’s self to your studies, and to the people you serve. If you have that drive and desire in your heart, nothing will stop you.” I love my job as an MA, and my volunteer experiences are exceptionally rewarding, but every day I think, “I want more”. I want to understand disease processes and how to treat them. I want to work with a team of medical professionals to provide excellent preventative and curative care. I want to be able to do more when volunteering my time and skills for people in need. I want to be able to give medical advice and provide more direct, hands-on patient care. I want to go home every night knowing that I have made a difference in the lives of the people I come in contact with. I want to live a life of significance, and as a physician assistant I will have all that and more.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      December 20, 2015 at 9:24 pm

      Hi Mariah,

      You essay starts out great. You’ve got my attention!

      The second paragraph meanders a bit, though, and could use tightening. (Although it’s hard to tell on the website, I assume what I’ve copied below is the second paragraph. And make sure that the sentence that starts with “Since then I completed . . .” is definitely be the start of your fourth paragraph). A remark by your mother doesn’t seem like a solid reason to pursue a career in medicine. I’m sure there are deeper reasons that grew over time. At any rate, I’d definitely recommend leaving that out. And I wouldn’t even mention that perfect attendance in your A&P class was a factor in your attendance. That undercuts the rest of what you write about the class.

      Here’s how I’d edit it:

      That day was one of many that made me realize that I was in the right field, but my interest in medicine began many years before, as a child growing up in Southern California. I had always had an interest in science, Throughout my secondary and undergraduate years I continued to enjoy science classes, but none as much as Anatomy and Physiology class in my last year at Berry College. I absolutely loved learning about the human body. To me, the intricacies of the human body make it one of the greatest marvels in all of creation, and in that class I realized I wanted to spend my career learning about it.

      By the way, quotation marks always go outside of punctuation. So “I want more”. should be written “I want more.”

      I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.theparlife.com

      Reply

      • Mariah Leroux says

        December 30, 2015 at 9:28 am

        Hi Sue,
        Thanks so much for the feedback! May I ask a question though? I see what you mean about the story with my mother. What I really meant to say was that her comment sparked my interest. So I want to keep it, but maybe reword it. Does this sound better?

        That day was one of many that made me realize that I was in the right field, but my interest in medicine began many years before, as a child growing up in Southern California. I had always had an interest in science, and I loved helping my mother with her in-home childcare business after school. I’ll never forget the day she said to me, “You like science and you have a gift for working with kids. Why not become a pediatrician?” That moment sparked my interest in pursuing a career in medicine, and I have gone on to have many experiences that have grown that interest.

        Reply

13. Melissa says

    December 9, 2015 at 9:02 am

    Thank you guys for this site! Here’s hoping I get a speedy reply! 🙂

    —–

    “What do you want to wear when you grow up?” This was the unusual question posed to me by my Anatomy & Physiology teacher on my first day of my final year in high school. Odd as it might have seemed, this question became unexpectedly defining in shaping my character and my ambitions. As an aspiring actress at the time, my mind immediately answered by dreaming of glamorous dresses and elegant jewelry. However, my answer eventually transformed into something much less dazzling but just as enticing: scrubs and a white lab coat.
    With the knowledge and guidance provided to me by my teacher, the physiological intricacies of our bodies quickly became much more remarkable to me than the prospect of red carpets and exquisite gems. I enjoyed discovering of all the ways our bodies functioned and often failed to function, and longed to understand how they can be treated. I pursued an education in Biology at Florida International University and continued to strengthen my growing fascination with biomedicine. It amazed me that so much of what I thought I knew about my mind and body was a myth or misconception. The education I received challenged my lifestyle, urged me to make informed decisions about my health, and motivated me to help others do the same.
    When I imagined suiting up in scrubs and wearing the white coat, becoming a physician assistant was truthfully not the profession that would come to mind. In all honesty, I knew almost nothing about it and believed my only option was to be a physician. However, as I began learning more about being a PA from my peers and relatives, I determined it was a career that best suited my interests. Much like an actress who strives for diverse and ground-breaking roles, I was drawn to an ever-changing and growing profession that would allow me the flexibility of exploring different specialties of medicine while putting me at the forefront of healthcare renovation and innovation.
    As a medical scribe in the emergency room, I’ve had the opportunity of working closely alongside an incredible team of physicians, PAs, and PA students. I’ve been exposed to the adversities of patients who are addicted, disabled, homeless, elderly, lonely, or terminally ill (many times, all of these) along with the challenges in treating them. One of the ways in which our emergency department has tackled these challenges is by having a PA to care for low acuity cases, allowing the physicians to focus on more critical patients. Yet, despite the low acuity, our PA Robert always provides high-quality care by addressing every patient concern meticulously and intelligently. Because of this, he is well-respected and trusted by the other physicians to work independently and should he ever need their consultation, they are happy to provide it. I am genuinely impressed by his competence and compassion as a medical provider, which has solidified my own desire to become one as well.
    For many of my adolescent years, I wanted to be an actress because I loved analyzing people and emulating who I believed they were. I had to question much of what I accepted to be true in my life in order to better empathize with the people I was portraying and understand their lives. My education and experience have encouraged me to continue investigating different perspectives, while compelling me to demonstrate my understanding in a more sincere and substantial way. I have gained invaluable insight into the thriving demand for exceptional and accessible health care, and I feel confident that I am ready to don the white coat and play my part as a physician assistant.

    Reply

    • Melissa says

      December 9, 2015 at 9:12 am

      Didn’t realize posting this wouldn’t show my paragraphs but, hopefully you get the idea 🙂 I also just noticed a typo (“discovering OF all the ways” instead of “discovering all the ways”)

      Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      December 13, 2015 at 12:12 pm

      Hi Melissa,

      This is very well done. I love the opening — it’s a great twist on what people write all too often.

      While you have room to write more, I don’t believe you need to. Longer is not always better, and you’ve hit the highlights well in a concise but engaging way.

      It’s ready to go.

      Best of luck!

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

      • Sue Edmondson says

        December 13, 2015 at 12:16 pm

        Since you caught the typo, I didn’t mention it. But I do suggest you have your computer read the essay aloud to you. That way you’ll catch anything that doesn’t sound quite right. I don’t think you’ll find anything, but it doesn’t hurt. Sometimes as we’re reading, our eyes and brain just insert or take out words for us. It happens to me, too.

        Reply

        • Melissa says

          December 15, 2015 at 7:05 am

          Great!!! Thank you so much Sue! 🙂

          Reply

14. syed masroor says

    December 6, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    This is my PA essay. also please know that i actually tried to sign up for your paid service but because i had an issue with paypal (someone hacked my account) i stopped using it and they put a hold. i would love to get paid feedback as well but please change your system paypal is not the way to go. i tried with my other credit cards it wont let me because my info is with paypal

    anyways here is my essay

    The most beautiful time of the season is when the leaves change during fall. A collage of colors blankets the ground. It’s the time when the trees seem to give up their monotonous conformity and now finally burst with personality. Mother nature’s canvas is littered with majestic foliage wherever you turn. This was the calming scene I was observing as I was entering work, but this I would learn, was the eye before the storm. Life isn’t always convenient, life is abrupt and sometimes life comes whizzing by your head at a million miles an hour.
    I walk in, greet my coworkers and greet the individuals living within the residence just like any ordinary day. I picked up the phone to clock in, something I had done countless times before, and as soon as I hung up I hear a loud scream and then a coffee pot comes flying right past my head. My job was at a group home that services individuals with special needs. Residents suffer from a wide variety of mental and physical disabilities, including autism spectrum disorder, OCD, schizophrenia, down syndrome, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and any combination of the former.
    My interest in working with individuals with mental and physical disabilities was fostered by a tragic yet crucial event in my life, the suicide of my paranoid schizophrenic aunt. This painful moment would eventually become a catalyst for my interest in neuroscience. It became my specialization at stony brook. I took as many courses as I could.
    There was now shattered glass on the floor. I had been in numerous stressful situations before. I was an EMT and EMS professional for years treating and transporting people in emergency situations to the hospital. I found the resident who had thrown the coffee pot still distressed and screaming, an unusual characteristic for him. As a direct support professional inside the group home it was my job to make sure I knew as much as possible about the individuals living within the residence. It was my responsibility to know and administer all their medications, know any history of seizures, allergies, past medical procedures and any behavioral incidences.
    He was yelling at the top of his lungs, I said, “Are you talking at me or with me?” a phrase I remember his sister had told me worked to calm him. It instantly worked, he settled down, still visibly frustrated but no longer angry. I got down on his level, held his hand and asked him what’s the matter? I always tried to exercise good bedside manner just as I had received by a physician assistant when I was eleven at a free clinic when I got strep throat. A great first impression piqued my interest very early on towards a career I would strive to pursue much later. He exclaimed someone had moved his books. This individual suffered from OCD, however I had never seen a reaction this extreme before. After making sure he was okay I checked his medication chart and noticed a change in his meds. I documented the appropriate paper work, notified the nurse and volunteered to take him to his next psychiatric appointment.
    While I was observing physician assistants I noticed they would use their healthcare wisdom along with others collaborating as a team with the common purpose of helping those who need it the most. Qualities and characteristics I mimicked while working within the special needs population. Also to have the flexibility to change the specialty you work in as a PA appealed to my sensibility as a teacher that you had to be well rounded and were continuously learning. Shadowing a PA working in pediatrics I quickly realized PAs were the health professionals who exemplified a consistent level of patience, expertise and instinct in helping people. I like the fact that the PAs I saw applied an impressive and diverse intelligence about physiology while often times seeing more patients than the doctors. When I saw the PA not only prescribed antibiotics but also took the time to reassure an upset young patient that she should be well in time for her upcoming birthday, it was clear to me that PAs were the medical professionals who were not only using the most advance knowledge of the human body but the most advanced connection with the human heart to problem solve, diagnosis and enrich peoples lives.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      December 6, 2015 at 4:59 pm

      Hi Syed,

      I’m sure Stephen will get back to you about the payment for editing services. Now on to your essay . . . .

      I love the image of the coffee pot whizzing by your head! What a great way to start your essay. I’d like to see you get to that much sooner, so this is what I’d do to those first paragraphs (with the caveat that some of the words are mine and they’re just to illustrate the point. You’d write it with your own words) :

      “I have learned through my healthcare work that life isn’t always convenient, life is abrupt and that life sometimes comes whizzing by your head at a million miles an hour. The lesson first came on a beautiful fall day as I walked into work, after I greeted my coworkers and the individuals living within the residence. I heard a loud scream and then a coffee pot flew right past my head.”

      Note that I’ve changed it to past tense. You go back and forth between past and present, but you need to pick one or the other, and I believe past tense works best here.

      Your essay has some great information (although there are places to cut). The biggest problem is that there’s no transition to get you to the last paragraph. How did you come to watch PAs? Was it through your work or did you shadow them? If it’s the latter, you’ll need to say why you chose to do so. (By the way, the second sentence is that paragraph is incomplete). Either way, you need to take us from point A (your job) to point B (watching PAs) with a great couple of sentences. Then relate all those great things you’ve written about PAs to you. Why are you pursuing a career change? How do all these things fit in with your goals and personality? You’ve got the space to write the necessary information.

      Tie your opening to your conclusion. There are a number of ways to do it, which you choose is your call.

      Be careful of grammar. I was surprised to see Stony Brook uncapitalized. I realize this is just a post, but get in the habit of being professional in your writing whenever you do it. Then you’ll be in the habit of doing it right.

      I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

    • Stephen Pasquini PA-C says

      December 6, 2015 at 5:40 pm

      Hi Syed, I have created a link through Gumroad to submit your essay online using a credit card. After you submit your payment you will receive a download with the links necessary to submit your essay along with a FREE copy of our book. Feel free to email me if you have any questions whatsoever. Here is the link: https://gum.co/OCNGO

      Stephen

      Reply

15. Codi Daoust says

    December 5, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    It’s at 4783 characters right now so I have a little bit of wiggle room to add more if needed! I look forward to your advice, thank you so much!

    My strongest memory of my grandfather involves him, in tears in the hospital, telling me how proud he was and how he knew I would go on to great things. Perhaps this story remains so clear because that was the last day he was with us, but I suspect it was also my emotional response to knowing I made my grandfather proud. Since then, I remember his words whenever I feel confused or lost in my path. Today I am confident that Physician Assistant is the answer to a question I have asked myself for a long time now. What will I dedicate my life to? What will I excel in? As a student oscillating between a career in medicine and nutrition, it was unclear which path best fit my character and goals. Following my passions led me to find the Physician Assistant occupation which is a combination of everything I am interested in: medicine, health and public service.
    My interest in health led me to major in Nutrition at San Diego State University (SDSU). This course of study motivated and challenged me as it combined my interest in nutrition and prepared me for a career as a Physician Assistant because I believe there is more to health than prescriptions. I grew up as a young adult seeing a holistic doctor periodically and I have always felt that nutrition can do wonders for the body. My nutrition courses presented challenges and I learned a valuable lesson- that person growth comes from challenges. With this lesson in mind, and my desire for public service and medicine, I decided to sign up to shadow Physician Assistants in Croatia between semesters for the toughest challenge I could imagine.
    Before my senior year of undergraduate studies, I had already completed about two years of patient interaction and public service by volunteering in the Emergency Room and teaching a chair fitness class for those at a local charity for the homeless. These experiences allowed me to interact with people from vastly different backgrounds; however, I found one thing was universal: everyone wants to feel heard and respected. I found that my lack of medical knowledge however, left me at times feeling helpless such as when I was unable to help an elderly man who approached me in the Emergency Room. He had debris clinging to his bloody scalp and all he wanted was for me to get some last particles that had been missed by a tech, but I was unable to help because as a volunteer I am not allowed to help patients in that way, or even take them to the bathroom. It struck me with sadness that there was little I could do without a medical degree or job in that situation. This experience inspired me to further my education to become a medical practitioner, and to continue my search for a job in the health field while completing my bachelor’s degree.
    One PA, Huong, that I encountered in my time as a volunteer in the Emergency Department has been an impactful role model. He is a recent graduate, and yet he maintains confidence and trusting relationships with the patients. He is knowledgeable and unhurried as he meets patient needs and listens to their concerns. I hope to practice with the same knowledge and skill one day. All of my shadowing experiences reaffirmed that my character and career objectives align most with that of a Physician Assistant, where I can focus on the care and treatment of my patients as a whole person, and emphasize the aspects of health care that stress health promotion and disease prevention.
    Whereas volunteering in the Emergency Department ignited my passion for a career in medicine and speaking to Physician Assistant’s opened my eyes to the profession, it was shadowing physician assistants abroad in Croatia that cemented my desire to become a Physician Assistant. I am fortunate enough to have been able to work closely with a large staff of physicians, nurses and physician assistants and through these interactions I gained a great appreciation for the physician assistants. They can spend more time on patient education since typically they treat less acute patients. The most meaningful aspect of my career is ensuring patients receive quality medical care and education regardless of their history.
    A consistent want to help the underserved has developed over the course of my adulthood. Undeniably, it is my calling to continue this gratifying work as a physician assistant. I am an exceptional candidate due to my years of experience in patient care, commitment to the physician assistant profession, and dedication to my studies. Upon completion of Physician Assistant school I will be the first in my family to obtain a bachelor’s education, and even more importantly, a graduate education. My grandfather would be very proud.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      December 6, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      Hi Codi,

      Your essay starts off with great heart, but I think it’s much stronger without the references to your grandfather, including the final sentence of your essay. Sometimes sentimental openings are okay to use, but in this case, you risk sounding younger and more naive than I suspect you are. Instead, I recommend starting with this sentence (note, I edited it a bit, by making “question” plural since you ask two and eliminating “now” since you don’t need it): “Today I am confident that physician assistant is the answer to a questions I have asked myself for a long time.” Then you can go on from there.

      One problem in writing is that we know the story we want to tell, but we don’t always convey it in a way that the reader will understand. It’s a problem even I still have, even though I’ve been writing professionally for about 15 years. So, when I read your second paragraph, it didn’t work for me in a couple of different areas. Take this sentence for example, “This course of study motivated and challenged me as it combined my interest in nutrition and prepared me for a career as a Physician Assistant because I believe there is more to health than prescriptions.” How did your course of study prepare you to become a PA? It’s simply not written on the page. So you believe there’s more to health an prescriptions. What does that have to do with being a PA?

      The second paragraph puts the cart before the horse. It’s great to start off with the fact that you planned to major in nutrition. The rest of the paragraph is ahead of itself chronologically. Right now, I’m left confused. you’ve written. I believe your volunteer work in the ER came before Croatia from what you’ve written. That’s the way it makes sense at least from what I know now. So, put that first.

      When you write about your experience in Croatia, keep it all together and put it in the essay where it belongs timeline wise.

      I recommend that you jot down a timeline. Start with majoring in nutrition and then list what happened next that propelled you to the PA profession. I suspect when you rewrite your essay with the timeline in mind, it will make a lot more sense to your readers.

      A couple of important technical things — don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name, such as Brown School of Physician Assistant Studies. Grammar is important too, so writing “Physician Assistant’s” when you mean Physician Assistants grabs people’s attention, but in a negative way. (I’m ignoring that it’s not proper to capitalize physician assistant). You may think what I’m going to say next is picky, but that’s my job. When you graduate PA school, you’ll already have your undergrad degree, so that last line isn’t grammatically correct. To be right, it would have to read something like, “Not only am I the first in my family to obtain an undergraduate degree, but upon completion of physician assistant school I will be the first in my family to obtain a graduate education. The final technical points — dashes should be “em” dashes like what I’ve done, not single dashes.

      I hope all this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife

      Reply

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        Reply

16. Vy Ly says

    November 29, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    “Thank you for all your work,” said the elderly Vietnamese woman, Mrs. Dana, as she firmly shook my hand. Confused, I did not know why she thanked me since it was my first time participating at the clinic’s health fair. The health fair was an event that my clinic held to provide free preventative screening, education, and flu shots to the members of the community. In my broken Vietnamese, I inquired why she thanked me. Slowly, Mrs. Dana explained that when she recently migrated to the United States, it was through one of the clinic’s health fairs that her life was saved. Alone and unable to speak the language, Mrs. Dana struggled with managing her comorbidity. Through the help of the clinicians, Mrs. Dana was able to get the help she needed. Despite it was not me who helped her, she was thankful for the continuous work of community clinics like ours. Unlike Mrs. Dana, there are many people that struggle with finding the proper care. Silent, by the inability to speak the language and helpless, by the lack of financial support, many are unable to get the necessary treatment. People like Mrs. Dana are the reason why I want to be a physician assistant (PA). Although being a PA was not the obvious calling, as I matured, I realized that there is a niche of individuals that needs help and support. I want to be a PA so that I can help and give back the community that made me who I am today.
    During my first few years of college, I struggled with balancing many responsibilities; having to financially support myself while being a full-time student along with extracurricular activities was difficult. Being the first person to attend college from my family along with feeling constant pressure to do well in all my classes while working had started to take a toll on me. I felt like I was drowning and was unable to ask for help. When I noticed my grades started dropping, I felt as though I could no longer continue and wanted to give up. Fortunately, my family and friends stood by me and supported in this though time. With their support, I was able to regain my focus and work harder to improve my performance at school, while continuing with my other responsibilities. Despite the initial struggles, I was able to join a clinical research team that monitored the progress of recently released 51/50 patients. It was during my work with mental health patients that taught me how to critically listen, to gain trust in a meaningful way, and to be sensitive to patients’ situation; all crucial skills in order to interact with patients as a PA. Many of the patients in the clinic were guarded and scared to open up due to the stigma and stereotypes surrounding mental illness. However, my simple efforts such as smiling and maintaining direct eye contact when talking helped make those patients feel comfortable. My experiences in the outpatient clinic also taught me to recognize and treat patients more than a mere medical file. It has taught me to be empathetic towards the patients I work with and I can relate to them in happiness and grief. For example, despite if the day were good or bad, Mr. Doe, 55, would come to his check up with a joke or a riddle to make me laugh. Overall, with my experience, I have learned to listen to patients with an open ear, mind, and heart, and provide the best care possible to them. This has in turn motivated me to work and study hard to become a better health care provider in the future.
    Wanting a different experience from just mental health, I started volunteering at an acute long-term hospital, Kindred Hospital. Working in an acute long-term hospital provided me with insights to many different health professions. At first, I started volunteering in the physical therapy department; however, it was not long until I felt that my interest was broader than physical rehabilitation. Besides helping in the physical therapy department, I assisted in other departments that needed help such as nursing and wound care. I realized that aside from patient care I was also interested in the diagnostics and analytical aspects of medicine. I considered medical school but being a physician does not have much flexibility in changing specialties. I would like to take up different specialties such as ER or surgery if the opportunities arise.
    When I started working for a nonprofit organization that is provides medical care to the underserved, low-income minorities group, I did not realize the importance of a PA in these communities. In most low-income community clinics, there is a huge shortage of family physicians and, most of the attending clinicians are PAs instead. My role as a caseworker was to manage and care for over 60 patients who have comorbidity with chronic health problems and mental health illnesses. Being a caseworker had allowed me to work side by side with the PAs. As I watch the interactions among the PAs and other clinicians, I became aware that despite being a dependent practitioner, PAs can work autonomously only seeking assistance when needed.
    My experiences in research at school, volunteering work at the hospital and working in a community clinic have shaped my aspirations of becoming a PA and emphasized on the necessities of a PA in healthcare. The flexibility of PAs being able to work in multiple specialties allows PAs to fulfill the high demands for healthcare providers. Especially in the underserved and low-income population, PAs play a vital role in helping people get the proper care and treatment. It is a role that I someday hope to be able to join and give back. My persistence and determination to help my community drive my passion and desire to become a PA. If given the opportunity, I hope to gain further knowledge and learn the skills required to realize this dream of mine to help those in need.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      December 6, 2015 at 2:40 pm

      Hi Vy,

      Your essay has many good qualities — it outlines your experience, explains why your grades suffered (at least I’m assuming that’s what happened) when you were struggling with school, and tells a bit about your experiences with PAs.

      One of the problems, though, is it’s too long, about 800 characters and spaces over the CASPA limit. It’s a little disorganized — when you go through it again, keep each paragraph focused on the main point. That will help organize the essay and keep the character and space count down.

      When I looked at your first paragraph and read the part about giving back to the community that made you who you are today, I keep looking to see how the community molded/helped you. There was nothing to really tie that statement in, so there’s no reason to have it take up space in your essay. Every sentence must count for something in these very short essays, or out they go! Another example — explaining what happens in health fairs. That’s widely known in the health community, and even if it wasn’t, the details aren’t important here. The lesson is what counts. Also, anyone who reads this essay will know that PA stands for physician assistant, so no need to put the acronym in parentheses.

      Here’s how I’d edit your first paragraph:
      “Thank you for all your work,” said the elderly Vietnamese woman, Mrs. Dana, as she firmly shook my hand. Confused, I did not know why she thanked me since it was my first time participating at the clinic’s health fair. In my broken Vietnamese, I inquired why. Mrs. Dana explained that when she recently migrated to the United States, at one of the clinic’s health fairs her life was saved. Alone and unable to speak the language, she struggled with managing her comorbidity. Through the help of the clinicians, she was able to get the help she needed, and she was thankful for the continuous work of community clinics like ours. People like Mrs. Dana are the reason I want to be a physician assistant.

      When you say becoming a PA wasn’t the obvious choice, that really doesn’t mean anything to your readers. If you had planned to pursue another career, you can state specifically what that was and then why you changed your mind. Only don’t put it in the first paragraph. That first paragraph should be the hook for the rest of your essay.

      Go through the rest of your essay with a critical eye and cut what doesn’t fit or move it elsewhere.

      I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

17. k says

    November 25, 2015 at 9:20 am

    Hi, Below is my essay. I usually have a lot of ideas but am unsure of which paragraphs to cut and which need to be fleshed out more.

    When I was four years old I moved to my third kindergarten classroom, complaining all the while. As soon as we arrived, my complaints stopped because I met Ariel, an amazing but quiet girl that lived directly down the hall from me. We quickly became friends and remained friends even after several more moves. After moving, Ariel was diagnosed with a rare mitochondrial disorder which explained her tiredness and balance issues. After catching pneumonia, she was hospitalized and never regained full strength. Many experimental treatments were tested until her passing in what would have been our sophomore year of high school. Initially, I continuously thought of the unfairness of it all. I thought about how I got to go dances and the movies with friends and she would never get too. When visiting her mother, Cynthia, one spring break I overheard a conversation between our parents. Cynthia was saying that soon after her passing, she emailed every doctor, physician assistant, and nurse to thank for their kind and amazing support. Many doctors were shocked that she had survived for as long as she did seeing as most with this disease did not pass ten years old. One PA, Sam, in particular was not. I watched a variety of doctors and nurses treat Ariel through the seven year hospitalization Sam was a constant force. Sam sat and explained what was going on to me and my younger sister. She did not need to make time for us, but the fact that she did is something I will never forget. Her kindness and care as well as her excellence in her job make me grateful to her every day and I hope that one day I will be able to provide that to someone.
    I know that academic excellence is a necessity of becoming a physician assistant and I would like to explain the discrepancies in my transcript. My sophomore year, fall ???? I met my good friend Claire, coincidently there was a drastic reduction in my grades. Initially, she showed no signs of the depression she was later diagnosed with. One night Claire told me that when I was around, she would be happy and stable, but when we left she would begin to self-harm. This terrified me, I felt the need to constantly be around her to prevent any such injuries. Instead of making school a priority I made Claire one. I would spend evenings with her, then compensate by staying up late to study. When she left the INSERT SCHOOL NAME HERE after spring ???? to seek professional help, I took this as an opportunity to improve my grades. I began to study harder, attend office hours diligently, and started getting more sleep. I have always had a huge drive to help others, as is apparent by Claire, this is one of the many reasons becoming a physician assistant appeals to me.
    My grades are my own fault and upon graduating in May ???? I knew I needed to increase my grades prior to applying to physician assistant programs but I was unsure of how to. After taking a year off to work full time, I decided to go into a biomedical engineering master’s program. Quickly I realized, while I loved my classes and learning, the thought of working on a lab bench everyday terrified especially when compared to my afternoon job. Nights I would work at a physical therapy clinic, seeing ????????????????? work was an amazing experience. Getting to deal daily with patients was amazing and allowed me to affirm that is really what I wanted to do. I know that my grades have closed a few doors for me and I hope that my drive, bubbly personality, and unique look on life make me a competitive candidate.
    When surveying my friends, unanimously they would describe me as unique. My name ????? even means unique. I think it is due to my positive outlook on life. If there is ever an A or B choice I will fight both two options to death before finally making a decision. After debating what I wanted to do with my life, I know that becoming a physician assistant program is what I need to do.

    Reply

    • k says

      November 25, 2015 at 9:23 am

      Thank you!

      Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      November 25, 2015 at 12:34 pm

      Hi K,

      Your essay is heartfelt, but goes on too much in the first paragraph and about Claire and not enough about why you want to become a PA. In fact, there’s barely anything that gives an idea why you’ve chosen the profession. If you’ve had experience shadowing or working with PAs, tell about those. Write what impressed you about the PA’s role/work and why that appeals to you. Write why you’d be a good PA — what personal traits/experiences (beyond a bubbly personality, which frankly, I’d omit — it’s not part of the professional qualities that make a person a good candidate for PA school, although in practice, your patients will appreciate a positive attitude and outlook).

      Be careful about your word choices and pay attention to details, including grammar. In the first paragraph, for example, you use “too” when it should have been “to,” left out “them” and wrote “lives” when it should have been “live.” Later you talk about an afternoon job and then call it a night job. That’s confusing. Also, don’t use a word such as “amazing” more than once. It loses its impact.”

      One thing I’m worried about in your first paragraph (apart from going on too long) is that the PA sat down and talked with you and your sister about a patient. That’s a clear violation of confidentiality. Maybe it’s just how you wrote it, but no PA would talk about a patient’s treatment the way you’ve described it, so you’ll need to clarify what you’ve written so it doesn’t read as if the PA violated ethics and equally important, that you think it’s okay.

      Here’s what I’d do with your first paragraph (Note I’ve changed “her” to Ariel to avoid confusion, added commas and added a word here and there for illustration purposes — you’d write it using your own words):
      “When I was four years old I met Ariel. We quickly became friends and remained friends even after several moves. Ariel was diagnosed with a rare mitochondrial disorder, which explained her tiredness and balance issues. Many experimental treatments were tested until her passing in our sophomore year of high school. Initially, I continuously thought of the unfairness of it all. I thought about how I got to go dances and the movies with friends and she would never get to.

      Ariel’s mother, Cynthia, said that soon after Ariel’s passing, she emailed every doctor, physician assistant, and nurse to thank them for their kind and amazing support. Many doctors were shocked that Ariel had survived for as long as she did, seeing as most with this disease did not live past 10 years. One PA, Sam, was not surprised. (Here you’ll need to explain why she wasn’t surprised). Sam was a constant presence in Ariel’s life and explained what was going on to me and my younger sister. She did not need to make time for us, but the fact that she did is something I will never forget. Her kindness and care, as well as her excellence in her job make me grateful to her every day. I hope that one day I will be able to provide the same to others.”

      I don’t generally suggest this (for obvious reasons), but you would really benefit from the one-on-one service with Duke. He can walk you through what’s important in your essay and help you focus. I know it can be expensive and if you can’t afford it, see if you can afford a one-time edit. It would also help to read the sample essays on the website. That should help you get a better idea of what do keep in, what to delete and what to add.

      Best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

      • k says

        November 25, 2015 at 4:58 pm

        Thank you so much for your help. I was just wondering if you would recommend writing about a different experience entirely than the Ariel one detailed above or it that was still good if edited properly.

        Best,

        K

        Reply

        • Sue Edmondson says

          November 25, 2015 at 6:29 pm

          I would write recommend writing about a current work experience instead, something that highlights the reasons you wish to become a PA or one that shows your skills, or better yet, one that involves recent contact with a PA in connection with your work, shadowing or volunteer work.

          When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty across the country about writing these essays for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” all said they prefer to hear about adult experiences rather than childhood experiences. Your childhood experience was fairly long term and significant, so you can use it if you keep it short. If it’s a matter of one or the other, I’d pick a more current experience.

          Sue

          Reply

18. Mike says

    November 18, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    Every day we are faced with challenges and opportunities. No one can tell which experience will lead to a groundbreaking thought or a new career. It is hard–perhaps impossible–to judge the significance of any moment. What will? That I’m dedicated to being physically fit and healthy? Or that I had an emergency cholecystectomy? Was my experience in refugee camp the inspiration for me to go to college? Or a high school teacher that made me love biology and think about health professions?

    My fist week in college had just begun. It was hot and muggy outside. My stomach growled with every second. I had to push my hands against my thighs to keep my torso upright. I could hear the sirens blaring in the distance. When the ambulance came, I took off. I took a few steps towards the ambulance and collapsed. That night I had an emergency cholecystectomy. I had no idea then, but my first surgery was the moment in my life that led me to become passionate about health. Ultimately, it sent me on a path towards becoming a physician assistant.

    In college, I majored in health sciences with a concentration in emergency and critical care and I became an EMT. After graduating, eager to learn more, I started the paramedic program. The education and experience I gained throughout the paramedic program have been of great value. From conducting patient assessments, to performing certain procedures, such as starting an intravenous line or intubating, I have a head start on some of the clinical aspects of working as a physician assistant. I found myself loving hospital rotations, where I received insight to a lot of different health professions. One surprising observation I made while rotating in the emergency department at Stony Brook is that the tasks of a paramedic are essentially the same as those of a physician assistant: to critically listen a patient’s story, determine the symptoms, analyze, create a plan, execute, and communicate effectively. Furthermore, both paramedics and PAs excel in team work.

    After graduating, I did not immediately know that I wanted to become a PA. I have considered several different roles in healthcare. My interest in sports and exercise pointed me towards a career as a personal trainer or physical therapist. However, it didn’t take long for me to realize that my interests were broader than that. I thought about nursing, but I am interested in the diagnostics and analytical aspects of medicine and want to be involved in creating a plan of action for the patients. Of course, I thought about medical school but found that the PA profession has many advantages that the physician profession does not. PAs can work in several different fields in medicine or change specialties, whereas a doctor would have to do another residency. I know that I am interested in becoming a cardiology PA. However, I loved my rotations in the ER and imagine that I might like to do both. I never turn down an opportunity to grow and try something different.

    I think that the role of a PA is also more fitting to my personality and skills. I enjoy working under another professional. I do my best work when I am part of a team, anticipating their needs and working steps ahead of them to improve quality and efficiency. Working as a research coordinator at Stony Brook Internist, where I help enroll and care for over 150 patients, the Principle Investigator relies on me to have everything organized and have the visits go smoothly. I like the idea of having a supervising physician that I can consult. Our site participates in global Phase III and IV, randomized, double blind, placebo controlled clinical trials. Working at the site level has been an invaluable education, and the organizations conducting these trials–Harvard Medical School and Cleveland Clinic–have provided an equally important exposure to the gold standards of academia and research management.

    I understand that PAs often function autonomously, consulting the doctor only as needed. In my job at Eastern Suffolk Cardiology, I work side-by-side with the PAs and cardiologists. I enjoy working there because I get to assist and observe the PAs in all of their work, from conducting stress tests to performing physical exams. Working this closely with our PAs, I have gained a comprehensive understanding of the profession and the curriculum. I have worked at ESC now for almost 3 years. What I have learned is that I love patient care as well as the culture and environment of the hospital.

    As a research coordinator, the patient-provider relationship has been nothing short of heartwarming. I’ve developed close and personal ties with the participants. One patient, Mrs. Doe, 81, insists that I add an extra 30 minutes to her appointments to have coffee and catch-up. Mr. Z, 60, always the comedian, drives a few hours for his visits, although they can be done over the phone, because he has a joke to tell me. Yes, the pathphysiology of their underlying disease and the mechanisms of the treating biologics are intriguing, but the real reward is the patient connection.

    I may not be one of those candidates who grew up knowing that they wanted to be a physician assistant but I am certain now. Whether it was an emergency visit to the hospital or a teacher that inspired me to choose this path, I am forever grateful. I know that moments in my life–big and small–have led me to this profession for a reason, and I am eager to begin.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      November 24, 2015 at 7:11 pm

      Hi Mike,

      Overall, your essay is quite good. It shows your personality, especially in the last three paragraphs, and gives a good picture of your strengths. You do a fine job of explaining why you prefer to be a PA over other professions.

      However, there are problems. First, the essay is over the CASPA 5000 character and space limit by more than 400. You’re going to need to cut quite a bit.

      Another problem — most of the first paragraph is confusing. The first three sentences were okay except you shouldn’t have the dashes. ( “It is hard–perhaps impossible–to judge the significance of any moment” should be “It is hard, perhaps impossible to judge the significance of any moment.”). But the rest of the paragraph doesn’t make sense to me. What do you mean by “What will?” And what do these sentences have to do with anything? “That I’m dedicated to being physically fit and healthy? Or that I had an emergency cholecystectomy? Was my experience in refugee camp the inspiration for me to go to college? Or a high school teacher that made me love biology and think about health professions?” You know what you meant to convey, but that information is not available to the reader. I like the information you’re trying to provide, so rewrite it so we know what you mean.

      You could delete the second paragraph. We don’t need the details — the fact that you mention it in the first paragraph is sufficient. Plus it really doesn’t accomplish its purpose. You say it led you to become passionate about health but never explain why. By eliminating that paragraph, you’ll be within the 5000 characters/space limit.

      The third and fourth paragraphs need work. Both paragraphs refer to the time “after graduation.” Editing the beginning of the fourth paragraph as follows might help some of the confusion. Start with something like: “Over time, I have considered several different roles in healthcare.” Then go on from there.

      By the way, if you were to use dashes, they should be “em dashes.” And you definitely can’t have typos such as “fist” instead of “first” as you wrote in your second paragraph, first sentence.

      I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson

      Reply

      • Mike says

        November 25, 2015 at 11:26 pm

        Thank you. Your input is very helpful. Please let me know if the intro makes sense now, it looks like I skipped some words the first time.

        Every day we are faced with challenges and opportunities. No one can tell which experience will lead to a groundbreaking thought or a new career. It is hard, perhaps impossible, to judge the significance of any moment. What will have the bigger impact? That I’m dedicated to being physically fit and healthy? Or that I had an emergency cholecystectomy? Was my experience in refugee camp the inspiration for me to go to college? Or a high school teacher that made me love biology and think about health professions?

        After graduating college, eager to learn more, I started the paramedic program. The education and experience I gained throughout the paramedic program have been of great value. From conducting patient assessments, to performing certain procedures, such as starting an intravenous line or intubating, I have a head start on some of the clinical aspects of working as a PA. I found myself loving hospital rotations, where I received insight to a lot of different health professions. One surprising observation I made while rotating in the emergency department at Stony Brook Hospital is that the tasks of a paramedic are essentially the same as those of a physician assistant: to critically listen a patient’s story, determine the symptoms, analyze, create a plan, execute, and communicate effectively. Furthermore, both paramedics and PAs excel in team work.

        Over time, I have considered several different roles in healthcare. My interest in sports and exercise pointed me towards a career as a personal trainer or physical therapist. However, it didn’t take long for me to realize that my interests were broader than that. I thought about nursing, but I am interested in the diagnostics and analytical aspects of medicine and want to be involved in creating a plan of action for the patients. Of course, I thought about medical school but found that the PA profession has many advantages that the physician profession does not. PAs can work in several different fields in medicine or change specialties, whereas a doctor would have to do another residency. I know that I am interested in becoming a cardiology PA. However, I loved my rotations in the ER and imagine that I might like to do both. I never turn down an opportunity to grow and try something different.

        I think that the role of a PA is also more fitting to my personality and skills. I enjoy working under another professional. I do my best work when I am part of a team, anticipating their needs and working steps ahead of them to improve quality and efficiency. Working as a research coordinator at Stony Brook Internist, where I help enroll and care for over 150 patients, the Principle Investigator relies on me to have everything organized and have the visits go smoothly. I like the idea of having a supervising physician that I can consult. Our site participates in global Phase III and IV, randomized, double blind, placebo controlled clinical trials. Working at the site level has been an invaluable education, and the organizations conducting these trials, Harvard Medical School and Cleveland Clinic, have provided an equally important exposure to the gold standards of academia and research management.

        I understand that PAs often function autonomously, consulting the doctor only as needed. In my job at Eastern Suffolk Cardiology (ESC), I work side-by-side with the PAs and cardiologists. I enjoy working there because I get to assist and observe the PAs in all of their work, from conducting stress tests to performing physical exams. Working this closely with our PAs, I have gained a comprehensive understanding of the profession and the curriculum.

        As a research coordinator, the patient-provider relationship has been nothing short of heartwarming. I’ve developed close and personal ties with the participants. One patient, Mrs. Doe, 81, insists that I add an extra 30 minutes to her appointments to have coffee and catch-up. Mr. Z, 60, always the comedian, drives a few hours for his visits, although they can be done over the phone, because he has a joke to tell me. Another patient, Mr. Doe, 66, as usual, with a smile on his face, starts off with “we have a lot of games to discuss?” Not many people share our interest for soccer games so it’s always a treat for us to meet and dispute who the best teams are. Yes, the pathphysiology of their underlying disease and the mechanisms of the treating biologics are intriguing, but the real reward is the patient connection.

        I have worked at ESC now for almost 3 years. What I have learned is that I love patient care as well as the culture and environment of health care. I may not be one of those candidates who grew up knowing that they wanted to be a physician assistant but I am certain now. Whether it was an emergency visit to the hospital or a teacher that inspired me to choose this path, I am forever grateful. I know that moments in my life, big and small, have led me to this profession for a reason, and I am eager to begin.

        Reply

        • Sue Edmondson says

          December 6, 2015 at 2:08 pm

          Hi again, Mike,

          Our policy is one free edit. I try to make it fairly detailed so it’s helpful.

          Best of luck.
          Sue Edmondson

          Reply

      • Sue Edmondson says

        December 6, 2015 at 2:42 pm

        Hi again, Mike,

        Our policy is one free edit. I try to make it fairly detailed so it’s helpful.

        Best of luck.
        Sue Edmondson

        Reply

19. Kelly says

    November 13, 2015 at 8:05 am

    hello. could you please read this and give me any advice. i feel as if my journey to becoming a PA has been complicated so i tried to make sense of it all in this essay. please review! thank you!!

    My destiny as a physician assistant was like a virus, remaining dormant until just the right conditions. My first outbreak was in high school. I was sitting in the back of the quiet class room, focused on my assignment. I suddenly heard a loud commotion and looked up to see one of the autistic students on the ground at the front of the room. I instantly jumped out of my seat and ran over to him while everyone else, including the teacher, remained motionless. I dropped to the ground and held him in my arms. He was having a seizure. Having no experience in the health care field, my instincts took over. I knew that I needed to keep him on his side and keep his head safe from hitting anything, so that is what I did. With the teacher standing above me, still shocked, I instructed her to call the office and get help immediately. Paramedics arrived shortly after and thanked me for acting so quickly.

    After high school, I had a job at an animal hospital and was working towards earning a bachelor’s degree in science. I loved working at the animal hospital; this was my second outbreak. It was not only about treating the animals but I also loved interacting with the owners. Being the head technician, I was in charge of many things, including client education. This gave me a chance to have direct human interaction; to teach another person how to care for their animal at home. I had to demonstrate how to administer insulin to diabetic animals, give oral medication, administer subcutaneous fluids at home, and give physical therapy demonstrations. I was good at what I did. I rose to the top so quickly and had nowhere else to rise. Working at the animal hospital was a great experience but becoming a veterinarian was not my goal partly because I am highly allergic to cats, dogs and almost all animals.

    Upon completion of my bachelor’s degree, I took an office job. This was my third outbreak. I thought I wanted to be a research scientist. It did not take me long to realize that I would not like doing research for the rest of my life with little human interaction. Leaving the animal hospital made me realize that I love patient care as well as the culture and environment of the health care field. I started researching what I could do with my degree. I meditated deeply on what I really enjoyed doing in life. I knew because of my “outbreaks” that I needed to be in the medical field. I did not want to be a nurse because I was so interested in the diagnostics and analytical aspects of medicine. I came across the role of a physician assistant and was instantly attracted. I reached out to a local doctor and he agreed to let me shadow him. When I arrived at the doctor’s office, I already felt like it was where I was meant to be. I showed such great interest that the doctor invited me to do rotations at a couple of nursing homes with him and his PA on staff. It was this experience that caused my virus to become permanently active. I had never felt such satisfaction, not even at the animal hospital. The patients at the nursing home were so happy to see both the doctor and the PA. I could see that they had really made a difference in the lives of the patients.

    Although it took time to realize my destiny as a PA, I feel as if it made itself obvious under the perfect conditions. I have never felt so good about a career path. Becoming a PA will allow me to use my analytical mind to diagnose patients. My creativity will be utilized by thinking outside of the box to come up with innovative treatment plans for patients. Having a physician above me to look to for guidance is ideal to me. My mind is always open to other opinions and will always value the input of the supervising physician. The versatility of the PA career is idyllic for me and will satisfy my forever growing urge to learn something new.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      November 14, 2015 at 7:36 pm

      Hi Kelly,

      Well, I have to say this is a first, to see the use of virus in connection with becoming a PA. It caught my attention, though, and I kept reading to find out what you could possibly mean.

      I’m not sure I would suggest that it is your destiny to become a PA. (Writing “destiny as a physician assistant” is grammatically incorrect, anyway). That makes it sound as if you had nothing to do with it — that it was all pre-ordained. It may be true (one of life’s mysteries humans may never unravel) or feel as if it’s true, but pick another word/words so you get credit for taking the steps necessary to bring you to this point.

      I was pretty surprised to read that you worked as a vet tech when you’re highly allergic to animals. Every day must have been a misery. I’d probably leave that part of the sentence out, ending it after the word, “goal.” You don’t need it and you sure don’t want people to stop reading, scratch their heads and wonder how you survived even a day on the job and why you would do that to yourself!

      There’s quite a bit of emphasis and focus on the doctor and not really much about PAs. You want to distinguish and highlight the role of the PA. By the way, before I forget, the word “idyllic” is incorrect. You mean something like “ideal.” You said you were instantly attracted to the PA profession. Explain why. Show the PA in action and tell what impressed you about his/her work.

      You can cut some of your first paragraph to make room for the more important PA related information. I’d do something like this for the first paragraph if you need the extra space, starting with the third sentence since you need to rewrite the first one and the second is fine:

      I was sitting in the back of the quiet class room, focused on my assignment when I heard a loud commotion. I looked up to see a student on the ground. Instantly, I ran over to him while everyone else, including the teacher, remained motionless. I dropped to the ground and held him in my arms. He was having a seizure. My instincts took over and I kept him on his side and protected his head. Paramedics arrived shortly after and thanked me for acting so quickly.

      I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

      • Kelly says

        November 16, 2015 at 7:57 am

        Thank you so much for your feed back. I have done much editing to the paper. Let me know what you think..

        Dormant viruses remain within a human host until the proper conditions for activity are present. Under the right conditions, the virus can cause an outbreak but will eventually return to its dormant state. In some cases, the virus can completely take over the host. My path to becoming a physician assistant has been similar to that of a dormant virus. My first outbreak was in high school. I was sitting in the back of the quiet classroom, focused on my assignment when I heard a loud commotion. I looked up to see a student on the ground. Instantly, I ran over to him while everyone else, including the teacher, remained motionless. He was having a seizure. I dropped to the ground and held him in my arms. My instincts took over. I kept him on his side and protected his head. Paramedics arrived shortly after and thanked me for acting so quickly. After this outbreak it should have been apparent that I was meant for some sort of medical job but the virus quickly returned to its dormant state.

        After high school, I began taking college courses while working at an animal hospital. This was my second outbreak; I loved working at the animal hospital. Although treating the animals was the main priority, forming relationships with the clients was of vital importance. A favored responsibility of mine was client education. This gave me a chance to have direct human interaction by teaching clients how to care for their pet at home. Demonstrations included diabetes management, medication administration, subcutaneous fluid therapy, outpatient recovery and physical therapy. Clients appreciated that I was able to clearly explain treatment or procedures in a way that they could easily understand. During my time at the animal hospital I also formed a respectable relationship with the doctor. Working for him was like getting paid for learning. He took every opportunity to explain and teach the details of a disease or diagnosis. I cherish the skills and experience I gained from the animal hospital. However, becoming a veterinarian was not my goal.

        Upon completion of my bachelor’s degree, I took an office job. This was my third outbreak. It did not take me long to realize that an office job was not stimulating enough for my mind. I realized that I love patient care as well as the culture and environment of the health care field. I started researching what I could do with my degree. Reflecting back on my “outbreaks,” I knew that I needed to be in the medical field. I did not want to be a nurse because the diagnostics and analytical aspects of medicine were so interesting to me. I came across the role of a physician assistant and was instantly attracted. I reached out to a local doctor and he agreed to let me shadow at his office. When I arrived at the doctor’s office, I instantly felt like it was where I was meant to be. I was able to go into exam rooms with the PA on staff and observe how she diagnosed and treated patients. She was personable with the patients and took her time to listen in order to form a relationship with them. Being in the office was natural to me; the doctor noticed this and invited me to do rotations at a couple of nursing homes with him and the PA the next day. It was this experience that caused my “virus” to become permanently active. I had never felt such satisfaction, not even at the animal hospital. The patients at the nursing home were so happy to see both the doctor and the PA. It was obvious that they had really made a difference in the lives of the patients. They worked as a team, going into different rooms and examining the patients, always communicating back and forth about different issues. The relationship between the doctor and PA reminded me of my relationship with the veterinarian. She was able to ask the doctor any questions pertaining to the patient, in which he would explain the details thoroughly.

        My future as a PA has become apparent under the perfect conditions. I have never felt so good about a career path. Becoming a PA will allow me to use my analytical mind to diagnose patients. My creativity will be utilized by thinking outside of the box to come up with innovative treatment plans. Having a physician above me to look to for guidance is ideal to me. My mind is always open to other opinions and will always value the input of the supervising physician. The versatility of the PA career is ideal for me and will satisfy my forever-growing urge to learn something new. After reflecting on the outbreaks throughout my life, I can say with confidence that the “PA virus” has fully awoken from its dormant state and will remain active.

        Reply

        • Sue Edmondson says

          November 16, 2015 at 9:37 am

          Hi Kelly,

          The editor in me wants to edit, but it’s our policy to give one free comment, which I try to make as useful as possible.

          If you want additional help, which we’re always happy to give, you’ll need to sign up for the paid editing service.

          Best of luck,
          Sue

          Reply

20. Alex says

    November 12, 2015 at 10:38 am

    I sat upon a table, legs numb, and brow sweating wreathing in pain.
    My general practitioner Dr. Merok came back in and said “I’m sorry for your loss… Did you know?” His eyes reflected back the lachrymose emotion in mine. “No” I responded. He was there for me in my time of need. He displayed great empathy trying to treat me holistically physiologically, physically and psychologically. I’ve never met an almost stranger before who cared so deeply for an acquaintance. After that visit I was given a strict program to follow. After my unexpected miscarriage I was desperate to seek out help. I wanted to heal and improve myself. Every healthcare worker I met after that had the same caring empathetic eyes as Dr. Merok. I had such deference for these people, and this engendered a spark of fervid curiosity in the world of medicine despite me being enrolled in an Art undergrad.
    I persevered through my experience and came out a stronger individual. I immediately became fascinated with medicine after fate had thrust me in my previous situation. I was not only healed, but also made into a new vernal spirit. I started taking Psychology and a Genetics class at art school. I contemplated to switching majors, but since I always follow through with what I start I decided to complete my insipid art degree. A week after graduating I enrolled in summer classes at my local community college to start completing my science prerequisites for a medical degree. Since my undergrad was pass-fail this was my time to shine. I took my grades very seriously and was admitted into honors with Phi Theta Kappa. I was very surprised with my performance, but I realized it was because I loved what I was learning finally.
    I decided to take my education to the field and delve deeper. I started volunteering at my local chiropractic office; Dr. Collins eventually upgraded my position to being paid. I met all kinds of people and performed electrotherapy on them as well as aided the doctor. I went a step further as I was enticed by my classmates who worked at the local hospital. After getting my CNA certificate with alacrity I started working in the cardiac telemetry unit of the hospital, where I met my first Physician Assistant. One of our patients was having tachycardia. I ran into her room and she was sweating profusely, not very responsive, with glassy eyes. I stayed with her yelling for her nurse. No one came; the nurses dismissed her condition, as they were busy helping other patients. Then the Cardiac PA rushed in and examined her, she remained calm and professional as she commanded others to get her what she needed. I’m glad I stayed with her, took her condition seriously and refused to leave before she got help.
    After seeing the Physician assistant in action, her wealth of knowledge and know-how attitude she became my mentor. This is who I wanted to become, no one else, and nothing else. I eventually had to leave my position at the hospital because I was going to bring my healthy son into this world. Life has rewarded me for not giving up. I will keep persevering until I succeed, because I’m not afraid of failure. Despite what I have been through my husband and I have a beautiful son now. I never gave up hope, and I will never stop trying to become the physician assistant I was meant to be.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      November 14, 2015 at 6:52 pm

      Hi Alex,

      First, I’m sorry for your loss. I’m glad that you had good healthcare providers to help get you through the experience.

      Overall, you did a good job of explaining how you came to healthcare and outlining your experiences. Your essay is relatively short, so you could add more about why you decided to become a PA, maybe expanding on things you learned about the profession from working with or watching the PA who became your mentor. Which reminds me — don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name such as Brown School of Physician Assistant Studies. I would also name the PA because when you write about the incident with the female patient and the female PA, it becomes hard to tell who you’re talking about when you refer to “her.”

      I would be leery of using words that may require a dictionary, such as lachrymose. If they’re medical terms, that’s one thing, but I don’t believe this is. (If it is, disregard this part of my comment)! I am an avid reader, and I’ve never seen it before. You don’t want people to stop in the middle of reading an essay to look up a word.

      In general, you’ll want to avoid overdramatic writing, such as “engendered a spark of fervid curiosity” and “after fate had thrust me in my previous situation.” Instead of intriguing the reader, again, they stop the reader. Yes, you want an engaging essay, but also one that flows smoothly.

      The other problem with using dramatic/unusual words is that they stand out even more when there are spelling and/or grammar errors. Now, you may speak differently than you write, but remember, the Admissions folks you’re trying to impress won’t hear your voice — they’ll be seeing it. I hope you won’t take offense that I’m pointing these things out. I wouldn’t be doing you any favors if I glossed them over, so I’m going to tell you about some of the grammar errors. Examples — the way you used deference, enticed and alacrity are incorrect. I imagine “wreathing” was meant to be writhing. You’re missing commas (which could help the problem with “alacrity”), even in your opening sentence: brow sweating wreathing in pain” should be brow sweating, writhing in pain. (Although, it’s hard to imagine a doctor left you writhing — that no one provided pain relief and that you carried on a conversation while writhing in pain. While it may be true, it doesn’t ring true, and you may want to leave out that part). Other places where you missed commas — “No” I responded. He was there for me in my time of need. He displayed great empathy trying to treat me holistically physiologically, physically and psychologically should be “No,” I responded. He was there for me in my time of need. He displayed great empathy, trying to treat me holistically physiologically, physically and psychologically. There are other places throughout that have the same issue. Read your sentences out loud and see where you naturally pause. That should help you with many of the missing commas. Also, the use of contractions are disfavored in academic essays because they’re casual. I wouldn’t use them.

      Please don’t call an art degree “insipid.” You never know who you’ll insult! Besides, where would society be without those who keep the arts alive? To me, you’re more well rounded and have more to offer because of it. I imagine it will be one of those subtle things that give you a slightly different perspective on the world, much to the benefit of your future patients.

      I hope you find this helpful, and I wish you the best.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply