The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative

Comments

1. starberiiy says

   May 9, 2015 at 1:48 am

   Most would say that first impressions leave a permanent mark. However, I believe in last impressions.

   For example, I don’t recall my first thoughts when I had a herpes outbreak at twelve years old. It hurt to laugh or grin, although I had no reason to from the ridicule I endured. Weary of the derision, I read to escape and learned that HSV1 was transmittable by sharing utensils. Having the virus became less of a social stigma for me – I found comfort in that. The scabs healed and the kids targeted their next prey but my insatiable curiosity remained. As I explored why the way things were, I began to see the world differently. Fading horizons came from the earth’s spin, hinting at invisible rays. A spectrum of wavelengths colored early dawns and late dusks, hemming the day in its embrace. The relatively little I knew about the functions of the body made everyone a breathing work of art. I’ve grown to admire every aspect of the universe in a language that is universal.

   My penchant in finding scientific truths persisted within my academic studies through research. However, I longed for clinical interactions. Seeking opportunities, I immersed myself in collaborative healthcare-orientated organizations that led me to countless of career pathways. I initially felt overwhelmed in an unfamiliar setting but I adapted my skills in studying and time management. As I explored the gamut of healthcare professions, being a PA grew more enticing each time. From working in dermatology to researching cardiology, I revel in subjects I’ve engrossed myself in. The flexibility among the broad range of specialties was ideal to comply accordingly with the demand from communities. This unique facet of the profession offers infinite ways to employ analytical aspects of medicine while supporting a rewarding lifestyle.

   Ergo, I shadowed Mr. Imbus. Welcoming my inquisitive nature, he explained the arduous nature of being a Neurology PA and showed how to do it well. He confidently evaluated his patients and reviewed their treatments with charisma. His dedication exhibited the quality care I yearned to emulate in the healthcare field. At my last session, he explained why he decided against being a doctor like his father: “Growing up, my dad missed one too many of my baseball games. I didn’t want that for my kids.” The idea that time is a merciless hourglass, with sand seeping to the inevitable, resonated with me. His hourglass had ample sand to be with his family longer and to heal patients sooner.

   Our final encounter made me ponder how I wanted to make the most out of my time. I embarked on a summer medical trip to Nicaragua after a year of saving up. The line was endless at the makeshift clinics, but most were seizing the only chance they had to receive medical care. It was a luxury that depended on students and healthcare providers harmonizing together efficiently, a riveting process that I was excited to engage in. Mia, a patient, was uncomfortable at first. But it was amazing how smiling and body language transcended cultural barriers. Tensions dwindled, the creases of her sun-kissed skin waved around her eyes as she smiled. Her back relaxed with each breath undulating along the stethoscope. Placating the mistrust she harbored reaffirmed my aspirations. After studying science academia for so long, performing its practical applications was vitalizing. We treated the symptoms before. Now, we treated the person. There was a deep fulfillment none like it.

   From their trials, the patients emerged as stronger people. But they came from a vast demographic suffering from inaccessible healthcare, bolstering my urgency to aid the underprivileged like Mia. Hovels and cardboard boxes acted more as shelters than homes. Lack of education and unsanitary conditions made the few resources that villages had often tainted. Our duty was not just to deter death but to improve the quality of life too. The sooner patients are seen, the sooner they’d be relieved of their suffering at the very least.

   I expected to change lives by giving courage to the discouraged. But in the end, the patients made the trip life changing for me as well. Despite their hardships, they made the best of their situation with jokes and laughter. When I get dismayed, I’m reminded of their resilience. My desire to help the afflicted had never wavered; it had only been fortified. As Mia told me, boiling water softens the potato and hardens the egg – it’s what one’s made of, not of one’s circumstances. Every great challenge comes with a great opportunity for growth. I can only hope that this outlook will have a reassuring effect on those around me, especially my patients.
   I believe in making last impressions. Being a PA is my way of doing so. This decision wasn’t a single pivotal moment, but rather a myriad of personal and academic experiences accruing over time. To this day, I reminiscence over the impact people have left on me. Now, I’m determined to leave a positive impact on others.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     May 15, 2015 at 7:48 pm

     Hi,

     Great job on the theme for your essay, and on bringing it full circle. I love Mia’s saying about boiling water. That’s priceless.

     In fact, the essay is quite well done except for one thing — the over the top adjectives. The flowery, melodramatic writing is distracting and takes away from the impact that recounting your experiences could have. Unfortunately they’re throughout.

     Take these sentences for example: “Fading horizons came from the earth’s spin, hinting at invisible rays. A spectrum of wavelengths colored early dawns and late dusks, hemming the day in its embrace. The relatively little I knew about the functions of the body made everyone a breathing work of art. I’ve grown to admire every aspect of the universe in a language that is universal.” They’re pretty, but what do they tell the reader about you? How will they help an Admissions Director determine that you might be a great PA?

     Here are other examples: “The idea that time is a merciless hourglass, with sand seeping to the inevitable, resonated with me,” “creases of her sun-kissed skin waved around her eyes,” each breath undulating along the stethoscope,” “harmonizing together efficiently, a riveting process,” “reviewed their treatments with charisma.” I can’t visualize how creases wave around eyes or how you review treatments with charisma. The problem is that the writing made me stop and think about it.

     The goal of the personal statement is to catch your reader’s eye. Flowery language is not the way to do it. Go through your essay and write the second through fourth paragraphs like the last two paragraphs (well, except for “bolstering my urgency”). Then you’ll have a winner.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson

     Reply

     • starberiiy says

       May 18, 2015 at 3:52 am

       Thank you so much for your feedback Ms. Edmondson, I really appreciate it 🙂

       Reply

2. Marlenaw10 says

   May 6, 2015 at 9:11 am

   Every experience life throws at you bears significance in how it shapes you as a person. A lot of people take their experiences for granted as they do not truly understand the significance it holds in their life. As one grows older and wiser, reflection begins to occur and that is when direction is brought into life.

   The experience that began it all consisted of a grimace of pain spread across her face as she cried with every move her body made. A middle-aged woman laid on the bed in front of me slowly passing away from uterine cancer. Everyone moved strategically as a team while providing her care. While looking in her eyes and knowing she was receiving quality care in ensuring her comfort, the need for compassion was seen. I immediately put my hand on hers as we were completing her treatment and assured her that her family was coming. I could see a sense of peace come over her as her family walked into the room to spend their final moments together. In this moment I knew that I wanted to work in a healthcare team with people providing quality care while showing compassion.

   The next influential experience began in a small crowded Nicaraguan schoolroom having no windows where I sat with a middle aged man named Arturo whose face demonstrated decades of hard work and wear. He came at the opportunity for receiving free health treatment provided by the Joining Education Through Service group I had been a part of. An initial observation of his health showed no major concerns besides existing diabetes and complications related to it. That was until he described pain in his foot, which resulted in him revealing a wound exposing the bone on his foot once the bandages came off due to him not taking care of his health conditions appropriately, Additional medical professionals were immediately called to my aid and after an evaluation of the wound was done, it was determined that Arturo had to immediately go to the hospital at the risk of having to amputate his foot. While waiting, I proceeded to educate the man on diabetes and management of the disease in order to improve his understanding and ability to better care for his condition. In this moment I further was affirmed that I wanted to work within a team, showing compassion and treating patients with quality care, while educating them on how to improve their health.

   As I continued in my journey I found myself always being drawn to the Physician Assistant who works among others seamlessly in a team, but always demonstrates autonomy as well. I was first able to witness this as I volunteered in hospitals and had the opportunity to learn about various health professions where I saw how each member worked in their role within the hospital setting. I further had the opportunity to see this role through healthcare shadowing. The PA was always a leader, but also worked in the team as a leading supporter which was what I had found as being critical to me in my future career.. During my experience shadowing with a neurology and neurosurgery PA, I saw a leader that treated numerous patients in the clinic setting but I also saw the leading supporter within the surgery room working together with the physician through the process of a vagus nerve stimulation and lumbar microdiscectomy.

   The final experience providing me direction came as I had the opportunity to really look at illness in an objective view. A small frail woman named Sherry truly taught me the meaning of that. “I can’t” Sherry had told me one day as she looked me in the eyes with despair. Although she did not specify what she meant when she spoke those words I immediately knew that she felt powerless laying trapped in her little frame. Her strength was diminishing before her eyes and her ability to care for herself independently continually decreased. Seeing Sherry on an almost daily basis the toll could be seen in her face and the power of compassion and true care was a necessity. Every work day, taking the extra time with Sherry was my necessity. Addressing her concerns, discussing her goals, and encouraging motivation to work towards recovery allowed me to see what she was lacking. Someone to listen and take the time to provide her with quality care.

   Through Sherry I also had realized that challenges always arise and are meaningful in the sense that they allow us to better ourselves, such as I have experienced through challenging courses in my undergraduate career. As I experienced difficulty in subject matter I grew from these challenges in order to better myself through improving my knowledge of the subject matter within receiving tutoring within the subject as well as eventually providing tutoring in order to continue improving and fine tuning my own knowledge base.

   There are many attributes of a PA that I admire and would like to fulfill. I have a desire for learning and teaching others, which I have demonstrated through tutoring in many different subject matters, and through my work and volunteer experiences in which I was able to educate others on various health matters. I feel this is congruent with an important attribute of being a PA as you are lifelong learners that continually grow in knowledge within the field and educate those that are being served.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     May 15, 2015 at 2:50 pm

     Hi Marlena,

     Before I forget, there a few grammar issues:
     Never capitalize “physician assistant” unless it’s part of a formal name.
     A comma goes after the last word in dialog (“I can’t,” Sherry had told me).
     You have a comma where there should be a period (. . . appropriately. Additional . . .)
     In one place you had two periods. (career.. )

     It’s hard to edit our own work, so be sure to have someone take a fresh look at it before you turn it in. Those types of mistakes are not taken lightly by Admissions Directors and faculty. Carelessness is not a good trait for a PA!

     That being said, I like the idea you open with — that every experience shapes us. It’s a good opening sentence and I would leave it. But the rest of the paragraph can go. For one you never really say anything more about not recognizing the significance of an experience. The third is a different way of saying the second sentence, and is so general, it doesn’t add anything. The opening is a general statement, and if you’re going to make a broad, philosophical statement, it needs to tie in to the essay itself. Admissions Directors and faculty have said they don’t generally like them, and I understand why — they aren’t personal to the writer.

     In the second paragraph, the first sentence needs more of a transition. It should read something like: “The experience that began my journey to becoming a PA . . . .”

     The two examples of inciting experiences are great, because they have different lessons. Excellent job on that.

     Overall, your essay is a little wordy. Look for places where you can cut. One of those places is the conclusion. The last sentence in particular, is wordy without making a strong point. Read the entire essay carefully and be merciless with the delete key. Remember, admissions folks literally read thousands of essays in a session.

     One final thing — your conclusion is that it doesn’t really tie your essay together. It’s more along the lines of your fourth paragraph. Basically, it talks about another part of being a PA — the fact that PAs educate. You can weave that information in elsewhere and write a strong conclusion to wrap up your essay.

     Remember, writing is rewriting! Once you fix these relatively minor issues, you’ll have a great essay.

     I hope this helps.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

3. Sarah says

   April 30, 2015 at 9:59 am

   “Whatever your heart desires, mine desires for you.” This note was printed on the inside of a Valentine’s Day card I received from an elderly patient during my second year as Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA). I cared for this patient nearly every morning and every evening for the first two years of my college career. At this point in my education I was working on my degree in International Studies. The patient that gave me this card knew the degree I was pursuing and knew the underlying passion driving this pursuit was a desire to help the underserved throughout the world. However, he also saw a passion within me that I had discarded during my high school years. He saw my eyes light up as he described his medical conditions and as I relayed medical research I had been reading in my spare time. I had told him that my plan all along was to go into medicine – I grew up wanting to be a surgeon. However, in high school, I had decided that I would rather travel the world and help the populace on a larger scale and that pushed me to go into International Studies. One evening, I was telling this patient that I wasn’t sure the International Studies field was going to be right for me. He took my hand and said “Sarah, I need you to become a doctor so you can take care of me and people like me.”

   Impassioned by these words, I used the following semester spent in Uganda to explore my deferred interest in medicine. I spent the later half of the semester in a hospital outside of Kampala with the intent of doing research on World Health Organization standards of care. I found myself so enthralled by the care being provided, by the procedures being done, I often forgot about my research and just reveled in the intricacies of caring for the human body. I learned that caring for the human body was the most basic way that an undeserved populace can be helped. These months spent in the surgical suites, outpatient clinics and medical wards allowed my two previously conflicting passions to be reconciled into one inextinguishable desire to learn about the human body and use that knowledge to help both at home and abroad.

   Upon returning home, I wrapped up my degree in International Studies a year early in order to work full time and take medical prerequisites. It was during this time that I experimented with online coursework and decided that I could not learn through this medium. While I was still making a passable grade in my online Cellular Biology course, I decided to withdraw because I wasn’t satisfied with the knowledge I was gaining. I was frustrated by not having a forum for discussion and information exchange through questions. I am “that student” in class that asks countless questions. I am a self-motivated learner; my desire to learn is driven by a deep-seated curiosity. For the first time in my academic career, I knew that the information I was responsible for learning could one day be put to a real life application in the context of treating a patient. I took, and still take, this responsibility seriously and decided that on-campus courses would better satiate my curiosity and desire to learn.

   I began taking my prerequisites without knowing exactly where I wanted to go in the medical field. Shortly after graduation, I was fortunate enough to get a position as a Clinical Allergy Specialist working in a primary care office. I had volunteered in mental health, shadowed a pulmonologist, volunteered in public health, worked with the geriatric population in nursing homes and the female population in the OB/GYN clinic in Uganda, but I had never been exposed to the day in, day out consistent care provided by a primary care physician. I was worried that this exposure would dampen my interest in a career in medicine. It didn’t. Rather, I was exhilarated each day when I was able to put the knowledge I was gaining in my prerequisites to use in my interactions with patients. In this role, I learned what it meant to be a part of a care team. I learned what it meant to work with a supervising physician. I learned how to work with an electronic medical records system. I learned how Physician Assistants (PA) interact with patients and providers.

   I also learned that I don’t want to be an MD or a DO. The most important part of getting into medicine for me is helping people. MDs and DOs get to do this of course but time and time again I hear patients saying “I just love my PA. They spend so much time with me. They know so much about my care but they also know about me as a person.” This is what solidified my decision to pursue PA school. The skills that I have learned while working in primary care have been tremendous and will guide me as I enter the next level of my career in health care. However, the most important thing that I have learned while working in this setting, while taking courses in the evening, is that my passion for helping people, my passion for medicine, is truly inextinguishable. This is what my heart desires.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     May 10, 2015 at 9:13 pm

     Hi Sarah,

     I’m starting with two minor points and one major one. Your readers know what a CNA is, so just use the acronym. Your readers will also know what PA stands for. No need to explain. Those are the minor points. Here’s the major one — do not capitalize physician assistant!

     That being said, I like the opening lines of your essay. They’re human and engaging. But after that, you lose focus. It’s informative about everything except why you want to be a PA and that’s the most important thing to include. Getting to know patients and spending time with them is not unique to PAs. You really need to explain what about the profession specifically appeals to you,why it appeals to you, and what traits you have that make you a good candidate to be a PA. You can do this by talking about the work you’ve see PAs do or work you’ve done with them. Generalities aren’t helpful and make it seem as if you don’t have an understanding of the profession.

     You can cut a lot out of the first three paragraphs. That will leave you a lot of room to add the important information your essay lacks. Here’s what I suggest for the first one:

     “Whatever your heart desires, mine desires for you.” This note was printed on the inside of a Valentine’s Day card I received from an elderly patient during my second year as a CNA. I had cared for this patient nearly every day while working on my degree in International Studies. I had told him that my plan had been to go into medicine, but I had decided that I would rather help the underserved populace on a larger scale. One evening, I told him that I wasn’t sure International Studies was right for me. He took my hand and said “Sarah, I need you to become a doctor so you can take care of me and people like me.”

     We writers are told to “kill your darlings.” Nothing is sacred, not even your favorite words or stories. You’ll have to do the same in your essay.

     Also, take out the last line of your conclusion. It takes away from the strength of the sentence before it. You don’t want to end your essay on a weak note.

     I hope this helps.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

4. jperti says

   April 27, 2015 at 3:34 pm

   Thank you for taking the time to sit down and read through this. I welcome any and all comments.

   There are few people in life that, when you first encounter them, you know will somehow set you upon a whole new path; they will change the very fabric of who you are. The story of why I want to be a Physician Assistant, and my path to get to this essay, starts with Coach Whit – my sprint coach at Gettysburg College. An imposing figure, he exemplified and preached all of the principles he learned from his years in the Marine Corps – dedication, discipline, and character. Coach Whit was the first person to ever sit me down, look me in the eye, and say, “You have greatness. You just need to believe and work hard with unyielding passion.” Belief is an intensely powerful thing and that belief in me, that support he carried for me, still pushes me to this day.

   And, much like people, there are a precious few days in life that will begin a marvelous cascade of events that will change…well, everything. It was a Spring day on the track at Gettysburg College that was marked by two major incidents. First, the announcement that Coach Whit had lost his yearlong battle with cancer. Second, during practice that followed, I felt a pop in my leg that would sideline me for the rest of the season and then some. That one injury changed the entire path of my career.

   I spent the next six months seeing specialist after specialist to diagnose the injury – athletic trainers, surgeons, and orthopedic and family doctors. While Coach Whit believed I would be something great, my own belief began to wane as the pain just walking to class was unbearable – as these medical professionals told me “nothing was wrong.” Finally, a physician who introduced himself as Jason sat down, and, for the first time, looked beyond the tests and actually seemed to listen to me. He explained the tests were negative but there is more to medicine than just testing. In a long shot move, he referred me out to a specialist in Milwaukee who diagnosed me with two hernias. Upon surgery, they found a third. This sanity-saving conversation was not with a physician at all, however. In my naivety for the profession at the time, I never realized it was with a Physician Assistant.

   Shortly after my recovery, I talked to a college advisor about becoming a PA who told me that I was too far behind in my science coursework; my grades were not high enough; I did not have enough experience nor did I have enough time even if I tried to catch up. I was too late and I should choose a different path. While I did not fully heed that advice, I also did not fully pursue this field because of that conversation. This resulted in a confused collegiate career that underwhelmed academically as I fought to find my way to help people the same way Coach Whit and Jason helped me. In my time after graduating, I have worked hard to show that I have the academic ability to thrive in PA school. Unfortunately, back then, I graduated more lost and further from my dream job than I thought possible.
   However, two months into a job at Merrill Lynch post-graduation, I was offered an opportunity to go return and coach track and field. Ultimately, I knew it was a chance to pursue the prerequisites necessary to go to Physician Assistant school. A few days later, I left and started on a remarkable, difficult journey with nothing more than a dream, a chip on my shoulder, and a car full of clothes.

   These past five years have forged me into a man of character, belief, dedication, and passion. I have been fighting to prove that, beyond all doubt, I can handle the academics, stress, challenge, and all of the rigors the programs present. I did not grow up wanting to be a Physician Assistant. I did not even enter college knowing what a Physician Assistant was. This is a career I discovered, fell in love with, chose amongst many others, sacrificed for, and fought for above all else.

   And, in this journey, I have had to make great sacrifices that have forged me into a capable and mature student and professional. Although difficult to admit, I have been homeless twice; I have worked well over forty hours a week while going to school full time, earning nearly a 4.0 in sixteen courses; I have missed far more holidays with my family than I have made; I have felt the sting of a patient dying; the power of a tearful thank you from the scared and the sick. I have endured the swing shifts and the sleepless days and nights while working in the ER; the failure and repeat rejection; and have been blessed with the support and inspiration of remarkable clinicians, patients, and loved ones.

   My path has not been an easy one. There were those mornings that I would wake up and ask myself, “Is this worth it? Is this something I really want to do?” The answer has unequivocally been “yes.” On those days, I roll out of bed and smile, knowing I am one step closer to my dream and my goal. I keep what I learned from Coach Whit close: Believe – there is greatness inside of you.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     May 10, 2015 at 8:33 pm

     Hi,

     Before I forget, the number one essay “don’t” is titling the profession incorrectly! It’s physician assistant, not Physician Assistant.

     That aside, you’ve had quite a journey to get to this point. Congratulations on your perseverance through incredible adversity. It demonstrates your commitment and character.

     You really need to shorten every paragraph. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty, they all said personal experiences were okay as a way to open your essay, but they shouldn’t dominate it. Make the second and third paragraphs into one paragraph a couple sentences long. The main point is you were injured and it was the PA who took the time to figure out what was wrong.

     When you cut all the extra words, you’ll have the opportunity to explain why you want to be a PA, what interests you about the profession and what you’ll have to offer as a PA. You haven’t done that in your essay. You obviously work in healthcare (doing what I can’t tell ). Expand on those experiences and how they’ve reinforced your desire to be a PA.

     Here’s an example of how you could edit the first paragraph:
     “The story of why I want to be a physician assistant, and my path to this essay, starts with Coach Whit – my sprint coach at Gettysburg College. An imposing figure, he exemplified the principles he learned in the Marine Corps – dedication, discipline, and character. He was the first person to look me in the eye, and say, “You have greatness. You just need to believe and work hard with unyielding passion.” His belief in me pushes me to this day.”

     Your conclusion is good. The tie back to Coach Whit brings you full circle.

     I hope this helps.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

5. Vanessa says

   April 25, 2015 at 7:41 pm

   In my sophomore year of high school I met the woman who would ultimately spark my interest in pursuing a career in the medical field. Liz was the new athletic trainer at my school and I was the manager of the boys’ soccer team. We developed a great relationship from the first day we met, and I soon became the student athletic trainer. Every day during last period I would go to her office and she would teach me about sports injuries, proper wrapping techniques, and how to rehabilitate specific injuries. I became intrigued with the athletic training career, and by the time junior year came, I knew that was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, that same year Liz was not rehired, and I realized there was not much job security with that career. I knew I still wanted to work in the medical field though, so I began researching different options with my guidance counselor at school, and that was when we came across the physician assistant profession.

   Once we began researching about PAs more, I really began to envision my future. Though I had never realized it, I have seen a PA since the time I was a baby. She always takes the time to talk to me, help me, and give me the best care she can, even if it is just for something as simple as a cold or an ear infection. On the rare occasion that I have to see the doctor in the office, though he too gives the best care he can, the visit always seems less personal. I believe that is one of the things that really drew me into pursuing this career – having the ability to develop great patient-provider relationships. I also learned that my little sister goes to school with a girl whose mother is a PA as well. Speaking with her and hearing how much she loved her job only made me want to be a PA even more.

   Another thing that really interested me about PAs was the team dynamic between them and physicians. I like the idea of being able to have independence, while also having the physician to fall back on when help is needed. The trust within the team is something I believe is of utmost importance. I have had the great opportunity of being able to work as a clinical assistant in an occupational medicine office for the last year during college breaks. This was my first job in health care, and I was excited to finally get to see that team dynamic play out. Watching the PA, as well as the nurse practitioner, and the doctors all interact was very interesting to me.

   Working in the occupational medicine office has given me the chance to learn some basic medical procedures. I was taught how to clean and stitch, or glue, small lacerations, how to irrigate an eye to flush out foreign bodies, and also how to examine an eye for foreign bodies. The people who taught me these things were the PA and the CRNP. I noticed that they were the most willing of all the people in the office to teach me new things, rather than just pass me by as another assistant. Them taking the time to teach me only further excited me to hopefully be able to be in a position to do that for other people later in life. I also noticed that our PA really took the time to explain his diagnoses to the patients and make sure they understood them, instead of just diagnosing them and sending them on their way.

   It takes certain qualities and skills to be a great physician assistant, and I believe I have those qualities and skills. I am patient, detail oriented, compassionate, and I work well both independently and as a team member. I also have great problem solving skills and I am very hard working. One quality that is very important is having great communication skills. This is one I have always struggled with, but working in the doctor’s office has helped me significantly by having to communicate with patients all day.

   Though I am not following the career path I thought I was going to be in high school, I am very much looking forward to continuing on in the physician assistant program. I am not completely sure what field of medicine I would like to work in yet, but I have a strong interest in sports medicine and orthopedics. I believe those interests stem from my athletic trainer in high school, and even though it is not exactly the same, I believe she had the greatest impact on me and helped me get to the position I am in today.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     May 10, 2015 at 8:03 pm

     Hi Vanessa,

     Your essay is earnest and genuine, two great qualities. It’s good that you mention your difficulty with communicating, and that you’ve overcome it. If that’s an issue when you get nervous (like in an interview setting), be sure to practice in advance with several people.

     Your essay needs polishing, though. The opening is good, although it could be a little shorter. Read it again and take it to the bare necessities.

     The second paragraph needs more work than the first, so I’m using that as an example of how your essay could be edited:

     Though I had never realized it, I have seen a PA since I was a baby. She always takes the time to talk to me, even if it is just for a cold or an ear infection. On the rare occasion that I see the doctor in the office, the visit always seems less personal. I believe that is one of the things that really drew me into pursuing this career – having the ability to develop patient-provider relationships.”

     The last sentence of that paragraph doesn’t add anything to your essay, so it should come out.

     You don’t need to mention specific things you’ve learned in your job (those skills are secondary and not very critical in the scheme of things). That leaves you room to elaborate on work you’ve witnessed the PA do in more specific detail and why that appeals to you. You also give a list of your qualities. Do you use any of them in your work? If so, talk about that.

     The last sentence of your conclusion could be a lot stronger. The focus shouldn’t be on the athletic trainer, but on you. Sure, she inspired you, but you took that inspiration and turned it into a career goal.

     By the way, physicians aren’t someone PAs fall back on — they’re the supervising medical professional. Be sure the way you word things properly conveys your understanding of the profession.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

6. Elizabeth says

   April 22, 2015 at 7:53 pm

   Could you please critique my essay.

   I was married a little longer than a year when my world collapsed and separated into “before and after”. Our bright future together, dreams and new beginnings shot down in a minute I woke up to my husband screaming with an inhuman voice. He never talked about his past, but I realized it was something extremely dark in his memories. A couple nights later he woke up screaming in terror again. From that, the amplitude of his nightmares started to grow bigger and became more violent. Just in a few weeks he became his own shadow with blackened eyes, poor posture, skinnier than ever. Seeking answers I read an article about psychiatric diseases. The symptoms conclusively confirmed that my husband was suffering from traumatic events that led to severe post-traumatic stress disorder. It took six months to convince him to accept the help. These six months I spent researching cases, treatments, and supporting groups. These six months changed my perception of the world, and, despite my prior experience and academic choices, I realized that I wanted to help people when they were sick.
   I changed my major to pre-nursing and soon got accepted into the nursing school. The first year in the nursing program I recognized that nursing scope of practice would not be enough for what I wanted to accomplish: I needed independence; I needed an extensive and in-depth training; I wanted to practice medicine on a team and under supervision; I wanted to not only examine patients but also be able to diagnose and provide treatment. With that in mind, I began researching my options until I found the Physician Assistant profession. The more I learned about the profession, the more amazed I became of the impact that could be done to the patient’s life by a PA. I continued my research of the profession and available programs. That helped me create the list of prerequisite classes I needed to complete to become a competitive applicant. I proceeded with nursing education, while taking prerequisite classes and working. In May 2014, I graduated with an Associate Degree in Nursing, and immediately transitioned to Bachelor Degree in Nursing. Also, I was offered a job as a Registered Nurse in a local hospital. Last spring semester I was enrolled in three colleges, completing 22 credit hours. Working the night shifts in a busy step down unit I’ve met many clinicians: physicians, nurse practitioners and PAs. I’ve witnessed how different PAs interacted with nurses and physicians. I was amazed with the level of the comprehension, commitment, and patience PAs expressed towards patients and their families. Often, they would encourage patients to ask questions, and would provide extremely knowledgeable and easy to understand recommendations. From nurse’s prospective PAs were the best clinicians to get instructions from: orders were clear, logical and thorough.
   One of our PA who knew that I’m getting ready to apply for PA school told me: “Follow your dream and study hard”. From a very young age, I knew exactly what “follow your dreams” really means. When I was four my mother, the piano teacher, had a heated discussion with my dad, the ballet dancer, if I should become a pianist. Every day since that conversation I was entitled to hours of practice behind my instrument. It started from four hours and ended at ten hours a day, every day, no days off, sick or vacation time. “I have no life,” I thought, when I was fourteen. Now, I believe that all these days of practice built the stamina of my character. By the age of sixteen, I thrice performed with symphonic orchestra and won dozens of competitions. At eighteen, I have torn connective tissue in my hand while practicing, and became permanently incapable of performing at the professional level. I changed the venue of my talents and started education in advertising. The first year in, I became a class representative, and started working on thesis. By the third year, I had four publications, visited five conferences as a speaker, and got a job at the best advertising agency in the area. It was an exciting time when I had to manage my school, work and social life. The advertising agency I worked for was unfortunate to contract the political leader who became a strong opponent to the political front-runner of the current (country’s name) regime. The conflict of interest was established, and I and a few of my colleagues, who fought for its political beliefs, were recommended to leave the country. I left everything behind and started over.
   Looking back at my life experiences, I truly believe that I needed to go through those difficulties to become a solid person. My husband’s illness introduced me to the wonderful world of medicine. Every day I’m thankful for the progress we both made. He recovered with the help of his service animal, and I found my dream. There is no other answer to the question “Whom you want to become?”. For me, it is the only answer. I want to become the Physician Assistant.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     May 10, 2015 at 7:11 pm

     Hi Elizabeth,

     You’ve had a lot of life experience, all of which has made you the person you are now. But you don’t need to include it all in your essay, and especially not in such detail. The result is that your essay is disorganized and hard to follow.

     Instead of starting with your husband’s illness, why not start with being forced to leave your country and start over? You’ll need to shorten your description of the events, in fact, shorten it to two sentences. The move was hard, but made you a stronger person. When your husband Then it gives you the opportunity to transition to your husband’s illness. After dealing with that, you’ve focused your strength on a career in health care. At the end of the paragraph about your husband, you refer to your education and experience, so it’s perfect if you start the essay that way.

     Leave out the part about the piano altogether. It’s from your childhood and not as relevant as your current experiences.

     You’ve got grammatical errors, such as putting a period after a quotation mark instead of before and mixing up your tenses. I suspect English may not be your first language and that has its own special set of challenges. For example, sayings, like your husband became his own shadow should be “he became a shadow of himself.”

     Here’s how you could edit the paragraph about your husband:

     I was married a little longer than a year when my world collapsed and separated into “before and after.” Our bright future and dreams were shot down the minute I woke up to my husband screaming. The nightmares continued, and in just in a few weeks he became a shadow of himself. Seeking answers, I read about psychiatric diseases and realized my husband was suffering severe post-traumatic stress disorder. It took six months to convince him to accept help. Those six months changed my perception of the world, and, despite my prior experience and academic choices, I realized that I wanted to help people when they were sick.

     By eliminating some of the details I’ve mentioned, you could expand on why you want to be a PA and how your skills will help make you a good one.

     Have several people read your essay to make sure you’ve got your grammar right and that it’s properly organized.

     I hope this helps.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

     • Elizabeth says

       May 12, 2015 at 3:45 pm

       Thank you!

       Reply

7. Jennifer N. says

   April 22, 2015 at 6:59 am

   There is nothing I love better than a good challenge. I used to be a sprinter on the track team in high school. My favorite events were the short races that were all about pure speed until I discovered hurdling and I immediately fell in love. There is a quote that says “Hurdlers are sprinters with a problem. They’re not satisfied just to sprint. Anybody can sprint…Not everybody can run hurdles. There’s an extra dimension involved. Hurdlers…are of a persuasion that just needs an extra dimension.” It was exactly that extra dimension that pulled me in and quickly transformed me from a sprinter into a hurdler. Before I knew it I was training for a pentathlon, and I had become both mentally and physically stronger as a result.

   My involvement in emergency medicine followed a similar progression. I joined URI’s volunteer ambulance corps as a recruit and loved it so much that I decided to earn my EMT license. In time I became a Field Training Officer and a Corporal in order to share my knowledge and serve as a role model to my peers. Once I became comfortable as a care provider, I decided to go the extra mile and earn my EMT-Cardiac license to become an advanced life support provider. Many people asked me why I was bothering. “Won’t you only learn a few more skills?” or “Aren’t you busy enough as it is?” For me the answer was simple. I knew I had what it took to reach the next level, and I was not going to let the opportunity to expand upon my knowledge pass me by.

   The class was an hour drive twice a week and began just before final exams. I was the only woman in a class of male firefighters, most of whom were much older than me. I had to work hard to keep up with my workload and be taken seriously by my classmates. But I loved what I was doing and could not have been prouder to finally earn my license. When you put your heart and soul into what you are passionate about, going the extra mile feels more like a personal victory lap. It is a celebration of refusing to settle for the minimum and always striving to reach your fullest potential. That is one of the best feelings in the world.

   Similar to the way track strengthened me physically and mentally, my experience in EMS has strengthened my character in ways I never imagined. I have gained more confidence in myself than I never knew I could possess, and acquired the skills to become an effective leader and teacher to my peers. I have learned how to take charge of difficult situations and be the calm in the storm during the worst times in people’s lives. In addition, I have increased my capacity for compassion. The ability to connect with patients on a personal level and communicate that you are there for them is often just as important as high-quality medicine. This point was driven home for me one night in the emergency room. An older man was lying in bed while his wife hovered nervously around him. As a nurse went in to check on him, he suddenly became unresponsive. The room became a flurry of activity and I ran over, eager to help save this man’s life. Instead I found myself walking over to the man’s panicked wife and gently steering her out of the room. I calmly explained that the ER team was doing everything they could and that I would sit with her the entire time. In the end her husband was resuscitated and admitted to the hospital. Before she followed him upstairs she walked over to me and grabbed my hand. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and simply whispered, “Thank you”. Sometimes going the extra mile is as simple as letting someone know they are not alone.

   I love every minute that I spend in the back of an ambulance, but I know I could not be content with doing this job for the rest of my life. I used to think that my next step would be medical school, but the more I learned about physician assistants the more I knew that it was right for me. Good medicine is never a one man show and the PA profession offers a great opportunity to work as a team player. It offers the flexibility to make lateral moves and experience different specialties, as well as delve into the realm of public health at the same time. I was ecstatic when I realized that a handful of programs across the country offered a dual degree option for PA and Master of Public Health. Some people settle for one aspect of medicine but I feel compelled to meet the challenge of helping bridge the clinical and humanistic sides of medicine. I believe that becoming a PA would put me in the perfect position to do just that. I have been fortunate enough to shadow several remarkable PAs, and have observed the same attitude with each one. These people are not in it for glory, but for the love of practicing medicine. That is the type of healthcare provider that I want to be and I know PA school is the way to get there. The road will not be easy and there will be many times when going the extra mile will feel like a marathon, but I am confident that I am up to the challenge.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     May 10, 2015 at 6:37 pm

     Hi Jennifer,

     This is quite well done. I suspect you’ve spent a lot of time polishing it and your efforts have paid off.

     I just have a few suggestions. First shorten the quote (it’s awkward as written) and attribute it properly. You could do this: Denny Moyer said, “Hurdlers are sprinters with a problem. They’re not satisfied just to sprint . . . they are of a persuasion that just needs an extra dimension.”

     You could eliminate this sentence: “When you put your heart and soul into what you are passionate about, going the extra mile feels more like a personal victory lap.” The next sentence says the same thing. Pick one or the other. Personally, I think the second is stronger.

     Take out this: “Some people settle for one aspect of medicine but.” It sounds like you’re putting others down, which I know is not your intention. You don’t need it, anyway.

     If you read your essay with a very critical eye, you’ll find other places to take out a few words here and there and still make your important points. It will just make it easier for the reader, who has to slog through 1,000-2,000 essays.

     Other than that, I think you’re in great shape.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

     • Jennifer N says

       May 25, 2015 at 9:49 am

       Thank you so much for your help!

       Reply

8. Kim says

   April 21, 2015 at 3:18 pm

   The pavement flies by as one big smooth charcoal blur. I grip my handle bars as if they are my life support. Pedaling nonstop as my heart pounds and adrenaline pumps through my body I pedal faster and faster. Neck to neck with my opponent, my legs and chest burn with pain as I push myself harder than I think is possible. Excitement, stress and determination all build up in me as I sprint for the finish. Six feet, four feet, two feet and I cross the finish line inches behind my opponent. Mustering up the courage, I congratulate the winner and she tells me that this was her first win after several years of racing. Not only did she deserve it, I was ecstatic knowing it was my first race ever as a collegiate road cyclist and I finished in the top three. When I think about why I put myself through the intense pain and hard work that it takes to be a competitive cyclist, I am reminded that it is determination that fuels the desires of my heart. My desire to become a physician assistant (PA) comes from the same place.

   The mind and the heart work differently, both realistically and figuratively, but I know it is possible to have the desires of the heart naturally align to the logic of the mind. I am an example of this. My heart longs to show compassion and empathy to others while my mind needs to be stimulated scientifically and analytically. After researching, shadowing and working in the medical field I have found that a career as a physician assistant satisfies the desires of my heart and is best suited to my skills and personality.

   Having majored in health studies within the public health education discipline, I took many classes that focused on community health and health disparities. I understand that the health of an individual involves more than just that person, it involves the whole community. It is my desire to combine my knowledge of both fields to improve the health of a whole community by educating and empowering individuals. Additionally, I enjoy working and collaborating as a team while still having autonomy to make important decisions. I saw this first hand when I shadowed a PA. I don’t like the idea of being confined to just one area of medicine. I want the option of changing specialties to expand my knowledge of the human body without having to go through another residency program, which is why I decided not to become a doctor.

   Deep down I have always felt a strong inkling to want to make a difference in the lives of the people I encounter. Working as a certified nursing assistant is one way I have been able to do that. As one of the younger nursing aids in my facility, I am able to use my youthful energy and good humor to brighten my patient’s day. It is quite extraordinary to see how much a small gesture like a smile can greatly impact someone’s life. Working as a nursing assistant has been the most challenging work I have ever done; I truly love it, but I need to utilize my analytical ways of thinking and creative methods to solving problems to be fulfilled in a career. I need to be more involved in the diagnostics and treatment of patients, beyond the nursing modality.

   Cycling and a career in medicine share several similarities. Long hours spent conditioning and preparing yourself for the road ahead. Having a plan of attack to overcome any obstacle is vital to success because even the most athletic riders and prominent medical professionals risk losing without a strategy. Lastly, having a team that is supportive and communicates well positively affects the outcome of any obstacle. The intensity of feelings that draw me into my bike saddle every day, that push me beyond my physical limit originate because I am determined. The road ahead may be stressful and even painful at times, but I am determined to finish, even if it’s second best.

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     April 23, 2015 at 4:29 pm

     Hi Kim,

     Good job on the essay. It’s upbeat, even exuberant. The second paragraph is stellar. And you did a good job of saying what you like about being a PA. Of course, I still have some suggestions. A minor one — everyone knows PA stands for physician assistant, so you don’t need to explain it.

     I suggest you shorten the first paragraph. It’s descriptive, but you could make your point in less words. I’d like to see that ability to describe focused on a PA or CNA related patient instead. Take a few sentences to let the reader see you really get what being a PA is about.

     This is how I’d edit the first sentence:

     The pavement flies by and I grip my bicycle handle bars as if they are my life support. Pedaling nonstop as my heart pounds and adrenaline pumps, I’m neck to neck with my opponent. My legs and chest burn as I push myself harder than I think is possible. Excitement, stress and determination all build as I sprint for the finish. I cross the finish line inches behind my opponent. It was my first race as a collegiate road cyclist and I finished in the top three. When I think about why I put myself through the hard work to be a competitive cyclist, I am reminded that determination fuels the desires of my heart. My desire to become a physician assistant comes from the same place.

     I’d probably leave out that you don’t want to be confined to one area of medicine, and end the next sentence at “body.” It tells the readers what they need to know framed in a positive, not negative way.

     The word “inkling” doesn’t work. Use something stronger, like interest or desire. You’ll need to rewrite that sentence.

     And whatever you do, take out the last phrase of the conclusion. You don’t want anyone to think you’re satisfied with or only worthy of second best.

     I hope this helps.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

9. Kayla Gomez says

   April 20, 2015 at 1:28 pm

   Topless and shaking with tears in her eyes, she stopped me. “Thank you,” she said, and smiled. I stood there alone with her, swallowing the tears that had formed in my own eyes and nodded, smiling back. This was the first time I had ever been in a situation like this and soon found out it wouldn’t be the last. Dr. Carter had left the room to speak with Laura’s* breast surgeon. She had been diagnosed with an invasive ductal carcinoma in her right breast and surgery was scheduled for the following week. She was here to discuss the possibility of reconstruction, mostly because she was told to come. Laura was scared and overwhelmed; she didn’t know what steps to take, or what lie ahead. At the end of the hour we spent together, she told me that for the first time since her diagnosis, which had been given to her quite impersonally over the phone, she felt like she was in good hands. As I stood there with Laura, who was still half-dressed, she began laughing at herself for forgetting her decency. Laura got dressed as I walked her through the next few days, going through a rough timeline of the next couple of months, including potential chemotherapy, radiation, and the subsequent visits we would have with her for reconstruction.

   In my time working for Dr. Carter, a Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeon in Washington, D.C., I’ve had the pleasure of working with countless patients like Laura, each with his or her own story and reason for being in Dr. Carter’s office. Working in this office, I have learned that exemplary patient care relies on a dedication to seeing each patient as an individual while taking the time to not only treat their ailments, but to provide comprehensive care. Before Laura left that day, I walked her downstairs and made her an appointment with an oncologist, introduced her to the staff in the oncology suite, and made sure she knew exactly where she was going and how to prepare for her surgery that coming week.

   Over the past year and a half, my responsibilities at Dr. Carter’s office have grown to encompass more than just day-to-day patient care. I am personally responsible for seeing my patients through, from the pre-op preparation to post-op care and discharge, and anything that may occur in between. As a liaison between Dr. Carter and her patients, I learned the importance of developing a high degree of trust between myself and the patients I work with, as well as with the various medical professionals I coordinate care with on a daily basis. My academic background, patient care experience, and volunteer services have all helped to thoroughly prepare me for the duties and responsibilities a Physician’s Assistant often faces. The role I have as a medical assistant is something I have greatly enjoyed doing. The connections I was fortunate to have had with Laura as well as those with countless other patients are experiences I look forward to cultivating for the rest of my life. Developing the next stages in my career towards becoming a Physician’s Assistant is something I look forward to every day, and I would be honored to be a part of your program. Thank you for your time and consideration.
   *Patient name has been changed for privacy

   Reply

   • Sue Edmondson says

     April 22, 2015 at 5:21 pm

     Hi Kayla,

     This is very well done as far as it goes. I love that you open with Laura’s story. (By the way, name her in the first sentence: Topless and shaking with tears in her eyes, Laura stopped me” and then write what she stopped you from — continuing your explanation of the timeline for her treatment plan, for example. The sentence doesn’t make sense as it’s written now). There’s a lot of great info about how you’ve developed your skills through your work experiences. Dr. Carter’s patients are lucky!

     What’s really missing from your essay is why you want to be a PA. You point out (very well, I might add) that your job has prepared you for assuming responsibilities of a PA, but that’s as far as it goes. “Why the PA profession” is something that every Admissions Director and faculty member I spoke with said was crucial to the essay. Have you shadowed or worked with a PA? If so, what about those experiences do you relate to? What aspects of the job appeal? Or if you haven’t, you’ll need to tell how you know about the profession and what led you in that direction.

     You may need to cut some of what you’ve written to fit that in. It won’t be hard if you take a close look at your essay. There are words here and there you can delete. For example, you could delete this sentence and it would never be missed: “The role I have as a medical assistant is something I have greatly enjoyed doing.” We get that from your essay.

     Your essay has good bones. Now it needs to be fleshed out.

     I hope this helps.

     Best of luck.

     Sue Edmondson
     http://www.thepalife.com

     Reply

10. Marta Kotsubaev says

    April 15, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    Imagine living in a country where being without health insurance is practically a death sentence. I was born in Ukraine, a country where this is a reality. At the age of 3, I immigrated to the United States with my parents. After several years, my mother started attending a community college and eventually became an ultrasound technician. One thing that she spoke to me about almost every day was the quality of healthcare in America. Not only did we have groundbreaking medical research, innovative machines and diagnostic tests, and arguably the best medical education in the world, but we had caring medical professionals. These were individuals that would never leave someone to die due to their lack of ability to pay out-of-pocket medical expenses, as was relatively common in Ukraine. Listening to my mother speak so highly of medical professionals was what originally sparked my interest in healthcare. I wanted to have a career from which I could come home at the end of the day and know that I helped someone or changed a life. There was never any question that medicine was the path for me.
    I started my undergraduate education on scholarship at The Ohio State University on a Pre-Medicine track with the plan of becoming a doctor. At the time, I didn’t realize how many careers there were in medicine outside of doctors and nurses. My first semester, I started volunteering at a hospital. It was while volunteering that I first came across physician assistants. While speaking with the receptionist one day, she asked me why I wanted to be a doctor. I told her about my love of medicine, my interest in various medical specialties and my desire to help people for a living. It was then that she mentioned physician assistants and how they do all of the things that I love about medicine but with a shorter education and more flexibility in switching fields. When I got home that day, I started researching the field and the more I learned, the more I felt like I had found my calling. I spent the rest of that semester deliberating whether medical school or PA school would be right for me.
    Before I made my decision, I spent some time shadowing and that was what ultimately convinced me that I wanted to be a physician assistant. While shadowing a PA in orthopedics, I noticed how she seemed to have a knack for explaining things in layman’s terms, something that the doctor on the unit didn’t seem to have enough time for with over 30 patients per day. The PAs split the patients amongst themselves, leaving them with more time to provide patient care and a listening ear, not just medical expertise. The particular physician assistant that I shadowed took the time to explain the patient’s condition to him, what they planned to do to fix it, showed him X-rays, and used a simple explanation for his condition. I could tell when we left the room just how grateful the patient was to have someone sit down and make sure all his questions were answered before leaving the room. It was after that shadowing experience that I dedicated my next three years of college to getting into PA school and every step I’ve taken since then was with the intention of becoming a physician assistant.
    As I proceeded through my college education, I became involved with many extracurricular activities that were extremely stimulating for both my personal and professional development as a future healthcare provider. Although I was involved in many organizations, I was most influenced by my volunteer experiences, shadowing, and eventually my job as an Operating Room Technician. One volunteering opportunity that impacted my life was a service trip to Atlanta, GA through the organization Buck-I-Serv, in which we worked in impoverished neighborhoods doing various tasks from tutoring to helping sort food at a food bank. The work that we did there did not necessarily pertain to healthcare, but I found the lessons and experiences gained from this trip to be very applicable to medicine. Working with the less fortunate taught me about the complicatedness of poverty. I began to realize that the side of healthcare that I had been seeing in the hospital was only one side of the story. An injection or drug could only do so much for a condition when a person isn’t able to afford nutritional food, or understand the instructions the doctor provides due to lack of sufficient education. Sometimes an understanding of the person as a whole is more important for treating an illness than knowledge of a disease from a textbook. This realization has absolutely changed the way I view medicine and something I will always keep in mind when I am treating patients.
    In the summer before my third year of college, I secured a job as an Operating Room Technician at the James Cancer Hospital. My job duties could be described as “anything and everything that needs to be done around the OR”. I am in charge of making sure rooms are stocked between surgeries, getting equipment for the rooms during surgery, running cultures and specimens to labs, helping get patients into the operating room and prepared for surgery, and so much more. I truly feel like a valuable member of the healthcare team in providing care to patients and I swell with pride every time a patient wakes up from anesthesia in a panic and I am able to calm them and explain that we are taking care of them and actually see them relax. I am fortunate to have the opportunity to spend my free-time at work watching complex surgeries and speaking to doctors and their physician assistants about the procedures they are performing. I have learned that every medical decision that is made takes into account many factors and that no two patient situations are the same and must be treated as such. I look forward to the day when I have the knowledge and expertise to make these decisions. It’s a task that I embrace with open arms because the more time I spend immersed in medicine, the more excited I am to start my formal education as a physician assistant.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      April 22, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      Hi Marta,

      After learning about the dire consequences of the lack of medical care options in your birth country, and hearing your mother talk about healthcare in the U.S., I understand your desire to pursue a career in medicine. You’ve done a lot of work to get to the point of applying.

      You did a great job of explaining why you decided to go the PA route as opposed to any other. You’d be surprised for many people never mention why they want to be a PA. The problem with your essay is that it will be hard for the Admissions folks remember that because the essay is way too long (you’re over 6,000 characters) and a loses focus in all the unnecessary words.

      Your opening for example, has too much information. I’m also not sure if the way the essay is formatted here is the way you’ve written it. If so, the first paragraph should be four separate paragraphs.

      After editing, this is how your the first two paragraphs of your essay could read:
      “Imagine living in a country where being without health insurance is practically a death sentence. I was born in Ukraine, where this is a reality.

      After my family immigrated to the United States, my mother became an ultrasound technician. One thing that she spoke to me about almost daily was the quality of healthcare in America. Listening to her sparked my interest in having a career from which I could come home at the end of the day and know that I helped someone or changed a life. There was never any question that medicine was the path for me.”

      Scrutinize every word and ask yourself, Does this help the Admissions person reading my essay know me?” For example, no one will care that a receptionist mentioned PAs to you. That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. In fact, you could delete most of that paragraph.

      Once you cut away all fat, you’ll be left with an excellent essay.

      Best of luck,

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

11. Alexander Sipilief says

    April 15, 2015 at 11:13 am

    A surge of adrenaline rushes through my system as the words “CODE 99” hit me like icy water; I feel my heart immediately pound and I run. Being on the code team in the hospital fills me with immense euphoria and gratification. We are given the opportunity to provide immediate, life-saving care to patients in critical condition. The environment is fast-paced, and I appreciate working toward the same goal with people from different departments, with different skill sets. It is during these moments, I am reminded of the importance of teamwork and how strongly it appeals to me.
    I discovered the significance of team-based care in the physician assistant (PA) profession by shadowing various health care workers. Not only did I love the excitement and the intellectual challenges I observed while shadowing a PA, but also the collaborative work she did with the physician while retaining a level of autonomy. The relationship between the physician and the PA allowed the PA to be a true extension of the physician. I observed her not only as a second pair of skilled hands in the operating room, but also examining the patient before and after the surgery. She was involved in every aspect of the practice in concert with the physician.
    The attraction to teamwork may be rooted in my love of competitive tennis. On the court, your doubles game is dependent on the harmony you share with your partner. To be successful, it is crucial to know your role and to be able to efficiently communicate with your partner while a point is live and in play. The same idea behind success applies in thriving PA-physician relationships.
    As a math major in college, my mind naturally falls into thinking about the world in terms of its fundamental units and analyzing the underlying patterns. I am drawn to the PA profession because I want to solve patients’ illnesses. The various theorems, laws and postulates used to obtain a solution in mathematics are the different tests and procedures needed to determine a diagnosis in medicine. Once a potential diagnosis is reached, a second problem with new variables emerges; how to treat the illness. In the same way that I craved complex and difficult problems, I crave more medical training and knowledge to earn new responsibilities.
    While in college, I had my first experience in patient interaction. I volunteered full-time at a community health clinic in Suva, Fiji. The language barrier, a challenge that seemed difficult to overcome, proved to open up a new world of perception. For the first time, I could not rely on verbal communication, and I began to truly understand and develop empathy. For me, this emphasized the importance of trying to understand the world from the patient’s perspective.
    Although I underperformed during certain semesters in my undergraduate education, I am very proud to have rediscovered my focus and determination over these past years. As I have matured, I have become much better at time management and focusing on the task at hand. My patients demand it from me and I demand it from myself. Therefore, I refuse to let previous imperfect grades discourage me as I continue my education and involvement in health care. Recently, in addition to taking several science courses, I have received a CNA license and underwent training in phlebotomy and EKGs. Balancing my academic studies with the demands of a full-time job over the last several years has ultimately heightened my ability to thrive in a graduate program at your institution.
    My work and volunteer experiences have taught me the demands, thrills, and frustrations of being a health care provider. I have developed the ability to help people and the commitment to becoming a compassionate and responsible physician assistant. This profession is the best fit for my medical interests and career goals because it encompasses my passion for teamwork, knowledge, and impact. This is the path I have chosen, and I am committed to making the necessary sacrifices to achieve this goal.

    Thank you so much for all your help! I greatly appreciate your time and effort!

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      April 22, 2015 at 4:09 pm

      Hi Andrew,

      This is an excellent start to your personal statement. You’ve covered a lot of territory and included key components that Admissions Directors look for in an essay. Your writing is very good — a big plus.

      I’d recommend toning down the opening a bit. You don’t want it to sound overdramatic (every Admissions person I interviewed said ditch the melodrama). Besides, you don’t want to sound like you panic every time you hear code 99. It would be more effective to write something like this: “Adrenaline surges as I hear the words “CODE 99,” and I run.”

      The second paragraph is excellent. I’m not sure you need the third, but if you have room, you can leave it in because it shows a deeper understanding of the importance of teamwork. When speaking of teamwork, though, don’t focus exclusively on the physician. There are other team members, too. Remember, also, that being a PA is not only about teamwork. See if you can weave in other aspects of the job in more detail. You mention briefly that the PA examines the patient before and after, but relate that back to teamwork. Tie it to another aspect of the job.

      There’s no transition to the fourth paragraph, and I’m a little concerned that it makes you seem too distant from patient care and more interested in theoretical science and medicine. I know that’s not true, but take a good look at that paragraph and see if you can’t sound a bit more human when talking about how math relates to medicine. You could omit that paragraph entirely (it doesn’t do much for the essay). I’d like to see you focus on your experiences with with patients while volunteering and working. You say you developed empathy. Show us by letting us see you interact with patients. That’s currently missing from your essay.

      You did an excellent job of explaining less than stellar grades. Your owned it, then showed how you won’t let that stop you from pursuing a career as a PA.

      With a bit of rewriting, you’ll have a great essay.

      Best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

12. Eric says

    April 14, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    The sweat dripped down the faces of the Ghanaian villagers waiting in line to receive medical attention. Each villager had walked several miles of dirt roads and forest to get to our clinic. Each one had a look in their eye that was both fear of their health and hope that we could help them. It’s this look that will forever be ingrained in my mind. We had been in the village for three days, partaking in ritualistic ceremonies, meeting with village leaders, visiting and explaining to the villagers about the clinic we were running. Our clinic consisted of dentists, doctors, OBGYN, pharmacy, and medical education presentations. The patients we saw ranged from elder to infant. I remember one patient; a little boy in the mother’s arms had contracted malaria and needed medical assistance. From the moment I saw the joy and relief sweep across the mother’s face when we told her we could help her son, my passion to be involved in the medical field was reaffirmed. Running a week long clinic out of the village’s 20’ x 20’ clay school and seeing over 500 patients from the local indigenous villages of Ghana made me realize that there is no greater honor than being able to provide someone medical care. I grew up hearing about the exemplary quality of healthcare in America. My mother came to America from South Korea when she was 24 to become a nurse in “the land of opportunity”. I was constantly surrounded with stories from the hospital, but the things that stood out the most were the level of compassion and professionalism that every medical professional seemed to bring to every patient. From a young age, there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be like my mom and the professionals she praised, and be involved in the field of medicine.

    Though I had a goal, I lacked a specific path or direction not realizing the variety of careers available. By senior year I applied and was accepted in the Medical Program of the Peace Corps thinking that an experience caring for others abroad would help figure out a career path that suited me. While I waited to be deployed, I began work as an Operating Room Technician at The Ohio State Cancer Center. It was this position that first exposed me to Physicians Assistants.

    Everything I learned about what is a physician assistant, peaked my interest. Being versatile in different fields mimicked how diverse I was in campus organizations. Being able to bond with a variety of medical teams and patients resonated with my unique ability to relate to a lot of different types of people and connect and comfort them. An environment where you can put in your input, have independence, but still have some supervision for a different perspective is what I thrive in. That’s what I love about teamwork, finding the balance of being confident in one’s abilities but still humble enough to accept other people’s opinions. My philosophy is a single person will not know everything, only working with others and immersing themselves in a team/interactions will they learn more then they were ever capable of. Every PA I shadowed embodied this, and with every shadowing experience my drive to become a PA increased.

    My liberal arts education at Denison helped me become an excellent communicator and critical thinker – skills that will help me as a Physician’s Assistant. My empathy, compassion and hardworking personality encouraged me to take on leadership positions on campus. Every group taught me something different about the world but also taught me something new about myself. Proudly being one of the only male members of Sexual Harassment And Rape Education (SHARE) I could reach out and provide comfort to students that had gone through traumatizing events. It was in this role that I learned that I could bring a personal form of compassion to care for others.

    I learned a lot during my time at Denison, but I also made some mistakes. I did poorly on some big assignments in advanced courses, which resulted in lower grades. Despite that, the challenging courses I took helped me become a better communicator, take accountability for my actions and understand the importance of organization. With a career goal in mind, I am motivated to use those lessons more than ever, immersing myself into my work at the hospital taking advantage of being able to witness complex surgeries and interact with top-notch medical teams. My dedication to this profession is also exemplified by my willingness to take extra classes after graduation to meet the course requirements and boost my GPA.

    I am proud of the journey I’ve had thus far. My trip to Ghana and my experience this past year working in a Cancer hospital has made me both excited and motivated to become a PA. I know that I will successfully use the knowledge acquired from the people around me, courses I’ve taken, and my compassionate nature, to become a great physician assistant and make a positive impact in every life I interact with.

    Reply

    • Sue Edmondson says

      April 16, 2015 at 7:33 am

      Hi Eric,

      You’ve done a great job on your essay. It starts with a compelling health care related situation, explains poor grades, and focuses on your recent experiences.

      A couple very minor grammar things. Don’t capitalize physician assistant. Same with cancer unless it’s part of a name like The Ohio State Cancer Center.” This portion of your third sentence, “Each one had a look in their eye” should read “All had a look in their eyes. . .” Quotes go outside of punctuation, “the land of opportunity”. should be “the land of opportunity.” Grammar errors can be fatal to an application according to the Admissions Directors I interviewed.

      You have a few awkward sentences, such as this one: “Everything I learned about what is a physician assistant, peaked my interest,” and “With a career goal in mind, I am motivated to use those lessons more than ever, immersing myself into my work at the hospital taking advantage of being able to witness complex surgeries and interact with top-notch medical teams.” Break up that last sentence and use “in my work” instead of “into my work.”

      The sentence that begins with “I grew up . . .” should be the start of a new paragraph. You could shorten that paragraph, too, which will make the point but not belabor it. Here’s how it could be edited:

      My mother came to America from South Korea when she was 24 to become a nurse in “the land of opportunity.” I constantly heard stories about the hospital, but the things that stood out were the compassion and professionalism that every medical professional brought to patients. From a young age, there was no doubt that I wanted to be like those professionals, involved in the field of medicine.

      Look at your other paragraphs, too, and see where you can eliminate words to tighten things ups. Remember, your readers are seeing thousands of essays, and you want them to get your message quickly and efficiently.

      Overall, though, I have little to complain about!

      Best of luck.

      Sue Edmondson
      http://www.thepalife.com

      Reply

13. Chelsie says

    April 13, 2015 at 9:53 am

    I just wanted to take the time to comment on the services I received from the PA Life. I was extremely stressed out about writing my personal statement, and finally decided to search the internet for advice and assistance. I came across the statement editing service on the PA Life, and decided to give it a try. I received a response within a day or so, and my stress was instantly relieved. I worked personally with Duke to edit my statement, and he is a phenomenal writer. He didn’t change the content of my statement, but rather helped me tell my story in a way that is much more desirable! I cannot recommend this service enough to others seeking help on their personal statement. Duke was friendly, sincere, and definitely experienced! I felt 100% confident in his editing abilities, and we worked together the entire time so that we were both pleased with the results! Thanks again, Duke, for all of your help!

    Reply