The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative

Comments

1. Amy C. says

   November 8, 2015 at 7:03 pm

   On Thanksgiving 2009 the world was frozen in time as the most precious treasure was delivered to my arms. My daughter, Milan, became the essence of my livelihood. She provided me what nothing else could; the strength, the hope, and the perseverance essential for our success. Being a full-time college student and single mother came with its own challenges. A week after giving birth, I attended finals week and passed with all As. Having a child positively changed my outcome on life; failure fell short off our bucket list.

   Before Milan was born, my father was diagnosed with colon cancer. The unbearable news magnified when he expressed his wish of refusing treatment. Following that week, my mother was diagnosed with breast and cervical cancer. As coping was an arduous task, classes and exams became more difficult to master. The events resulted in low academic achievement and lost of a full ride scholarship for undergrad. Yet after losing my scholarship, I learned how to survive emotionally and financially.

   After undergrad, my real estate company was means to support myself and my daughter. Real estate produced a substantial amount of profit yet I found no genuine satisfaction in doing so. I wanted to make a difference in someone’s life. Creating an impact on an individual utilizing a different avenue was what I needed to discover: A career I find to be more gratifying and prestigious than merely flipping properties. Providing long term care for my ailing parents fostered me into becoming a Certified Nursing Assistant/Caregiver (CNA) as I wanted to impact an underserved population. I want to provide care for patients, like my parents, before the disease starts; no family should have to endure such devastation. The key to fighting cancer and other chronic diseases is early detection and also living a healthy lifestyle. Words that sound so simple, yet for some are rather difficult to adhere to. Having a voice as a PA would make that possible by implementing treatment plans, preventative care and providing patient education to not only the patients but also to their family as well. I believe it can be beneficial to the patient if their family was informed about their health; this is truly something I wish I was informed of before it became too late for my parents.

   It has been my intention for years to shift my career interests from a real estate flipper to a PA, and I have thus taken on a CNA/Caregiver and Clinical Research Coordinator (CRC) position, respectively. My daily routine enabled me to establish meaningful relationships with patients as well as our healthcare providers such as the Nurse Practitioners, Physician Assistants and Nurses. Being a CRC thoroughly submerged me into the medical field. In the primary care setting the various role interaction with patients were clearly distinguished. I utilized my free time to shadow our PA at the clinic and PAs at the nearby hospital. Having a job as a CNA/Caregiver and CRC further engaged my passion into pursuing a PA career. I want to be known as a PA who inspires, cares, devotes and takes pride in their work. Being a PA in a primary care setting would make that possible.

   When I observed the surgical PA I found it most interesting for the PA to know the next course of action and what instrument to utilize whilst not disrupting the surgeon’s procedure and without dialogue. I also shadowed another PA performing laser skin resurfacing and botox injections. What I love most about the profession are the endless possibilities such as primary care, academia, health informatics and research opportunities. At any time a PA can switch to pediatrics ICU to dermatology, a change in speciality that a physician cannot easily do. Every PA I observe, I admire their luxury of spending time with patients developing rapport, implementing treatment plans, interpreting tests and performing various procedures.

   Milan’s loving personality is a strong confirmation of my unwavering ability to flourish in the face of adversity. This confirmation provided me the determination to choose Physician Assistant as our way of life. My family is the sole reason why I have a strong passion for becoming a PA; seeing patients happy and earning their trust gives me satisfaction knowing I contributed to their sense of well-being. I have shown the ability to adapt to unexpected changes and new situations. My journey is an exceptional example of what anyone can achieve through hard work, perseverance and determination. My metamorphosis from a lost individual into a loving mother and aspiring Physician Assistant reached its consummation.

   Reply

   • Amy C. says

     November 9, 2015 at 1:47 pm

     Dear Sue,

     As you can see, writing is not my forte. It’s hard for me to illustrate a picture through words. Please help as I’ve hit a brick wall.

     Thank you so much for your time! I value your feedback.

     Sincerely,
     Amy C.

     Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     November 9, 2015 at 2:40 pm

     Hi Amy,

     Actually, your writing is quite good in many important respects. You tell a compelling story, and oh my, when I think of all you and your family went through, it’s heart-wrenching. I can’t imagine having parents diagnosed with cancer within a week.

     The essay still can use editing, of course. First there are relatively minor things. Don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name, such as “Brown School of Physician Assistant Studies.” Words after a colon or semi-colon aren’t capitalized. “Whilst” is a really old-fashioned word, and it stopped me. You never want to use anything that’s going to make a reader stop unless it’s because you’ve hit a key point that makes someone take in a deep breath, and sigh. So skip unusual/uncommon words.

     This is what I’d do to your first paragraph:
     On Thanksgiving 2009 the most precious treasure was delivered into my arms, my daughter Milan. She provided me what nothing else had; the strength, the hope, and the perseverance essential for success. Being a full-time college student and single mother came with its challenges — a week after giving birth, I attended finals week and passed with all As. Having a child positively changed my outcome on life; failure fell off my bucket list.

     It’s okay to attribute motivation to wanting to take good care of your daughter. But your focus ultimately needs to be broader than that, more outer directed to patients and what you can do for them.

     Parts of your last paragraph are risky. I’d delete this: “This confirmation provided me the determination to choose Physician Assistant as our way of life. My family is the sole reason why I have a strong passion for becoming a PA.” It’s dangerous to suggest that your child is the reason you have determination to become a PA (even if it’s true). It’s even worse to say that the only reason you want to be a PA is your family. The first sentence is okay — Milan is proof that you excel despite adversity. The rest of the conclusion is a bit disjointed. Read it aloud and see if you can’t find ways to make it flow better.

     I hope this helps, and wish you the best.

     Sue Edmondson

     Reply

     • Amy C. says

       November 9, 2015 at 7:32 pm

       Dear Sue,

       Thank you again for the feedback. I made the necessary changes that you suggested. Take care.

       Sincerely,
       Amy

       Reply

       • Sue Edmondson says

         November 10, 2015 at 12:24 pm

         My pleasure, Amy, and I wish you the best.

         Sue

         Reply

2. Rauf A. says

   November 6, 2015 at 2:09 pm

   This is my first draft. I’m not sure if I did good because I am not the best at writing personal essays.

   It all started during my first year in college. I was taking prerequisites for pharmacy school initially, but when I first took anatomy, physiology, and other biology related courses, everything started to change for me. It intrigued me with how complex the human body is and how it worked, and wanted to study more about it. A few years ago, my mother slipped in the kitchen and tore her hand when it went under the range and caught on a sharp metal; I froze and felt helpless, did not know how to stop the bleeding, and had to ask the neighbor for aid before the ambulance arrived. The incident is what started to steer me away from a pharmacy towards a physician assistant (PA) profession.

   The reason I was thinking about pharmacy school was that everyone, including my mother kept pressuring me into it. However, when I finished all the prerequisites, it bothered me that I will not be able to work directly with the human body and in an active setting. I realized that I made a mistake and won’t be happy as a pharmacist even if the salary was high. After doing research, I found an active profession that will make me happy. Before choosing to become a PA, I started to get opinions from my family that I should go to medical school to become a doctor. However, I only listened to the advice from my personal MD and the PAs from the hospital I volunteered. I chose PA over MD because I want to start a family in the next few years. MDs work long hours, which is a sacrifice that would give me less time to spend with my family and won’t let me live a balanced life that will make me happy; I think that being happy would contribute to a better patient care.

   Before the final decision that the PA profession was right for me, I volunteered at Coney Island Hospital. I decided to volunteer at the hospital to ensure a clinical condition is right for me. I worked directly with patients in an ambulatory care unit. I had conversations with them, answered questions about their medical problems, attended their needs, and made them comfortable. Since the hospital serves a diverse population, from time to time the nurses and PAs asked me to help them as a language interpreter with Russian-speaking patients. My favorite thing was that I was the go-to volunteer because in addition to taking care of the patients, I had other multiple duties from the head nurse. There was a situation where I felt helpless again, when the PAs and the doctors went to lunch, I stayed in the unit to help the patients. There were many outpatients in the waiting room and one of them said he was in pain and can’t wait any longer for the PAs and doctors to come back from lunch. I asked if they need anything and tried to make them comfortable and inform them that everyone will come back soon; I wished I could to treat the patient, but I was just a volunteer.

   The feeling of helplessness is what motivated me to enter the healthcare field in the first place and I finally found out that becoming a PA is what I needed all along. I observed some of the PAs in the exam room to see how they did their job, learn what issues the patients had, and how the PA treated them. It surprised me when I saw how some patients thanked one of the PAs when leaving the exam room; it was not just a generic thank you and sounded like a heartfelt thank you letter. In addition, I paid attention to how the PAs, doctors, and nurses interacted with each other and the patients. During a break, I took advantage, had conversations with some of the PAs, and asked them questions about the profession. Even though I was a volunteer, it felt like I was part of a family in my unit and the patients were our children that we cared for.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     November 6, 2015 at 7:21 pm

     Hi Rauf,

     You’re not alone in having a tough time writing personal essays! Writing doesn’t come naturally — it’s a learned skill, like knowing how to take a patient’s vitals.

     Your essay is sincere but disjointed, and could have more details about your valuable experience as a volunteer. One thing you sure don’t want to say is that you don’t want to be a doctor because doctors work long hours. It may be true that some PAs work less hours than doctors, but it isn’t true about every PA, and you don’t want to sound like you’re not interested in working hard or serious about your career. Keep that thought to yourself whether it’s in an essay or interview. Also, in academic writing don’t use contractions — they’re considered too informal.

     Shorten up the second paragraph as follows (I’ve corrected the grammar and added words to illustrate my points): ” When I finished all the pharmacy school prerequisites, it bothered me that I would not be able to work directly with patients in an active setting. I realized that I that I would not be happy as a pharmacist even if the salary was high. After doing research, I found the PA profession. However, before making the final decision to become a PA, I volunteered at a hospital to gain patient experience and learn first hand what a PA does.”

     Then you’ll write a separate paragraph about your volunteer experiences so you can explain what impressed you about the work the PA did and why you’re suited for that profession, focusing on your personal strengths. PAs are different from doctors in many aspects, one of which is that they usually spend more time with patients. You can talk about that, too, if it applies to you, and other reasons you are choosing the PA profession over a career as a doctor. I’ve cut out the parts about people pressuring you into becoming a PA and asking everyone for their opinions — you’re old enough to make your own decisions and should, based upon your experiences, not pressure or opinions from family.

     I don’t often say this (for obvious reasons), but you would benefit from professional editing services. At a minimum, I’d recommend reading our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement.” Also, read some of the other essays posted on the website and the suggestions we’ve made about ways to improve them. You’ll get ideas from those, too.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

     • Rauf A. says

       November 7, 2015 at 9:52 am

       Hi Sue,
       Thank you for a fast response! I will edit my essay and read that book.

       Reply

       • Rauf A. says

         November 7, 2015 at 11:22 am

         I have a question. When submitting the essay to CASPA will there be a problem with plagiarism since I submitted the essay in the comments first?

         Reply

         • Sue Edmondson says

           November 7, 2015 at 3:29 pm

           You can’t plagiarize your own work! You can post it as many times as you want and it wouldn’t matter a bit. It would only be plagiarism if someone copied your work and claimed it as their own.

           Sue Edmondson

           Reply

3. Megan says

   October 30, 2015 at 9:36 am

   This isn’t the wine I ordered but I am hesitant to call for the waitress.

   Maybe because it is 11am on a Monday and I am the only patron with a laptop and scattered leaves of paper sans a non-fat coffee mocha soy latte something. I take a sip and it isn’t terrible so I go back to staring at the blank screen in front of me. This is roughly the hundredth draft of my personal narrative.

   The first few versions were focused on why a career as a physician assistant is perfect for me, the next couple were meant to explain my less than perfect GPA, and the last one was mostly made up: I never broke my arm and saw a PA who changed my life during my teenage years.

   I’m sure the 36 hours that I worked as an ICU technician on nights this past weekend alone, has a lot do with why the words on my screen keep blurring together. Never mind the 32 hours I had clocked during the week. I’m tired, my body hurts, and I’m emotionally drained; I’ve already cried in the shower. Now I’m supposed to explain why I am so excited to do this for the rest of my life?

   Easy.

   It is the elderly woman suffering from Alzheimer’s I met on my first night shift. I was there at three in the morning when she sat up, and in a moment of clarity and then terror, cried and reached for my hand. I held it until she slipped back into confusion.

   It is the 14 year old girl alone in her post-partum room, grieving her miscarriage. She smiled at the used HGTV magazines I brought even though she couldn’t possibly be interested in them.

   It is the former MD who came into the ICU determined and radiating sunshine. He passed away in the same bed a month later. Telling him stories until he fell asleep was often a highlight of my day.

   It is the elderly old man in the locked geriatric-psychiatry ward that hated me for following him around with his wheelchair to keep him safe. A pudding cup sealed our friendship.

   It is the newborn addicted to narcotics that had to be kept in private room to the back of the NICU. I held him all night.

   It is the HIV patient with liver failure who passed away. She was my first experience with death.

   I was their person – if only for a short time.

   There is a type of beauty in this profession: in being privy to the intrinsic rawness of humanity in the ill and dying; but also in my colleagues who fight tirelessly to treat, cure, and comfort. I’ve taken the long (and admittedly harder route) to PA school but I’ve learned a lot on my journey. Being a medical professional is a privilege, and I know now that I never want to feel removed from the experiences of my patients, to feel ineffective as a provider in any clinical setting, or forget what holding someone’s hand can do. It is these principles that are the foundation of the PA profession.

   Although I lacked direction and confidence in my undergraduate career and my grades suffered accordingly, I have worked tirelessly since graduation to prove that I am capable not only to Admissions, but to myself as well. After years of holding various medical positions, I have found the one that will allow me to provide the highest quality care and I will work indefatigably to do so.

   Reply

   • Megan says

     October 30, 2015 at 12:57 pm

     Hi Sue,
     I tried to stand out with my essay by using my real life experiences to show I understand the lifestyle I’m getting into and I’m worried it’s inappropriate. Eagerly awaiting your reply!

     Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     October 30, 2015 at 3:37 pm

     Hi Megan,

     I really love your essay. It’s unique, interesting, funny/sad and compelling. The voice is great! It’s also well under the word count, so you could squeeze in a few sentences about why you specifically want to be a PA, which is the only thing missing. You’re a clever enough writer to figure out where and how to do it in the same voice and tone you’ve used throughout.

     If you can’t bring yourself to write another word, you’ll capture the interest of admissions folks, anyway, which may be enough to get you that interview. But it’s a bit of a gamble not to address the key issue.

     Hope this helps and best of luck.

     Sue

     Reply

4. Sadaf patel says

   October 29, 2015 at 12:40 am

   Hi sue. Can u please email me. I really need your help. I have cut my essay down to 5000 character limit as u suggested before u do any edit. Thanks.
   Eagerly awaiting your reply.
   Thank you.

   Reply

5. Sadaf patel says

   October 28, 2015 at 3:03 pm

   Hi Sue, I had submitted my esaay and u had asked me to get to the 5000 character limit before u do any edit so here it is. Once again, thank you so much for doing this one time edit ..Please email me with the comments…I am not seeing my essay in the comments section…?????
   THANK YOU……..

   “You have cancer”. Years later, these words still resonate in my head. I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer in 1997, merely two months after I had gotten married. I was devastated. Although the diagnosis turned out to be false, my experience as a cancer patient was my first encounter with a physician assistant. The comprehensive nature of the consultation and the time the PA took to get to know me on a personal level allowed me to see the difference a compassionate caregiver could make in the midst of a serious diagnosis. Following the misdiagnosis, cultural restraints forced me to have a family instead of pursuing my career. Because of my nature to excel at what I undertake, I decide to be a stay home mom in order to provide the best care for my daughter. In hopes of returning to my career someday, I persisted and continued to volunteer at local hospitals while maintaining my obligations as a mother, wife, and daughter. My interest in patient care was augmented five years ago when my mother was diagnosed with early onset of Alzheimer’s disease. Noticing the helplessness in my expression, the PA put me at ease with her excellent bedside manner. After conferring with the supervising physician, she presented me with an easy-to-understand version of their conversation in order to understand the disease process and the treatments available. Both of these interactions have given me the opportunity to witness firsthand that practicing medicine is not just about prescribing but more importantly about caring. The exemplary level of empathy, compassion, and patience employed by the PA has solidified my desire to become a physician assistant.
   The miracle of medicine and human body has never failed to astonish me. Realizing that the only way to achieve this lofty goal was to perform well in my undergraduate studies, I majored in Biology at the University of California, Riverside. During my freshman year, my dad was laid off from work. Despite my desire to excel, I simply did not have the time or means to demonstrate my academic ability. A heavy work schedule combined with a competitive academic environment meant I couldn’t perform at a level that reflected my true academic abilities. Though dropping out of school would have alleviated much stress, I persisted and graduated from University of California, Riverside in good standing. This experience taught me maturity, adaptability, and most of all, perseverance.
   My Volunteer efforts at different hospitals including Riverside General Hospital, Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital, and Petaluma Valley Hospital have brought me in direct contact with many patients. In addition to shadowing physicians and medical residents, my duties included assisting nurses discharge patients, transporting patients to and from surgery, radiology, and labs. Though the doctors were impressive, it was the physician assistant who showed me the rewards of providing quality healthcare through patience, compassion, and teamwork. I learned that a practitioner-patient relationship is as important as the scientific aspect of medicine in treating the sick.
   Upon successful completion from a medical assisting program in 1995, I secured a position in an Internal medicine/Gastroenterology practice. Working as a medical assistant has given me the opportunity to work alongside the doctor at every visit. Although my duties included rooming patients, taking vitals, obtaining patient history, and scheduling surgeries, the part I enjoyed the most was the pre-op and post-op education that I provided to our patients. The patient gratitude I witnessed from empathizing with patients during their difficult times was both humbling and motivating. Interacting with these patients made me long to be able to care for and treat them myself as a physician assistant.
   When you find something that you love and know is the right fit for you, you will move mountains to get there. Moving those mountains requires hard work and perseverance and I have employed them both to get where I am. Since my grades twenty years ago do not represent my abilities, I recently quit my job as a Medical assistant and returned back to school more motivated and determined to succeed. My efforts for the past year and a half have moved me much closer to my ultimate goal of becoming a physician assistant. Having completed the required pre-requisite coursework with a GPA of 4.0 alongside my responsibilities as a mother, wife, and daughter and an active member of my community better reflects my true potential.
   My journey to pursuing my physician assistant degree has involved events and experiences that have given me tremendous appreciation for the role that the physician assistants play in the healthcare continuum. Through my maturity, determination, compassion and experience, I am confident that I will be an outstanding physician assistant, effective not only through my hands but my heart as well. I look forward to embarking on the next step of this journey to become a caring and healing physician assistant.

   Reply

   • Sadaf patel says

     October 29, 2015 at 12:26 am

     Sue can u please look over my essay and make suggestions. I cut it down to the 5000 character limit.
     Thank you so much.

     Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     October 29, 2015 at 7:38 am

     Hi Sadaf,

     Good job on cutting. You’re still a little over, but that’s easily handled with editing.

     Your opening is excellent with one exception — your grammar error. Punctuation always goes inside the end quotation mark, so this sentence “You have cancer”. would correctly be written, “You have cancer.” Grammar errors aren’t acceptable and you have several throughout your essay, so you’ll want someone to proofread it carefully to catch those. Apart from that, your opening is attention grabbing and gets right to the heart of the matter.

     You’ll need to create a new paragraph starting with “Following the misdiagnosis . . .” Also, I don’t recommend saying that “cultural restraints forced me to have a family.” It sounds as if you had nothing to do with it, which isn’t true regardless of the pressure you felt. Taking personal responsibility for decisions is a big deal. Instead, you might want to say something such as “I honored my cultural values, which meant that I had a family instead of a career.”

     The essay lacks some cohesion due to jumping around in time. If I’m understanding your essay, your first work as a medical assistant started in 1995 and ended around 1997. If that assumption is wrong, it’s because of how you’ve written the essay, so you need to clarify that.

     At any rate, to remedy the timeline issue, I recommend moving sentences around and modifying them to something like I’ve done below, using your words — mine are just illustrative of the point I’m trying to make. (By the way, “decide” should be “decided” and the correct way to say “stay home mom” is “stay at home mom,” although my recommendation is to shorten that, anyway, as you’ll see): “Because of my nature to excel at what I undertake, I decided to stay home in order to provide the best care for my daughter. That meant giving up my work as a medical assistant in an Internal medicine/Gastroenterology practice. Working as a medical assistant gave me the opportunity to work alongside the doctor at every visit. The part I enjoyed the most was the pre-op and post-op education that I provided to our patients. The patient gratitude I witnessed from empathizing with patients during their difficult times was both humbling and motivating. Interacting with these patients made me long to be able to care for and treat them myself. However, in hopes of returning to my career someday, I persisted and continued to volunteer at local hospitals while maintaining my obligations as a mother, wife, and daughter. ”

     You’ll see that I eliminated some of the language about your duties — that wasn’t necessary, and also left out the part about wanting to care for them as a PA. At the time, according to your opening, you hadn’t even met a PA until 1997, so that doesn’t make sense.

     The next timeline issue is explaining when you went back to work as a medical assistant. Because the timeline is vague, if your recent medical assistant work was with the Internal med office you’ll change what I’ve suggested above to this: That meant giving up my work as a medical assistant. However, in hopes of returning to my career someday, I persisted and continued to volunteer at local hospitals while maintaining my obligations as a mother, wife, and daughter. ”

     You’ll write about your return to medical assisting work after the paragraph about your mother, which also needs to be a separate paragraph.

     Those are my suggestions, and I hope they help.

     Best of luck,

     Sue Edmondson

     Reply

     • Sadaf Patel says

       October 30, 2015 at 12:03 am

       Hi Sue, Thank you so much for the suggestions. I have worked on them and have prepared my final draft.
       What do u think about my conclusion???? Has it tied all the points of my essay???
       I m awaiting your answer for that ..Please let me know so i can submit my essay.
       Your expert stamp of approval is very much appreciated :):):)
       Sincerely,
       Sadaf

       Reply

       • Sue Edmondson says

         October 30, 2015 at 7:02 am

         Hi Sadef,

         I thought your conclusion was fine.

         Best of luck.

         Sue

         Reply

6. Anita says

   October 27, 2015 at 7:28 pm

   My decision to become a physician assistant (PA) was determined earlier in my life as I wanted to graduate high school with an established career path. Suffering from frequent sinus infections in 2006, I often landed myself in the Emergency Departments Fast Track, which to my surprise was managed by PAs. At that time, PA was a newly evolving medical career that everyone around me was interested in. What attracted me was that it allowed students to study medicine in a flexible approach, where they were able to easily alternate specialties throughout their career. One could graduate PA school practicing general medicine, but later go on to study a different specialty. This enabled a PA to practice within many fields of medicine, allowing them to expand their knowledge and experiences every time. In order to explore the field further, I began volunteering at my local hospital in the Surgery Recovery Unit. It was here where I had my first-hand experience with PAs, as I was able to observe them at work interacting with each other and their patients. Within a short time, I decided to follow through with my instinctual decision to become a PA and embraced it as my ultimate career goal.

   After successfully graduating City College with a Bachelors of Science in Biology, I knew it was time for me to expose myself deeper within the medical field and explore the role of a PA further. Following many failed attempts to volunteer and shadow PAs at private practices, I began volunteering at New York Presbyterian which gave me the opportunity to shadow different PAs in the Emergency Department. My first shadowing experience was by far the most memorable as I walked out that day feeling so revived with all the information and support I received from the on-call PA Adam, in just a 4 hour shift. This was my first time witnessing direct medical treatment, where instead of being asked to step outside the room, I was standing beside a PA as he sutured bleeding wounds. I knew I was already confident with my decision to become a PA from the beginning, but my newly gained motivation was Adam. He was so passionate about the career, so informed and eager to treat; I thought to myself, this is exactly how I want to be. Adam saw the potential I had of becoming a PA, and advised me to look into volunteering as an EMT, so I could gradually remove myself from retail and emerge into healthcare. He said his path to becoming a PA was similar and following his advice, I enrolled in an EMT course.

   Soon after starting my EMT class, I was offered a medical assistant (MA) position at New York Allergy & Sinus Centers which opened doors to a whole new experience. My duty as a full time MA allows me to be more involved with a patient’s medical care as I am able to assist clinicians with their allergy testing procedures. With this, I have been able to shadow PAs in a more community based setting where the PA-patient interaction is more prolonged and detailed. Knowing my interest in the field, PAs often discuss more complicated allergy cases with me, allowing me to understand the reasoning process that precedes diagnosing a specific allergy condition. I have more closely worked with Sara Lynn, a dedicated PA to the allergy practice, who has further motivated me in my efforts to become a PA. Her approachable persona allows me to be comfortable in asking questions about medical conditions I am unaware of and through her advice, I have learnt a lot about the PA profession.

   The venture to become a prospective PA student has been a life changing journey. Being the daughter of uneducated parents who moved to the US to pursue a better life, I often felt adrift along the way. Having no educational guidance or anyone to look up to, I was forced to mold myself into becoming an independent woman at a young age. My strength has led my perseverance as I continue to put my boundless effort in keeping a positive attitude and succeeding in my journey to become a PA. Throughout the years, I have made light of my struggles and mentored immigrant children who just like myself, grew into uneducated families. I have guided them through their education and have been their support system for years and today they too are on their own pathway to success.

   My motivation and desire to become a PA has been instilled in me since the beginning, and is sincerely based on the exposure to the profession that I received over the years being a prospective PA student. Initially learning about the career was a fortunate coincidence for me, but advancing my professional and educational skills in order to become a PA, was my biggest commitment. My endeavors have enabled me to be exposed to PAs working in different medical settings and with this, I can assert with complete confidence that I have made the best career choice for myself. I believe I am a strong candidate as a potential PA student, and would put my eternal effort into succeeding in your program and becoming the best PA I can.

   Reply

   • Anita says

     October 30, 2015 at 6:29 pm

     Hi Sue,

     I would love to hear your feedback on my essay since i have some time left to edit it. I see your feedback on other essays is very helpful to the applicant so i would love for you to read through mine.

     Thank You

     Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     October 31, 2015 at 10:27 am

     Hi Anita,

     You have a lot of great experience, and your story is powerful. Although you’re not alone in being a child of immigrants who’s focus is survival, not education, it doesn’t make your life’s story any less compelling. However, you don’t want your experience and your history get lost in the details.

     The opening isn’t bad (although I would suggest you experiment with starting with the fourth paragraph), but the last thing you want to do is give a laundry list of the role of PA in the first paragraph. Not only is it unnecessary, but it uses valuable space that otherwise you’d have to talk about yourself. I know that’s hard to do, but the whole purpose of these essays is to interest Admissions folk enough to want to meet you. Yes, you have to show that you actually understand the role of PA and tell why it’s the one for you, but you’ve done that that without listing PA’s duties. Also, there’s no need to use the acronym — everyone knows that PA stands for physician assistant.

     So that first paragraph (which I hope in the end won’t be the first) would look like this after editing (with a caveat — I’ve used some of my words — you’ll use words that fit for you):
     “My decision to become a physician assistant was determined early as I wanted to graduate high school with an established career path. Suffering from frequent sinus infections in 2006, I often landed in the Emergency Department’s Fast Track (note: you needed an apostrophe for “Department’s” because it’s possessive), which to my surprise was managed by PAs. At that time, PA was a newly evolving medical career that everyone around me was interested in. What attracted me was that it allowed students to study medicine in a flexible approach, where they were able to easily alternate specialties throughout their career. In order to explore the field further, I began volunteering at my local hospital in the Surgery Recovery Unit. It was here where I had my first hands-on experience (note: first-hand doesn’t work here and shouldn’t be hyphenated ) with PAs, (Here, instead of your generic description, tell something specific). Within a short time, I decided to follow through with my decision to become a PA and embraced it as my career goal.”

     All your experiences in the essay are focused outward toward the PA and what you like about the job (except in the fourth paragraph), so I suggest you focus on how the experiences have impacted you, what you have learned about yourself and the things you have to offer patients. It’s all pretty clinical sounding right now, guarded if you will, which I’m guessing is your personality. Make yourself stretch a bit to help the essay show who you are. The writing is formal, which is fine — it shows your education and intelligence, but you also want a bit of humanity to come through. You’ll have some rewriting to do, but developing a great essay is a process.

     Watch for grammar errors such as those I’ve noted. Have a couple of people proofread your essay to catch those. Spell and grammar checks don’t always do the job.

     Hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson

     Reply

7. Sadaf Patel says

   October 26, 2015 at 11:47 am

   Hi Duke,
   First of all, I want to say thank you so much for doing this. I just found out about your service. I wish I had known earlier. Anyways, I have a deadline for next monday and unfortunately no means to pay even the one-time service. I feel good about my essay but your stamp of approval for my essay would mean the world to me. Can u please look it over and make suggestions??? I do need it by wednesday if posssible so I can make the necessary modifications.
   Thank you sooooooooo much.
   Here it is…..

   “You have cancer”. Years later, these words still resonate in my head. I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer in 1997, merely two months after I had gotten married. The emotions that followed included devastation, frustration, anger, and depression. Although the diagnosis turned out to be false, this experience enabled me to observe the healthcare field from a patient’s perspective. My experience as a cancer patient was the first time a practitioner other than a physician was partially responsible for my care. My consultation with the PA was very thorough; he took the time to get to know me on a personal level and developed a connection with me prior to my meeting with the endocrinologist. He took the time to make me feel comfortable and helped me understand the disease process. Furthermore, this experience allowed me to see the difference a compassionate caregiver could make in the midst of a serious diagnosis. Following the misdiagnosis, cultural restraints forced me to have a family instead of pursuing my career. Because of my nature to excel at what I undertake, I decide to be a stay home mom in order to provide the best care for my daughter. In hopes of returning to my career someday, I still persisted and continued to volunteer at local hospitals and tutor students in the community while maintaining my obligations as a mother, wife, and daughter. My passion and drive to be a physician assistant reached new heights five years ago when my mother was diagnosed with early onset of Alzheimer’s Disease. My world came tumbling down to see my source of inspiration wither away. Instead of taking a back seat to her diagnosis, I have spent hours researching the disease and other myriad of problems associated with the disease. This is my second interaction with the physician assistant field. Once again, the PA was very thorough and took time to get to know my mother on a personal level and has developed a connection with me as well. While highly educated and professional, the neurologist did not have the same rapport with me that the physician assistant has developed. Both my interactions with my mother’s disease as well as my own have gave me the opportunity to witness first hand how practicing medicine is not just about prescribing but more importantly about caring. The exemplary level of empathy, compassion, and patience that the physician assistant has displayed on a regular basis has solidified my desire to become a physician assistant.
   The miracle of medicine and human body has never failed to astonish me. From a very young age, I shadowed my grandfather in his pharmacy. I imagined myself as a healthcare provider and scribbled on blank sheets of paper pretending to diagnose and prescribe medication to imaginary patients. At 7, the dream and goal of being a provider were set. Realizing that the only way to achieve this lofty goal was to perform well in my undergraduate studies, I majored in Biology at the University of California, Riverside. During my freshman year, my dad was laid off from work. Being the eldest of the three kids, responsibility fell on my shoulders to be able to support my family. Despite my desire to excel and and inherent love of learning, I simply did not have the time or means to demonstrate my academic ability. A heavy work schedule combined with the financial burden of supporting family and a competitive academic environment meant I couldn’t perform at a level that reflected my true academic abilities. Though dropping out of school would have alleviated much stress, I persisted and graduated from University of California, Riverside in good standing. This experience taught me maturity, adaptability, and most of all, perseverance.
   My first true introduction to the healthcare field came through a Pre-med Volunteer program at Riverside General Hospital. I volunteered in different wards including Family Practice, Internal medicine, Pediatrics, OB/Gyn, and Surgery. This allowed me to gain insight into the hospital environment. In addition to shadowing medical students, residents , and inadvertently PAs with direct patient care including history, physical, and discussions, my duties also included visiting and helping to discharge patients, transporting patients from wards to nursing units, radiology, labs, etc., and answering phones and call lights. Though the doctors were impressive, it was the physician assistants who showed me the rewards of providing quality healthcare through patience, compassion, and patient-centered approach. I was particularly impressed by the time the physician assistant spent with each patient, educating them of their ailment and explaining treatment options in layman’s terms. Witnessing patient gratitude was motivating. This volunteer position has allowed me to have direct contact with bed-ridden patients and made me realize that a practitioner-patient relationship is as important as the scientific aspect of medicine in treating the sick.
   In addition to my undergraduate studies, I also graduated from a Medical Assisting Program which provided me with certifications in CPR, venipuncture, Injections, and ECG’s. Because field experience is such a valuable tool, I searched for a medical assistant position that would allow me to have direct contact with patients and obtain the skills needed to be a skilled and compassionate practitioner. Upon graduation, I started to work in an Internal Medicine/ Gastroenterology practice. This position afforded me the opportunity to work alongside the doctor during each visit. My duties included rooming patients, taking vitals, obtaining patient history, and assisting the doctor with routine exams and minor surgeries. Scheduling surgeries and procedures and providing pre-op and post -op patient education has enabled me to interact with the patients on a personal level. Interacting with these patients made me long to be able to care for and treat them myself. I have also had the opportunity to work as a medical records supervisor where I learned the importance of medical records processing and patient confidentiality-an important aspect of healthcare.
   Being part of the community and helping others thrive has always been important to me. Growing up, organizing Church projects designed to improve our community were regular activities for me. Throughout my high school, college and adult life, I have tutored friends and peers in my community. I have also been privileged to be a board of director for the American Heart association and a volunteer for the Inland AIDS project during my college years. Currently, I take great pride in volunteering my time as a classroom mom at both my children’s schools and as a teacher’s assistant at the Sunday school for our Church. This community involvement gives me great pride in not only helping others but more importantly making a difference in their lives.
   When you find something that you love and know is the right fit for you, you will move mountains to get there. Moving those mountains requires hard work and perseverance and I have employed them both to get where I am. Since my grades twenty years ago do not represent my abilities, I recently quit my job as a Medical assistant and returned back to school more motivated and determined to succeed. My efforts for the past year and a half have moved me much closer to my ultimate goal of becoming a physician assistant. Having completed the required pre-requisite coursework with a GPA of 4.0 alongside my responsibilities as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and an active member of my community better reflects my true potential.
   My journey to pursuing my physician assistant degree has involved events and experiences that have given me tremendous appreciation for the role that the physician assistants play in the healthcare continuum. Through my maturity, determination, compassion and experience, I am confident that I will be an outstanding physician assistant, effective not only through my hands but my heart as well. I fully understand the intellectual requirement, critical thinking skills, commitment and stamina need to meet the challenges of the profession. I look forward to embarking on the next step of this journey to become a caring and healing physician assistant.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     October 26, 2015 at 2:00 pm

     Hi Sadef,

     Duke doesn’t do the free reviews, just so you know who you’re not dealing with him, but I’m sure he’d agree with my suggestion.

     First I’m glad you submitted your statement even if it’s for the free comments, since it isn’t ready to be turned in. The biggest problem is that it’s way over the 5000 CASPA character and space limit (both count, and even if they didn’t, you were still over). So you have to cut over 3200 characters and spaces just to make it fit.

     In order to make the best use of the free comments I’ll make, get your essay down to the 5000 limit, repost it and I’ll be happy to make suggestions before your Monday deadline (the sooner, the better, of course). Right now, it won’t do you much good because I may comment on things that are going to be cut. To help you get started, though, you can leave this out: “From a very young age, I shadowed my grandfather in his pharmacy. I imagined myself as a healthcare provider and scribbled on blank sheets of paper pretending to diagnose and prescribe medication to imaginary patients. At 7, the dream and goal of being a provider were set.” It’s sweet, but not very useful. To cut more, read each paragraph carefully and take out what isn’t absolutely essential.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

8. Aesha says

   October 21, 2015 at 3:22 pm

   The Admissions Committee is interested in your reasons for entering this field and in your ability to express the motivation behind your decision. Explain below the unique factors and experiences that led you to this profession. If you are already certified or licensed in a health professions field, explain why you wish to continue your education. / Please explain why you are interested in being a Physician Assistant.

   My fascination with healthcare began while volunteering at a local hospital during high school. Science classes, particularly those pertaining to the human body, always intrigued me, and my aspiration to help others naturally led me to consider healthcare as a career. My passion for healthcare grew exponentially after witnessing my father undergo a life-changing disease that could have been prevented had a physician taken more time and tended to my father with individualized care. Healthcare is a growing field that requires passion, experience, and empathy. Through my various roles and experiences, I was fortunate to attain these qualities and will be able to apply them as a future physician assistant.
   During the beginning of my freshman year of college, my father, was diagnosed with stage IIB colorectal cancer. Although I wished it was under different circumstances, the complications my dad had to experience gave me a perspective on how I want to care for future patients I may encounter. I grew immensely from my dad’s illness as it helped evolve me as a person when overcoming hardships. I have learned that although there will be moments of adversity, with patience and diligence, there is always a silver lining to such barriers . The physician assistant, was constantly by my family’s side during the diagnosis, and she was a critical team member in my father’s recovery. She not only clearly explained the procedures and various medications my dad was taking, but she also alleviated many of my family’s concerns by answering any and all of our questions. Similarly, I want to provide exceptional service to my future patients so they are always at ease while they are receiving the best health care. Every patient deserves a fighting chance to live a healthy, normal life. While I take pride in my ability to think scientifically, the experience my family and I had with the physician assistant during my dad’s ordeal, has underscored my appreciation for empathy and interpersonal skills when dealing with patients.
   Through my experiences at the Free Health Care Medical Clinic, I was able to observe the responsibility and impact healthcare professionals undertake on a daily basis. During my time at the free medical clinic, I was able to gain first hand experience of aiding patients who have undergone financial obstacles that only allowed them to receive medical attention at the clinic. Watching the different healthcare professionals and people of the community come together to volunteer their time was inspirational. It helped me become more sensitive to patients with various personalities and backgrounds that I may encounter and how to be prepare for the unexpected. Additionally, my work at Piedmont Cardiology Associates, an office specialized in the care of cardiovascular diseases, allowed me the opportunity to learn and assist in the various roles that were offered. Observing the health care staff consistently collaborate with one another gave me an insight that the care of each patient is a team effort and therefore it is crucial to be considerate and supportive to those who you work with. Through my experiences thus far, I plan to take time out to volunteer at a free clinic along with underserved areas around the world that do not have the medical privileges that we do while being a part of a team with the same goals. I want to make a global impact as a physician assistant. I know I can be a great contribution to this ever changing field if given the opportunity to practice as I will be able to also teach the importance of maintaining beneficial healthcare.
   Witnessing someone close to me undergoing a devastating disease, I have realized that it is important to take time and diagnose each patient carefully to ensure a positive outcome. As a physician assistant, I want to ensure my patients feel safe and that they can approach me regardless of any issues they may be experiencing, while also addressing any questions/concerns that may be causing apprehension. By watching my dad undergo his treatments and seeing how it affected my family, I can fully understand and relate to other patients who may be going through similar obstacles. Additionally, through my experiences, I was able to observe that physicians were not solely responsible for a patient’s health, but a team-based effort. Knowing that I want to help others on their individual road to success is what makes me want to continue on this path. Being able to witness the transition of a patient’s deteriorating health to an improving one was inspiring, and I hope to be a part of that process. If I am given the opportunity to fulfill my dream of becoming a physician assistant through this program, I will continue to work just as hard, if not more, in doing everything I can to make this dream a reality.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     October 25, 2015 at 12:34 pm

     Hi Aesha,

     First, I’m very sorry to read about your father’s illness. I know the devastation a cancer diagnosis brings to a family. You were able to write about this difficult experience and tie it well to your wish to become a PA.

     One of the big issues with the opening of your essay is that you jump around a lot and that leads to a lack of cohesion. For example, these sentences are out of place: “Healthcare is a growing field that requires passion, experience, and empathy. Through my various roles and experiences, I was fortunate to attain these qualities and will be able to apply them as a future physician assistant.” That’s probably best saved for your conclusion. You don’t want to lose the attention of your readers in the first paragraph.

     Do you really know that your dad’s disease could have been prevented? Or is it more accurate to say that it could have been diagnosed at an earlier stage? I don’t know, but I imagine you do, so you’ll either have to omit that part or temper or clarify it.

     I have to say that “passion” is so overused in these essays, it’s become meaningless. You can use it, but another word, such as “interest,” may do a better job for you.

     This is all pretty vague: “Watching the different healthcare professionals and people of the community come together to volunteer their time was inspirational. It helped me become more sensitive to patients with various personalities and backgrounds that I may encounter and how to be prepare for the unexpected. Additionally, my work at Piedmont Cardiology Associates, an office specialized in the care of cardiovascular diseases, allowed me the opportunity to learn and assist in the various roles that were offered.”

     If you use specific details, your experiences will come alive for your readers. It’s a common problem for everyone — you know the details of your experience, but forget that no one else does. The more specific you are, the better the essay is.

     There’s some awkward writing, too. This is one example: “Additionally, through my experiences, I was able to observe that physicians were not solely responsible for a patient’s health, but a team-based effort.” There are other places, too, where it’s a problem. (I worry, too, about your statement, “I want to make a global impact as a physician assistant.” That sounds a lot grander than you probably intended — it suggests you intend to save the world so to speak.

     When you rewrite your essay, have the computer read it aloud to you. You’ll catch a lot of the awkwardness.

     Finally, I’m not sure if you have certification in another healthcare related field. I wondered because you say you work for Piedmont Cardiology. If you do, add just a few words to explain why that’s not enough and you want to continue your education. You almost get there, but not quite. Be specific so there’s no doubt about your intent.

     I hope all this helps and wish you (and your father) the best.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

9. Pooja says

   October 20, 2015 at 1:05 pm

   At the age of eleven, while stooped over a boiling pot of herbs and cow blood in a clearing in a field of banana plants in Mombasa, Kenya, a woman of the local Messiah tribe taught me an important adage… “The strongest, healthiest man will be weak and useless if the kitchen where he takes his meal or the place where he relieves himself is unkempt.”
   This is an adage that I did not truly grasp until I started to volunteer at The Nurturing Center, a nationally accredited behavioral health center dedicated to rehabilitating families and children dealing with abuse and neglect while employing a non-punitive and non-judgmental methodology. As a volunteer, I was responsible for assisting with the physical and social therapies of the children in the 18 months – 1.5 year age group and nurturing children that had been subjected to physical, emotional, sexual, and neglectful abuse before they took their first step or spoke their first word. Furthermore, I was able to experience, first-hand, the resiliency of children and determine that children are the purest form of humanity; the personality children embody is one that is truly theirs and has not been subjected to influence from society or adult figures.
   As a volunteer for the first month or so, I went home with an anger of a magnitude I’d never experienced before directed towards the parents of the children at the center. I was angry that an adult could starve a child, who liked to carry a pink purse and put treasures that she found on the playground in it, to the point where her development was so impeded that she could not walk or talk. I was angry that an adult could physically abuse a child, who liked to run obstacle courses around the playground and read the same fire truck book every day after snack time, to the point that he flinches and withdraws every time someone touches him. I was especially angry that these resilient children had to spend their afternoons in physical and social therapy instead of playing on the playground and using their imaginations to see the wonder in every day life, as only children have the power to do.
   This anger I felt towards the parents of these amazing little people got to a point that it consumed me throughout the entire day. One day, the director of the center asked me to sit in on one of the therapy sessions for the parents of the children. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but it would be a sixty-minute session that agitated the bedrock of my yearning to go into healthcare. In the space of that sixty-minute session, I learned that if a person experiences even three of the identified fifteen risk factors for becoming an abuser, that their chances of abusing increase to 60%… the guardians in this session experienced on average eight to nine of the risk factors. These guardians were battling issues such as low-income jobs, unstable family dynamics, lack of transportation, and low socio-economic housing among other issues. In the space of that sixty-minute session, I learned that the environment in which the body exists in is just as integral to the overall health of the body as maintaining each individual component of the human body. The conditions and characteristics of the environment in which these families lived were not conducive to well-rounded and healthy lives. I finally understood the adage that the Messiah woman taught me when I was eleven.
   Physician’s assistants partake in the unique advantage of having the autonomy to work within all the different disciplines of medicine, ranging from physical and emotional health to mental health, and gain a first hand appreciation of the stupefying magnificence of the human body. It is my goal to be a part of the body of physician’s assistants so that I may have the honor and privilege of working with every aspect of child care ranging from general pediatric medicine to pediatric surgery and pediatric counseling, and impact a patient’s health and life in multiple areas. In this way, I hope to help more children with a passion for pink purses and fashion and obstacle courses and athletics to overcome their abusive and unjustifiable past and achieve a well-balanced health in every aspect of their lives. Furthermore, I want to take the experience and knowledge I would gain as a physician’s assistant and employ it to open a center akin to The Nurturing Center in a community without that resource so that more abused and neglected children get to experience bear hugs and kisses, love and affection, feelings of security and happiness, and live lives that are physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy.

   Reply

   • Pooja says

     October 20, 2015 at 1:11 pm

     Sorry! Didn’t mean to post my essay twice!

     Reply

10. Pooja says

    October 12, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    At the age of eleven, while stooped over a boiling pot of herbs and cow blood in a clearing in a field of banana plants in Mombasa, Kenya, a woman of the local Messiah tribe taught me an important adage… “The strongest, healthiest man will be weak and useless if the kitchen where he takes his meal or the place where he relieves himself is unkempt.”

    This is an adage that I did not truly grasp until I started to volunteer at The Nurturing Center, a nationally accredited behavioral health center dedicated to rehabilitating families and children dealing with abuse and neglect while employing a non-punitive and non-judgmental methodology. As a volunteer, I was responsible for assisting with the physical and social therapies of the children in the 18 months – 1.5 year age group and nurturing children that had been subjected to physical, emotional, sexual, and neglectful abuse before they took their first step or spoke their first word. Furthermore, I was able to experience, first-hand, the resiliency of children and determine that children are the purest form of humanity; the personality children embody is one that is truly theirs and has not been subjected to influence from society or adult figures.

    As a volunteer for the first month or so, I went home with an anger of a magnitude I’d never experienced before directed towards the parents of the children at the center. I was angry that an adult could starve a child, who liked to carry a pink purse and put treasures that she found on the playground in it, to the point where her development was so impeded that she could not walk or talk. I was angry that an adult could physically abuse a child, who liked to run obstacle courses around the playground and read the same fire truck book every day after snack time, to the point that he flinches and withdraws every time someone touches him. I was especially angry that these resilient children had to spend their afternoons in physical and social therapy instead of playing on the playground and using their imaginations to see the wonder in every day life, as only children have the power to do.

    This anger I felt towards the parents of these amazing little people got to a point that it consumed me throughout the entire day. One day, the director of the center asked me to sit in on one of the therapy sessions for the parents of the children. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but it would be a sixty-minute session that agitated the bedrock of my yearning to go into healthcare. In the space of that sixty-minute session, I learned that if a person experiences even three of the identified fifteen risk factors for becoming an abuser, that their chances of abusing increase to 60%… the guardians in this session experienced on average eight to nine of the risk factors. These guardians were battling issues such as low-income jobs, unstable family dynamics, lack of transportation, and low socio-economic housing among other issues. In the space of that sixty-minute session, I learned that the environment in which the body exists in is just as integral to the overall health of the body as maintaining each individual component of the human body. The conditions and characteristics of the environment in which these families lived were not conducive to well-rounded and healthy lives. I finally understood the adage that the Messiah woman taught me when I was eleven.

    Physician’s assistants partake in the unique advantage of having the autonomy to work within all the different disciplines of medicine, ranging from physical and emotional health to mental health, and gain a first hand appreciation of the stupefying magnificence of the human body. It is my goal to be a part of the body of physician’s assistants so that I may have the honor and privilege of working with every aspect of child care ranging from general pediatric medicine to pediatric surgery and pediatric counseling, and impact a patient’s health and life in multiple areas. In this way, I hope to help more children with a passion for pink purses and fashion and obstacle courses and athletics to overcome their abusive and unjustifiable past and achieve a well-balanced health in every aspect of their lives. Furthermore, I want to take the experience and knowledge I would gain as a physician’s assistant and employ it to open a center akin to The Nurturing Center in a community without that resource so that more abused and neglected children get to experience bear hugs and kisses, love and affection, feelings of security and happiness, and live lives that are physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      October 14, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      Hi Pooja,

      Your essay is heartfelt and compelling — I too, have seen the devastation if physical abuse through my work in family court and even after all these years, it never gets easier to see.

      However your essay doesn’t do what it needs to do. First, it has a fatal flaw — you have the name of the profession wrong. It’s physician assistant, not physician’s assistant. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty across the country about writing these essays for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” all said getting the name of the profession wrong was a huge red flag.

      Equally important, the essay doesn’t really convey why you’re choosing to become a physician assistant. In fact, when your final paragraph suggests that pursuing a degree in public health, or business might be more fitting to your goal of opening a place like the Nurture Center.

      When you make generalities you use precious characters and spaces in a way that’s not helpful. For example, the sentence, “Physician’s (physician) assistants partake in the unique advantage of having the autonomy to work within all the different disciplines of medicine, ranging from physical and emotional health to mental health, and gain a first hand appreciation of the stupefying magnificence of the human body,” you use 292 of them on a statement that tells readers nothing about you.

      I can’t tell from reading the essay how you even got to the point of becoming interested in the PA profession and how that interest developed to the point where you’re applying to PA school. When did you become aware of the profession? Have you shadowed PAs? What did you learn from those experiences that convinced you to become a PA.

      You have some rewriting to do, which will require you to cut words in the main part of your essay. Then you’ll need to transition to the heart of the matter as I’ve suggested above. Right now, there’s no transition.

      I hope this helps and that you continue to do your good work for abused children.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

11. Nikki says

    October 2, 2015 at 9:42 pm

    My submission is actually geared more towards a single university’s essay requirement. I’m afraid that I am not adequately meeting their guidelines so any help is much appreciated! Specifically, does this portray to the reader why I have chosen the PA profession and what my future plans as a PA are? Here are the essay requirement guidelines that they provided:

    Personal Essay
    Please submit a brief, personal statement (750-1000 words) with this application, telling the Admissions Committee about yourself, your interests, why you chose to pursue Physician Assistant as a career and your future plans as a PA. The personal statement should communicate your motivation, goals, circumstances, and experiences related to a career as a Physician Assistant. The Admissions Committee would like to hear your thoughts regarding your strengths and weaknesses in pursuing a career as a Physician Assistant.

    “Should I call an ambulance?”
    “No..they’re gunna kill me.”

    There I was, 19 years old, curled in a ball on the floor and screaming in pain. Yet, somehow, able to focus enough to instruct my dad and little sister in my own care. Waiting for an ambulance was out of the question. Every breath betrayed me with the most earth shattering pain I’ve ever known. Laying any way but in the fetal position meant I stopped breathing altogether. Laying flat on a stretcher or backboard would mean my dad and little sister would either watch me die or witness life saving measures. It’s been 5 years, complete with an infarcted right lower lobe and a definitive diagnosis of moderate burden bilateral Pulmonary emboli, since that day. And yet, that day marked the beginning of a crash course in medicine that ultimately changed my life’s passion and direction forever.

    Colorado is my home, butI was so sure of my future as a Physical Therapist that I left everything I knew to pursue a 6 year Doctor of Physical Therapy degree in Kentucky. There is no doubt in my mind that I would be a practicing PT if I had not gone through those pulmonary emboli during my undergraduate years. It’s that single event that changed my life. From the second I had a diagnosis, I needed to know what was going on inside my body from the formation of the clots to the way the medications worked. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days and finally started coughing out the blood clots that burdened my lungs on the 3rd day. After 3 days of constant pain control and several hours of coughing out clots, I was finally able to breathe with some degree of ease. I was ready to go home. The doctor expressed some obvious concerns over my wellbeing, mostly due to the fact that they had been largely unsuccessful regulating my PT/INR levels. I was finally able to convince him that I could self inject my own anticoagulants and would be sure to have frequent testing done to ensure therapeutic levels were being maintained. Shortly after discharge I was packing my bags and boarding a plane (after injecting my blood thinner in the bathroom at home so my dad could see that I could do it on my own). It wasn’t until I was on my own back in Kentucky that I realized I desperately needed an oxygen tank. I was later seen by my new primary care physician who had approximately a dozen portable oxygen tanks ordered for delivery to my dorm room immediately. I’ll never forget the woman at the medical supply store asking me “is this for someone you take care of, like your grandmother or in home care? I’ve never seen oxygen saturation this low before.” No, it was for me; 19 years old, and now only a week and a half past winning a weight lifting competition to rank #9 in the nation, sitting in a medical supply store with an oxygen saturation of 82%.

    It wasn’t until I was later working as an ER scribe and a young woman came in reporting an asthma flare up, and eventually became a full code, that I really saw the devastating truth of what my life could have been. We discovered she had multiple bilateral pulmonary emboli and that she had gone into respiratory failure as a result of the heavy burden. Watching her slip from heavy and labored breathing into the chaos that is a full code vividly reminded me of my pleas to my dad, just 2 years prior, in an effort to save him from witnessing what I was recording in my patient treatment charting. Many providers that I worked with would clear a path or move me right next to them so that I could have an up close view of procedures. Not only did I have the view, but many of them would even walk me through procedures as they went and would test my knowledge on anatomy and pathophysiology topics as they related to our current case. This experience was immeasurably beneficial because it gave me an advantage over the many medical students who would shadow our physicians and had no real knowledge of what was going on in most cases. Exposure to such topics prior to even applying to a medical program is something I will always feel blessed for having the opportunity to experience. My time as a Scribe also taught me that I am able to be empathetic, yet able to adequately remove myself emotionally from situations that model after my own medical trauma. I witnessed many people enter the ER and never step foot out of it again. Of those, several were affected by pulmonary emboli, which eventually fueled my interests in hematology rather than bring up any feelings of my own medical trials and tribulations. At that point, I realized I was inching closer to where I needed to be emotionally to take care of my own patients and be fully present in providing their care, instead of being preoccupied with my own fears and emotional wounds.

    It’s not often in life we are given a true test of our most raw and instinctual drive. I feel blessed in my own way to have lived the life I have, especially since I revealed to myself my deepest desire and drive for the medical profession. I’ll never know where that focus and calm came from that day, but I know that I can provide care and continue to stay several steps ahead of adverse situations because of that experience. Providing medical care is deeply rooted in who I am as a person. Even when I couldn’t breathe or control the guarding my body naturally resorted to, I was able to think clearly and logically. There aren’t many people who can claim that natural ability and those who can are already practicing medicine or are well on their way.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      October 4, 2015 at 8:26 am

      Hi Nikki,

      Well, you do a good job of outlining your strengths, but since you never mention once, “why you chose to pursue Physician Assistant as a career and your future plans as a PA,” I would say, no, you have not written what they’re looking for in your essay. You haven’t even mentioned the words.

      You can shorten up your whole personal experience. Keep it to a brief paragraph, and then spend the rest of the essay on the question at hand. But you do need the finish out the initial scene. It leaves your readers wondering how and when you got to the hospital. As dramatic as it is, with the missing parts, it doesn’t work. You don’t need the first two sentences, so your third paragraph would be the first. In your current fourth paragraph, you can delete everything after “From the second I had a diagnosis, I needed to know what was going on inside my body from the formation of the clots to the way the medications worked.”

      Draw on any experiences you’ve had shadowing or working with PAs to explain why you want to be a PA. And if you haven’t had those experiences, draw on your current work/patient experiences to explain why your work now is not your goal and why.

      I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

      • Nikki says

        October 4, 2015 at 9:17 am

        Sue,

        That’s what I was thinking too after really going back and forth between the guidelines and the essay! I’ll make the cuts and edits and then resubmit! Thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate it!

        Nikki

        Reply

12. Punam says

    September 30, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    My interest in medicine was inspired by my life experiences and nurtured by a supportive role model. As a child, I often became ill and was hauled to the doctor’s office in the arms of a loving mother. This would not have been a big deal if it were not for the fact that I was son to a single immigrant mother who was paid on an hourly wage. Despite the financial struggles and language barrier, my mother supported and cared for me the best she could. Throughout high school, I observed her work tirelessly, often to the point of exhaustion, to make ends meet. Furthermore, her medical issues were second to mine as she did not have health insurance. I often wondered how many other families lived like this and was angry at the state of things. I was especially angry because I felt helpless. There was an incessant urge inside me that wanted to do something and change the state of things. It dawned on me that the best way I could do that was by pursuing a career in medicine; a career that would enable me to take care of families in similar situations, and most importantly enable me to take care of my mother.
    This motivation to pursue a career as a physician assistant was further nurtured by a mentor I met while in high school, my physician, Dr. Mark Haltrecht. I spoke to Dr. Haltrecht about my situation and he listened emphatically. He acted as more than just my physician as he made himself available to me whenever I needed help. The first few years of college I began to struggle because my responsibilities, such as working to pay the bills and support my mother and myself were time consuming. As a result, my grades suffered. This caused me to doubt my ability to pursue a career in medicine. What gave me comfort was knowing that at least Dr. Haltrecht believed in my abilities and offered guidance during my most trying years. Having a sympathetic ear during this time helped to rehabilitate my confidence in myself. I am thankful to have had such a mentor because he believed in me when I doubted myself. The compassion he showed me illustrated the magnitude of difference a caring medical professional can make in the patient’s life. Hence, I know exactly the kind of medical professional I want to be one day.
    As an undergraduate I came upon an opportunity to follow in my mentor’s footsteps. I initially started volunteering at Peer Health Exchange. At first, I was unsure that my contributions to the high school students of underprivileged neighborhoods would have any effect. Much to my amazement my initial thoughts proved to be incorrect by how many students in different high schools throughout New York City were grateful. Some were grateful about the lessons we taught, others were pleased to be given guidance by people not much older than they were about topics relating to education, relationships, drugs, sex, and mental health. I remember one instance with a student named Will. He was a sophomore in high school but he knew exactly where his interest lay. He got up dazed and worried he asked me “what am I supposed to do if my family can’t afford for me to go to 4-year college?” I was reminded of Dr. Haltrecht when I counseled him and personally helped him explore the numerous options available to help him pursue his goals. As I strongly encouraged him to explore every possibility I reminded him one last time by stressing, “Do not let that stop you from going after your ambitions.” Even though this was a small gesture, I like to think that I helped just a little bit by connecting with him on a personal level through a shared circumstance.
    The experience I have gained through my employment at Doshi Diagnostic and NYU Langone Medical Center has been essential in helping me begin to connect with patients. More often than not, these patients were from underprivileged communities and needed more than just medical help. I was able to empathize with them during our conversations before their surgeries. This greatly reduced their pre-operative anxieties. I believe I was successful at easing their worries because I connected with them simply by listening intently. These interactions have been vital and have given me a glimpse of the compassionate physician assistant I hope to be one day.
    I believe that pursing a career in the medical field will allow me to have a greater access to make a difference in the lives of people. Volunteering at Peer Health Exchange was just a beginning step, as a caring physician assistant I will enable underprivileged patients to help their families and not succumb to feeling helpless as I did growing up, in hopes of becoming a considerate health care professional as Dr. Haltrecht was for me.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      October 4, 2015 at 8:02 am

      Hi Punam,

      Your essay shows great heart and compassion. Your future patients will benefit greatly from those wonderful qualities. However, unless you rewrite this essay, you won’t likely be serving them as a PA.

      When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty across the country about writing these essays for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” they said the essay should specify why the applicant wants to become a PA as opposed to any other kind of healthcare professional. While I was reading your essay, I thought that you were applying to medical school because of everything you wrote about about Dr. Haltrecht. It’s a wonderful goal to become a “considerate health care professional,” but that applies to many, may professions.

      Do you have any experience working with PAs or observing them? If so, that’s where you should focus your efforts instead of Dr. Haltrecht. You can shorten your writing about your counseling work. I’d edit that paragraph as follows:

      “As an undergraduate I started volunteering at Peer Health Exchange. At first, I was unsure that my contributions to the high school students of underprivileged neighborhoods would have any effect. Much to my amazement many students about the lessons we taught, others were pleased to be given guidance by people not much older than they were about topics relating to education, relationships, drugs, sex, and mental health. I like to think that I helped just a little bit by connecting with students on a personal level through a shared circumstance.”

      It’s good that you address your lower GPA in the essay. Admissions folks want to see that, too.

      I hope all this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

13. Punam says

    September 30, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    Hi I need to submit my personal statement by tomorrow 10/1/15 is it possible to have it revised in that time if i submit it now on 9/30/15?

    Thanks

    Reply

    • Stephen Pasquini PA-C says

      October 1, 2015 at 6:24 am

      Hi Punam,

      I will send your request over to Sue. What time is the deadline today?

      – Stephen

      Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      October 1, 2015 at 7:35 am

      Hi,

      I just received this post. I would be able to get it done today, October 1, provided that I receive it before noon Pacific standard time. I can’t guarantee that I would have it back to you before 8 PM Pacific standard time, though.

      Sue Edmondson

      Reply

14. Zoe says

    September 25, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    Hi Sue, do you have time to edit my personal statement if I submit it tomorrow 9/26?

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      September 25, 2015 at 4:04 pm

      Hi Zoe,

      If you’re asking about the paid edits, yes, I can do it tomorrow as long as I get it reasonably early in the day.

      The ones posted on the website I comment on when I have time, and I’m about two-three weeks behind on the postings.

      Looking forward to reading it, one way or the other!

      Sue

      Reply

      • Zoe says

        October 2, 2015 at 1:49 am

        For the Priority One-on-One Four Hour service do you edit on the weekends too?

        Reply

        • Sue Edmondson says

          October 2, 2015 at 6:16 am

          Hi Zoe,
          Duke does those, so I’ll forwa d the question to him.
          Sue

          Reply

          • Sue Edmondson says

            October 2, 2015 at 9:39 am

            Hi again, Zoe,

            Yes, Duke works on weekends. He adds a $75 premium to the $249 service.

            Hope this helps.
            Sue

            Reply

            • Zoe says

              October 2, 2015 at 10:36 am

              Do you do one time edits?

              Reply

15. Darlene says

    September 24, 2015 at 10:33 pm

    Hello,
    If I submit my essay to you today 9/25 when will I receive the edited version back?

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      September 25, 2015 at 7:58 am

      Hi Darlene,

      You’ll get it back by tonight since I have the time to do it today.

      Sue Edmondson

      Reply

      • Jayanti says

        October 2, 2015 at 12:11 pm

        Hi Sue,

        Do you have time today or tomorrow if I submit the essay to you for the one time edit?

        Reply

16. Molly Ciciora says

    September 24, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    Putting the blood pressure cuff around my first patient of the day, desperately trying not to yawn, she looks at me and says, “The doctor just told me I need heart surgery and I also have fast-acting cancer”, as she starts to sob. Suddenly I am no longer tired. I sit and console my patient for a few minutes as she voices the concerns she now has. I was only a patient care technician, and I couldn’t answer any of the questions she had. This was the exact moment I was positive I was going to be a physician’s assistant. This physician turned this woman’s life upside down, and didn’t attempt to console her, or answer any questions she had. I want to provide solace, and assure all questions are answered in a manner that they understand, while finding a solution to the problem.
    Growing up, a popular game to distract children is puzzles. Puzzles are a game that can be used by all ages to pass time, entertain, and provide a sense of accomplishment once the 1,000 pieces are in their right place. The once individual fragments now make a whole. Since I was a young girl I have been fascinated with puzzle solving, and the satisfaction I get upon completing one. My passion through school has been math- solving algebraic equations, quadratic formulas, and simplifying things until they make sense.
    All my life I have known I wanted to be in the health field, originally my desire was nutrition. Upon shadowing the dietician at the Martha’s Vineyard Hospital I discovered that I was more interested in the patient’s symptoms, diagnosis, and medications, rather than their diet. I looked at patients as puzzles, each body system connecting to the next completing a whole. As a physician assistant you are given individual pieces of a puzzles such as lab results, symptoms, and medical history. It is your job to put them together and solve the mystery to make the patient well. I have a passion for being challenged, and working hard to discover solutions.
    When a diagnosis is given to a patient, most times they cannot understand the physician for longer than thirty seconds. As a physicians assistant it will be my job to assure that I bridge the knowledge gap between the complicated medical terminology and the patient/patient’s family. I want to be the voice for the patient and their family, while providing comfort to them.
    Edna Adan once wrote, “Before you learn to do things with your hands, your heart must learn to do the work”. My heart is certain that going above and beyond to be a physician assistant is my destiny. Now it is time for me to complete my own puzzle by learning the material, practicing in clinical, and being an advocate for my patients.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      October 4, 2015 at 7:39 am

      Hi Molly,

      The opening was very engaging — that physician was heartless and you showed yours — until you made the #1 mistake — you called the profession by the wrong name. It’s “physician assistant” not physician’s assistant or physicians assistant, and you wrote it both wrong ways. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty across the country about writing these essays for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” all said that was a huge red flag that the applicant was not familiar with the profession. Most also said there shouldn’t be any grammar errors and the rest said people could get away with one. Your first one comes in the opening. Quotation marks go outside of punctuation, a very common mistake, I should add.

      A couple of other things in the first paragraph to change. You start two sentences with “This.” You’ll want to change one of them. Also, when you write, “all questions are answered in a manner that they understand” the questions are the subject, not the patients. So it would be “all questions are answered in a manner that they are understood,” or “that patients understand.”

      Take out the line about puzzles. If you were going to use it anywhere, it would be the first line. But your other opening is much better, so just delete it. It’s general and doesn’t do any work for you in the essay. A lot of people use puzzles as a metaphor in these essays. It’s overused. Same with the word passion. If I had a dime for overtime someone used passion in these essays, I’d be a zillionaire. The word is so overused, it’s lost all its meaning.

      I don’t think saying becoming a PA is your destiny. That makes it sound like a foregone conclusion, which it isn’t until you’re accepted into a program. Instead of saying something like that, tie your conclusion back to your excellent patient example in the opening. It will be much more solid.

      I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson

      Reply

17. Valeria says

    September 24, 2015 at 10:27 am

    Hello Stephen!

    Can the 4 hour service include help with composing the personal statement, or does it solely focus on editing/revision after it has been written? I have so many notes and plans written out, but am having trouble putting them together as one.

    Thank you!
    Valeria

    Reply

    • Stephen Pasquini PA-C says

      September 24, 2015 at 10:18 pm

      Hi Valeria,

      Yes, absolutely. I am going to forward your question over to Duke and I will have him send you an email so you two can discuss the format that would work best for your situation.

      – Stephen

      Reply

18. Debora says

    September 23, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Hi! Is your team still reviewing PA essays at this time? The last post I saw was a year ago. Thanks, your website is amazing as well as the wealth of information that you provide. It has been so helpful.

    Reply

    • Stephen Pasquini PA-C says

      September 23, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      Hi Debora,

      I just went ahead and reversed the order on the comments, you should now see the most recent comments first. To answer your question, Yes, we are still reviewing essays. Both here in the comments as well as through our paid essay review service.

      – Stephen

      Reply