The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative

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1. Ophelia Able says

   September 23, 2015 at 11:35 am

   Sometimes in life, it is not until you look back that you realize all the small pieces, events, and twists all add up together for a purpose. My purpose being the point at which my passions meet the needs of humanity. Growing up I didn’t always know that I wanted to pursue a career in medicine. The closer I have gotten, the clearer my calling to pursue medicine, as a Physician Assistant, has become. Something nearly magnetic has pulled together the pieces of my path whenever I engaged my passion for health and wellness and my love for serving others.
   I learned from an early age to appreciate health and the impact that it has on our quality of life. At the age of five, I lost my mother to a sudden cardiac arrest. My father suffers from chronic hypertension, and has had to lead a strict lifestyle in efforts to stay healthy. Finally, my sister suffers from absence seizures as a result of a head injury and I have witnessed her dependency on her medicine for as long as I can remember. Watching the ones that I love the most have their quality of life affected by their health has tremendously influenced my appreciation for heath and wellness. This passion has been reinforced through my experiences volunteering at a small clinic, the Athens Nurses Clinic, as well as larger clinics like Piedmont Hospital and Dekalb Medical Center. These experiences have all put me in the center of diverse individuals who are seeking to better their health, and professionals who are working hard to provide this opportunity to all patients, no matter their background or history.
   From my experience shadowing a Physician Assistant in the Emergency department, I met many patients that in some form felt their health was in danger. Looking into their eyes, I saw their desperation to have their health restored, I heard the fear in their voice as they explained their situation and I felt their pain as they looked to the Physician Assistant with hope and faith that she held the resources for their well being. I observed the same thing while working in the oncology department at Piedmont. These experiences really impacted my choice to practice medicine because I got to witness first hand the effects of having one’s health threatened. Coming from a family who has not always had optimum health, the opportunity to be able to help others achieve wellness is a gift that I yearn to provide. As a Physician Assistant I would be equipped to inquire, investigate, and resolve many health issues. I will be well-appointed with the ability to offer the gift of health and wellness.
   The second equally influential piece of my story is my love for serving others and helping to make them better for themselves and for those around them. Through life’s circumstances, we are faced with many questions, second thoughts and doubts. But one thing that I have never had to question is my love for people, my appreciation for the gift of life in general, and my love for caring and nurturing others. I don’t have to question helping someone, I don’t have to make a decision to care about someone, it is just there. Nothing makes me happier than speaking with and listening to patients and being able to empathize with them. As a Resident Assistant for three years, I have been able to put my counseling, listening, and critical thinking skills to use as I supervised over 70 residents in a residential hall on campus. Within the scope of my job, I was able to guide and support my residents through the school year. The bonds that I have formed with my residents are immeasurable. Even outside of the residential halls, my compassion for people has guided the opportunities that I choose to invest in. While working at the Athen’s Nurses Clinic, a clinic that aims to provide healthcare for indigent population, I strived to connect, and empathize with the patients on a deeper level, because I believe that it is these attempts at connecting with people, and bonding with them that empower me to pursue a career in which I will be serving others.
   Recounting my journey reminds me that the placement of each piece is intentional. The jobs I have taken, the relationships I have built, and the trials I have faced are not without purpose. In fact, they echo my purpose; they reflect my core. While my passions can be applied to other career choices, being a Physician Assistant is the outlet where the pieces in my life lead for several reasons. As a Physician Assistant, I would be able to explore the challenge of practicing, diagnosing, healing, and preventing, using my passion for health and wellness. I would be able to play an active role in the lives of patients while collaborating with a unit of medical professionals, pulling on my love for people. Finally, I get to contribute to my community by not just working to better myself, but also giving others to the opportunity, the strength, and the healing, to be better for their communities and their families. With each step I take towards becoming a Physician Assistant, the sound waves of something great reverberates within me. Yet, what most excites me is not what reverberates within; it is the evidence of those vibrations that will shine when my purpose is achieved.

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2. Lisa says

   September 22, 2015 at 6:31 pm

   Would love if someone could give me feedback on this! Thanks!!
   Lailah Gifty once said, “Adversity tests the limit of your strength.” This has proven true to me on many different occasions. It is not about the adversity you face, rather how you handle that adversity and what you do to become a better version of you. Following my first year of college, due to personal circumstances, I was faced with the difficult decision of a possible transfer to another college. I had a small time frame to make this decision, and it was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I made the choice to transfer from a large state school to Canisius College, a small private school. I was was feeling unsettled and alone after leaving my friends and a familiar place. It then became clear to me this was not a setback, but an opportunity for me to better myself as a student and an individual. I was determined to make the best of this new opportunity.
   This transfer forced me to become a better student in and out of the classroom. Small class sizes and more personal interactions with the professors brought me to an entirely new level of learning, which I believe has helped me to excel in my studies. This has also honed my prioritization, time management, and problem solving skills. The transition forced me to work on my communication and social skills also and allowed me to meet new people and make new connections. This challenging time made me stronger and showed me that I was capable of starting over on my own and being successful in a situation which was unfamiliar. I believe these life lessons will help me to be effective in the Physician Assistant field.
   Sometimes things do not go as we had planned or hoped for, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. This transition and time of adjustment for me made me reevaluate what I want out of life and what my long-term goals were. I reflected back on my experience in the New Vision Allied Health program my Senior year of high school. This opportunity allowed me to shadow many different medical fields. This program introduced me to the field of physician assistant. After shadowing and talking with some physician assistants, I knew this was the right career for me. I was enlightened to all the opportunities physician assistants. The flexibility with the different fields you can work in as well as the team concept of this profession is appealing to me.
   I believe a large part of my desire to be a part of a team comes from my background in athletics. I have played sports since a young age and continue to play in college at the Division I level. Athletics can teach you a great deal about life. I have learned how to manage my commitments, how to be a part of a team and trust my teammates, and to hold myself accountable to them and for them. Dedication and determination have also been instilled in me from a very young age and I believe those are important qualities to have. In the physician assistant field not everything will be black and white. This profession requires great commitment, dedication, determination, and listening skills to assess a problem and find a solution that will benefit the patient. I believe my background in athletics will help me be successful in this career path.
   Another aspect of the profession that I am very passionate about is helping people and connecting with patients on a personal level. I want to live a fulfilling life and to me a fulfilling life involves impacting others positively, even if it is just listening and making them smile. During my health care experience I was assigned to sit with a Hospice patient and provide him with assistance. This man was quiet and refused to accept the help that he needed in the beginning. We talked and I would read the newspaper to him and with compassion and true interest, I was able to gain his trust. My favorite memory of our time together was his love for his cars. Each morning he would ask me to pull back the blinds so he could see if his cars were still in the parking lot. He then proceeded to tell me about the cars and his memories. I was honored to be trusted enough to see this passionate side of him. Experiences like this show me that I am pursuing the right career path.
   My passion for helping and caring for others, continual improvement as a person and a professional, and a fulfilling life prove to me that Physician Assistant is the perfect career for me. Admission into a Physician Assistant program would mean fulfilling my dream of ensuring I can go to a job every day that I love and I am determined to make it a reality. With hard work, passion, and determination, I know I can be a successful physician assistant and positively impact people’s lives and it’s a challenge I look forward to.

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   • Lisa Giglio says

     September 24, 2015 at 7:55 pm

     Any feedback?

     Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     October 4, 2015 at 7:11 am

     Hi,

     I had the pleasure of editing this essay, so I won’t comment now.

     Sue

     Reply

3. Hazel says

   September 19, 2015 at 4:29 pm

   On May 20th, 2006 I became the first in my family to graduate college with Bachelors degree in Biology. Growing up in a first generation Nicaraguan family, this was a big deal because with an education there are more opportunities to live the American dream. I choose to major in biology because I was always fascinated with the study of life and the sciences. I also felt that with a science background job opportunities would be vast from working in a research lab to perhaps working in the eye care field which is what I gravitated towards. Additionally, being myopic and experiencing my first pair of corrective lenses was how I first became interested in medicine.
   While in college I did work study for the microbiology department preparing petri dishes and sterilizing all test tubes and tools that would be needed for the microbiology labs. This allowed me gain a small perspective of how I could utilize my degree, however I wanted to play a larger role in a lab setting such as research. So, in the summer of my senior year I was lucky enough to get selected for an internship in research at Thomas Jefferson. This internship made me realize that although research would benefit humankind, I yearned for a career where I could directly help people with their vision. So, while doing my summer internship I decided to apply for a position as an optometric technician this was the gateway to my current position at Pennsylvania Optometrics. For the last seven years I have been working at Pennsylvania Optometrics as an optometric assistant and even though I enjoy assisting Dr. Jeffrey Brosof I desire for a more fulfilling career where I know I can make a difference not just in someone’s vision but their life.
   I became interested in the PA profession through my family doctor. Whenever I felt sick and needed urgent care my primary doctor’s office would schedule me to see the PA, Timothy Wallace. I was inspired by Tim because I noticed the difference in how he treated me compared to previous physicians I encountered. For example, Tim was more caring, thorough and genuinely concerned for my wellbeing. It was this treatment that struck a chord in me, and made me appreciate that I too can make a difference in patients’ lives especially in underprivileged communities’ like the one I grew up in.
   Moreover, being born in a third world country, where poverty is prevalent has also pushed me to better myself via education, so that in return I can help people in need. The PA profession is very diverse in specialty that it offers many positions for me to display my teamwork skills along with leadership abilities to populations that lack medical knowledge. In fact, I would be able to use by bilingual skills to educate Hispanic people while providing continuous patient care. The most disturbing illness that Hispanic families suffer from is ignorance. Growing up in a Hispanic household I have witnessed the lack of medical insight particularly the notion that antibiotics are a “cure all” for all illnesses. This mentality can potentially result in resistance or worst a public threat. Although I was raised in the U.S, during my travels to my native country, I have observed the easy accessibilities to antibiotics allowing natives to self-diagnose and medicate themselves. There is definitely a correlation between poverty and lack of medical knowledge that can be attributed to underserved regions where the ratio of patient to doctor are dispersed. By providing medical care in conjunction with an attending physician and providing education to underserved regions I know we can make a difference in human lives, consequently bridging the gap between patients to doctor ratio.
   What I love about working as an optometric assistant is the patient exposure. For example, performing visual field test, auto refracting and taking retinal photos on patients are vital data required for the optometrist prior to each exam. At times, I am able to analyze these results, form an educated guess and alert the doctor on a patient whom I believe to have cataracts. My cataract prognoses are usually correct and I feel very accomplished having helped Dr. Brosof come to his final diagnoses. This team working personality along with my analytical thinking trait are essential to PAs. Furthermore, I was blessed to shadow a general surgery PA, an ED PA and most recently an ENT PA, this allowed me to witness the diversity of Medicine that PAs partake in. Unlike physicians who perform a residency in a specialized field, this flexibility is what I find most interesting about this profession. Overall, my motivation to challenge myself by analyzing results, team player skills and determination to help a community in dire need of medical knowledge are factors that set me apart and my record has proven this.

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   • Sue Edmondson says

     October 3, 2015 at 9:54 pm

     Hi Hazel,

     Congratulations on being the first in your family to graduate college (at least I’m guessing that’s the case, even though the way your essay reads you’re the first to get a degree in biology). It’s a big accomplishment.

     Your essay has a lot of good information, but it’s very disjointed, and the writing wanders, starting with the first paragraph. You open with being the first to graduate and how important education is, but then switch gears immediately to why science appeals to you.

     The opening could be much stronger. For example, it would be interesting for your first sentence to read something like, “Not many people can say a case of myopia led them to see the big picture.” That’s just off the top of my head, but you get the point. You want to engage your readers, and hearing why you majored in biology is not very engaging.

     The second paragraph needs a transition. At the end of the first paragraph, you say your first pair of corrective lenses got you interested in medicine and then in the next sentence we’re reading about petri dishes. I want to know how those lenses got you interested in medicine. If that was truly the beginning, use it to lead into the rest of the essay.

     You can still write about being the first in your family to graduate, it just won’t be your opening line.

     If you read the comments I’ve made over time, you’ll see I don’t usually recommend professional editing, and that’s for obvious reasons. But I believe it would really help you pull together your experiences (and luckily, you have a ton of healthcare related experiences that you could draw from) to write a compelling essay. If you can afford it, my first choice for you would be to work one-on-one with Duke. I think having someone talk you through the process would be best.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best.

     Sue Edmondson

     Reply

     • Hazel says

       November 8, 2015 at 12:26 pm

       Sue,

       Thanks a lot for the constructive criticism, I already submitted my essay, so hopefully it will do. If not, there’s always next year, not giving up. Again, I appreciate your insight.

       Hazel

       Reply

4. Drew says

   September 18, 2015 at 5:39 pm

   The name of the patient is fictional. I would really appreciate any feedback.

   As Emily began choking, I felt my heart beating in my stomach. Breathing heavily, I noticed the almost painful feeling of my body’s heightened sensitivity. The decision to wait and make sure her airway was completely obstructed felt paradoxical to the urge to act immediately. As her coughs ceased and she became unable to vocalize a response to my inquiries of whether she could speak, it became clear that the Heimlich maneuver was necessary. I instructed the other patients to clear the immediate area and wrapped my arms around her waist as I had learned, thumb side in above the navel. I began abdominal thrusts—one, two, three thrusts before the object dislodged. In the moment, I was simply relieved that the patient was safe. Upon reflection, I was mystified by my ability to take charge of a situation and employ a technique that had only ever been presented to me hypothetically. Seeing her recover and realizing firsthand that life can evaporate in a few brief energetic moments, I realized something important about the core of my purpose in life: helping people with direct action is the only thing that makes me feel alive. Without any foundational knowledge, I would not have been able to provide Emily with the care she needed just to walk out of the cafeteria and into her room—to live another day. I realized then how I yearned for the knowledge necessary to lead in critical situations.

   In my years studying psychology, I learned the name of a phenomenon that most people have experienced either from the perspective of victim or bystander, simply as a side effect of being part of a society. In what is fittingly termed the bystander effect, witnesses of a life-threatening or traumatic situation assume that someone else will or already has taken action to aid the victim, even if the solution is as simple as dialing the numbers 9-1-1 on a cell phone. Few actually want to be the cause of someone else’s death or trauma, yet that very circumstance occurs so often that it has its own name and place in the study of social psychology. Experiencing the field of healthcare more personally in recent years working as an active treatment technician at a psychiatric hospital, observing occupational therapists in their daily routine, speaking with various doctors and physician assistants about the nature of their work, and even making clinical rounds in a high school Allied Health class, an apparent theme has emerged. Healthcare professionals face challenging situations with grace and when that fails, force. They stare directly into the heart of the problems many others would prefer to avoid. Where many might lose hope, they battle cynicism and self-doubt to offer society relief on a case-by-case basis. I could choose a different path and possibly live a life that is fulfilling in a different way. I could abandon the field of healthcare altogether to seek other experiences, but I realize more every day that another path was never really an option. I admire these people. I want to be one of these people.

   While experience has lent me perspective and confidence in my decision, the desire for a life in healthcare is not entirely new. As a child, I wanted to be a healthcare professional. Even with a lack of understanding of the intricacies of what that entails, I imagined what it must be like to have people rely on you in their times of greatest need and to actually be able to meet those standards. I saw doctors and nurses as analogical superheroes, protectors within the physical laws of nature—not taking life but preserving it despite the risk of personal harm. Of course, fictional dramatization played a role in this childlike perspective. Receiving a shot from a pediatrician did not result in gratitude to my mom for taking me to meet Superman. And yet, these foundational mental models of healthcare professionals inevitably contributed to an evolving intrigue in their line of work.

   Eventually, the metaphor transformed from medical providers as superheroes to medical providers as soldiers, fighting a battle that has been fought since the beginning of self-awareness: a battle against pathogens, trauma, and natural decay. Every person on the team has an essential role, with responsibilities he or she has been trained to perform. From first responders battling time and circumstance to nurses delivering efficient care and charting to therapists ensuring the greatest possible muscular function and psychiatrists addressing diseases of the mind, a global community of providers are struggling against one overarching inevitability: the decay of the human condition. My place is in that inescapable struggle. My place is as a physician assistant.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     October 3, 2015 at 8:55 pm

     Hi Drew,

     You had my attention with the opening paragraph, and the premise at the beginning of the second paragraph was unusual enough to engage me. I thought you would get into details about why you aren’t that bystander, but then you drift off to generalizations. All those generalizations can be cut.

     The third paragraph and fourth paragraphs can go altogether. They don’t say a thing about you that helps the Admissions personnel reading your essay understand why you wish to be a PA. In order for it to be convincing, you have to back up your last sentence with facts, not theory or philosophy or superhero metaphors. Your essay can be engaging and still be grounded. Your first paragraph tells me you know how to do that.

     You’ve got some rewriting to do, but you’ll have a better essay as a result.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

5. Al says

   September 17, 2015 at 9:05 pm

   The look of pure excitement and joy in the new mother’s eyes as she showed off her baby to myself and others in the room is a look that I will never forget. At the beginning of my volunteering shift in the emergency department, a pregnant woman and her husband arrived. I assisted them both up to the birthing center and on our way there I got to know a little bit about the couple and how excited they were to be welcoming their third child. As the night progressed, I found myself escorting multiple people to the small waiting room within the birthing center, all eagerly waiting to see the new child. Within the last couple minutes of my shift, I received a page that the kitchen had a couple more late trays to be delivered. When I walked into the birthing center to deliver a tray, one of the people I escorted to the waiting room said to me, “The baby is here and it’s a girl!” I congratulated her and with the nurse’s instructions, delivered the food tray. Upon entering the room, I immediately recognized the new mother as the same women I had taken to the birthing center at the beginning of the night. She recognized me as well, and invited me over to meet her baby girl. By simply having conversation while escorting a patient to the birthing center, a connection was made that allowed me to be involved in a very special moment.
   Being in that moment made me realize how strong my desire to be a physician assistant is. As rewarding as it was to be part of the beginning and the end of the process, it was not enough for me; I wanted more. I want to be the person in the room with the patient making treatment plans, conducting exams, and making diagnostic decisions. I want to be actively involved in the diagnosis and treatment of patients from start to finish.
   My admiration for the physician assistant profession continues to grow more and more as I dive further into different health care experiences. Throughout the past couple years, I have spent numerous hours volunteering in hospitals in a multitude of positions. Although I have never done any official shadowing, my volunteer roles allow me to observe and question many different healthcare professions, including that of physician assistant. While I find the health care area as a whole to be appealing, the profession of physician assistant has a specific allure to me. I consider myself a lifelong learner so an especially enticing draw to me is that a physician assistant may learn new specialties throughout their career. I have also observed the relationship between physician assistant and supervising doctor and noticed that it involved a great deal of teamwork and communication in order to effectively serve patients. I appreciate this relationship and note that it is not unlike my role as a resident assistant where I must have trust and communication with my hall director in order to give my residents the best care. The hard-working, problem-solving, and compassionate physician assistants that I have observed have made my aspiration to become a physician assistant even stronger.
   I am very much aware that being a physician assistant is not an easy role, but I know that I am well-suited for the profession. As someone who has overcome many medical and personal complications, I am confident in my time and stress management abilities which would be very important in the years of schooling to come. I have immersed myself within the healthcare field in any way I could, whether that be becoming CPR certified, enrolling in the certified nursing assistant course, or volunteering through hospitals and clinic. The path to becoming a physician assistant will be a challenging one, but I have set myself up for success in every way possible.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     October 3, 2015 at 8:29 pm

     Hi Al,

     The opening is a heart warming story (although it could be shorter). At the end you say it made you realize how much you want to be a PA. But the essay doesn’t really tell much about you. It left me wanting to know how you became interested in healthcare in the first place, why you volunteer at hospitals and more about the specific healthcare experiences that bring you to this point of wanting to become a PA (instead of the laundry list things involved in the PA profession). Despite the opportunity you have to be specific, everything is very general — you’re dancing around getting personally involved in it.

     Although the opening story is heartwarming, you could probably find a more compelling example to use rather than the birth story, perhaps an experience working with or watching a PA in action that will show you have a true understanding of the profession and why you find it compelling. That would serve you much better than talking about the role of the PA in the abstract.

     When I interviewed Admissions folks from around the country about these essays for our book, they said one of the main goals of the essay should be to make them think, “This is someone I want to meet.” So you have to make it personal enough to engage them. While you may decide your personal or medical issues aren’t something for your essay, when you mention that they have helped you develop time and management skills, then you’ll need to say why. Keep it short, though. They don’t want every detail.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson

     Reply

6. Lisa says

   September 16, 2015 at 7:22 am

   Everyone faces struggle or a sense of failure at some point in his or her lives. How would we learn if we didn’t? It is not about the “failure” you faced, but rather what you do with the set back, how you handle it in order to make yourself better from that experience. The summer following my freshman year of college, I was faced with the hard decision whether or not to transfer to another institution due to personal circumstances. This decision was last minute and one of the hardest decisions of my life. When I made the decision to transfer, I was feeling discouraged and upset. I initially wanted to take a year off of schooling to get back on track, however, when I took a stepped back and looked at the situation as a whole, I decided to take this opportunity and use it as a stepping stone. My first year at a new school was a very difficult and lonely time for me but I made the best of it. During this transitional time, my grades were not at the level I would normally expect of myself, but I pushed forward and did whatever it took to get back where I wanted to be. This experience, along with many others, has shown me that although not everything will always work out how you want it to, it’s important to persevere, put forth your best effort, and keep moving forward. This translates into the Physician Assistant field I believe. Not everything is going to come easy, but I know I can push through and become successful in the end. Being a physician Assistant takes dedication and commitment and I believe I have those qualities.
   Over the summer I worked in an assisted living home as a Personal Care Aid. I was privileged enough to work with many unique people, however, one patient in particular made an impact on me. The patient was a hospice patient, and I was assigned to sit with him and provide assistance to him in his last days. When I first met this man he was very quiet and refused to be helped, almost like he was too proud to admit he may need assistance. This independent attitude he had only lasted about a week. Every day I was there he slowly started to open up to me. I worked very hard to make him comfortable and to earn a sense of trust with him. By the end of my time with this individual he was making conversation with me and relied on me a great deal. One thing in particular I remember about this man is his love of his vehicles. Every morning when he woke, he would ask me if his cars were still outside. I would pull back the blinds to show him and could see how happy this made him. He would then proceed to tell me all about his cars and his past experiences with them. I really enjoyed getting to see this passionate side of him. This experience as well as others has solidified for me my desire and passion to be a Physician Assistant. It is very rewarding to know that you have touched someone’s life or was able to gain the trust of a patient. I felt great honor to spend this man’s last days with him and make them as enjoyable as I possibly could.
   During my senior year of High School, I was fortunate enough to be a part of the New Vision Allied Health Program. This program allowed me to shadow various healthcare professions throughout my county. Through this opportunity I was able to talk to different healthcare professionals and gain knowledge in regards to different aspects of the health field. During this experience was when I was introduced to the Physician Assistant profession. ____________________. By the end of my time in the program, I was certain that I wanted to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant.
   I have such a passion for helping people and I love the flexibility within the medical field that the PA profession allows. One of my favorite aspects of a being a Physician assistant is the team emphasis. Working with other healthcare professionals to reach an end goal is something I feel I would enjoy and excel at. I get this team mentality from playing sports. I am currently a Division I lacrosse player which requires the ability to rely on teammates and to work together. This sense of team has been taught to me from a very young age as I have been an athlete all my life. Being involved in sports has required a lot of dedication as well as good time management skills. I have balanced sports with school for most of my life, and as I entered college my workload became even more rigorous. I am currently managing my schoolwork, playing a Division I sport, and working for the Buffalo Bills and Buffalo Sabres. This has been a great learning experience to be able to manage my priorities and still hold myself to the standards that I have come to expect of myself.
   Admission into a Physician Assistant program would has been a dream of mine for some years now and I am determined to follow my dreams and live the career path that I feel would fulfill me. I believe this career would allow me to look forward to work every day and allow me to help make a difference the lives around me. Reaching this goal may not be easy, as nothing worthwhile in life is, but I look forward to the challenge and the rewards that will follow.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     September 27, 2015 at 4:37 pm

     Hi Lisa,

     First the technical items. Your essay is over the CASPA 5000 character and space limit (both count), and don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name, such as “Brown School of Physician Assistant Studies.”

     Your essay has some good information, but it lacks cohesion — it jumps all over without transitions. Think about taking your reader on a journey. You’ll want to take them step by step so they don’t get lost. That’s what transitions do — they get you from point A to point B. For every next paragraph, the one before it ends with a sentence that prepares you to take the next step.

     Talk less about your patient and lacrosse and more about why you want to be a PA — the team aspect isn’t enough.

     The first paragraph is important because it explains poor grades. But it goes on too long and has some rhetorical statements. Avoid those as much as possible — in this little amount of space, every sentence of the essay matters. Here’s how I’d edit it:

     “Everyone faces struggles or a sense of failure at some point in his or her lives. The summer following my freshman year of college was mine. I was faced with the hard decision whether to transfer to another institution due to personal circumstances. I initially wanted to take a year off to get back on track, however, when I took a stepped back and looked at the situation as a whole, I decided to take this opportunity and use it as a stepping stone. My first year at a new school was a very difficult but I made the best of it. During this time, my grades were not at the level I expect of myself, but I pushed forward and did whatever it took to get back where I wanted to be. This experience has shown me that although not everything will always work out how you want it to, it’s important to persevere, put forth your best effort, and keep moving forward.”

     You can weave parts of the last couple of sentences into your conclusion to tie your essay together.

     I don’t often recommend our editing services (for obvious reasons), but do on occasion. I think you would really benefit from them to help you organize your essay and maximize the impact of your experiences. Or you might want to our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement.” Not everyone is great at writing these essays, especially people who are science minded and prefer biology over literature. So please don’t take offense — none is meant. Your writing is competent, the essay ‘s organization and content just needs work.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

     • Lisa Giglio says

       September 27, 2015 at 6:33 pm

       Thanks so much for the comments! This was actually my daughters and she has changed it some and actually submitted to you today for the paid edit! Thank you so much for your help and I know she is looking forward to getting help on the one she submitted.

       Reply

7. Jess says

   September 15, 2015 at 7:30 pm

   In elementary school, nine kids got off at my bus stop. We would all go inside for our afterschool snack, where my mother and four more children were waiting. My mother babysat for several families in our neighborhood; there were kids running in and out the front door from noon to six each afternoon. One of my favorite parts about living in a make-shift daycare was getting to meet all kinds of people. I would run to answer the door and linger on the stairs in the entryway as parents came to pick up their little ones.
   Parents were always very interesting to me, as I imagined what they were like and what they were doing while their kids were munching on brownies and playing on the swing set in my backyard. Some wore suits and fancy dresses, a few wore company shirts and jeans, and one couple wore green scrubs and sneakers. This couple captured my attention from the start. I figured they were doctors or nurses, saving people’s lives each morning and putting their kids to bed each night, almost like superheroes.
   As the years went on, I continued to linger on the stairs when it was time for pick-up, but I became more perceptive to details in the conversations the various parents had with my mother. Mrs. Hoskin was a special education teacher at a nearby school, Mr. Koreman worked for Pepsi, and the couple in scrubs were both Physician Assistants. Some of the parents were stressed out and dreaded their jobs, but the couple in scrubs were always happy to come home to their kids, and happy to drop them off the next morning.
   I began babysitting for this couple just a few weeks after my fourteenth birthday, and continued throughout high school. They were always so kind to me, asking how school was going and encouraging my plans for the future, constantly offering their help. It took me a long time to realize that this family was an integral part in sculpting my career path. When it came time to apply to colleges and choose majors, I confronted with the inevitable and overwhelming task of deciding what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I sat down and took a hard look at my interests, strengths, and weaknesses.
   Science has continuously amazed me, dating back to the fourth grade when we learned about the different chambers of the heart. Helping people, from my three younger sisters to the older woman living next door, has always been important to me. There are plenty of occupations that use science to help people; I had to dig deeper. What did I want to accomplish every day? I immediately thought of the couple in scrubs. I wanted to go to work every morning and spread magic that only those superheroes had.
   In my days of shadowing and working both in and out of the healthcare field, I have come to value the days in which I took the opportunity to make someone else’s day a little better. A smile and some comforting words to distract a young girl from the task at hand makes splinter removals painless. Staying an extra fifteen minutes at the hospital to make up extra patient beds helps the nurses to feel relaxed and prepared the following morning. A little can go a long way when working with people.
   I have observed several medical professionals, and I consistently admire the attitude and lifestyle of Physician Assistants. Physician Assistants have the perfect balance of knowledge, responsibility and compassion in helping others. I would love nothing more than to have the opportunity to embody these characteristics as a Physician Assistant and to inspire others the way that I was.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     September 27, 2015 at 4:11 pm

     Hi Jess,

     First a technical point — don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name, such as “Brown School of Physician Assistant Studies.”

     Over half your essay talks about your childhood. You can condense that to one paragraph and move on to your adult experiences in healthcare and shadowing. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty across the country about writing these essays for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” they said they care far more about your adult experiences than your childhood ones. You can use the babysitting to frame your essay, but that should be it.

     This is how your opening would read following their advice:

     In elementary school, my mother babysat for several families in our neighborhood. Parents were interesting to me, especially one couple who wore green scrubs and sneakers. I figured they were doctors or nurses saving people’s lives, almost like superheroes. I learned later they were physician assistants.

     Some of the parents were stressed out and dreaded their jobs, but the couple in scrubs were always happy to come home to their kids, and happy to drop them off the next morning. It took me a long time to realize that this family was an integral part in sculpting my career path.

     When it came time to apply to colleges and choose majors, I sat down and took a hard look at my interests, strengths, and weaknesses. Science has continuously amazed me, helping people has always been important to me. There are plenty of occupations that use science to help people; what did I want to accomplish every day? I immediately thought of the couple in scrubs. I wanted to go to work every morning and spread magic that only those superheroes had.

     Now use the extra space to talk about your healthcare and shadowing experiences. This is the where you’ll get serious about the role of the PA and why it appeals to you.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best.

     Sue Edmondson

     Reply

8. John Kodatt says

   September 8, 2015 at 2:57 pm

   CLEAR! Thump, CLEAR! Thump. The paramedic gives another dose of epinephrine while the EMT continues chest compressions. CLEAR! Thump, CLEAR! Thump, Beeeeeeep. As the medical team rushes around the patient I am left standing still; my mind goes blank. My best friend, my protector, my father had just passed away, I was 15. Sitting there I was lost, not knowing what was going to happen to me. My mother had already passed away when I was eight from stage four lung cancer, leaving me parentless. I was now living with my three sisters, who kept me in line and made sure I stayed focused in school. As they raised me I was curious of how the rest of my life would progress. Without the hope my sisters gave me I would not be where I am today. This feeling of hope is what inspired me to join the medical field, so that I could one day give others hope.

   During my undergraduate career at the University of Arizona I was always fascinated with learning about science. Classes such as immunology, physiology, and anatomy were what fueled my appetite with medicine and allowed me the opportunity to learn more about it. Seeing the organisms that we were able to study and dissect only fueled my interests further. As students were repulsed I dove in deeper and was exhilarated to push myself in new ways I never thought possible. Even though it came with its own difficulties, I was determined to reattempt and learn from my mistakes. One of my most gratifying opportunities in college was getting to tutor and teach lower classmen in an introductory science lab. Helping them overcome their own challenges and giving them hope was a feeling that I will always cherish.

   It wasn’t until the end of my sophomore year that I found out about the Arizona Simulation Technology and Education Center (ASTEC); a lab based organization that focused on giving hands on experience to students working directly with physicians and physician assistants. I began to conduct research in the lab on the differences of using 2D vs. 3D cameras during laparoscopic surgery. It was at that time I was able to work along side surgical physician assistants and learned more about the art that they perform on a daily basis. This included cutting, blood control, and suturing. The depth in which they performed perfectly even and straight sutures continued to invigorate me; so much so that I took what I had learned while working with the physician assistants as an opportunity to get others involved. I began providing tours of the lab to different clubs, much like the one I was apart of and allowed the students to get inspired just like I had been when I watched the technique of surgery.

   Volunteering at the University Medical Center in the emergency room was an experience unlike anything else. The pace and calm at which the medical staff worked was truly amazing. After getting to know some of the staff I was asked to help grow the volunteer program to include more than the basic responsibilities of helping in the waiting room and providing patients with items to keep them comfortable. We grew the program to not only include bedside etiquette but also to spend time with the staff who would help instruct how to take vital signs and educate students on basic medications that are used in an emergency situation. During my career as a physician assistant I hope to help students who are interested in the medical field to grow their interests into a passion just as it was done for me.

   The life changing experiences that I have gained in volunteering and research will help me grow as a physician assistant but its my passion to provide hope in the form of surgical needs to under-served communities that will help me grow as a person. I believe I will transcend due to the hands on experience working with surgical physician assistants in blood control and suturing during my research. With my experience volunteering in the emergency room I will not only have the skills needed to communicate effectively with each patient on the best course of action, I will be able to comfortably adapt to the high stress environment that comes with surgery. I hope to one day inspire someone to pursue their dreams just as the medical professionals I have met inspired me to chase mine.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     September 27, 2015 at 3:28 pm

     Hi John,

     I’m so very sorry about all your losses. Your sisters and you have strength and resilience to bring you to this point in life. That speaks highly of your determination. It will take you far in life.

     Overall, your essay is well done. Be careful of adding words you don’t use daily — the context in which you use “transcend” doesn’t work. Use something like “excel” instead. And also be very careful of grammar errors. For example, you wrote, “its my passion . . .” The proper grammar is “it’s,” although you shouldn’t use contractions in essays, anyway, except in dialog because you’re quoting. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty across the country about writing these essays for our book, “How To Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement,” all said there shouldn’t be any grammar errors. And while I’m making suggestions, the word “passion” is so overused in these essays, it’s meaningless. Try to find another word.

     You need to correct something in your first paragraph. Please don’t think me insensitive and I almost didn’t mention it, but I’m not doing you any favor if I don’t. The sentence about your mom passing isn’t technically correct. So take out the phrase, “leaving me parentless.” It goes without saying, anyway, so you don’t need to worry about adding something about that back in.

     Eliminate this sentence, “This included cutting, blood control, and suturing. The depth in which they performed perfectly even and straight sutures continued to invigorate me.” It doesn’t do anything for your essay to list what they did, and choosing the skill of evenly suturing really isn’t impressive. Certainly you think of something they did that was far more compelling, and write something like it inspired you rather than invigorated you (another word not used properly).

     I hope this helps and wish you the best.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

9. Samantha says

   September 6, 2015 at 1:19 pm

   I know this needs work. Any feedback is appreciated!

   It was nearing midnight, and all that could be heard in the dark room was the repetitive in and out of the ventilator that was keeping her alive. There I sat, books sprawled across the hospital bed, studying for finals at the end of my junior year of college. I looked over at my aunt, lifeless and unresponsive, as I took a study break. “This could not have come at a worse time”, I thought to myself in the darkness. I was committed to not letting this affect my grades, so I brought my work to the ICU to keep her company. As I flipped through my textbooks, I would occasionally speak to her and desperately wait for a response that would never come.
   Earlier that day, I was in that same room, but there was much more activity. Nurses and doctors walking in and out of each room, families congregating in the halls, and even priests praying over the dying patients. I happened to be sitting with my grandparents when a physician assistant walked into my aunt’s room. He said to my grandparents, “Hello, my name is Michael, and I am the PA working with the doctor on this case. I would like to speak to you about your daughter.” He allowed me to stay for the conversation because I was family, so I took every opportunity I could to ask questions and get information. As my grandparents are elderly, they did not understand a lot of what he had to say even though he was trying his best to convey his news. They were confused and distraught after he left, so I stepped in to explain what was happening in terms that they could understand. I took both the knowledge I gained from my education as well as the information the PA gave me to make it easier for them to grasp what was happening medically. I felt very proud that I was able to help my family understand what was happening.
   Unfortunately, my aunt did not wake up from the coma and passed away a few days later. Until this point, I had the ingrained goal in my mind of becoming a physician. I hadn’t really considered becoming a physician assistant until the very end of my undergraduate career. At my job, I started to see more and more prescriptions written by physician assistants, and it sparked my interest. I researched more about the profession, and I came to the conclusion that this was the best option for me.
   I have always wanted to enter the healthcare field because I truly enjoy medicine. The field is constantly advancing, and there are always opportunities for growth and further education. As a physician assistant, I would be able to see patients in any setting and any specialty I choose. This is important to me because at this time, I am not sure into which specialty I would want to go. Doing clinical rounds and being able to change to a different specialty if I choose would give me the opportunity to not only learn about different areas of medicine, but to really be happy in whichever field I ultimately choose. I would also have supervising physicians to guide me and offer their advice. As a PA, I would be part of a team that works together to provide collaborative care to the patient.
   I learned at a young age that hard work is the only way to become successful. I would describe myself as ambitious, independent, and eager to learn; these are qualities that I believe will allow me to become a successful physician assistant. I am able to multitask and handle stressful situations calmly and rationally. I was able to perfect this skill during my undergraduate years when I was working almost full time and consistently maintaining a high GPA as a full-time student. I believe being a PA would give me two contrasting benefits: the autonomy to diagnose and treat patients as an individual provider and also having a physician with whom to collaborate and ask questions. Often, PAs must speak to not only the patient, but their family as well. As I did with my own family, I would appreciate being able to explain to patients and their families the medical conditions and diseases with which they are coping.
   On a final note, I am extremely enthusiastic about my future career as a physician assistant. As one of the most rapidly growing occupations in the country, I know I will be given countless opportunities in providing quality care to patients as well as enhancing my own education by utilizing the resources available to me in this field. Being a PA is the best option for me, and I have no doubts that I will be happy and successful.

   Reply

   • Samantha says

     September 20, 2015 at 6:29 pm

     Edited a little bit more

     It was nearing midnight, and all that could be heard in the dark room was the repetitive in and out of the ventilator that was keeping her alive. There I sat, books sprawled across the hospital bed, studying for finals at the end of my junior year of college. I looked over at my aunt, lifeless and unresponsive, as I took a study break. “This could not have come at a worse time”, I thought to myself in the darkness. I was committed to not letting this affect my grades, so I brought my work to the ICU to keep her company. As I flipped through my textbooks, I would occasionally speak to her and desperately wait for a response that would never come.
     Earlier that day, I was in that same room, but there was much more activity. Nurses and doctors walking in and out of each room, families congregating in the halls, and priests praying over the dying patients. I happened to be sitting with my grandparents when a physician assistant walked into my aunt’s room. He said to my grandparents, “Hello, my name is Michael, and I am the PA working with the doctor on this case. I would like to speak to you about your daughter.” He allowed me to stay for the conversation because I was family, so I took every opportunity I could to ask questions and get information. As my grandparents are elderly, they did not understand a lot of what he had to say even though he was trying his best to convey his prognoses. They were confused and distraught after he left, so I stepped in to explain what was happening in terms that they could understand. I took both the knowledge I gained from my education as well as the information the PA gave me to make it easier for them to grasp what was happening. I felt very proud that I was able to communicate with the PA and relay medical information to my own family.
     Unfortunately, my aunt did not wake up from the coma and passed away a few days later. This experience only solidified my long standing ambition to enter the healthcare field. Experiencing this traumatic event at such a momentous time in my life definitely had its pros and cons. I lost someone very dear to me, but I also gained a greater understanding of medical techniques of which I was previously unaware such as induced hypothermia on a comatose patient. Speaking to multiple PAs through the process opened my eyes to the role they play in the hospital and their interaction with patients and their families. I was able to understand their scope of practice from a patient perspective, and I could appreciate how they handled the situation at hand.
     I began to really investigate the PA profession towards the end of my undergraduate career. At my job, I started to see more and more prescriptions written by physician assistants, and it sparked my interest. I have gained the healthcare and leadership experience necessary from my employment at Core Care. I communicate regularly with PAs, doctors, nurses, and other professionals regarding patients’ conditions and the best course of action to facilitate their recovery. I manage and supervise a team of seven individuals who directly interact with patients to advise them and assist with the medical equipment that best suits their needs. Being a manager also allowed me to explore the leadership qualities I possess and use them to benefit the group. This experience has been indispensable in my journey.
     I have always wanted to enter the healthcare field because medicine truly fascinates me. The field is constantly advancing, and there are always opportunities for growth and further education. As a physician assistant, I would be able to see patients in any setting and any specialty I choose. This is important to me because at this time, I am not sure into which specialty I would want to go. Doing clinical rounds and being able to change to a different specialty if I choose would give me the opportunity to not only learn about different areas of medicine, but to really be happy in whichever field I ultimately choose. I would also have supervising physicians to guide me and offer their advice. As a PA, I would be part of a team that works together to provide collaborative care to the patient.
     I learned at a young age that hard work is the only way to become successful. I would describe myself as ambitious, independent, and eager to learn; these are qualities that I believe will allow me to become a successful physician assistant. I am able to multitask and handle stressful situations calmly and rationally. I was able to perfect this skill during my undergraduate years when I was working almost full time and consistently maintaining a high GPA as a full-time student. I believe being a PA would give me two contrasting benefits: the autonomy to diagnose and treat patients as an individual provider and also having a physician with whom to collaborate and ask questions. Often, PAs must speak to not only the patient, but their family as well. As I did with my own family, I would appreciate being able to explain to patients and their families the medical conditions and diseases with which they are coping.
     On a final note, I am extremely enthusiastic about my future career as a physician assistant. As one of the most rapidly growing occupations in the nation, I know I will be given countless opportunities in providing quality care to patients as well as enhancing my own education by utilizing the resources available to me in this field. Being a PA is the best option for me, and I have no doubts that I will be happy and successful.

     Reply

   • Samantha says

     September 20, 2015 at 6:30 pm

     Edited a little more

     It was nearing midnight, and all that could be heard in the dark room was the repetitive in and out of the ventilator that was keeping her alive. There I sat, books sprawled across the hospital bed, studying for finals at the end of my junior year of college. I looked over at my aunt, lifeless and unresponsive, as I took a study break. “This could not have come at a worse time”, I thought to myself in the darkness. I was committed to not letting this affect my grades, so I brought my work to the ICU to keep her company. As I flipped through my textbooks, I would occasionally speak to her and desperately wait for a response that would never come.
     Earlier that day, I was in that same room, but there was much more activity. Nurses and doctors walking in and out of each room, families congregating in the halls, and priests praying over the dying patients. I happened to be sitting with my grandparents when a physician assistant walked into my aunt’s room. He said to my grandparents, “Hello, my name is Michael, and I am the PA working with the doctor on this case. I would like to speak to you about your daughter.” He allowed me to stay for the conversation because I was family, so I took every opportunity I could to ask questions and get information. As my grandparents are elderly, they did not understand a lot of what he had to say even though he was trying his best to convey his prognoses. They were confused and distraught after he left, so I stepped in to explain what was happening in terms that they could understand. I took both the knowledge I gained from my education as well as the information the PA gave me to make it easier for them to grasp what was happening. I felt very proud that I was able to communicate with the PA and relay medical information to my own family.
     Unfortunately, my aunt did not wake up from the coma and passed away a few days later. This experience only solidified my long standing ambition to enter the healthcare field. Experiencing this traumatic event at such a momentous time in my life definitely had its pros and cons. I lost someone very dear to me, but I also gained a greater understanding of medical techniques of which I was previously unaware such as induced hypothermia on a comatose patient. Speaking to multiple PAs through the process opened my eyes to the role they play in the hospital and their interaction with patients and their families. I was able to understand their scope of practice from a patient perspective, and I could appreciate how they handled the situation at hand.
     I began to really investigate the PA profession towards the end of my undergraduate career. At my job, I started to see more and more prescriptions written by physician assistants, and it sparked my interest. I have gained the healthcare and leadership experience necessary from my employment at Core Care. I communicate regularly with PAs, doctors, nurses, and other professionals regarding patients’ conditions and the best course of action to facilitate their recovery. I manage and supervise a team of seven individuals who directly interact with patients to advise them and assist with the medical equipment that best suits their needs. Being a manager also allowed me to explore the leadership qualities I possess and use them to benefit the group. This experience has been indispensable in my journey.
     I have always wanted to enter the healthcare field because medicine truly fascinates me. The field is constantly advancing, and there are always opportunities for growth and further education. As a physician assistant, I would be able to see patients in any setting and any specialty I choose. This is important to me because at this time, I am not sure into which specialty I would want to go. Doing clinical rounds and being able to change to a different specialty if I choose would give me the opportunity to not only learn about different areas of medicine, but to really be happy in whichever field I ultimately choose. I would also have supervising physicians to guide me and offer their advice. As a PA, I would be part of a team that works together to provide collaborative care to the patient.
     I learned at a young age that hard work is the only way to become successful. I would describe myself as ambitious, independent, and eager to learn; these are qualities that I believe will allow me to become a successful physician assistant. I am able to multitask and handle stressful situations calmly and rationally. I was able to perfect this skill during my undergraduate years when I was working almost full time and consistently maintaining a high GPA as a full-time student. I believe being a PA would give me two contrasting benefits: the autonomy to diagnose and treat patients as an individual provider and also having a physician with whom to collaborate and ask questions. Often, PAs must speak to not only the patient, but their family as well. As I did with my own family, I would appreciate being able to explain to patients and their families the medical conditions and diseases with which they are coping.
     On a final note, I am extremely enthusiastic about my future career as a physician assistant. As one of the most rapidly growing occupations in the nation, I know I will be given countless opportunities in providing quality care to patients as well as enhancing my own education by utilizing the resources available to me in this field. Being a PA is the best option for me, and I have no doubts that I will be happy and successful.

     Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     September 27, 2015 at 6:48 am

     Hi Samantha,

     A couple of technical points first. Quotation marks go outside of punctuation — “time,” not time”, and your essay is more than 500 characters and spaces (both count) over the CASPA 5000 limit.

     There are many places you can cut — the laundry list of a PAs role doesn’t help at all because you haven’t related it to you personally. But what I’m most interested in is what you can add. You say in your job you see prescriptions from PAs. I’m assuming then, that you work in a pharmacy and don’t have PA shadowing experiences. If that’s the case, what have you learned about dealing with people in relation to their healthcare issues that you could write about? The need for patience? The ability to empathize while remaining professional? The importance of communication or detail? All that is more important than your list of things PAs do. Of course, if you’ve shadowed, you’d write about those experiences, too, and probably first.

     I’m really sorry about your aunt, and impressed by your kindness and giving by staying at her bedside. But your description doesn’t really do much for your essay. First, I wouldn’t put that it couldn’t have come at worst time, unless your grades were impacted by it (then you’d mention it below in the GPA section instead of your opening ), and I’d phrase it differently. Otherwise, it sounds selfish, which you aren’t. I’m sure there were many lessons you learned from the experience, which you could also write about.

     In that paragraph, make the most of meeting a PA. You’ve wasted space on meaningless dialog when Michael introduces himself. Then he leaves the grandparents confused (not something any healthcare provider should do) and you ended up explaining everything to them, so I wonder why meeting him would had any impact on your decision to deviate from your goal of becoming a physician? In fact, I’m not sure it did from what you’ve written. You write that it was seeing prescriptions from PAs that sparked your interest in the profession. In other words, you haven’t made your initial contact with the profession work for you in this essay. Instead of using the paragraph to show that you have knowledge, write what impressed you about the PA, if anything, and what you resonated with you about his role as a healthcare provider. If there was nothing, then you won’t be opening the essay with the story about your aunt. If meeting the PA made you think twice about becoming a doctor right then and there, you’ll need to make that clear. You can write that it wasn’t until later that you made the decision (that’s sensible and probably the reality), after you started seeing more prescriptions and learned about the profession. How the latter happened isn’t in the essay, either, and it would be good to know.

     I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

10. Jacqueline Alexander says

    September 4, 2015 at 9:05 pm

    At the age of 11 many “normal” American children play outside with their friends and don’t have any major responsibilities. For me at the age 11 it meant that my entire life was about to change. My family and I moved from Phoenix, Arizona to Corning, Arkansas to take care of my grandmother who was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. At 11 years old I now had a set of responsibilities that was going to change my life. When I was in elementary school I always wanted to be a lawyer, but that all changed when I started helping my mom take care of my grandmother. Every day after school I would meet my mom at my grandmother’s house to help her bathe and feed my grandmother. She ended up getting a mastectomy, but unfortunately after a two year fight my grandmother lost her battle with breast cancer. Being a part of the care for my grandmother is something that will always be with me because it made me realize anything could happen in the blink of an eye. I began to gain a little interest in the medical field, but it wasn’t a passion yet
    When I was 16 my biggest fear was not being asked to my junior prom but I was soon brought to reality when my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and was BRCA 1 positive. The moment she told me I was completely paralyzed, I had just watched my grandmother lose her battle with breast cancer and I wasn’t ready to watch my mom start her’s. I was terrified to lose my mom so I stayed by her side every step of the way. I would go to her chemotherapy treatments, be there to hold her falling hair back as she vomited and I was there when she decided she wanted to be in control of her life and shave her head instead of watching it fall out. The hardest part was watching her deteriorate and wanting to give up. After 8 weeks of chemotherapy my mom received a bilateral mastectomy with expanders. The surgery caused her so much pain, emotionally and physically, that she could hardly walk and felt as if her identity had been taken from her. When she was able to begin the process of expanding her chest I would go to her plastic surgeon appointments with her. Watching her go through all this pain and not being able to help or do anything tore me apart. One day her doctor started letting me inject the saline into the expander and would explain the entire process to me. The process was so interesting to me; I began to be hooked to the medical processes my mom was enduring. It became extremely clear to me that being in the medical field was where I wanted to be.
    At 22, I was in my junior year of my bachelors degree in Biochemistry when I decided to get a genetic test done. At this point my mom had been in remission for five years and I thought it was time to stop being scared and know for sure if I had the BRCA 1 gene as well. I knew I had a fifty-fifty chance of being positive, but it was better to know than to take my chances and have my family watch me deteriorate. Two months after I took the test the results were in and I was BRCA 1 positive, just like my mom. The PA who gave me my results explained what having the gene meant and discussed my options with my family and me. I was beyond scared but for the first time in my life I knew exactly what I had to do. I met with the Gynecologist Oncologist and a breast surgeon within two months to make sure I didn’t have any abnormalities in my blood work, ultra sound of my uterus or in my mammogram. After a few weeks I made a plan with my breast surgeon to receive a bilateral nipple sparing mastectomy with reconstructive surgery the following summer. When I woke up from surgery I was in the worst pain of my life but I was grateful to know that my risk of getting breast cancer went from 85% to 0-5%.
    Now at the age of 23, I am more dedicated in my studies and my desire to be in the medical field has grown exponentially. My true passion in the medical field is oncology; I believe I would excel in this field because I have dealt with it in my family and with myself. My breast surgeon has also given me the opportunity to talk to several other young women facing the same issues and to share my story with them. I have seen when people are unable to survive, when people get to remission and when people take precautions; I believe that with my experience I will be able to handle the hard times that come with being in oncology. Being given the opportunity to be part of the physician assistant program would help me make a change in people’s lives like my mom’s doctors did for her and how my doctors did for me.
    If I am given the opportunity to be part of the physician assistant program my goal would be to work in rural areas to make a true difference in our community. My long term goal would be to join an organization that allows me to help poverty stricken communities throughout the world. Medicine has always been a part of my life and I want it to continue to be a part of my life. I want to be able to make a change in someone’s life.

    Reply

    • Jacqueline Alexander says

      September 6, 2015 at 6:33 pm

      Hi,
      I would really appreciate some feedback on my personal statement.

      Thank you,
      Jacque Alexander

      Reply

      • Sue Edmondson says

        September 20, 2015 at 8:48 pm

        Hi Jaqueline,

        Oh my. There’s nothing I can say except that I’m so sorry for all you have been through.

        I would like to see you focus a little less your mother and grandmother’s experiences, even less on your own, too (some of it is more personal than necessary), and focus more on your experience with the PA who provided care to you and any other PA related experiences. As a patient, what impressed you about the PA? Did the PA give you all the time you needed when she discussed the test results and options with you? Were you impressed with her knowledge, demeanor, patience? You’ve got a great opportunity here to really let Admissions folks know that you understand the PA profession and why it’s the one for you based upon your personal experiences if nothing else. If you have other PA related experiences, talk about those and what you learned.

        You can cut a lot from the first several paragraphs and have plenty of space to add the PA related information. This is how I’d edit the paragraph about you:

        “At 22, I was in my junior year of my undergrad studies in Biochemistry when I decided to get a genetic test done. At this point my mom had been in remission for five years and I thought it was time to stop being scared and know for sure if I had the BRCA 1 gene as well. Two months after I took the test the results were in and I was BRCA 1 positive. The PA who gave me my results explained what having the gene meant and discussed my options with my family and me. I knew exactly what I had to do. I scheduled and had the mastectomy surgery.”

        In this paragraph right before the last two sentences is your opportunity to write more about your interactions with the PA and what impressed you about the profession. If she’s the one who gave you the information that led to the decision, give her the credit with something along these lines — “Thanks to the information provided by the PA, I knew exactly what I had to do.”

        I hope this all helps and wish you the very best.

        Sue Edmondson
        http://www.thepalife.com

        Reply

11. akash says

    August 31, 2015 at 10:32 am

    I am motivated to pursue MHA as I am intensely passionate about the field of management and administration. Having graduated in medicine I strive to combine my knowledge of medical field with the desire to pursue a career in Healthcare management. Since a young age I have had an ambitious nature. It was in the second year of med school that I realised I wanted to follow the path of healthcare administration. I had started volunteering part time at a local NGO as a medico. From working in the field I found myself naturally drifting towards administrative roles in the organisation. Initially I shouldered the responsibility of planning and organising health camps in the suburban parts of the city. Towards the internship year, when I could devote more time for volunteer work, I got the opportunity to plan the ground work and manage newer branches at HOPE that dealt with geriatric support, Hope T.B and HIV projects, and I loved every minute of the job. Even during my high school years I was proactively involved in event organisation and management for various school functions. Given my interests and academic background, a career in healthcare administration comes almost instinctively to me.

    Owing to my undergraduate degree in medicine the better part of my last 6 years has been spent in the thick of Hospital setting. In Med school I was more keen towards the clinical aspect of academic work. Most of the clinical acumen that I garnered was not through books, but through bed side teaching by the professors.The subjects that caught my interest were internal medicine and community medicine. The art of diagnosis seemed quite scintillating to me. Reaching a Diagnosis is like solving a mystery, where there are clues, there are tools to assist you out but you always have to look hard enough to find the missing element in the puzzle. Community medicine on the other hand has more to do with public health and concerns itself with primary prevention than remedial measures.

    After graduation I Joined Max Hospital in Dehradun as a resident. At Max I am a part of the critical care team and head the General ICU, working with senior consultants and nursing staff. The GICU is a 7 bedded unit which receives patients in need of vital monitoring and intensive care, from all other departments. The treatment is mostly provided by the primary care team, whereas we in the critical care department attend to exigencies such as intubation, resuscitation, intensive care needs and pain management.

    This Experience of working in the Hospital has been invaluable for me as I believe there is nothing that can surpass practical exposure. Even through the viewpoint of an administrator, there are details that one can only observe by working on the floor. Through my job and internship I have had the opportunity to analyse health systems and their functioning from a unique perspective, on how things can improve with regard to patient care, medical quality management, staff compliance and such other avenues. Before going in for further studies I wish to complete a year of job experience. Having already completed 4 months in the ICU unit, I plan to work some time doing ward and OPD duty as well. This will help me in getting a wholesome experience of the various Hospital departments.

    After earning my MHA degree, I plan to work for a few years at a healthcare firm in a corporate position. A role in general management would be most suitable for me. Beginning my career in an organised institution would allow me to gradually rise to senior positions and gain confidence in running the healthcare business. Few years down the line I envision starting up a healthcare facility dealing with palliative care and assisted living as there are very few such facilities in urban India. Gradually such a setup has scope of expanding into a full fledged healthcare unit offering pain management, Onco care, Radio/chemotherapy and end of life care.

    The JHU MHA program is a perfect fit for me as it’s curriculum is focused on the management aspect of public health. The most appealing part of the program is the 1 year internship prospect. Graduating with this kind of experience would entitle one to enticing opportunities for beginning his career. Another factor that drew me to the program is the 9 month didactic period, as I learn better with momentum than going through a prolonged curriculum. Besides above the Hopkins name in itself demands a lot of respect and being a part of its heritage would be a matter of great pride for me. Thus the JHU MHA is my first Choice.

    With this I would like to conclude my statement, I hope I have been able to express my passion and zeal to excel in the field of healthcare management. Much thanks for taking the time out to go through my personal statement.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      September 20, 2015 at 9:24 pm

      Hi,

      I wish I could be of assistance to you, but this is a physician assistant personal statement editing service.

      I can tell you that you wouldn’t capitalize the word “experience” as you have in the sentence that starts with, “This Experience of working . . .” and that some of your spelling isn’t correct for American English, such as the way you spelled organization, analyzed and organized. Also numbers one through nine are written out.

      Apart from those technical things, you’ll have to find a different forum to help you with the content.

      Best of luck.
      Sue Edmondson

      Reply

12. Lea Cherbaka says

    August 28, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    I’m applying to PA school this fall and was wondering if you would be able to give me some tips on my personal statement thus far. I’ve always had trouble with grammar and expressing my ideas professionally on paper, therefore I thought it would be a good idea to post mine on the comments section like the others did. The question I have to answer in the statement is why I want to become a Physician Assistant

    Only few can say that they repeated college in order to become a competitive applicant for graduate school. Although this appears to be underestimating my academic abilities, my journey proves otherwise. The truth of the matter is, my aim of having a career in medicine has been a vision since I was 10, yet my aim of becoming a Physician Assistant wasn’t envisioned until these couple years. This vision began during my elementary school years at St. John’s the Eucharist, where my interests in playing competitive contact sports with the boys greatly overrode my interests in pesky gossip with the girls. As my athleticism grew, so did my passion in health and fitness. It was imperative to stay in shape to not only be a great athlete, but to exemplify what hard work and commitment looks like. These characteristics became a part of my life as I continued on through high school and became a team leader. However, being a team leader was not about strength or hard work. In fact, the secret to becoming a successful team leader is to be humble. It is the willing to learn, improve, and be open to your team member’s feedback to help the team grow. If we’re not humble we won’t allow ourselves to be held responsible and build strong relationships. I soon carried this lesson on with me as I finally began my career path in college.

    I first began my healthcare journey in the field of dentistry. As a dental assistant, providing pain relief and utilizing creativity with my hands to put a smile on someone’s face was a personally hands-on rewarding experience. However, I needed to expand beyond the scope of the mouth. I wanted to gear towards the entire human anatomy, and with previous hands-on experience, I decided to enter the world of rehabilitation. While working as a physical therapy assistant, I genuinely felt that my touch played a vital role in healing others through sincere compassion. For almost two years, I’ve helped hundreds of patients get back to an independent lifestyle free of pain and discomfort. Surprisingly, I found that emotional aid was a greater influence than physical aid towards recovery. Health is a state of both mind and body, and it’s easy to see how these two entities cross paths in any type of healing process. When Melissa came in for her first day of physical therapy after a torn ACL, only feelings of depression and anxiety obtained her mind. I vividly remember telling her that attitude truly generates results and to treat each therapy session as a positive stepping-stone toward graduation (day of discharge). I do not give such advice because I have to; I do it because it is ingrained in my nature to serve others. Of all the patients that came to the dental clinic with fear, it is in my nature to hold their hand and say that everything is going to be okay. I used words such as “shiny, strong, healthy teeth” as opposed to “pain, shots, and blood.” Evidently, I knew I was making a positive difference in so many lives with dentistry and physical therapy, but I wanted to do more. I realized I wasn’t able to choose a specialty in the past because I thoroughly enjoy all fields of medicine. In fact, I may want to change my specialty more than once in my career. Because of this, I have thought about nursing in the past. However, I enjoy diagnostics and creating a solution for my patients. I enjoy working independently, but at the same time, consulting with my team of physicians. My true understanding and love for the career finally came about when I had the opportunity to shadow a PA at an OBGYN clinic in Wyckoff, NY. It was an extraordinary experience witnessing childbirth, annual examinations, sonograms of unborn children, and surgery. It is a field encompassing so many aspects that I hope to be professionally a part of someday.

    I heard somewhere that “you need to kiss many frogs in order to find the right prince.” It took a couple bumps in the road, but I have finally found my career path. Not being impulsive with my career led me to becoming a Physician Assistant and I couldn’t be happier.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      September 20, 2015 at 8:22 pm

      Hi Lea,

      Yes, it’s hard to write these essays. But you’re on the right track with most of the great information you provided. However, it does lack some cohesion — you make a big point about all you learned through your experiences with athletics, but never tie it back to anything in the essay. There’s too much information about your early childhood, and the pesky girl gossip stuff has to go. Many might find that generalization insulting. Use the space to talk more about your PA related experiences. That will make a greater impression. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty for our book, “How To Write A Physician Assistant Essay,” all said they prefer to hear about adult, healthcare related experiences over childhood experiences. Not that you can’t open with something from your childhood, but keep it brief — it shouldn’t dominate the opening paragraph.

      The opening sentences stopped me — did you really repeat your entire college career? If not, I’d reword the opening. If you essentially did, I’d soften it to something like this (use your own words, though, this is just for illustration): Although this might lead to underestimating my academic abilities, my journey proves that would be a mistake.”

      A couple of grammar things — never capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name. Don’t make simple grammar errors such as “It is the willing to learn, improve . . .” It should be willingness, not willing. Details matter — a wrong word can mean the difference between a patient’s life and death. Also, leave out generalizations. “Health is a state of both mind and body, and it’s easy to see how these two entities cross paths in any type of healing process.” That does nothing to educate your readers about you. You have more important things to tell them.

      I hope all this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

13. Norman Farley II says

    August 24, 2015 at 10:00 pm

    Is this where you post your essay for a one time free review? If so, this essay is for Stanford University. It is a 5000 character essay and It is a few characters short of the 5000 limit. My funds are very limited, but it may be that I need your paid service but for starters, I will request your free review. There are only 2 other schools I am applying to, one has a 500 word essay with another area to post an additional 500 words and I am not sure of the other.

    Why Stanford?
    • Stanford’s PA Program is the best fit for me based on my clinical experience, age, & proximity to my home
    • Stanford sets the standard for excellence in the medical field
    • Cost is substantially less than others
    • 21 month program would fulfill my goal of service to humanity in the shortest period of time.
    • Possibility of completing clinical rotations in the Inland Empire or San Diego area.
    • The classes of interest to Stanford were the ones where I obtained my best grades. I maintained a 4.0 GPA in all my science classes since starting back to school in 2011.
    • I have lived & worked in a medically under-served area for most of my life. It is my desire to return to my rural-area home after completion of your program & work in the rural clinic in my community. I have been offered a job as a PA when I complete your program by the physician that has the contract for operation of the ER at San Antonio Community Hospital. He also operates 5 Urgent Care Centers. I want to compassionately heal humanity & change the world, one patient at a time.
    • Stanford’s first emphasis is clinical experience, followed by academic achievements. Half of my life after college has been spent in the medical field.
    I have done a lot of things in my life; however, being able to help someone has given me the most satisfaction. While attending college I needed a job; I became an EMT & got a job at a local ambulance company. Liking the job, I became a Paramedic. Starting IV’s, delivering lifesaving pharmaceuticals, monitoring cardiac dysrhythmias, controlling hemorrhaging, & stabilizing open fractures are a few of the skills that being a paramedic gave me. While being a paramedic was a good job at the time it did have its draw backs; long hours at work took time away from my collegiate goals, which at that time was to go to medical school.
    My undergraduate major in Psychology, my 10 years of service as a Paramedic, 15 years as a custom home builder/business owner &, most recently, my past 3 years as a Phlebotomist/ Lab Tec 2, have given me the experience necessary to be a skilled Physician Assistant. I am well known in the medical & business community where I live. I operated two contracting companies & provided employment to 15 individuals. My father is a retired Pastor, my mother was a Nursing Home Administrator & my sister served as a nurse in the local hospital. We are a service oriented family. A portion of my volunteer work involved helping with construction of a new church in Palm Desert, CA. My former wife operates an Outdoor Science School for 5th & 6th graders. We offered scholarships to students that could not afford the fees to attend; many came from the ghetto/barrio areas of LA. Until my divorce in 2011 I improved the buildings on the site without remuneration. The wife of one of my employees ran “Operation Provider” in my local community. I volunteered on many occasions to provide & deliver food, diapers, & toiletries for “Operation Provider” recipients.
    I have a job as soon as I complete the PA program. The physician that owns the contract to operate the ER at San Antonio Community Hospital & operates 5 Urgent Care Centers has told me he wants me to work for him.
    I became familiar with the role of Physician Assistants through my over 120 hours of shadowing Physician Assistants.
    My strengths are:
    • Successfully ran a corporation with 15 employees for 15 years
    • Team player
    • Dependable & disciplined
    • Good collaborative listener & communicator
    • Ability to lead
    • Determined; “Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired – you quit when the gorilla is tired.” Robert Strauss
    • Maturity to make competent, solution oriented decisions
    • Inquisitive
    • Desire to be helpful
    • Possess a broad science education
    • Thirteen years of direct patient care both as a paramedic & as a lab tech working in the hospital & in the emergency departments
    • Respect the difference of the opinions of others & cultural diversities.
    • Strong work ethic.

    My weaknesses are:
    • Have not quite completed my bachelor’s degree, but will have it completed by the end of May, 2016.
    • Not great in writing personal essays
    • Uncomfortable with mediocrity

    Because of the downturn of the economy I closed my contracting businesses & embraced my original dream of becoming a doctor. I took the Phlebotomy Course & received my certificate in Feb. 2012. Since then I have worked full time, raised my 15 year old son & attended school to complete the PA program prerequisites. Now that my prerequisites have been completed, I plan to volunteer at Mountains Community Hospital Rural Clinic & the Riverside San Bernardino Health Clinic that serves the San Manuel Indian Tribe.

    The faster I conclude your PA program, the sooner I will be able to serve my rural home town community.

    Commitment to service is the destination of my journey.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      September 20, 2015 at 6:46 pm

      Hi Norman,

      I’m not sure if Stanford requires a typical essay format. If so, this is not it. You would write it as a narrative with separate paragraphs and not use bullet points. By the way, never use shortcuts such as “&” in anything you send out professionally. This is not a casual correspondence and you have used them throughout.

      As to content, most of it is quite good. However, I certainly would not say you’ve embraced your original plan to become a doctor. That’s not going to sit well with the Admissions folks who are looking for commitment to the PA profession. I don’t believe including that the downturn in the economy is the reason you’re returning to the medical profession. I’d stay focused on the positive, that is your interest in medicine and a profession that allows you to combine that interest with your interest in helping people. The information about your family background is not helpful to the essay. You’re obviously an older applicant — it’s not as if you’re a 21-year old who has just graduated. Here’s what I’d do with that section if I edited it (the extra words are just to illustrate the point — you’d use your own words) :

      I come from a service oriented family and have carried on that tradition. A portion of my volunteer work involved helping with construction of a new church in Palm Desert, CA. My former wife operates an Outdoor Science School for 5th and 6th graders. We offered scholarships to students that could not afford the fees to attend; many came from the ghetto/barrio areas of LA and I improved the buildings on the site without remuneration. The wife of one of my employees ran “Operation Provider” in my local community. I volunteered on many occasions to provide & deliver food, diapers, and toiletries for “Operation Provider” recipients.

      Couple of quick grammar things — physician assistant is not capitalized unless it’s part of a formal name, such as Brown School of Physician Assistant Studies, underserved is one word, rural area would not have a dash.

      Your unique approach will certainly catch the eye of Admissions folks. Whether they appreciate it as someone who thinks outside the box (if in fact you have in your format) will be the key to the statement’s success.

      I hope this helps and wish you the best.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

14. [email protected] says

    August 24, 2015 at 6:16 pm

    Hi, I am a first time applicant and I don’t really have anyone to read my statement so I’m reaching out to you all! I would really appreciate any comments. I have gone over the limit my 800 characters but I’m not sure where is best to cut. Thanks!!!!

    As a teenager without health insurance, I spent many years ignoring symptoms or eking by with whatever remedies I already had at home. Sure, when these methods did not work, I was forced to see a doctor, however, this was rarely the case. Thankfully, I was generally healthy and could manage only going to my health department once a year. Unfortunately, this is not the circumstance for many, and chronic illnesses go diagnosed and uncontrolled.

    I can understand why someone would rather ignore their symptoms than see a doctor. I dreaded going to the health department because I never knew if I would ever see the same provider again. Many just do not recognize the importance of preventive care and how it could save their heart, foot, or even life. Some just feel like they do not connect with their provider or just cannot understand them. Sometimes, it comes down to what is more important right now: eating today or diabetes tomorrow.

    These observations lead me to pursue healthcare, where I hope to be part of the solution of providing stability for the underprivileged, underrepresented, and financially burdened. Having spent nearly ten years in healthcare, I have interacted with a variety of providers, but it is to a physician assistant (PA) that I relate. PAs help close the gap of disparities within healthcare by providing an affordable means to primary care. Also, with the supportive nature of a PA in the physician-PA team, they are available to allow for more time with each patient. This is important not only in forming a lasting relationship with patients, but also in giving them the knowledge to make healthy decisions. In addition, the generalist training that PAs obtain make them more flexible to adapt to the needs of their community and even carry their skills globally. All of these reasons are significant to me, having seen many of these issues firsthand.

    Upon graduating from high school, I became a pharmacy technician. This position solidified my interests in the science of medicine and furthered my awareness of the huge role of primary care providers in the health system. I remember, on several occasions, patients coming in and requesting a refill for a medication that they not only could not name but had no idea why it was prescribed. Others, having seen so many different providers, had redundant medications or even drug interactions.

    After several years at the pharmacy, I knew I wanted to be more involved with patients and began working in registration at the emergency department of my local hospital. I witnessed patients without options sit for hours to be seen for fevers and headaches, just as I had years earlier. For many, this was their primary care experience. One PA there recognized this and provided them extra attention. I watched him take the time to go over each medication these patients were taking, not only to ensure there were no drug interactions but also to explain the purpose of each. When his patients need refills, instead of asking for “the little blue pill,” they can confidently ask for their blood pressure medication. My perspective grew substantially due to this; I wanted to be a patient advocate.

    I moved home after college to further my career in medicine. Rising from a unit secretary to becoming a patient care technician, I got my first hands-on experiences with patients. This position showed me how rewarding patient care is, even if it can be messy and often thankless. One morning as I was assisting a patient to the bathroom, she began sweating and complaining of blurred vision. I immediately called for someone to come in so we could check her blood sugar levels; it was 37 mg/dL. With the nurse at my side, we got the patient back to bed and gave IV glucose. I am happy to have recognized these symptoms and react appropriately without hesitation. Moments like this led me to see that I want to not only treat patients but learn to diagnose as well.

    I know the path to becoming a PA will be difficult. A PA program is not only a science-intensive graduate-level platform, but it is in an accelerated format that involves a great deal of dedication and determination. As someone who has held two, sometimes three, jobs while attending university full-time, I am confident in my skills obtained in time- and stress-management. I recall, on several occasions, getting off work, eating in the car on the way to class, coming home to study all night, then doing it all again the next day. The ability to balance multiple obligations while still finding time for yourself takes practice, but is important for mental and physical health as well as success in such a rigorous program. For me, the most significant tool in succeeding under such stress is a strong support network. During my sophomore year in undergrad, I lost my older cousin. Never having dealt with death before, I was unable to cope with losing my best friend; eventually, I failed two semesters. Reflecting upon this irresponsibility, I was able to use the trust and support of my family and friends to overcome this hardship and push forward. These abilities, however, will help me succeed in this challenging new academic path.

    My professional experiences in several healthcare fields has given me a unique perspective of the process involved in patient care, from the moment they come in to after they leave. This has made me cognizant and appreciative of everyone’s role in said process. We come from several backgrounds and experiences that allow us to integrate together and ultimately provide better patient care. I am certain in my ability to translate my skills into my studies as well as future practice and become a successful PA. I am also confident that I can relate and help close the gap in available healthcare as a primary care provider.

    Reply

    • [email protected] says

      August 30, 2015 at 8:18 pm

      I have done some editing and would like an opinion on this draft. I, unfortunately, am still over the limit my 167 characters. I feel like I have cut out so much and don’t know what to cut next. Any help would be appreciated!

      As a teenager without health insurance, I spent many years ignoring symptoms or making do with whatever home remedies I already had. My go-to was some leftover menthol cough drops in my tea to help open my sinuses and soothe my throat. Thankfully, I was generally healthy and could manage by going to my health department once a year.

      I can understand why someone would rather ignore their symptoms than see a doctor. I dreaded going to the health department because I never knew if I would see the same provider again; seeing a stranger made me uneasy. Many see preventative care as a luxury, and overlook how it could save their heart, foot, or even life. Some feel like they do not connect with their provider or cannot understand them. Sometimes, it comes down to what is more important right now: eating today or diabetes tomorrow.

      These observations led me to pursue healthcare, where I hope to provide stability for the underprivileged and financially burdened. Spending ten years in healthcare has allowed me to interact with a variety of providers. With this exposure, I have realized that it is to a physician assistant (PA) that I relate. PAs help close the gap of disparities within healthcare by providing an affordable means for treatment. With the supportive nature of the physician-PA team, the skills of each provider are used in improving patient care and experiences. Additionally, the well-rounded training that PAs obtain allows them to adapt to the needs of their community and even carry their skills globally. All of these reasons are important to me, having seen many of these issues first hand.

      After high school, I became a pharmacy technician. This position solidified my interests in medicine and helped me appreciate the impact of patient education. I remember patients requesting refills for medications they could not name, or say why they were prescribed. One elderly man came in with a baggie full of empty pill bottles; the labels were nearly completely faded. Upon further inspection, we discovered that he had redundant medications from a variety of providers. We sat down with him, consolidated his medications, and then explained to him the significance of seeing a single provider. This was a common occurrence in the pharmacy and I always made a point to educate these patients.

      Years later, I wanted more contact with patients and began working in registration at an emergency room. I witnessed patients without insurance sit hours to be seen for fevers and headaches. It reminded me of the times I sought care as a teenager and I understood that, for many, this was their primary care experience. One PA in the ER recognized this and provided extra attention to these patients. I watched him carefully go over each medication not only rule out drug interactions, but also to explain their purposes. When his patients returned, instead of asking for “the little blue pill,” they confidently asked for their blood pressure medication. I admired his respect for patients, and it inspired me to also advocate for them. I once saw that a patient was anxious over the cost of a medication they had just been prescribed and coordinated with his provider to supply him with samples and coupons.

      Later, I became a patient care technician on the cardiothoracic surgery unit. This position gave me the opportunity to more closely see the connection between patients and their caregivers. One morning as I was assisting a patient to the bathroom, she began sweating and complaining of blurred vision. Alarmed, I checked her blood sugar; it was 37 mg/dL. With the nurse at my side, we helped the patient to bed and gave IV glucose. I am happy to have quickly recognized these symptoms and to have reacted. Moments like this showed me that I want to not only treat patients, but diagnose as well.

      Becoming a PA will be difficult, but I am confident in my time- and stress-management skills. I have held multiple jobs while attending university full-time and recall getting off work, eating in the car on the way to class, and coming home to study all night. This continued throughout my college career and although it was difficult balancing several obligations simultaneously, I was always proud to have successfully completed each semester.

      I have always known that the best tool for succeeding under stress is a strong support network. This was tested during my sophomore year when I lost my cousin due to non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Never having dealt with death before, I was unable to cope with losing my best friend; eventually, I failed two semesters. Reflecting upon this hardship, I drew from the support of my family and friends to push forward. I succeeded in retaking these semesters and continued to excel in my studies thereafter.

      My experiences at the pharmacy, reception desk, ER and as a leader have helped me value what people contribute to a team. Our backgrounds and various skills allow us to provide better patient care through integration and empathy. Since my days at the health clinic, I have witnessed the needs of the underprivileged, and becoming a PA is my next step as a patient educator, supporter, and advocate.

      Thank you!!!!

      Reply

      • Sue Edmondson says

        September 13, 2015 at 3:14 pm

        Hi Ajohns,

        You must be applying to a specific school and not going through CASPA since you’re referring to a 800 character limit and not the 5000 character and space limit. Assuming that’s the case, you might want to gear your essay toward the mission and values of your target school. Maybe you’ve done that, already. Since I’m not sure what the school was looking for in this essay, it’s impossible for me to help you with content, but I can give you ideas of where to cut. You actually have a lot of spare words. Here are some examples, starting with your first paragraph:

        As a teenager without health insurance, I spent many years ignoring symptoms or making do with whatever home remedies I already had. My go-to was menthol cough drops. Thankfully, I was generally healthy and could manage by going to my health department once a year.

        Since you have a lot of patient examples, you could delete this as well:
        “I once saw that a patient was anxious over the cost of a medication they had just been prescribed and coordinated with his provider to supply him with samples and coupons.”

        With those changes, you’re probably under your count. But if not, there are words here and there you can cut.

        I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

        Sue Edmondson
        http://www.thepalife

        Reply

15. Katy Ernest says

    August 23, 2015 at 8:26 am

    Please help with feedback on my opener and where I should go from here!

    I was never a child than new exactly what I wanted to be, although I do look back and see how I loved helping people. My earliest memories consisted of helping my aunt in her day care, organizing activities for the younger children and making sure they were safe. I was always interesting in helping people, and in highschool I became a swim instructor. This allowed me to teach and better my students in useful life saving skills. Although still unsure on what my long-term goals were, I continued my pattern of helping people by accepting a job at a women’s residential drug and alcohol treatment facility. One of the toughest jobs I ever had was working for this company, enduring the daily struggles that are associated with newly sober and detoxing women is not for the faint of heart, but I loved every minute of it. I started to realize that I wanted to continue in healthcare, although not quite psychiatric, and I knew that meant I needed to obtain my bachelors. At 24 I decides to go to college while working full time and after 6 years and much soul searching I obtained a degree in Kinesiology in order to give me the health background foundation for an education in Physician Assistant.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      September 13, 2015 at 3:02 pm

      Hi Katy,

      Since I had the pleasure of editing your essay, I’m not going to comment on it here.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

16. Ashley T says

    August 19, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    I am a second year applicant and this is my personal statement from last year. I like to think it has some good areas and feel like I can still maybe use it as a base? I really put heart and soul into this one so I find myself struggling to re-write a new one for this year. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!
    **************

    As the sun was going down, the rain began to fall. Alongside the road there were sirens and flashing lights next to a black vehicle that was completely destroyed. A person was still inside, but there was no movement. After some time the medical team was able to gain access and announced that the female had a pulse, unconscious, and in critical condition. It was not until the next day; with broken bones and little memory she did awake. Throughout the next few days I began to comprehend, the girl in the accident was me.

    After my accident I suffered from short term memory loss, the care I received at this time and following over the next few years as I recovered made me understand the importance of skilled physicians and physician assistants. I always knew that I wanted to become a healthcare professional. However, it was not until after my accident that I was certain perusing a career as a PA was the true path for me.

    Volunteer efforts, shadowing, and post university medical experience solidified that there was no other profession I desired more. These experiences have allowed me to draw knowledge from a variety of interdisciplinary teams in different venues of medicine. Assisting and building relationships with patients, contributed to hands on competencies that are now a part of my skill set. Witnessing the team of a doctor and PA work together at Moffitt Cancer Center furthered my excitement of the position. I was captivated by their partnership and the PAs ability to simultaneously work independently. The PA spoke highly of the opportunity to study and practice multiple specialties. Knowing that I have the option to go from Pediatrics to Geriatrics or from Oncology to Dermatology entices me.

    I knew the career as a physician assistant was not one for the apathetic, and was aware that this would be challenging in many rights. This is precisely why I chose this as my un-wavered career path. I find passion in achieving what does not come easy. While continuously battling the setbacks of my accident, my socioeconomic status forced upon me the task of a full time job to fund my education, the foundation of what I hope to be my future profession. The outcome of these hardships led to substandard grades in my freshman and sophomore years. Once at the University of South Florida I succeeded in completing all PA requirements with a vast improvement in my academics. After the completion of my bachelor’s degree, I saved up money, invested time, and studied to become a licensed CNA. In addition, I also became CPR certified and took a phlebotomy course to increase my knowledge. As a result of my success, I realized I had moved forward from what I thought would hold me back forever; my accident was now just a motivator for future obstacles.

    My current position as a medical assistant for the past year has been a rewarding learning experience. Through my work I am able to help patients and the feeling in return is an incredible sentiment. A little after I began working here, I was awarded a larger role through learning how to perform functional assessments on patients suffering from dizziness. After successful applications of the procedures, it is clear that I make positive impacts on a patient’s daily life. It’s the moment of alleviation for the patient that makes my day worthwhile. In my work I’m fortunate enough to change lives in similar ways as the PA I strive to be, which is what drives me. Admittance to a respectable program is not the beginning or the end; it is the next step of my journey to become a reflection of who I admire.

    Reply

    • Ashley T says

      August 24, 2015 at 6:07 pm

      I have done some more edits to my original essay that I posted above. If you could please advise on this one instead, I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you!!
      ****

      As the sun was going down, the rain began to fall. Alongside the road there were sirens and flashing lights next to a black vehicle, it was completely destroyed. A person was still inside, but there was no movement. After some time the medical team was able to gain access and announced that the female had a pulse, was unconscious, and in critical condition. As the body was pulled from the car, officer Crutchfield knew who he should call. “Ms. Safreed, there has been an accident.” It was not until the next day; with broken bones and little memory she did awake. As her eye’s opened, she tried to lift herself, the pain she felt caused her to scream, “Mom!” Her mother rushed into the room to calm her, “Ashley, stop moving around, you are only going to make it more painful, relax.” The expression on Ashley’s face showed nothing more than drawing a complete blank. “What happened, and why is there a sling on me?”

      Throughout the next few days, I began to comprehend the girl in the accident was me.
      The ambulance took me to the hospital in our home town, after hours passed by they told my mother that my scans and test came back fine, put a sling on me, and sent me home; while still unconscious. The day after, I had follow up visits in the next city over with completely different physicians. It turned out the extent of my injuries were worse than we were told, and had to have surgery immediately. Being wrongly diagnosed, and suffering from complications following the accident was an obstacle, but the care received at the time and over the next few years during recovery made me understand the importance of skilled physicians and physician assistants (PAs).

      In the past year, I have grown and learned even more than I thought I could in my current position as a medical assistant in the Neurotology Otology specialty. Working as a medical assistant for the past two years has been a rewarding learning experience. One of the main priorities of my position is to take a very detailed description of the patient’s condition-chief complaint of their visit. Doing this has allowed me to gain an extensive amount of knowledge on the inner ear and vestibular system, and on how they both work, by their selves and together. Through my work I am able to help patients and the feeling in return is an incredible sentiment. A little after I began working at the clinic, I was awarded a larger role through learning how to complete the Canalith Repositioning Maneuver on patients suffering from Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. After successful applications of the procedures, it is clear from their emotions that I make positive impacts on the patient’s daily life. The joyful smile on their faces immediately brightens my whole day.

      There is not much to offer from where I come from, but I have always been career driven. I always knew that I wanted to become a healthcare professional, and with my determination I have worked hard to get to where I am today. It was not until after my accident that I was certain perusing a career as a PA was the ideal path for me. Volunteer efforts, shadowing, and post university medical experience, solidified that there was no other profession I desired more. These experiences have allowed me to draw knowledge from a variety of interdisciplinary teams in different venues of medicine. Now, from assisting and working directly with patients, I have a wide range of hands on experience.

      Witnessing the team of a doctor and PA work together at Moffitt Cancer Center furthered my excitement of the position. I was captivated by their partnership and the PAs ability to simultaneously work independently. The PA spoke highly of the opportunity to study and practice multiple specialties. Through all of my learning and experience it occurred to me that my love for medicine is so broad, that it would be impossible for me to just focus on one aspect of medicine. Pediatrics, Neonatology, Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility are just a few of my top interest, but there is also Oncology and Dermatology that catch my eye. Knowing that I have the option to try all of these as a PA entices me, and having the opportunity to treat and diagnose patients instead of standing in the background observing would give me great pleasure.

      I knew the career as a physician assistant is not one for the apathetic, and am aware that this will be challenging in many rights. I find passion in achieving what does not come easy. While continuously battling the setbacks of my accident, my socioeconomic status forced upon me the task of a full time job while trying to obtain an education. The outcome of these hardships led to substandard grades in my freshman and sophomore years. Once accepted at a University I succeeded in completing all PA requirements with a vast improvement in my academics. After the completion of my bachelor’s degree, I saved up money, invested time, and studied to become a licensed CNA. In addition, I also became CPR certified and took a phlebotomy course to further my education in patient care. As a result of my success, I realized I had moved forward from what I thought would hold me back forever; my accident is now just a motivator for future obstacles.

      A career as a PA allows me to have the perfect balance I yearn for between medicine and my family. It is the moment of alleviation for the patient that makes my workday worthwhile, and talking about my day at home with my family also brings me happiness. With a career as a PA, I know my answer to “How was your day”, will always be, “Life changing”. In my work I am fortunate enough to change lives in similar ways as the PA I strive to be, which is what drives me. Admittance to a respectable program is not the beginning or the end; it is the next step of my journey to become a reflection of who I admire.

      Reply

      • Ashley T says

        August 30, 2015 at 11:44 am

        Final draft.. I think lol
        ****
        As the sun was going down, the rain began to fall. Alongside the road there were sirens and flashing lights next to a black vehicle; it was completely destroyed. I was unconscious, stuck inside the vehicle. EMS extricated me and transported me to the hospital.
        It was not until the next day I finally woke up and tried to lift myself out of bed; the pain I felt caused me to scream, “Mom!” My mother rushed into the room, “Ashley, stop moving around, you are only going to make it more painful” she said. The expression on my face showed nothing more than a complete blank. “What happened, and why is there a sling on me?”

        The ambulance took me to the hospital in our home town, and after hours passed by they told my mother that my scans and tests came back fine, put a sling on me, and sent me home … while still not fully conscious. The day after, I had follow up visits in the next city over with completely different physicians. It turned out the extent of my injuries were worse than we were told, and had to have surgery immediately. Suffering from complications following the accident was an obstacle, but the care received at the time and over the next few years during recovery made me understand the importance of skilled physicians and physician assistants (PAs).

        In the past year, I have grown and learned even more than I thought I could in my current position as a medical assistant in the Neuro-otology specialty. Working as a medical assistant for the past two years has been a rewarding learning experience. One of the main priorities of my position is to take a very detailed description of the patient’s condition/chief complaint of their visit. Doing this has allowed me to gain an extensive amount of knowledge on the inner ear and vestibular system, and on how they both work in conjunction with one another. Through my work I am able to help patients and the feeling in return is an incredible sentiment. A little after I began working at the clinic, I was awarded a larger role through learning how to complete the Canalith Repositioning Maneuver on patients suffering from Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. After successful applications of the procedures, it is clear from their emotions that I make positive impacts on the patient’s daily life. The joyful smile on their faces immediately brightens my whole day.
        Volunteer efforts, shadowing, and post university medical experience solidified that there was no other profession I desired more. Witnessing the team of a doctor and PA work together at Moffitt Cancer Center furthered my excitement of the position. I was captivated by their partnership and the PAs ability to simultaneously work independently. The PA spoke highly of the opportunity to study and practice multiple specialties. Through all of my learning and experience it occurred to me that my love for medicine is so broad, that it would be impossible for me to just focus on one aspect of medicine. Knowing that I have the option to experience nearly any specialty entices me, and having the opportunity to treat and diagnose patients instead of standing in the background observing would give me great pleasure.
        While continuously battling the setbacks of my accident, the socioeconomic status forced upon me the task of a full time job while trying to obtain an education. The outcome of these hardships led to substandard grades in my freshman and sophomore years. Once accepted at University of South Florida I succeeded in completing all PA requirements with a vast improvement in my academics creating an upward trend in GPA through graduation. As a result of my success, I realized I had moved forward from what I thought would hold me back forever; my accident is now just a motivator for future obstacles.
        With a career as a PA, I know my answer to “how was your day” will always be, “life changing.” In my work I am fortunate enough to change lives in similar ways as the PA I strive to be, which is what drives me. I am determined and will not ever abandon this dream, goal, and life purpose. Outside of my qualifications on paper, I have been told that I am a compassionate, friendly, and a strong woman. Years from today, through my growth and experience as a PA, I will evolve to be a role model for someone with the same qualities and professional objectives as I have today. I chose PA because I love working as a team. Helping others makes me feel like I have a purpose, and there is no other profession that I would rather be in. Admittance to a respectable program is not the beginning or the end … it is the next step of my journey to become a reflection of who I admire.

        Reply

        • Sue Edmondson says

          September 13, 2015 at 2:55 pm

          Hi Ashley,

          Well, you’re close, but it’s not quite there. Good job, though, overall — great opening, good explanation of your grade issues, and good conclusion. Don’t use ellipses, though, use an “em dash” if anything, and take out “respectable” in your last sentence of the essay. That’s a very odd thing to say, as if a PA program might not be respectable!

          In your second paragraph, you mention you understand the importance of skilled physicians and PAs. You don’t need to put in the acronym for physician assistant. It’s commonly used enough to be acceptable without explanation. Expand on the PA portion and tell how they impacted you. Be very specific.

          You can edit the second paragraph as follows to make more room:
          The ambulance took me to the hospital in our home town where they took tests, put a sling on me, and sent me home. The day after, I had follow up visits and it turned out I had to have surgery immediately. Suffering from complications following the accident was an obstacle, but the care received at the time and over the next few years during recovery made me understand the importance of skilled physicians and physician assistants.

          You could make the points stronger in the paragraph about your work. This sentence, “Through my work I am able to help patients and the feeling in return is an incredible sentiment” doesn’t say a whole lot. It’s not bad, it’s just not great.

          I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

          Sue Edmondson
          http://www.thepalife.com

          Reply

        • Sue Edmondson says

          September 13, 2015 at 2:59 pm

          Hi again,

          I just saw from looking at the essays you first submitted that this is your second time applying. You absolutely must specifically address what’s changed from your first application. It’s critical. So, if you have more work experience, highlight that, and what you’ve gained. If that paragraph about your work is talking about new experiences, be sure to clarify it, and definitely make it more significant, pointing out skills you’ve acquired and lessons learned.

          Sue Edmondson
          http://www.thepalife.com

          Reply

17. Ivan says

    August 18, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    A three year old boy has severe sinusitis that has caused the eyelids of his right eye to swell and his fever to spike. His mother is beginning to worry because every specialist she has visited has not been able to alleviate her child’s symptoms. It has been three days and she is at another hospital waiting to see yet another specialist. While the mother is sitting in the waiting room a passing doctor takes notice of her son and exclaims to her, “I can help this boy.” After a brief examination, the doctor informs the mother that her son has an infected sinus. The boy’s sinus is drained and he is given antibiotics to treat the infection. The mother breathes a sigh of relief; her son’s symptoms are finally mitigated.
    I was the sick child in that story. That is one of my earliest memories; it was from the time when I lived in Ukraine. I still wonder how such a simple diagnosis was overlooked by several physicians; perhaps it was an example of the inadequate training healthcare professionals received in post-Cold War Ukraine. The reason I still remember that encounter is the pain and discomfort of having my sinus drained. I was conscious during the procedure and my mother had to restrain me while the doctor drained my sinus. I remember that having my sinus drained was so excruciating that I told the doctor, “When I grow up I will become a doctor so I can do this to you!” When I reminisce about that experience I still tell myself that I would like to work in health care, but my intentions are no longer vengeful.
    After researching various health care professions I realized that physician assistant is the one for me. I have several reasons for pursuing a career as a PA. Firstly the PA profession has a bright future; according to the Bureau of Labor statistics employment for physician assistants is projected to grow 38 percent from 2012 to 2022. Secondly the flexibility of the PA of the profession is appealing to me; I would like to build an eclectic repertoire of experiences and skills when it comes to delivering medical care. Thirdly I would be able to work autonomously and collaboratively with a health care team to diagnose and treat individuals. The fourth and most important reason is that I would be able to directly influence people in a positive way. Working for homecare services I have had several people tell me that they prefer PAs over physicians, because physician assistants are able to take their time to effectively communicate with their patients.
    I know that to become a physician assistant academic excellence is imperative so I would like to take the time to explain the discrepancies in my transcript. During my freshman and sophomore year my grades were not great and there is no excuse for that. In my first two years of college I was more concerned with socializing than I was with academia. I chose to spend most of my time going to parties and because of it my grades suffered. Although I had a lot of fun I came to the realization the fun would not last forever. I knew that to fulfill my dream of working in health care I would have to change my ways. Starting with my junior year I made school my priority and my grades improved markedly. My grades in the second two years of my college career are a reflection of me as an engaged student. I will continue striving to achieve my terminal goal of becoming a physician assistant, because I look forward to the first time a worried mother comes to the hospital with her sick child and I will be able to say, “I can help this boy!”

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      September 12, 2015 at 8:44 pm

      Hi Ivan,

      I like your opening and the ending very much. It’s also great that you explained your lower GPA in the essay.

      Where your essay loses steam is in the middle. Writing a laundry list about the role of the PA and citing statistics isn’t the way you want to spend your precious few characters and spaces in an essay such as this. The purpose is to intrigue Admissions folks enough to make them want to meet you. When I interviewed a dozen or so Admissions Directors and faculty about writing these essays, every one of them said they did not want a list of things PAs do. You make an attempt to relate some of these things to you specifically, but your statements are so general, they reveal little about you.

      You work for homecare services. Have you had any contact with PAs in the context of your work? Have you done any shadowing? If you have, write about those experiences and how you were impacted by them.

      I suspect you haven’t had contact with PAs or you would have talked about it. However, you can still show you’re a great candidate for a PA program. Write what you’ve learned about patient care from your work and relate that to skills you’ll need as a PA. Explain why homecare isn’t enough for you and specifically why the PA profession is.

      Delete all this: “The reason I still remember that encounter is the pain and discomfort of having my sinus drained. I was conscious during the procedure and my mother had to restrain me while the doctor drained my sinus. I remember that having my sinus drained was so excruciating that I told the doctor, “When I grow up I will become a doctor so I can do this to you!” When I reminisce about that experience I still tell myself that I would like to work in health care, but my intentions are no longer vengeful.”

      Hopefully you have a better reason to go into healthcare than revenge. Write about the real reasons. You can link your childhood experience of inadequate treatment to your interest in ensuring that others never experience that pain. Do it from a positive, not a negative standpoint.

      I hope all this helps, and wish you the best of luck.
      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

18. Billy says

    August 18, 2015 at 7:38 am

    Hello, I have completed my first draft and would love if you guys could take a look at at it this site is amazing and i am so happy i was able to come across it. Thanks.

    There is a quote by Mark Twain that comes to mind when describing why I aspire to become a Physician Assistant. The quote goes: “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why”. The latter of this quote began subtly two years ago in the form of the first day of a summer course in Exercise Testing & Prescription. On that first day we discussed a statement by Dr. Robert Butler, where he described a wonder pill that could prevent and treat heart disease, diabetes, obesity and more importantly prolong the length of life. The pill was exercise, and as Butler illuminated, “If it could be packed into a pill it would be the most widely prescribed and beneficial medicine in the nation”. I was captivated and left that first day wondering what would happen to our health care system if more emphasis was placed on prevention or if people were given proper medical direction and interventions needed to live healthier lives.

    Those moments of discussion immediately fueled a desire to pursue a career in health care because of the prospects becoming a driving force in preventative medicine. Growing up I knew that I wanted to help people but the direction to which capacity had yet to surface. The day I found my “why” came a few weeks later during a visit to an oncology office with my mother. “A minimally invasive procedure, no need to worry”, the Physician Assistant said, as I sat across my mother listening to this figure elaborate on the treatment plan. My mother had developed large fibroids in her uterus leaving her with the option of a myomectomy to remove them. As nervous as we were, all I remember was the PA’s commitment on educating us and not allowing us to leave without confidence in the doctor’s and modern medicine’s ability. We went through poster boards, endless analogies and many clips of the procedure. What I remember most from that day was as time flew the PA never looked at her watch and found enjoyment in calming our concerns. The infectious certainty that she carried with her all but subsided our fears and left a lasting imprint of what I wanted to do with my life. To put it in one phrase, “she cared”, she cared not only about my mom’s treatment but our education on the subject. I began researching the PA profession and became fascinated by its humble beginnings and purpose of improving and expanding our health care system. I found that the profession fit who I was and wanted be part of a field with the ability to not only diagnose and treat diseases but also with the expectation to promote health through education, a profession where I could continue to push my goal of decreasing healthcare demand through prevention.

    Viewing the commitment required both academically and clinically I prioritized and created a system for myself with the focus of working one day at a time. I found that my efforts resulted in making the Dean’s List for the first time, exceling in all course work despite taking on heavier loads, taking on an opportunity as a Research Assistant on a few clinical studies and pursuit of a Masters Degree in Exercise Physiology at the University of Central Florida. I gained a certification as a Certified Nursing Assistant while also taking up a volunteering position at Florida Hospital in the Emergency Department and in the Intensive Care Unit.
    In the ED and the ICU I learned that there can be quiet moments or moments where every second or movement is crucial, what remains the same is the reliance on all the fields of medicine to play their role and communicate effectively with each other. In my time spent providing care as a CNA I’ve seen myself grow significantly everyday. I’ve learned as with any position in the medical field tasks can become overwhelming and time consuming and when caring for multiple patients quality of care is susceptible to becoming affected. I remember a day being short staffed at the facility where I’m currently employed and becoming responsible for over 25 mostly confused patients. The dichotomy that I faced was completing the tasks I had been handed in a timely manner or providing quality care that all my patients deserved. In that experience I learned that no matter the number of tasks or the difficulty of them, quality of care should be kept to its highest standard, even if it requires your greatest effort.
    The experiences I have gained as a Research Assistant, Certified Nursing Assistant and volunteering at Florida Hospital East have become an invaluable part of who I am today. However, I find myself everyday yearning to do more than I can now. I want to be involved in the diagnosis, treatment plan creation and education of patients. I want the opportunity to calm fears and instill confidence just as what was done for my mother and I on that faithful day. Most importantly I want to stand on the front lines of health care with other PAs and continue to evolve as our system does.

    Reply

    • Billy says

      September 3, 2015 at 5:15 am

      Completely re-edited my PS. This draft feels alot stronger. Please let me know what you think. Thanks.

      “The two most important days in your life are the day you’re born and the day you find out why”. This quote from Mark Twain comes to mind when describing why I aspire to become a Physician Assistant. The journey to finding one’s professional “why” can be tough, it can sometimes force one to settle and give up on the journey altogether but in other cases, cases of so many who have genuine love in what they do, it requires constant self-reflection, faith and unyielding determination to continue on. Early on in my academic career I lacked the maturity to grasp this concept, I wasn’t committed to the process of learning and was without intrinsic motivation to dedicate myself to it. I knew I wanted a career in medicine but when asked difficult questions of why, I could only give the generic answer, “Because I want to help people”. That reason wasn’t enough, I needed something more, something that could drive me to work night shifts and head to school immediately after, something that could push me to retake courses and pursue a Masters degree. To find this “why” I became child-like, asking many questions, majority of them beginning with why. Why was it important for me to help people through medicine? Why not a trainer, a physician or a nurse? Why not anything else?

      Through this journey I began four years ago, I’ve learned that an individuals “why” is a place where one’s passions and skills meet their community’s needs and as I’ve been exposed to many facets of health, I’ve discovered my passion for fitness and health is the foundation of my “why”. The day I found this “why” came subtly, from a simple yet profound article clipping that remains posted on my wall today. A “wonder pill “ Dr. Robert Butler described, that could prevent and treat many diseases but more importantly prolong the length and quality of life. The drug was exercise and as he surmised, “If it could be packed into a pill it would the most widely prescribed and beneficial medicine in the nation”. From these words my “why” began taking shape, I began wondering what could happen to our health care system if prevention was emphasized and people were given the directions and interventions needed to not only solve their health issues but to live healthier lives. I wondered what I could do to be part of the solution, how I could play a role in delivering a care that considered multiple influences and multiple methods for treating and preventing diseases, while also advocating optimal health and well-being.

      With the recent reforms to healthcare I believed that a system emphasizing prevention could become an actuality and with many people given access to it a better kind provider would be needed. Providers, in my opinion, that understands the roles of nutrition, fitness and behavior modifications on health. Providers that understand that curative or palliative methods that wait until patients are sick, in many cases beyond repair before stepping in, can no longer be a standard practice. From interning with trainers and wellness coaches in health centers, to working with nurses and techs in the hospital, to shadowing PAs and Physicians during rounds or in underserved clinics, I‘ve not only gained valuable experiences but I have been able to see exactly what makes each profession great. Each profession has aspects that interest me but as I have researched and dissected each of these careers, plucking pieces where I find my greatest skills meeting what I am passionate about, I found myself at the doorstep of a career as a Physician Assistant.

      Working at Florida Hospital, I relish in the team-based effort that I’ve learned is quite necessary in providing quality care. I thoroughly enjoy my interactions with patients and working in communities where English may not be the primary language but forces you to go out and learn to become a better caregiver. I’ve learned exactly where my “why” is. It is in a profession centered on this team-based effort, it focuses on the patient and the trust between the physician and the health care team, not on the insurance, management or the business side of medicine. It is a profession whose purpose comes from improving and expanding our health care system, a field with the ability to not only diagnose and treat diseases but also with the expectation to promote health through education. It is a profession where I can be a lifetime-learner, where stagnation isn’t even a possibility, with many specialties in which I can learn. Most importantly it is a career whose role in this evolving health care system is etched to be on the front line in its delivery, the key to integrating both wellness and medicine to combat and prevent diseases. The journey to this conclusion hasn’t been easy but I am grateful because my“ why” is now simple and unmistakable. I have been placed on this earth to serve, educate and advocate wellness through medicine as a Physician Assistant. In summation, my “why” has become my favorite question.

      Reply

      • Sue Edmondson says

        September 6, 2015 at 9:20 am

        Hi Billy,

        First before I forget, don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name. It’s best not to use contractions in an essay, either, so try to remember to write out the words. Also, quotation marks always go after punctuation, not before.

        Now to the heart of the essay. You have a lot of good opportunities to convince Admissions folks that you are a great candidate for PA school, but you’ve missed most of them. You’re essentially getting ready to write what’s important, but you haven’t gotten there, yet. It isn’t until your conclusion that you articulate generally what appeals to you about the profession. In fact, most of your essay is so general, Admissions folks aren’t going to learn much about you, your skills and why the PA profession is right for you. Frankly, they don’t care what your opinion is about the state of healthcare. You use valuable space to quote Dr. Butler when you could be talking about your experience.

        I agree that this is better than your first draft, but it’s still not where you want to be. Skip the generalities, focus on your experiences and leave the philosophy to discussions with your peers when you’re in PA school and after. You really need a complete rewrite, but to give you an idea, here’s how I’d edit your first paragraph:

        “The two most important days in your life are the day you’re born and the day you find out why.” This quote from Mark Twain comes to mind when describing my journey to becoming a physician assistant. Early on in my academic career I lacked the maturity to grasp this concept, I wasn’t committed to the process of learning and was without intrinsic motivation to dedicate myself to it. I knew I wanted a career in medicine but when asked difficult questions of why, I could only give the generic answer, “Because I want to help people.”

        Scrutinize the rest of your essay and cut the philosophy and the rhetorical questions. You’ll have a lot of space to write what’s important.

        Best of luck.

        Sue Edmondson

        Reply

19. jacqui says

    August 16, 2015 at 6:45 pm

    The easiest decision I ever made was choosing to play soccer when I was seven years old. Fifteen years later, after finishing four years of Division I collegiate soccer, I made the most difficult decision thus far in my life. Knowing that I was not going to play for the U.S. Women’s National Team, I had to pursue a different dream. The summer after my college graduation, I transitioned from playing soccer to coaching, while figuring out a career path to pursue. At one of the first practices I coached, I witnessed a girl get caught up in a net and hit her head on a pole. My instincts told me to run over and help. I advised a parent to call 9-1-1 while I checked to see if the girl was alert. She was in and out of consciousness for about two minutes before she was able to look at me and tell me her name. I talked to her to keep her awake until the paramedics arrived to take over. Even while the paramedics assessed her, she did not want me to leave. I held her hand until it was time for her to be transported. In that moment, it was clear to me that helping others was my calling.
    At the same time I started coaching, I began volunteering at Los Angeles Harbor-UCLA Medical Center. I shadowed emergency room (ER) doctors, orthopedic doctors, and general practitioners. Naturally, my athletic career drew me in towards Orthopedics. I spent most of my time watching how doctors, physician assistants (PAs), nurses, and technicians interacted with patients. Similar to soccer, teamwork is a key component of patient care. I was amazed at how smooth the process was to prepare for a trauma patient in the ER. It was not as chaotic as I had expected. The communications center alerted the trauma team that a 79 year-old female patient with head trauma was on its way. From there, the trauma team prepared a room for the patient. When the patient arrived, it was like watching a well-rehearsed play. Every team member knew his/her role and performed it flawlessly despite the high-pressure situation. In that moment, I felt the same adrenaline rush I got during my soccer games and knew that I had to pursue a career in the medical field. Although I was introduced to the idea of becoming a PA, my eyes were set on becoming a doctor. So, I applied for medical school.
    After being rejected from medical school, I debated applying again. After shadowing PAs at Harbor-UCLA, I did research on becoming a PA. What stood out the most to me was the flexibility of a PA to work in different medical specialties. Also, in the orthopedic department, I noticed that the PAs had more time to spend with patients discussing rehabilitation options and infection prevention after their surgeries. This type of patient care was more along the lines of what I wanted to do. So, my next step was to become an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) to fulfill the work experience requirement for my PA application.
    Working as an EMT turned out to be more meaningful than just being a pre-requisite for PA school. Whether the complaints were medical or traumatic, these patients were meeting me on the worst day of their lives. One call we had was a Spanish-speaking only patient who complained of left knee pain. Since I was the only Spanish speaker on scene, I translated for the paramedics. The medics concluded that the patient could be transported to the hospital code 2, no paramedic follow-up and no lights and sirens necessary, since it appeared to be localized knee pain. En route to the hospital, I noticed a foul smell coming from the patient. Suddenly, the patient became unresponsive so we upgraded our transport and used our lights and sirens to get there faster. Upon our arrival the patient started coming around. The triage nurse approached us and noticed the foul smell as well. The nurse had us put the patient into a bed right away and said that the patient might be septic. I thought, but where? Later that day, we checked up on the patient and found out that she was in the late stages of breast cancer. On scene, she failed to mention the open wounds she thoroughly wrapped up on her breasts because that was not her chief complaint. She also did not mention it as part of her pertinent medical history. Her knee was hurting due to osteoporosis from the cancer cells metastasizing to her bones. This call always stuck with me because it made me realize that I want to be able to diagnose and treat patients. As a PA, I would be able to do both.
    All of my life experiences have led me to realize that I want to be a part of a medical team as a physician assistant. To be able to study multiple medical specialties, diagnose, and treat would allow me to come full circle in patient care. As much as I love pre-hospital care, I have always wanted to do more. Given the opportunity, as a PA, I will take on the challenges of patient care in a hospital setting and look forward to being able to follow through with all of my patients to the end of their care.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      September 6, 2015 at 8:35 am

      Hi Jaqui,

      Unless there’s a really good reason for saying you applied to medical school and were rejected, I’d leave all that out. Why make people wonder why you were rejected? It will take the focus off all the reasons you’d be a great PA.

      I’d also leave out that helping people is your calling. If I had a dime for every time someone writes helping people is my calling or passion, I’d be a bazillionaire. It’s so overused that it’s virtually meaningless. Besides, there are a thousand careers you could have that help people — you could be a social worker, for example. If you’re going to give a reason be specific about it — what do you get out of helping people that makes you want to pursue a career in healthcare as opposed to anything else?

      I’m not sure the patient example is the best. I’d like to see one where your curiosity or skills caused you to take additional steps or at least think about them. Maybe that happened in this case and you just didn’t write about it. For example, did you notify the triage nurse about the odor? Or did you wonder if perhaps she was septic and what she hadn’t told you? Make the example, whichever one you use, work for you to show you’re thinking proactively even if you can’t do anything about it.

      I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson

      Reply

20. Emilee G says

    August 13, 2015 at 9:47 am

    A young, cheerful volleyball player came to my training room complaining of back pain during her off-season. Two weeks later, she died from Leukemia. Two years later her brother, a former state champion football player, was diagnosed with a different type of Leukemia. He fought hard for a year, but he too succumbed to the same disease that took the life of his baby sister. A girl in her sophomore year of high school sought my advice because she was concerned about a small bump on her back. After a few weeks of observing she returned complaining of back pain along with an increase in the size of the original bump. Recognizing this was beyond my expertise, I referred her to her pediatrician, who then recommended she see another medical specialist. Following extensive testing she was diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. After recently dealing with the loss of two young athletes, this news was shocking. Fortunately, over the next year and a half, this young lady battled and beat the cancer in time to complete her senior year and walk across the stage at graduation with her classmates. I was elated for her, but began reflecting on the limitations of my position as an athletic trainer. These events also prompted me to evaluate my life, my career, and my goals. I felt compelled to investigate my options. After doing so, I was determined to expand my knowledge and increase my ability to serve others and decided the correct path for me was to become a Physician Assistant.

    During my career thus far as an athletic trainer, I have had the privilege of working at a wide variety of locations. These include an acute care in-patient hospital, working with post surgical patients; a family practice and sports medicine office, performing initial evaluations; an outpatient therapy clinic, working with rehab patients; an orthopedic surgeon’s office, shadowing patient visits and surgeries; and many universities and high schools, working with a variety of athletic injuries. My experiences in these diverse settings have shown me the need for all degrees of medical personnel. Each field has its own purpose in the proper care of the patient. As an athletic trainer I have seen a range of injuries that I could diagnose and treat myself. But it has always been the ones that I had to refer to the team doctor that weighed on me, making me feel that I should be able to help even more. As a physician assistant, I would possess the knowledge and skills needed to diagnose and provide the care needed for my patients.

    My position as the high school athletic trainer allows me to get acquainted with all of the athletes, however, to be even more effective I get involved in the community of the school and strive to learn more about the people with whom I work. For the last three years I have been a substitute teacher for the junior and senior high school. I have also volunteered for many functions that the school provides for the students including school dances, the community-based alcohol prevention program called Every 15 Minutes, and the annual junior and senior retreat which involves a true bonding experience for all participants. Developing meaningful relationships with the students enhances my effectiveness by opening lines of communication and building trust. It is my firm belief that a patient will only speak openly about a self-perceived flaw including injury with someone he or she feels comfortable. I sincerely want to be that person for my athletes now, and for my patients in the future.

    The diverse injuries, illnesses, and diseases I have encountered as athletic trainer have provided me with a variety of wonderful experiences. I have witnessed both tragedy and triumph with my athletes and coaches, on and off of the field or court. Most injuries have been inconsequential in the long term, even to those experiencing the pain in the moment. They know that they will heal and progress in their sport and continue on their journey in life. Fighting for and winning state championships is all well and good, but there are far more important concerns in this life we live. I have witnessed young lives being taken, and those who battled relentlessly to overcome all obstacles, and it is these individuals who have changed how I view medicine, how I view myself, and how I view my future in the world of medicine. These people have enriched my life and have taken ahold of my heart and mind, motivating me to push forward. “Keep going. Keep fighting. Keep battling.” The powerful motto of our basketball coach living with advanced Cystic Fibrosis has been a significant incentive for me. He was told he would live a much shorter and less satisfying life, but he never gave in to his diagnosis. He made his life what he wanted it to be, overcoming many obstacles and living out his dreams. Seeing him fight for each day of his life has had tremendous influence on me. I know it is my time to fight for what I want and keep moving forward.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      September 6, 2015 at 7:32 am

      Hi Emilee,

      First things first. Don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name.

      Now as to your essay. You’ve done a good job of outlining your skills, interest in healthcare and the limitations of your current career. But there’s nothing in here to say why you’ve decided on the PA profession. Yes, it will help you diagnose and treat patients, but so would becoming a doctor. So write more specifically about your reasons for choosing to become a PA. You’ve set up a perfect place to do so, right before your last sentence in your first paragraph. You must have had some kind of contact with PAs to know that’s what you want to do. Write about that if it applies.

      So you’ll need to cut to give yourself space for the additional information. The third and forth paragraph are both good places to cut. If I were editing your essay, I’d cut things from those paragraphs even if you didn’t need the space. Remember, your goal is to convince Admissions folks that you know what the profession entails and that it’s right for you. That’s where you need to focus.

      Here’s how I’d edit your third paragraph:
      My position as the high school athletic trainer allows me to get acquainted with all of the athletes, however, to be even more effective, I strive to learn more about the people with whom I work. For the last three years I have been a substitute teacher and volunteered at functions. Developing relationships with the students enhances my effectiveness by opening lines of communication and building trust. It is my firm belief that a patient will only speak openly with someone he or she feels comfortable. I want to be that person.

      I hope this helps.

      Best of luck.
      Sue Edmondson

      Reply